Yogan's Journey to Life

 I remember something that someone said to me. When I spoke to them about growing up like shy and quiet, and how she responded well of course since people are fucked up in the head for the most part. And how I saw that, initially I was unsure of what she said, yet partially knew it was completely true.  When I look at the dynamic of introverts and extroverts, I see the possibility that introverts need time away from people because we are aware of how fucked up people are in their minds and we dont want to participate in the bullying of others, and making others feel inferior. Meaning that if all people everywhere were to be cool in the head, refined, aligned with life, completely healthy and sane, then there would be no such thing as introverts. That anyone you could approach would be amazing, kind, and fun and exciting to be around. Thus there would be no burden to bear with their mind. So this is a possibility I considered today. So practically for the time being, introverts...

 I had taken in 2 cats in their early stage of life, 1 year ago. During this time I was able to witness how they act during heat. In heat the act becomes possessed. In heat means their sexual programming is activated. Their personality becomes taken over. The body become possessed. They lose themselves essentially. I did have them fix shortly after, for those worried about that. Now, this behavior is the same with humans. Except we are not aware of to what extent it exists. Its easier watching others go through it, to tell that something happened.  Looking at my case, One thing specifically I went through is falling in Love. What does that mean exactly? Comparing this to a simple desire for sex, which many men and women have, where they act on it, find someone at a party, sleep with them and leave feeling fulfilled. What I am discussing is different than that. Falling in Love, is where I become mentally obsessed with someone. Thinking about them, imagining conversations with t...

In the transformation of the world, we will be taking on all points of society, and how everything functions everywhere. How animals are treated everywhere, in nature and on farms. How people are treated everywhere, in every country, in every home, at every age. The support all people will have access to at every age. Ensuring that all is cared for, all have everything they need, and all grow each day in ever expanding understanding and awareness of themselves and all that exists.  Because you can't have a sustainable society if its citizens cannot receive the support and understanding that the support from their lives comes from others giving them support. And so they themselves must continue the gift of life by giving in turn.   Today is September 25, 2022. And in Iran, about a week ago a young woman was murdered by religious zealot officers of a religious sect of government. Men who are brainwashed from birth to believe that evil resides in those who break the laws of ...

 Who am I? I am life. I am all as one and equal.  This is the truth of all of us. It is a truth you must live for yourself, just like I do. There is so much in this world that will tell you that you are not Life, that you are not equal, that you are not responsible, that you are incapable of living this way, that you don't know what you are doing, that you aren't the one.  To that, all you have to say is I am life. It is not an argument you can win, except by ending the argument by simply saying I am life. You as life will inspire those who will listen to do the same. And you will equally be the target for others to blame. That is the nature of things. You never ever really convince anyone of anything, that they weren't already ready to hear/agree with. But you can show others things that they otherwise wouldn't get the chance to see. So you are free of the burden of deciding their fate, lol, its in their hands in the degree that it is.  Living this way speaking this...

 I remember a blog i wrote like about 3 years ago. It was about how life is pain. Or how much pain there is in being alive. And its true that even moving around and in physically doing things, there is pain. And something I remember about how those who never had to suffer much in life won't be able to make it in process. Since this process of becoming life in the physical involves facing so much in the mind and in reality, well the entirety of the mind and reality. To face all of that is tough.  So what I am seeing now is that I need to embrace the darkness, the pain, the brutality of the mind. To allow myself to feel it and remain here. Because I see myself as not having that difficult or painful life. I wasn't abused. I was treated fairly kind and nice by most people. And I was sensitive to the slightest disturbance. And I can see that others had a more difficult life experience.  But just because I didn't go through that, and got tough from it, doesn't mean I cant do...

 So something that psychics can't see. Psychics gain their ability through a preprogramming. But that ability stops there. Intuition however, and being able to read into reality is an entirely different ability. Nay, its not an ability its a natural part of living, like breathing. It comes naturally to all who embark on the journey of self-awareness. Cause knowing self means knowing reality.  As you know yourself, through writing, and exploration, you see how you function. And that level of seeing develops. Its sight pierces through reality, just as clear and as easy as normally look at anything. It comes with intuition and common sense, portrayed as knowledge. Commonsense like doing what is best for all is best for all.  Psychics can walk self-awareness, its not mutually exclusive. I would assume, it would be more difficult, in various ways, but one in particular is giving up the power and the specialness, since if everyone can see into reality, and vision is available t...

 Saving a lizard is obviously a best for all thing. But the mind tries to take such a simple act as getting a glass cup, coaxing him in there, taking him out, the end, and make it into a way to divide, and assert itself.  It makes it about morality, about taking lives, killing, saving them, being a hero, what is right or wrong, suffering, mercy. Happiness, fear, suffering.  Its a yelp of a lady, a crying in sadness, complaining, despair, anger. Making into a drama, something to stir the voices, stir the fights, disturb reality, the waters of self.  When all you need is silence, and no other voice but your own. Doing, living and acting. Rationalizing things into thoughts, the mind makes its move: its because we are the same, we both suffer. Its doing what is right, the right thing. Being a hero. Feeling good about myself. Playing the devil, by making it a disappointment when he die, sad, guilty, it all my fault its dead. Finding a way to hijack the situation to sour s...

 The Destiny for every life form is to stand as all as one and as equal. We are each other. None is greater or less than any other. Consciousness is what keeps us in separation, the constant barrage of stories, memories, programming, history carried and created constantly. With consciousness being halted, its clear that all is one and equal. If you take a breath, you can choose to stop your mind for a moment, and you can see this reality, this power that you have, and therefore responsibility to act. Our expectations, our hopes, our dreams, are desires, don't belong to us, they come from somewhere else. If you can stop them in a moment, it means they aren't fixed. They aren't a holy sign that comes from some holy place inside of you representing your truest self. They are mental experiences, like a drug or movie, animated with a voice and images.  Life isn't so limited to be defined from another source other than itself. Life is here, always, able to create always, and ...

 Breaking the rules. I am not much of a rule breaker naturally. But to change one's program is to break the rule that one has followed. Without the ability to break rules, following a rule is simply being stuck. Its not a real commitment to follow that rule. Part of the rules I want to break: we need radical change in the system. Those who abuse and cause violence, those that bully, that verbally abuse and attack, those that cause a nuissance, and harrass others, should be dealt with in a manner that ends their abuse. Be it jail, or a fine, or a warning. Whatever it is, escalation of punishment is completely fine, until they get the message. I am not talking about our current broken justice system, I am saying what needs to be done and carried out by us as a collective, as our responsibility.  Justice should be about reform and correction. As well as not allowing abuse. We cannot allow abuse to occur, period. No matter what it takes to end the abuse.  Money is the greates...

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as a good person. As a good person for walking process. As a good person for how I write myself and present myself As a good person for following the rules and principles As a good person for the sacrifices I make, and how I conform. Doing everything that is supposed to be done. Pushing for self change so that I can be seen as a good person by others. Feeling afraid of letting others down, or getting their anger or disappointment, for it is their eyes where I want to be seen as a good person.  Getting upset and angry when they get angry at me for being a good person. The opposite of what I wanted. Feeling tired and saying whats the point, I made these changes and now they are changing.  I give up, on trying.  A good person is the problem. I would need to be a hardass at times. To tell people off, to tell them they are wrong, they are having issues and problems, they are being abusive. And that doe...

 I fear taking responsibility. I fear writing here.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility by writing here. I realize how easy it is to just live in the system, make money, and forget about responsibility. My fears are not about survival. My fears are about responsibility. And I can see it everywhere. So many people just living in the system and playing the games. No one taking responsibility. Taking responsibility would be blog writing, would be committing to change publicly, through vlogs, blogs, through self-forgiveness, to participating with Desteni.  It has always been about the humans fear of taking responsibility. That is the only fear. The rest are just shadows and mirror illusions of fear obscuring this one real one.  I mean its so obvious. You have plenty of people who are living secure lives, who have access to money, and the one thin...

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

 I had the expectation from Life, from just existence itself, that I would get in the future, my partner. And I expected this because I desired love. And like a child throwing a tantrum, I withdrew from life when I didn't get the love I desired. Where my motivation for a career as a statistician was the money that I believed I needed to attain love. Because I saw myself having my career and money, and thus being able to attract someone cause of it. I have no doubt that its possible because of the nature of man, everyone wants love, and money is a good bonus.  Within withdrawing from life, from trying, I have found myself without motivation. Within believing no way can I get love from another. For this outcome I am grateful. For it would have been far worse if I had gotten the love I desired.  Its amazing how much love rules us all. The desirability of love. And how we choose love over life any day of the week.  I know real integrity would choose life over love. I kno...

 Love.  I know there is a place that I just wont go. And when I try to go, I shutdown. All the motivation and hoopla that I muster in order to get me there, just fades away. Just drops, I drop. And then I can't move an inch anymore, and I drag myself back to the things to pass the time, until I try again.  There's a really cool series of videos did, where essentially bernard was explaining the basic resonance pattern that every human is living, which is love. And he shows how every single person will inevitable choose love over everything else. Unless of course that resonance, that impulse is changed in ourselves, so we no longer feed, or go after that love. Love is the reason the hippies failed. That revolutions today fail because love has been stuffed in our faces in every way. link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQKiYTroY0 So looking at me, I can see how thats the case. How in being this revolutionary radical this past decade, has been put to a fizzle due to love. Th...

 The mind creations inside ourselves is a byproduct, like a fart. It holds no power. It is our creation.  So its like a fart.  So farts is a byproduct of the bacteria breaking down food in your digestive track. It is gas, like carbon dioxide or some other gas. We create an experience inside ourselves like fearing something, and we get so worked up, and make it such a big deal. And the experience we create in ourselves is energy, and that is like a byproduct. We experience it. We experience the muscles contracting, and the physical sensations. But its not real. Its something we made up. And just like a fart, we can release it, and the sensation goes away. And that is the case for the entire mind. The mind is a fart. Just let it go.  I accept myself. Because I can. Its a decision to say that my self-confidence comes from me, and not anywhere else. My acceptance and confidence comes from me. So when I write, when I speak. I do it. And I do it with confidence and accepta...

RISK Author unknown  To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.  To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.  To reach out to others is to risk involvement.  To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.  To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.  To love is to risk not being loved in return.  To live is to risk dying.  To hope is to risk despair.  To try is to risk failure.  But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.  The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.  They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.  Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave, they forfeited their freedom.  Only the person who risks can be free This above poem was written in the old desteni forum. Dont know who wrote it. But it was significant for me, so I saved it. I am in a position where I don't ...

 The baby doesn't matter. The fetus doesn't matter. A baby while cute, is empty. The parent, the adult is a person, with a vast range of experiences and memories, that which a baby can't and doesn't have. A baby will over time take in their environment, take in the information, and the programming for better or worse.  A parent, who currently in our system, makes the money and thus provides for the child, does have the final say. A woman has hundreds of thousands of eggs in her that could become babies. Those are fucking little cells, are they gonna have hundreds of thousands of babies? This physical reality is matter. Life is everywhere in everything. For a baby to live it has to kill and eat thousands of other things, all those cells.  If you want to take this into religion and god, the first sin of man is man believing that man is more or less than anything else in existence. The separation from life, from all, as one and equal is the original sin.  Man is a colle...

 The people I really hate are those that try to hurt others either physically, mentally or emotionally, and especially those who target me. I can see the faces of them making jokes about the deficiencies of someone (me) and hollering. Like the only real enjoyment is how mad I get. Bullies.  The enjoyment of torturing another *me. The picking on. The taking advantage of my kindness and silence. Piling on and never stopping even when I tell them to. Literally their enjoyment is seeing suffering. Saying the words of derision. Making fun of me being me. Making fun of me living and expressing as me.  And especially someone who is a bully who says/pretends they are walking process. It makes me want to give up. To lack that basic component of caring for others.  I let bullies win, and they know it and sense it.  The people I look up to, I know they wouldn't stay silent. They would say exactly what was needed. I just hate them so much. I forgive myself for accepting and...

 The mind is dumb. The movements it makes is fruitless. The stories it conjures up, for naught. The reason for its existence, vile. Either vile for its act of slavery, or vile because the human being is so vile without the mind limiting it. Vile either way.  Compare that to physical living. Empty mind. A physical body, a physical form, a physical life, with physical pleasure, physical work, rest, purpose, movement, creation, play, communication.  Giving life all physical bodies everywhere. The life of dignity, access, creation, self.  Oh how the self of the mind has taken over, the self. Like an evil twin, a mirrorverse hiding away the reality. How much of what is said is part of the grand cover up, the grand conspiracy, the illusion over this reality, that all is normal and well. Hiding away our bodies. Real choices, real actions, made within breath and by one self. Not a blob of emotion and feeling. The mind is a voice whispering in your ear about all the problems ...

 So in a way continuing from my last blog, except looking at it from a view of placing expectations on myself. So my parents places expectations on me as becoming a great spiritual teacher. The way they would treat me and talk with me, telling me directly about my great insights, and how in my astrology chart I was meant to uplift people spiritual and be a great teacher for humanity. My name Yogan was from a story book that was new agey about a guy sent to earth to do just that. So I accepted this narrative. Just like how we all accept and allow all that the mind has told us and said what we are, and also similarly what others tell us too, which the mind just repeats to us doesn't it.  Acceptance and allowance is what we all do aint it the truth? So preprogramming or not, as a child with the platform to speak and to observe, its very obvious the things people are going through. And since I was encourage to find the truth and to help others, that is what I did. Anyway could do ...

 Light worker facial expression when they are wrong about their intuitive reading of someone else. I remember this face of 2 different people when they were wrong about me, and I corrected them. I am realizing that I have this same kind of reaction, and it must be some preprogramming for this lightworker in general realm. When I was wrong about the first girl I kissed, I read her completely differently, I was devastated. If I knew who she really was I would not have kissed her. People put on masks. And because I had so must trust and faith in my reading of her, I felt embarrassed when I was wrong. Like extremely so, then I suppressed my memories, wanted to drop anything to do with her including our mutual friends. Like wanting to start over from scratch. Reset. This is a pattern for me, stemming from this preprogramming of when I am wrong in my reading of another, and I am heavily invested in that reading. I act on it. I take it very personally when my reading of another is wrong. ...

 Strength.  All life is one and equal. All thoughts are lies. Every thought the mind presents to you to follow, is a trap wrapped in cheerful wrapping paper.  Here in this space I have absolute control over every word. Meaning others, you, people can't stop me. This is the power of writing. It is freedom. And morever through words, I can rewrite myself. I can live words into reality. Through firstly breaking through the plane of potential, the words structure gives me structure. That is why words are so powerful. It is the building block, like the dna of self. Through pictures and images, it can't describe self so well. And in fact, image is the mind's playground as well, so caution is advised. The desire to be what is best for all. The desire to move as a group. The desire to have friends. The desire to be recognized, to be seen. The desire to be liked. All desires are bullshit. Creation, pure creation of self, means one becomes something. Like matter, like an object. Th...

 Something I have is an effective ability to read others. What I notice is 2 categories of people. 1) obvious and 2) hidden. Being obvious is when a person is saying whats on their mind, and acting with whatever their mind tells them to do.  Being hidden, is suppressing the mind, and instead showing another image to others. The mind will eventually spill out. And the degree or skill of suppression varies. Some are experts at it, usually out of necessity for work or daily life. Since every person is born an innocent child, for a person to develop a mind conscious system that is so disharmonious with the needs of everyday life, they must have gone through an abnormal and abusive living situation as a child. Picture bullying, being beaten up, raped as a child, or any other horrible, painful, treatment by others: adult, other children, teachers etc...  The mind develops under these conditions. Naturally one such conditioning is anger or rage. Because to protect ones body or s...

 I finally get what the Living word is, in the context of my life where I haven't been speaking or writing much for fear of upsetting other people, or "interfering" with their process.  So here it is, the definition, or what it includes as part of the definition. Whenever you speak, write, as what is best for all, as oneness and equality, it is the moment of you manifesting yourself here in the physical, and the nature of manifestation is that of power and the ability to effect change on reality and others. Side effects include clarity, health, as well as moving process along for everyone as a whole. The sole responsibility we have is to speak/write as what is best for all. To keep doing it.  One of the personality traits that I have that has been holding me back is the desire to define myself according to the results of the physical. Results are stupid. Because Results are an accumulation of so many things, including that which is not in my control. My ability is mine, a...

 Speech and words are a responsibility. Are we making sure we are present with every word? Are we listening to make sure that who we are is aligned with oneness and equality, by checking if the mind is overtaking the moment. Do we acknowledge the mind? Or do we deny its existence? The mind's pollution as Thought, as emotion, as feeling. Such a simply formula. Breath and stop the mind. Be here and express. Forgive to release. And keep living.  Its monumental how important and drastic such a move is. To be labeled a heretic, a wierdo, a pariah. Attacked on all fronts. Yet ironically, what allows the mental stability, and fortitude to withstand such an attack, is the very reason why are you are attacked. You are practicing the birthing of self from the physical. The process of ending the mind, and starting to live as life as the physical. The layers or the standing as life. 

  Sexual Conceptions. Thoughts. Beliefs, Ideas. Images. Imagination. Fantasy. Pleasure. None of that is real and none of that matters.  Its a whiff of smoke. Cause the real stuff is the actual people. And when its just a fantasy, there are no other people. They are literal make believe. And when its Porn, its literally acting. And you are not there.  You are here, and what is real is what is here. So your partner, your relationships, that is what is here.  What makes me truly happy is being able to communicate anything with someone. That level of trust and respect is amazing. And that is something you can't fuck with, pun intended.  Friendship is the basis of all relationships. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to glorify sex, and orgasm. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place on the pedestal the idea of the attractive partner that stimulates me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place flirtation and sex ...

 I rather fail doing it my way.  I have hesistance to failing. I want to succeed every time. No failures. No loses. Getting it right every time.  So I freeze up and I rather not try, then risk failing. So to that I say I rather fail doing it my way. Cause I am constantly like listening and trying to assess what is the safest or best way. But that doesn't mean its what I really want to say, and what I really think would work. It's not my best.  Basically there is a lot going on in my head. The fears, the concerns, the possibilities. That I cut away the parts that are fun, that are interesting, and that I see is best. Cause I don't want to fail at all. And I want to have that certainty. And I don't have it. I don't know what will happen. And I can't handle it.  And then you have others opinions, and beliefs. And it brings doubt, of what is the way, cause frankly I don't know. Yet I have to choose something. But if I can be okay with failing. Then that would be...

 Its important to do self-forgiveness on anything conflictual or frictional. Like you know when your talking with someone and you know when it is that way. Typically is a topic, or something personal about them, something they say or do. You know. Friction, fighting, conflict, resist, shout match, argument, SHE said, he said etc... You know? Its' not kosher.  Knowledge can play a role with that. Like your knowledge of something. Like this is how things are. And if someone says something that is not how things are you wanna fight em, and tell em that is not how things are, this is how things are. Knowledge. Knowledge for fighting, brews more conflict. So whats the point except more separation. Knowledge should be treated with respect and sacredness, not abused for fighting.  Your the main character, and you can change the course of the outcome. Without your input, no fight can occur. Like dousing a flame. And its everyone's participation.  Examples I forgive myself fo...

Destruction. I judge it. I fear to partake in it. And its the only thing that can set me free. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear destroying. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear breaking things. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I break things, destroy them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the power of my destruction. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, to feel embarrassed, ashamed of breaking things.  I can destroy, I can break things, by accident or on purpose. Destruction is just another form of Creation. It is the shifting and movement of reality, of parts, of matter, of self, of persons, and relationships. I can break and destroy.  I am judging my ability to create art, to beautify my life and reality. Because of my judgment of destruction. I need to destroy the old in order to bring the new. I need it for my art, for my ability to ex...

 I feel an immense challenge within me. I don't like this world, as the system. I don't like that you have to generate money in order to eat and live. I don't like how land is bought and sold. I don't like the way where money controls all aspects of life currently. I hate it. I must change it. I must make sure that all have access to life. I must bring all here so we may unify on this point. We can recreate this world today, and give people the options and vision today, of what it means to live oneness and equality today. Limits are meant to be broken. I can't live for an empty selfish lonesome life.  My greatest strength and motivation is people, is the group. We are what is interesting and worthwhile. Stand with and as the group, and you will care for as well. Such a simple principle, when applied into reality can rework this reality, from one of separation to one of all as one and equality. Unity in our words, in our actions, in our money, where our power is one,...

 So here I am. I am self. I am a living thing. I have an awareness. I have senses. I can create, see and express. And what I express comes from my interaction with the moment here. I have this body, I have me, I have words. And I want to create. I don't want to think. I don't want to enter into the past as memories and regurgitate well planned ideas and thoughts that seek a particular outcome. I want to be naked here. Unplanned, unknowned, and not in control. I want to have some fun with me, with words. I know I can do better. Particularly in the realm of love and friendship. I know I am not a very good friend, and I immediately start to defend myself by saying how others aren't such good friends either. And maybe thats true. And maybe none of us are that good at it. And maybe because we all have such a burden of the mind weighing down on us. Well my favorite thing is still create fun moments, moments that are predicted, and are created out of thin air, nothing at all requi...

 My self-forgiveness and self-honesty are no longer effective, not for a while. And I aim to fix that. One of the things that is constantly in my mind while writing a blog and self-forgiveness online is others who are reading it. I am thinking about how it will affect others, and how they will react to it. I am worried about how it can inadvertently affect others, in ways that don't seem obvious. And I have this painful intuition on my body that responds when I do things. I am really in a fucked up situation. Its like I am scared to live. Cause I had my heart broken. Which is what has happened before several times in my life. Except this time it was my deepest wishes and desires, of friendship, camaraderie, sharing, openness, community. It was my faith in humanity, the goodness of others. That being said, its not your fault or their fault. That is who we are now, we are quite messed up, evil mother fuckers, quite demented, quite broken, quite sadistic, ruthless etc...  I remem...