The Self is the key. You are the key. If you want to make things better, focus on yourself. Do you have a relationship with yourself? Are you able to hold yourself and know yourself? Do you know what you are feeling? Do you know what you are thinking? Are you here with yourself? Do you Know yourself?

Self is the Key. You are the Key. You have the power. You are the power. You need to know the power. You need to know yourself. You need to know who you are right now in this moment in what you are thinking and feeling. And you need to start stopping whatever it is that is not best for you. You need to start stopping that which is harmful to Life.

Be the Self that is Free from all limitation, pain, abuse, destruction, and full of creation, ability, and potential. You start becoming through self-forgiveness.

Would you like to have a relationship with Your self?

Friday, September 22, 2017

day 39 I Decide

I learned that I decide everything regarding to what I want, and what I do. This may seem stupidly obvious, but let me paint you a picture where you will most likely believe what you want is not a decision, that it is already just who you are. Let's start painting.

So, Imagine you are a child, or young person, or just any person, whichever best fits this example for you. Imagine that someone asks you what do you want? Pick the example that makes sense for you, but I found that its true in every example. What do you want to eat? What do you want to do? What to do you want to do in Life? What do you want for yourself in the future? Etc... Now...

Now... what is your first response? What is your answer? I bet you that you looked inside yourself to find the answer to the question. And that there was the answer. I have a question for you, where did that answer come from?

Let me try again. Is what you want simply a part of who you are? Is what you want just your personality, your likes and dislikes, your dreams? Does that make more sense?

Meaning, that what you want is already here, is already answered.

If its still not clear, let me try one more time. When you get a feeling and a certain choice feels right, that is how you decide what you want. No?

Because can you make a decision that doesn't feel right?

So look at this, what you want, if it is something you Look For within yourself, then its not a Decision. You did not decide what it is you wanted, you looked for the answer. Why is this important/special? Because your decision is something predetermined. Something ELSE is deciding, and you are just going along for the ride. You are not creating your life. You are not deciding.

When you look for the answer within yourself, that is not the same as looking at everything, and making a decision. You CAN make a decision that doesn't feel right. You are allowed to. You can make any decision, because you are the one deciding. But looking for the answer within yourself, is not applying the skill of decision-maker, instead you are becoming a follower.

So are you a leader or follower within yourself? Do you decide who you are?

This may seem stupid to you, because OF COURSE everything within you is YOU, and RIGHT and what you want. Yet, is it? I mean, how in the hell are these answers coming up within you? Where the heck did they come from? From space? From God? From what? Were you just like created at some point and that's all you have ever been and will be?

Can you or can you not decide who you are, and what you want regarding anything? Can you choose to like something? Can you choose to let go of disliking something? That may seem like crazy, but can you or can you not?

What if you never practicing decision-making, where you can really decide to be any kind of person, or want anything? Did you always just repeat the same words and mantra in your head about who you are?

And when you change, are you REALLY the one changing you? Or are you being changed? Do you change you? Or does something else change you?

Do you have the freedom to decide who you are, what you want? Or are you simply stuck in being who you are, having the wants you have, and just your entire personality and self, that that is all you are and will forever be?

The ability to choose, to decide...

I grew up believing that I had to look within myself for the answer.
I grew up thinking that Who I AM is already here, and I just have to see what I want in the moment, to look for the answers within me.
I thought that and believed that.
But that's not true. The truth is that I can decide to be or want ANYTHING. I literally can. That it is actually a lie to think that what I want is something I have to look for within me. The same applies with everything. From the career/job you pick. From friends you keep. From who you date. From what you do. From what you write. How you speak. What you wear. How you live. And what you think/believe. You can decide to be or do anything. Literally yes. There is NO ANSWER waiting for you within you that IS THE ANSWER. That is a lie we believe and say is true, but its not. What there is within us is our minds, which create thoughts and feelings, and simulate experiences, and record all the decisions we have made. So YES, you can totally look within your mind for an answer but your mind will only give you a thought and an experience based on what you have already done. Yet that is not truth. That is not YOU. That is not you deciding, that is you following.

So we can make this rule, the immediate answer within you is a lie. What you immediately think or feel is simply your mind create a simulated experience, but its not truth, its not a decision.  So never trust, believe or follow your immediate instinct, reaction, feeling or response. Instead always stop, look, assess and decide. Never follow, always decide, and never TRUST what you feel or your immediate first response, feeling, thought or reaction.

Otherwise, you will be a slave to a force that you do not understand, which will because you let it be that way, you just let it happen to yourself. Those are you two choices. And this is how all of humanity is existing currently. Our minds are quite sophisticated, yet still rudimentary. Meaning that it cannot go beyond its programming. Yet YOU CAN. If you decide not to follow, and you decide to create and make every decision ON YOUR OWN, then you can go far beyond the programming and limitations of your mind, your personality, your history, your preferences, yourself.

Imagine having no more enemies because you decide so. It's possible. It may seem crazy now, because you believe enemies must exist. But that is your mind again. There is so much more I can say, and none of it will make much sense, yet all of it is possible to become/decide and be. It will be so simple.

Desteni.org

Monday, September 18, 2017

Day 38 Lying takes effort/practice

I observed today that lying takes effort. I was lying today as part of what is required/expected in the system, which meant presenting myself in a desirable way in the eyes of the system. The little bit of lying I did was exhausting. I then observed and realized how pretty much 99% of the time, in the vast majority of everyday life in the system we are lying, and that we have practiced lying and that it takes effort, and that we end up tired and drained because of all the lying.

I saw I was tired from what little lying I did. After time and practice I could get better at it, and less tired, but still I don't want to lie.

Can you see where lying occurs daily? A pop psychology article pointed out how we lie throughout the day, where most people cannot spend like 5 minutes without speaking a lie, on average. So can you think of some examples of lying?

How about when someone ask how you are doing? Do you tell the truth or do you lie? Do you just say, Im good, Im okay etc... Is that the truth?

Or how about in fashion magazines? Or fashion in general? Or modeling? Or posing for photographs? It takes effort to put on that face. It takes effort to smile that way, no? I mean if you look at the first photographs of people, no one would smile because they were being natural, themselves. I mean, sure, on occasion you may actually capture someone smiling for some real reason in their environment, then yes that is a real smile. But are all the people who now smile when having their photograph taking really happy? really smiling? Or are they smiling for the picture?

Or how about in pretty much all jobs or work, where you work with clients/customers, or coworkers. You put on a face. You put on a mask. You put on a smile. This takes effort, sustained effort. This is not how you would naturally be. How would it be like to be yourself, without effort? Is that possible?

Some people in some work, don't put on as much of a mask, maybe they don't need to, it is not called for. Yet see for yourself what you can see within you.

Looking at the process of living words, I expect Living words to be integrated where there is no effort, where it is not like lying. Like the difference between an actor who acts, which takes effort and is a lie, versus someone living and sharing something that is a part of who they are.

I don't really know. I do know that I suck at lying. I can hardly lie. I remember Bernard speaking about how parents train their kids to lie in the system, to be able to deceive. I remember how Bernard said people in universities are there because they couldn't get a job in the System. And I know for a fact I am good at taking data, analyzing it and comparing to reality, and describing the results in real terms. I know I am good at looking at the physical reality, and physical truth. I know I am a scientist at heart and a truth seeker. I know I am more unbiased than most people I know. I know I suck at lying.

I was trained to lie. But I committed myself never to do that kind of lie again. This lie I speak of is the lie of positivity. I could have been rich. I could have written a book. But I won't. Because someone needs to change. And so I made that stand.

So I will practice the minor lying of a workplace  environment. Because I may need that to survive. And I will see if I can get a job in a Honest working environment, which means science and numbers. Because the greatest gift I can offer in a work view point is my brain. So I can work to analyze data and run advanced analysis for teams of scientists/researchers. That shit is easy for me. I have been asking the question, what CAN i give to the world, instead of what I WANT to give. Because I need to be practical. There is a lot I want to happen, but what can I do, NOW. What am I able to do NOW. What have I been training to do across my entire life. What are my skills. And frankly, my difficulty to lie actually allows me to see the truth better. I can see numbers for what they are. I can see the truth of humanity. I can see what we need to be and become.

If you grew up to be a master liar, you need to assess for yourself. Whether to commit to never do that again, or to use it for support change. Because for me, my honesty was never to use my skill to lie with positivity ever again. And I won't. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did. That is my honesty. Now, maybe you have to make the same choice. I am now trying to learn how to lie in a system point of view in terms of what is expected, in order to survive. So maybe you have to do it to survive. Or maybe you can find a way to not have to depend on lying for survival. I don't know. Maybe you can find a work that suits your talents or skills that don't relate to lying so much, or not at all.

I also observe that we as humanity forget we are lying and we take the lie as the truth. So that is really dangerous as well. So its not really about lying is BAD. No. its about what is the truth. Because the truth is real, it is physical. Its the difference between illusion and reality. Its the significance of really holding water or not holding anything. That is what is at stake. I understand that it is difficult to grasp if you are deep within lying, because you believe that lying is just as real as the truth. But its not. The truth is 1000% more. I don't ask you to believe me, but I do ask that you see for yourself if what I say is true.

So at the very least, if you have to lie for survival, KNOW and REMEMBER it is a lie, and not the truth, and KNOW and REMEMBER what the truth actually is. Because if you forget that, if you start believing and get wrapped up in the LIE, if you allow yourself to become succumb to the fantasies, the feelings, the emotions, the imaginations, the definitions, that are all LIES, then you get lost. So do your best for your sake. Lie, but know what the truth is, and don't LIE if you don't have to. Only Lie if you need to. Once your survival is taken care of, then don't lie ever again.

You might even be faced with the choice of lying and your survival, where the right choice is actually to not lie, have integrity, at the risk of not surviving. That can also be a choice you might be faced with, where you will risk everything and even lose everything, yet still have integrity. I can't say when such a moment will be, but it does exist. Ultimately it all depends on you. It depends on your awareness, on your relationship with yourself, on your ability to know yourself, self-forgive, be self-honest, live responsibility, and share yourself with others.

The more you TEACH others the more you learn. So the more you share yourself, the more you learn about yourself. We each become a teacher the moment we share or speak. So that is why blogging is so important. It is a space where I can speak without lies, and so speak naturally, easily, freely, and I get to know myself. It is a pure space. And as I teach you, through sharing me, I learn more about me. It's a win win. If I had to do blogging anonymously because of workplace system, then I would, because its still me, its still my word, and it is still me sharing me, and learning more about me, while teaching others.

The truth sets you free. When you set yourself free to speak the truth, you will know yourself. The true you is not a lie, it is true. So blue.

But I my blogging doesn't affect my ability to work in system, then I will sure as hell be visible. Because this is me, this is true, and this is Great!!!

One day it will be not only be okay to speak the truth, but completely fucking normal to do so. That it becomes weird to lie, and strange to present yourself differently than who you are, or expressing what you are experiencing in yourself in the moment.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Day37 Scared of being alone

I have this fear within me of being alone within who I am, without. So I am afraid of being who I am, and being the only one like that in my environment, my without. Because I am reacting with fear, I want to react by changing to be like my environment. I want to fit in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being alone within being the only one like me in my environment, my without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change who I am to be like my environment, because I am afraid of being alone, as the only one like me in my without, my surroundings.

When and as I see myself wanting to change who I am to be like my environment because I am afraid of being the only one like me - I stop and I breathe - I realize it is dishonest to change because I am afraid - I realize it is dishonest to be someone because I want to fit in - I realize I would still be afraid of not fitting in, even when I fit in - I realize that fitting in does not remove the fear of standing alone in an environment - I realize that it is honest to be who I am, without fear - I realize it is honest when I don't allow reactions to change- I realize it is honest to stand as who I am, even in the face of being the only one like me- I realize that by being me, and being without fear of not fitting in, I am in fact supporting others to also not be afraid of fitting in - I realize that by being me and not being afraid, I am supporting others to no longer be afraid - I realize that by being me, and being honest, and not being afraid, I am supporting others to be honest - I realize I don't have to be the same for others to like me or to work with me, and that it is their decision about who they are and whether they accept  or reject me, and that decision does not determine who I am, nor does it say anything about me- I realize that the truth of who I am is right here for me to see directly- I realize the truth is that I am physical and that all fear is dishonest - I realize that all the mind is dishonest - I realize all image is dishonest - I realize that the only honesty is what is physical fact, physical truth, undeniable, and unchanged by opinion, perception, and belief and readily available/accessible by all - I realize I am not an opinion, belief, thought, or perception- I realize I am a being, in a physical body, and I am committed to become aligned with physical reality and this physical body and be and do what is best for all physical things in this physical reality.

I commit myself to stand as who I am, as a physical body, in physical reality, for all physical things, and that this commitment stands regardless if I am the only one like me.



When I am with people, I want to talk like them, and be like them so I can fit in. I want to form relationships, and feel like a part. I like how I feel. I feel like its the best day ever. I feel like from this day forth life will never be the same. I feel like I am king of the world! I feel everything is perfect. I am willing to change and no longer stand by physical reality, and only care about feeling this way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like its the best day ever when I am part of a group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like from this day forth, life will never be the same, when I am with a group of people and I am accepted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am king of the world, when I have relationships with people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only care about feeling so fucking amazing from having relationships, and being part of a group, and fitting in.

When and as I see myself feel so fucking amazing when I am fitting in with a group, and being a part and having relationships with people - I stop and I breathe- I realize with what I feel, I am willing to give up on being physical and simply go after feeling this way forever - I realize that what I feel is a feeling - I realize that what I feel is energy triggered by what I think I see and what I think is happening - I realize I am thinking that I am a part of a group - I realize I am thinking that I belong- I realize that I am thinking that I am accepted - I realize that I am thinking I am fitting in - I realize that thinking is not physical - I realize that thinking is an illusion - I realize thinking is not real - I realize that what I think is happening is all in my head - I realize the only truth is that I am physically here and other people are physically here and that we are physically interacting - I realize that the only best relationship and interaction is that which is best for all - I realize that what is best for all is to accept everything, and see everything as fitting in as physical bodies on this physical earth, and that all is a part of everything - I realize that it is best for all to see everyone as a friends, and equally valuable, and all being part of One - I realize that I have a relationship with everyone- I realize that everyone has a relationship with everyone - I realize that it is best for all to have a relationship with everyone that sees us as all equals, and as one, and as beings in physical bodies - I realize that feeling good is an illusion - I realize that feeling bad is an illusion- I realize that feeling physical reality is real -

I commit myself to be physical, feel physical reality, and have a relationship with everyone that is All is one and equal, and we are all beings in physical bodies, and what I think is not real or feel otherwise is not real.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Day 36 Success in Facing Manipulation

So I had a moment of success where someone was manipulating me through confidence/anger/aggression and when that moment happened, I instantly in a flash had recognize what they are doing and being aware of who I am and the pattern of reaction and what I have walked in my blogs/writing. So in that flash moment I then didn't participate in the game of reaction where I became very physical and there was no emotion reaction within me, where normally what I would feel would be nervousness, intimidation, weak and agreeableness. So I spoke myself in that moment as that, basically pointing the reality of the situation, neither good or bad, just what is. In that moment the person also changed, they stopped their manipulation point.

So because of the process I have walked so far in identifying manipulating, when someone is manipulating and my reactions, and their responsibility and my responsibility, I assisted that person and myself. What happened next though was that they were kind of reacting differently. Kind of like unexpected that I responded that way. For me I was able to stand in living words of enjoyment and expression. Because, understand here that the goal is not to destroy manipulators, or harm them. The goal is to unify. The goal is to join everyone together. The goal is to stop all reactions and all manipulations.

One of the worst things you can do when someone manipulates you is to blame them. I have said this before in my blogs. Blame, in itself, is a manipulation. If you speak your blame, you are trying to manipulate how someone else feels where they feel and believe THEY are at fault, and not you. In truth, we are all responsible, and we do not need emotions and feelings for understanding that. We just need to understand. So blame/manipulation is useless. And again, manipulation can be used for a moment to teach something but one must make sure to take responsibility to explain/show that you are manipulating in order to teach and that the person can use self-forgiveness, where you can show them and teach them how. To simply manipulate someone's emotoins and feelings, and without showing them what is going on, is simply unacceptable. That is the abuse that keeps the world as it is.

We need more people to stand up and show others the process of self-change. We need others to start being examples and to teach through their examples and sharings. We need to end all manipulation. The only way to end all manipulation is if we all walk the process.

When you stand in the face of someone's manipulation and stand unchanged, and in fact showing that you can self-express and live words, that has an affect on those around you. People who manipulate are out to bring out your reaction. If they fail then something is wrong in their eyes.



Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Day 35 Follow up on The Biases Toward Women

So in a previous post I did forgiveness on my beliefs about women. In this blog I wanted to do a follow up.

So, within rereading my blog post I have new insights. So, basically imagine one of those women groups or female groups that believe women are powerful, and believe women hold some special power, that there is something sacred about women, and that believe the world would be better if ran by women. Like some special female spiritual empowerment group thing.

Imagine the above. Now, would you say that you want YOU to be let's say all these things: Powerful, DEEP, Strong, Compassionate, Caring, Insightful, Intelligent etc...   just because you were a women?

Look at this point here. Would you want to BE anything JUST because you are a WOMAN????

If you look at this point in self-honesty you will see it is incredibly limiting and incredibly insulting to yourself and to everyone, including the female body, to think that WHO YOU ARE, what you LIVE, the words you are like Strong, Deep, Compassionate, has ANYTHING to do with the fact that you have a woman's body.

I mean like really???

Because if you believe you ARE these things BECAUSE you have a woman's body, then that means that YOU ARE NOT THESE THINGS. Simple. You are not these things, your BODY is the reason why you are these things, BUT in fact YOU ARE THE THE REASON for being lets say Strong, Independent, Compassionate etc...

I mean that's utterly ridiculous.

Instead if you form a group, let it be a group for the points of Compassionate, Caring, Strong, Deep, Insightful etc...  Meaning its about WHO YOU ARE, and not about your body, your vagina, your penis, or your appearance. I mean that is common sense.

Female empowerment is Stupid. PEOPLE empowerment, LIFE empowerment, EVERYONE living what is best for ALL, makes sense.

If you are supporting FEMALE EMPOWERMENT, or ANY group that is individually EMPOWERED separate from the Rest of Life, then know you are not supporting what is best for all, and that you are creating war, conflict and separation. You are on an EGO trip. You are riding the waves of energy.

Expression is not limited by Gender, SEX, appearance, skin color or culture. ANYONE can LIVE ANY EXPRESSION.

It is in our MINDS that we believe separation exist, that we create a perception of separate groups, separate cultures and separate expressions. These borders don't exist in reality. Just like country borders. It is all in our heads.

We are stronger together. The truth is that we are ALL in this together. We are ALL equally alive. We all Equally Exist. We are Life. We just have to stand as Life, as ALL as ONE and EQUAL. This is the only truth. This is the only one reality. We exist together. So let's Live it and Be it, let's be what is best for ALL.