Yogan's Journey to Life

Beauty! what is it? I mean really, let's question and find this answer. For me, this word has been in so many different ways and contexts that it is so opinionated. Okay when I look at the dictionary I find this 1. The qualities that give pleasure to the senses. This definition explains why I have heard this word refer in various context. Sound/music can be called beautiful. Something visual like a painting can be called beautiful. What is interesting too is that definition number two is this: 2. A very attractive or seductive looking woman. So I am personally confused, haha. I would rather reserve words to give their highest meaning. For me it seems wasted to have a word that supposedly have value to leave it just to pleasing to the senses. Like about the beauty of integrity? Like who a person is! Because consider the extreme, a person of such immense value as Who they are, yet they have the most "ugliest" body or appearance, compared to this: a person with such patheti...

Image: Beauty, women, I had trouble looking at the woman that lived in the apartment. She was young. And I found her attractive, and by that I mean that I reacted to her. I felt nervous, shy, scared but in a desirable way. I wanted to look at her, but I felt these emotions. I don’t even know her. I felt intimidated by her appearance. I felt valued/judged by how she would have responded to me. I feel like she would have placed value in how I valued/judged her appearance. I didn’t speak to her, and I looked away, avoiding eye contact. So what I am seeing is that I am having a large value placed in how she looked, and with that I would place value on myself based on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in how a woman looks, and to place value on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous, shy and scared when there is a woman that I am valuing highly, like with beauty, re...

Pain  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate  myself from pain. Low I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to another, such that I feel worse, "low." "I Know" I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say I know when I do not in fact know. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as knowing when i do not in fact know. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress myself.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress emotions.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress memories.

So im going to be pushing my body this week. I am not weak, I am strong. I can make mistakes- and learn from my mistakes and grow. I do not know if I need fear- to think so would be a presumption- so I will remove fear and find out. I also never need to insult anybody- I can just stick with fact- I do not need to create illusions- the reality here is stable enough and works well. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know what I am doing- by being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the mind, instead of being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present with every breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others and myself for writing self-forgiveness which I have considered a waste of time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself more with appearance than with function and results.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am nothing without success. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am worthless if I do not live a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exclude myself from what it means to live a life of worth, and chose to follow fear of appearing arrogant to others (i ironically became arrogant as a result) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my relationship with myself, within who i am with me, how i interact with me and reality, that i was somehow dishonest and everything i had lived needed to be lost, without realizing i am simply investigating me piece by piece and see, through asking, am i in fact living, am i in fact here? I am in fact in directive power? And daring to see the truth which requires only for me to be here to see.  I forgive myself for acce...