Friday, April 3, 2020

Day 817 The Physical is Quantifiable

"Emotions - together with thoughts, feelings, pictures, ideas – the mind in general was placed within each being so that we are able to be controlled and directed and never stand clear as free individuals – free from consciousness.

Imagine yourself not experiencing any emotions within your participation in this world amongst others? Imagine what would happen when you state I desire, need or want nothing? Would anybody or anything be able to control or direct you?

When the White Light was placed within each being's basic neurological system as mind consciousness systems (your neurology that directs you), at the same time as a generator (to move you) was placed all emotions. That way you are always feeding consciousness which then in turn feeds the constructs linked to our enslavement (systems, the White Light and global consciousness).

What I am stating here specifically is that if you allow yourself to delve into the mind and participate within emotions – you are constantly feeding the mind consciousness system within you, giving this all your power to remain enslaved and controlled by consciousness systems as what you become.

When our enslavement occurred the mind consciousness was placed within each being, the construct of emotion as power generator of the mind consciousness was placed to ensure that we are always able to be controlled."
For the rest of the article you can click on the link above.
So I quoted this beginning part because this is what I wanted to discuss: Emotions. So emotions are indeed stuff that we want to stop and be free from. Because they are Energy. Specifically they are derived off of the Flesh of the Physical body, like a Vampire or a Parasite. It causes the destruction of cells in the body each time you engage in lets say Anger, or Fear, or Happiness, or Joy, or any other point of Energy movement that the mind uses. Because the mind is damn specific, and it does uses all sorts of variations of energies and emotions. Irritation is different than annoyance. Anger is different than rage. Happiness is different than Joy. 

One of the sure fired ways that you can consistently support yourself to STOP the emotions and so the ENERGY is by Breathing. Becoming effective at breathing means being able to STOP your MIND and ENERGY and THOUGHTS. Because the Mind CANNOT exist while you are standing within and as Breath and as your body. Try it yourself. Try it at any time, and you will see. Try it when you are super pissed, breath and keep on breathing and don't let up. Because the secret here is that the Mind is completely dependent on the physical, it is so pathetically dependent. With all its Hoo-Ha and drama that it stirs up, its like a fancy light show, its all an illusion that is designed to keep you distracted from one thing: your body. Your physical body is where the Life is, God's Grace is, it is the one point that is the Power source of you. 

You breathe Air, You Eat Food, You shit poop, your body is what power is. It is physical here and real. Its not an illusion, and its not a thought. Why else is the Mind's sole objective is to gain control/possession of your body? Your very tool, the very way you interact with this physical world. That's why it wants you to get depressed an lay in bed all day, that's why it wants you addicted to physical substances like food or drugs, that's why it wants you hooked on Lovers, Romance, Porn, Sex, Bullying, Power, Emotions etc.... To keep you limited from actually expressing one and equal with and as your body. DUH!!!!!! its so obvious. 
Express with and as your body and you are free. 

Now this sounds simple, and it is simple for those who are the most simple and pure at heart, this will be easy. But for most of us it will take time, a lot of time, years and years. But it is achievable, and its mathematically proveable. There are only so many thoughts you have to transcend, and only so many emotions that you have to face. There is a number, maybe its 10,000, but it still a fixed number. The MIND cannot conjure up infinite number of content, the mind has only ever been repeating the recycling the same shit and same patterns in different ways, but its all the same potatoe honey! its just been dressed up. So you will reach an end, there will come a time where the jig is up. This process is quantifiable, and who you are is quantifiable. Anything REAL is quantifiable, and look the physical is quantifiable!!! Matter is countable. There are only so many atoms! It is fixed, there are limits!

If you stick to breath when a certain reaction comes up within you, you will see it has a limit. It is a battle of wills!!!!

Who will win? You or Energy? Unity or separation? Direction or Abuse? Success or Failure?
You choose.

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Day 816 My Perspective Coronavirus

So, to explain my background, I stick with science, and physical evidence. Anything that you can see directly and observe is trustworthy especially if you test it rigorously and repeatedly. That is how Bernard did things too. And its the only natural way to determine what is true. Rigorous testing.

So. This video is the best one I saw so far explaining the coronavirus from a medial perspective.[0]=AZUa26G0nI3l6pWC-sYtz2v2QwiGQWrMzLcyR4AoKoVHrYpBzrGhyXxq_aq6wLBaHKJ9PUYy0HwX_zJjC-KcNQFCY8dSV3_Vjj1TpzAsM3K-eF9qy3es1usGcuaVRPTujS8&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R

So the key points is that the virus moves quickly, way too fast. That is what the doctors in the front line are saying. The progression is quick from when a person should be put on a ventilator. And the current numbers/guess is that even on ventilators 50% of people are dying. It is true though that most people will be fine, but you have to consider the elderly, your parents, your grand parents, and people with underlying conditions. My personal perspective that I would add onto this is that if you know anyone who has had trouble with Pneumonia in the past, that that is a sign they are at risk.

Trust the physical evidence and work with the practical information.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Day 815 Escalator of Agreement/Disagreement

I saw this vision/metaphor of an escalator at a local mall, where it represents a polarity of being stuck on this point of going up and then going down continuously forever. Where what it represents for me is people Joining me and me feeling good about that, and then people being against me, and me feeling fearful of that. And its very much related to being agreed with, and then being disagreed with.

So to explain it better, its like in life when you are looking for that point that someone else agrees with you, or with what you are doing, and it gives you that good feeling or sense of someone has joined you and is on your side. Because of that nature of the mind, it works in polarity. So if you accept that above point within you of feeling good in such moments, then you automatically create the opposite, that you feel bad, fearful in this case. So its like then the moments through life where when people disagree with you, and are against what you are doing, your decisions, your commitments, then you feel that point, you feel discourage, you feel weak, you feel that it’s a fight/struggle and what they said has an impact against you. It affected you, and you are powerless to it.

That powerless is being stuck on the escalator going up and down, and not being able to get off. The reason why is because you have to simultaneously stop both polarities. If you just stop the negative one, then when you get off the ride you will be ready to take the positive one, which you haven’t stopped. So you will get on it, and end up back to where you started. So the only way to stop really is to stop both. That is what I am seeing and facing here.

I see how it also becomes an extreme of trying to classify everyone, and every interaction into one of these two choices/polarities. Either with me, or against me. It becomes an extreme.

So with stopping this whole point, this means that when I talk with someone and share with them, who I am, and simply open up to them, that however they respond it has nothing to do with this system of classification.

Because now that I am allowing myself to see beyond this classification, its clear that no conversation is ever about someone being with you or against you. A conversation is simply what is shared. A person may share a little, or a lot, its still a conversation. And that conversation as a product of people is not determined by you only. What you do determine is how you feel, and respond/react. Looking for someone to join your side, or agree with you, and getting that feeling is a misrepresentation of how people are. What is shared in a moment between two people is a conversation.

So whether no one is with you, or everyone is against you- feel nothing, have it not affect you. Simply be yourself, live your words and application. The level and extent of agreement and disagreement doesn’t have to create any level of reaction within you. A normal conversation between two people may very well continue different levels of agreement and disagreement.

You both have to be able to stand in front of a person who may completely disagree with what you are doing, what you stand for, etc… and to be able to stand with someone who completely agrees with you, and not be moved by either situation. That is the challenge and the potential and that is the best choice/outcome.

It should never be about how you feel about the person, the exchange, the opinions. It should be about everything else, the information, the facts, the practical perspectives etc… It is about freedom from emotion/feeling, and its about everything else in Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good when people agree with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when a person disagrees with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel peaceful, and supported when someone agrees with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel resistance and fighting when someone disagrees with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel struggle and burden when someone disagrees with what I am doing, how I am doing it, how I see it, and what my decisions are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel empowered, supported, encouraged, to feel divinely backed up, and where I am supposed to be, when people agree with me with what I am doing, how I am doing it, how I see it, and what my decisions are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I need others support, I need others encouragement, I need others standing beside me and telling me what is right, what is the right choice, and what I should do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I need to fight others who disagree with me, and that I need to doubt myself when people disagree with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel resistance, and to feel burden when someone disagrees with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the mind exists in the polarity where with feeling good from having some people agree with me, and what I perceive as them being on my side, that this must mean I am creating the opposite point in my life of when people disagree with me, that I let it affect me, I am fighting it, and I am in a struggle/resistance inside of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I need to find the right people, the right team, the right allies, the right group who will agree with me, join me, support me, and that I need to get rid of and leave and banish those who disagree with me, and only then can I act, do and live and be free from this inner fight, turmoil, disagreement and feel like I am where I am supposed to be, that I belong, that I am centered.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that all I need is me, in order to create this center and balance, that I need to let go of the polarity, I need to stop feeling good when others agree with me, and feeling bad when they don’t, I need to stop letting it affect me or move me at all, and simply stand as that center, that independence, that fountain and that structure that is simply here, simply moving, simply creating and working with the information and perspectives from everyone/everywhere.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need agreement with people before I can start living.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when someone disagrees with me, that its something I hold onto, and let it affect me and be a burden to my decision and path that I am walking/creating, instead of simply just considering what practical value it has, and what the perspective is, and to not make it emotional or personal to that person since we all have minds and none of us are perfect.

I should live in such a way that the person who disagreed with me, when they die and I talk to them in the afterlife that they don’t see me having let their disagreement affect me emotionally and be a burden for me, because whether they were emotional, or in a programming or not, that that doesn’t have to affect me, and so I need to honor my highest potential and theirs, together. Because that is what they would want.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Day 814 Let it be Me

So yesterdays blog was the intro for these series of blog covering this mind personality.
Today I'm going to start with the walking through the detail of the programming. So less fun description and more breaking down the exact programming.

The overarching theme here is enjoyment that is bad. Like laughing at someone else's pain. Bullying others. Being happy when others lose.

So the following memories are such moments:

Stealing a bottle of bubbles from a fellow student in the 1st grade who won it for some achievement. I saw he was quite happy receiving it. I grabbed it and placed it in my bag. I could see he was sad/upset about it missing. The teacher tasked some students to search the desks/room for it. When they approached my desk, I said go ahead and search everything I have nothing to hide, and kind of did this motion of raising my arms and then crossing it over my chest. I felt a sense of joy/pride in saying that, even a sense of excitement to be lying and being so bold and over the top with my statement. I had no idea that they wouldn't search my bag, I don't know how or why I thought I would have gotten away with it, I just acted in that instant.

Later at home I showed my brother the bottle and told him that I stole it. I feel fear now in telling this story, which is the point of suppression. I hid the memory away and especially the point that I felt happy, excitement in doing something I am not supposed to. I similarly stole something else in a summer camp. I only stole a few times, but that doesn't excuse what I did. Though because it was so infrequent, it wasn't a point I considered a pattern or a big deal. Because I wasn't stealing now or in my adult life. It felt like something took over that moment and it was very specific to those moments. I can't explain it.

There is a story my parent told me that my brother and cousin were annoying me and I had taken their heads and hit them together. And they told me that story with pride of me. Though now I can see the remants of that memory from my perspective, and I see I did it just because. I walked up behind them, grabbed their heads and hit them together. They were not provoking me in that moment. I did it out of the blue. They started to cry. We were quite young, maybe 4-5. I didn't feel bad at all, I felt good, right, and fun to get away with it. I feel like I did it because I knew I would get away with it. This is a similar themes in a lot of things I did like this: bad things that I could get away with.

When I was in the elementary school, our music teacher had us sing happy birthday as an audition to the choir. I sang it, and he said it was very good, and he asked me if I would like to join the choir and I said no. And I remember how I was smiling or happy in saying no. Like the act of turning him down, and the thought that he wanted me to join. Logically and rationally I was telling myself that I couldn't join because I had to study and get good grades, but emotionally I could see that I felt good. So that was my secret reason and motivation. And it is a point of self-sabotage, because I am turning down opportunities while feeling good doing so because I like turning people down.

There was a crush I had for like 2-3 years in middle school and she called me telling that she knew that I liked her and I basically rejected her. She said she knew I liked her and I cut her off in mid-sentence and said that I thought that in a few years she would mature and that we could go out. Rationally in my head I told myself and kept telling myself over the last years of my life that I did it because I was too scared of her rejection, which may be partly a factor, but here I can see I did enjoy rejecting her. I enjoyed being the one to tell her no.

I remember when I long time friend had called me, I was 14 or 15 and we hadn't talked in a few years, and I was very rude, he said something and I just responded out of the blue in this nasty way. I liked it. It sounded like a character, it sounded like it wasn't me.

I could keep going for a while with these memories. So I am going to work with these first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to steal something from someone else cause I could see how happy it makes them, and I knew if I took it they will be upset.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy stealing something and getting away with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy abusing other's belief that i am a good boy and so they wouldn't suspect me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy having the power over others emotions/feelings by knowing what will trigger them, and then doing it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking the truth of what I felt and what I did, and seeing and living the truth here with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the past and the memories of what I did and what I felt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excitement and fun from triggering someone else's emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel pride in being regarded as an angel and a good boy by my parent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hurt my brother and cousin because I knew I would get away with it, and my caregivers would see me as defending myself out of retaliation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good, right, and fun as energy when I hit the heads of my brother and cousin together, and get away with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to smile when I told my music teacher that no, when he asked me if I would join the choir.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy and important when I am offered something and to feel even happier when I reject it/turn it down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy/exhilarated to think they want me to join and that they will sad if I don't, and that I turn them down anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use rationality and reasons to hide that what i am feeling and what my motivations are in rejecting others and opportunities, and so creating a pattern of self-abuse.

Why do I feel good doing these things?
Why do I feel good telling my music teacher no?
Why do I feel good in stealing the bubbles?
Why do I feel good hitting the heads of my brother and cousin?
I remember liking showing my brother the bubbles I stole. I felt pride in acquiring it, getting it and using it. I liked bubbles. I didn't want to change my schedule of my life by joining the choir, I wanted everything to stay the same. I like hurting my brother and cousin and getting revenge on them from the past. I acted on my desires. I followed my heart's desire. I didn't compromise. I wasn't doing something I didn't want to. I did exactly what I wanted to.

There is something pure and real there, because my smile and happiness is in a sense, real. 

So what I have to sort out is what I want. And honor that point.

So what I am thinkign here is I do have like this desire system or want sysem where its all the stuff I want, right? So I then go after it and do it. SO that doing it is a system. ANd so I have been suppressing that entire point, so I have suppressing as well going after what I want.

And instead I should have just been editing and focusing on what I want and editing that and changing that, not just suppressing the entire thing out of guilt. And so I basically been caring around the desires of a 7 year old or whatever, of a child.

That is my theory.

I took a break from writing for an hour, and I attempted to access and live my desires that I had from 7 years old. To play around, to enjoy life, to prank, to laugh, to enjoy the moment, and I was able to do it. I haven't been happy for the last year. And so being able to do that means something to me. So I think this is it. And when I looked into my eyes they look normal. So I need to access and live my happiness, and sort out this point. Remove the point where happiness is basically corrupted, and feeling happy about the wrong things or abusive things. I need to reclaim myself.

So I think my theory was right, sort of. It is important to have happiness in your life, that is part of living, having fun is part of the balance of Life. And it showed in my eyes.

This system I have been living with has corrupted happiness. Its my job to fix it. Its my job to own it. Its my job to create balance again. No more secrets, no more suppression. Just let it only be me.

I want a world where every child is completely supported and empowered. I want a world where we can step outside and every person you meet is living their full expression and you can join with them in expression. I want a world where everyone is taking responsibility for themselves and we can join together in both work/responsibility and in play/fun expression. I want to have those who are willing and ready to work towards this goal, towards creating this world by being the example themselves of people willing to give/work and willing to play/express. To be that responsible adult as well as be a playful/expressive child, because that is what is needed= balance, because how else are you going to lead others into balance.

Monday, March 23, 2020

Day 813 A Dastardly Secret

There is a very interesting mind system that seems best described as a personality within me. The reason why personality is because its basically like a person or has a personhood to it. It has a flavor and it has a presence to it. And its a personality within me because its like Dr Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, its something hidden, and when it is here it is like I am a different person.

The reason why I am making it seem so dramatic or so extreme is because it is. Because when I started to open this up really, I was suprised/shocked yet at the same time not, that I was laughing and smiling about things which I would never do. So what I am saying is that its not something I was conscious of, to extent of being fully aware enough to even say it exists, or even say it is how I am describing today/now/above, like with the words of it being a personality within me, it being like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I didn't see it like that at all. Until now.

What is interesting is now I have that awareness where I can describe it and it does make sense. A thousands different puzzle pieces, a thousands different memories/moments all pointing to the exact same conclusion. It finally makes sense.

Would other people believe you? I don't know, I guess it depends on the person. When I say that I have a part of me that enjoys seeing others hurt. Like a smile that moves across my face. How many times have I done that smile, with how many different moments and people. So many. The pleasure of being right, but more so, the pleasure that others are wrong, and keeping it a secret. Pretending to be good. Would anyone understand this? I know already that its just a design that feeds off of energy, much like the demons in the dimensions, they simply followed the program of consuming energy. Their acts weren't good or bad, morality doesn't exist in that sense. They simply followed the program. So when I laugh or smile at someone else losing a game, when I hide that pleasure and it creeps up into a smile, that's me hiding what I feel, yet feeling it. That's baking my cake and eating it too, the dastardly devil, something to admire.

I could describe a thousands different such moments, or so the stream of examples appear so easily to arise without much effort/time.

But more so than that, I know that with something this juicy, correcting the point is going to have a juicy outcome, because I can see the change in my face, eyes and smile, this is how I should be: Happy. And so my happiness is also trapped within this point. And not only that, my ability to be vicious, cruel, is also trapped, instead of playing boyish games it could be used to aid others and myself. How far will this bring me?

Its like having all the keys dropped on your lap, all the treasures laid in your home. What changes will this bring in my life? What changes will occur this next year? Time will tell, yet it many ways the outcome is already here.