Yogan's Journey to Life

 So by taking responsibility for this world, for my actions, for other people, for all people actually, for everything... what I am saying is that my actions, and who I am can have an affect on everything, all people, every moment. It's true. I can be the way that would really affect/change any moment. Like speaking in such a way that it wakes people up, it shakes them, it brings attention. This world and how it works, and how we work, how I work= it works perfectly in the sense that we can become exactly what is needed. We have the power of creating.  Being a guardian of the universe means taking responsibility for everybody, all people. It is your job to help every person get closer to their self, and the truth. And that is how we can bring about change. But that means you can't get angry anymore, it means you can't complain, you can't get irritated, you can't lose your patience, and your personality, and your limits are also moot. It really means letting go of yo...

I am starting to remember and assert who I am. This Journey is long. One of the things we have to do/face is stopping our emotions, such as fear, anger, hate, and love. What this actually means and entails, requires remembering how you were as a child. As a child, you were capable of expression that wasn't based on feelings/emotions. You were capable of such expression that wasn't based on what you felt, or on other people. You just were. You were the expression, be it a Hug, or a kiss, or a dance, or a song, or a painting, or music, or laughter. That expression was real, and it was you that was real in that moment. That is what it means when I say we have to stop our emotions, because we aren't living our expressions when we are staying within our emotions. Even the positive feelings like love, or joy has become something we feel and we react with about other people. It has become a mask or a picture, like a smile that we present to others. It is NOT REAL EXPRESSION. IT ...

I grew up in a household where God is Love. I do believe that for every single person, we have that point that is our absolute potential of who we can be and thus what we would do (because doing flows from who you are). And that potential is god-like, divine, because you are an amazing fucking person. Strong, Courageous, fearless, Expressive, Fun, Creative, Giving, Committed, Impassioned, you Know who you are, Disciplined, Understanding others and your Role, Owning up to your Responsibility, Deep, Flexible, Saying/Doing exactly what is needed, Owning up to your issues, weaknesses, Patience with yourself and others, Diligent, Consistent, Forgiving of yourself and others, honoring your relationships, honoring yourself,  taking the initiative, taking the first step, trying and failing, trying and succeeding, Living. And more. That is all of our potential: every single one of us. How we may live these words may be unique, and has its own flavors: yet here the words are and they are a...

Revenge of the Ego is a recording Bernard did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNwExWTsSXM And I see an explanation for something I went through which happened through an unexpected way. Bernard used an example of a relationship and how in the beginning of the relationship it was pure, and real. And how slowly over time the ego inserts thoughts that make you doubt it. Is this the right person? Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this the right place? And how it sabotages the whole point. So what i am seeing is that this happened to me, but with my career choice and goal. Because in the beginning I was happy, and excited, motivated, and willing to walk it and looking forward to it. But then it slowly went into doubt. Is this the right goal? Is there something else I should be doing? Are these the right people? And I can see how it fell apart, and how the ego took me to the point where I would give up. And like Bernard said that its more advanced than me, the mind is more s...

I am terrified of losing my purpose/vision.... of seeing everyone fall... of seeing it all come to nothing... to see everyone give up... and to lose my vision of everyone's potential and all that we can be. I am afraid of being completely alone. Bernard said how its about the collective, and its about the collective rights that are individually applied. And how its not about the individual, but about the collective. The quote is here: "It is not about agreement or the individual, it is about the collective within the consideration of eternity and consequence. In this the individual will be forced to consider the collective and consequence will be according to what the individual accepts as the collective. UNTIL the individual accept EQUALITY as the Principle for ALL within the Collective. The enforcement of Equality is by no other means, But through consequence , as the Nature of the Collective is EQUALITY while the nature of the Individual is Inequality. Thus understand...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

When I had my First Friend, I was around 7 years old. I remember that being the first time that its like I decided, or knew that this person here is my Friend. This was the first time, and it was very clear and strong that I felt this way and became this way. So this programming was here and established. And it was very specific, because I went over his house for one day and that is where I decided that point. And so after that day I never saw him again. Because my mom told me that he had moved away to the UK. It was sudden. The news was sudden. And I never said goodbye or saw him again. I was shocked and surprised. Devastated really. And it became a point of where I was right at the point of where I could express myself with a Friend, and have all of those expressions and points come through and it was all just immediately shut down and taken away from me. It was like losing my Friend and being powerless about it. I didn't have any say about it. I couldn't stop it. It...

Unfortunately people give advice, but they are adding Vice. Meaning that there are people who are well meaning, and wanting to support you but their advice/support isn't what is best for you or relevant for you. This happens. This is part of life. Sometimes you will find yourself with people who are good friends, who are on your side, and yet they aren't able to give the support that you need or can rely on. It is a mistake to trust or rely on the support/advice from others completely. Much that I have to walk, and that each of us have to walk is something that is walked alone. Sometimes we lose sight of that, and lose that understanding that it is about SELF- Responsibility and Self-forgiveness, where you are going to be Alone with yourself and be the only one that has the big picture and understanding of what is here and what you are facing. It is what it is, and its also that way for a reason. The reason being that we each need to become that Independent and self-sustainin...

I have been having an issue where its like my memory is gone. I don't see myself being sick/ill. This feels more like a Lose of Self. So, in this Video: Revenge of the Ego by Bernard Poolman, I remember him saying that at times we will find ourselves losing Faith in ourselves. And this describes what I feel, so I decided to listen to the recording today. So the recording is fairly long and it covers a fair amount of dimensions/topics. The point that stuck out to me was how the mind is vastly superior with its access to the Knowledge, Intellectualism, such as facts, or memory - or Memory. It has access to all of that information, and everything I have every done in the past, and everything I ever felt/thought and all of my reactions to everything ever. So it knows all of this. And I don't have that same level of access. But, Bernard said the one point that the mind fails is in with Breath- this will disrupt the mind- in Breath the mind cannot do anything. So if I try to Thin...

 This is blog post is from my personal writings, unedited. I go through the point as it naturally opens up in me. One point leads to the next naturally. I start with what I know, SF on the energy experience:  Shame I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shameful I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with being a burden to my friends I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with making all of these mistakes across my life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with making all of these consequences across my life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with not knowing what to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with not knowing where to go I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with being lost I forgive myself for accepti...

So reality brought before me moments with people that are from my past, and so recreating the dynamic of relationships and moments from my past in front of me. So here I am literally facing my past again. Within me and as me I reacted, I reacted in the same way I have reacted before in the past. My reaction so to feel stressed, depressed, misplaced, anxiety, unsettled. Within seeing this, that I what I am facing is literally my past in this moment, then what I have to do is walk this moment HERE, the only moment that is here, as the Me that I am now, that I direct here and now. The past is gone, even though people are here recreating the moments and living it as themselves, they are NOT me and I am not bound by the past, or by past rules, or by how I should be because that is how I used to be in relation to them. I can create here, how I am, who I am, in the moment, without Shame, without Guilt, with Peer pressure. I stand as the new me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

So oddly enough the topic of My Sad Story (in the past) and Creating My future are inherently linked, cause if I stay in my sad story I cannot create my future or any future. Cause being stuck in past.... can't create anything new... My sad story is about where I came from, all the people that wronged me, everything bad that happened to me, how I need pity and help... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the sad story within me, and live within the past. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny myself the responsibility and the access to what is here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise my future and creating my future by being stuck within a retelling of my sad story and reliving it over and over again. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay stuck within sadness and blame towards others in my past. I realize the past is gone, it has passed. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself t...

So I'm starting a Journey of letting go of my past. There are several dimensions to this, as it is a broad thing, the Past. One dimension I am tackling now is simply all my relationships to every person, including my mother, brother, essentially every damn person. Because something I have been doing is keeping a history of our relationship in my mind, something VERY SIMILAR to how the game Sims works. In Sims you can form relationships with people and gain points, as well as milestone moments, good and bad. Essentially there is a relationship HISTORY programmed in the game. So as you get your sims to make relationship with people it keeps track of things. See here INHERENTLY is the problem when it comes to real life. At the same time though it is a VERY GOOD simulation of how we are operating in our relationships. So its a good copy cat of how we behave actually, which also means its a bad way to actually live. We are not living in our relationships in a very good way. The prob...

What to do when you need love? Understand that love is an energy. Because anything you need, is not something that is your expression. Energy is something that fluctuates that rise and falls. Energy is part of the need. This is the nature of energy. This is fact. Its not something you can wish or imagine to be different and it will change reality. You cannot say that energy is something stable, consistent, reliable and causes no need, no lack, no rise and no fall. I mean I can write out the sentence that it is a certain way, but it would be a lie, like an imagination. Here I am a scientist, I am relying on empirical information, I am relying on observations, investigations, and questionings that I have done for a long time now, 8 years, along with a group of people, desteni, who as individuals walk their processes and share online, and thereby providing more points for me to look at and consider. Without a doubt energy is not stable. And without a doubt the physical is stable. If y...

Why do you DO the things you do? Why do you do your job? Why do you have a family? Why do you dedicate your time in the things you do? What's the reason why you do EVERYTHING that you Do? When did you start believing that? When did you BECOME YOU? Do you remember the exact moment? Did you decide to be your exact nature, personality, self? Did you decide to have and BE the Human Nature? Did you decide to have these Identities? Why are you you? Why do we accept bad things? Why do we accept things like poverty, or crime, or rape, murder? Why do we accept an Imperfect system? Why do we accept an Imperfect world? Did you really stop for a moment consider everything and then really decided that it was just best to accept the Imperfect world? Accept to do Nothing. What if I told you that everything you have lived in your life, all your decisions were originally preprogrammed and nothing of you is original, is really you, DONE within a real CONSIDERATION, ...

Have you observed that with just the words THOUGHT, EMOTION and FEELING, (where emotions are the negative energy you feel and feelings are the positive version) constitutes most if not all of the human experience. Look how in your mind that in ANY given moment you are either having a Thought, an emotion or a feeling. Besides that the other option would be to have you awareness be placed within the body, such as in Breathing. Now, breathing fucks with the Mind. Because while you are breathing purposefully there is no space for your awareness to entertain a Thought.. So Breathing Fucks with the mind because no Energy is created. This is why the Physical is Key. But look how with these three words thoughts, emotions and feelings, you already describe any given moment of you life, past or present. So bringing your awareness and attention to THIS moment always you can STOP the thought, emotion and feelings and radically change yourself. ANYONE can do this. If you can prove to yourself t...

So back then, around when I took this photo, before Desteni, I had trouble expressing myself. I would be known as the quiet and shy one. I wouldn't share what I thought, unless I felt confident that I would look good or positive in the eyes of others. So I felt I always had to say the right thing all the time. That I wasn't allowed to say the wrong thing.... ever. Now, I am much different. I still have things to learn and expand upon, but in this area of myself, I do see obvious differences, as well as my process or history of change where I experimented and tested out my expression. So, for example I would start sharing the blunt honesty of myself and what I saw as what is best for all and oneness and equality. Initially I would feel extremely nervous and panicked, yet I pushed myself to share what I saw. And I noticed that I would speak in quite a panicked, loud, way, because of the fears I had. Yet within it I did speak in stability as what I said, where I knew there w...

https://eqafe.com/p/pocketful-of-energy-reptilians-part-420 Pocket full of energy. So I had a listen to this interview the other day. And the other day, I believe I faced a pocket of energy. So I was within looking at something, a particular topic. It was actually while writing a recent blog. And from this perception, I had like this thought or belief, which I took as true. But now that I slowed it down, it was a pocket of energy or emotion, depression. So it's like, while going through the topics, I happened upon a bump in the road. So it was there, and it was like a pocket in the sense that it is contained, and placed on this topic. It already existed, probably fed and built in the past, and it was simply there is storage, waiting to be faced, or bumped into. So I bumped into. I felt the emotion, and it felt familiar as well, especially when it came to this topic that it connected to. So like how the interview described, it was hanging there, which for me its like a sack...

So we are going wayyyyyy Back in Time.  Welcome to the past. Here I am where my first crushes were present. So my earliest relationship with the opposite sex, girls, I see as significant, now that I have made a major breakthrough in seeing my pattern of reacting to women in detail. So I see then that my first relations with women, defined how I responded/reacted to all women. That is quite significant, the fact that my first initial relations with women defined how I responded, felt, and what I thought when meeting all of these future women. That is what I can see now. This reveals how everything we live: think, feel, react, doesn't just go away by itself. It stays with us. Until, we actually in awareness take responsibility for that, and release it and change. See, I was aware that my relationship to women was not self-supportive. I knew that. But, I wasn't aware of the detail of it, how I felt, what I thought, in moment to moment playout. I had to be aware of what it i...

So there's a reason why I have this title. Because they are triggering, and words about conflict and fighting, such as "Vs." draws people's attention. Also in combination with Valentine's Day, which invokes usually positive feelings, its the perfect combination of positivity and negativity. So my title's wording is to bring in readers. At the same time however, it describes exactly what I will talking about today. So today is Valentine's Day, and what does this mean for me? In the past it meant, someone else. In the present, it means me. Do you see why now I wrote this title? There is a difference between the past and the present me. And there is a difference between me and another. Intimacy with me is quite an interesting thing. Its truly everlasting, not so much so for the typical relationship. What is the ideal relationship? You meet someone by fate occurrence, they are your perfect match, you fall in love, get married, have kids, grow old toget...