The most important thing that I can offer existence is to show that its possible to live and exist without thought, emotion and feeling. To show what its like to no longer feel insulted, intimidated, scared, worried, love, hope, sadness, excitement. To show what it is like to smile for real, laugh real, spontaneously in the moment, unplanned.

Monday, August 13, 2018

Day 24 How I Handled Panic in a moment

How would I describe Panic?

Its something that takes you over. Its much stronger than just fear or worry. Panic really becomes you. You see through the eyes of panic. I noticed how even the taste of my tongue just resting in my mouth change and almost like the flavor of the air changed. I don't think the air really changed, what probably happens is that my perception changed through me being within the emotion.

How I stepped out of panic was through my assertiveness and strength within me. I access it through my writings and speaking on what is best for all and oneness and equality. Its a point where I can stand absolutely and become very strong. Though this isn't the end of the story.

I made a plan then to handle the situation that lead to the panic. Because you see, there was a situation that occurred that was very unfortunate, very surprising and unexpected. And I had to accept that it is happening. After stopping this reaction like I said above, I went into investigating it. I saw there was an initial reaction where its like I wanted to run to mom or dad, some parent to ask them to fix everything. This reaction is based within memory and past reality, where indeed this is what I did sometimes as a child and it sometimes worked in the sense that the parent fixed reality for me, and sorted out the situation. Now in this present moment though there is no parent or person to run to fix things. So my initial reaction was one of hopelessness and powerlessness. Even frustration.

So Panic is what I overall felt and then this above here was like a reaction within a reaction. Layered within it. Like a burrito.

So initially within this hopelessness and powerless I just saw myself literally just accepting the situation I was presented within, with no creative solutions or possibilities for me to improve WITHIN IT. Kind of like working with my own layer within this Burrito.

But after applying myself within my strength/stand of stopping all energy within me, I saw I could come up with a plan to improve my situation! Essentially with this plan I have even forgot I felt panic in the first place. I was completely collected at this point and still am. Even though there is a deadline around the corner, still cool as a cucumber.

Panic is an emotion, meaning that its a negative experience. What kept it in place was me feeling helpless and hopeless through having sought out other people to resolve it for me. Through stopping the energy thanks to the Desteni tools, I went ahead to sort out the situation. Stopping the energy is key, no matter how strong it is, or how it feels or whatever excuse or reason given no matter how it sounds. Like Justice is one such excuse, Survival is another.

Panic is easily tied to survival. And survival is easily tied to a "justifiable excuse" for feeling emotions or feelings. Becoming strict though in stopping emotions and feelings is key. 

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Day 23 What does Love Feel like in the body?

What I learned today was that Love and falling in Love isn't actually a feeling(as defined as positive). Its not something positive. Love is something you feel that is negative, it is an emotion(as defined as negative). The word that best describes it is unbearable pain. Within the context of Romeo and Juliet its easy to see. The caricature of a Romantic is someone who is in constant pain when separated from their loved one. It is torturous, it is unbearable pain. Its like the stereotype of the teenage girl who is in love for the first time. They are moody, overall dramatic in their  love. This unbearable pain is what it would actually feel like if you stopped and really felt what the body was feeling.

Instead of feeling this unbearable pain we are so focused in our thoughts and beliefs, which is how and why we think Love is a positive experience. We think we are in love, I am have boyfriend/girlfriend, and I am loved, and so we believe we must be feeling positive. When in fact we are feeling a negative experience of unbearable pain in our bodies and that is what is motivating us to be with our loved ones. What is interesting to observe is that when the relationship ends or in some moments in the relationship, all of this sudden rush of negative energy erupts within us. This negative energy was building up over time. And Love is the unbearable pain. 

How I know that love is this unbearable pain is because I am stopping and checking how the body feels with this energy. I can see in my body, in my arms, legs and generally throughout the body. There is no positive experience really. There is just this negative experience of unbearable pain. Though when I enter into my head and in my thoughts, I think I am feeling love, and I think I must being feeling good and positive because I believe love is something positive and good. Though its just the belief. In reality its a negative experience in the body. My body is my cross-reference.

Previously I found that Anger was a positive experience of feeling empowered. And now I am finding love to be a negative experience of feeling unbearable pain. It seems that everything is in reverse. We think and believe anger is something negative, and we think and believe that Love is something positive. So because of this conflict between what we think/believe and what we actually feel we are powerless to really change the experience and actually stop it. The key then is being able to stop and feel with your body, and be here one with it. That is how you know. Developing that trust, connection, and awareness with your body is how you will be able to change for real.

The desteni process is how I developed this connection with my body. This required using self-forgiveness and breathing purposefully to stop emotions and feelings, and thoughts in the moment. This is how I proved to myself that I can direct me in the moment without distraction, without being influenced.

Friday, August 10, 2018

Day22 I am a Human. I am a Piece of this Earth and of Life itself

What was discovered through the Portal was that the entirety of the Heaven existence, including all the beings that had passed over, lived in separation of this Earth existence. Basically not concerning themselves at all with what was happening on Earth.

The same thing is happening on Earth. I am a HUman, I am a piece of this Earth and of Life itself. To care about everything, to care about all that is happening right now on Earth is my responsibility. All the problems that exist is my responsibility. All the war, the strife, the violence, the poverty, the pain and suffering is my responsibility. All the people who live in ignorance bliss is my responsibility.

My generational history, my genetic history, my appearance, my education, my past, my money, doesn't excuse me from being responsible for all that exists all across the world. It doesn't matter where in the world. I am a piece of Life. This doesn't stop at the borders of any country. This doesn't stop at the threat of violence. This doesn't stop at my death. I am a piece of life, and life is my responsibility.

What is going on right now across the world, can change and can stop. There are solutions available for everyone. But we cannot see them if we are wrapped in our own emotions. Instead of blaming, who is going to take responsibility? Who? Are you going to take responsibility? YES, YOU! Right there you know the answer to why things not changing or whether they WILL change!

Through people taking responsibility for life, we have a solution to any problem. No longer will we just watch from the sidelines while people suffer. Suffering in their blame, in their anger, in their ignorance, in their suppression. We are our own worst enemy. It is through the Self, reforging self, remaking, recreating, reforming, reshaping Self that we will bring forth the solution we need.

Through discipline, hard-work, commitment, any problem can be solved. Solutions are just waiting to be uncovered. But the ability to BE disciplined, hard-working and committed to solve a problem no matter how long it takes, no matter the great effort is required, no matter how much consistent focus is needed and insistence that you must find solutions... THAT is the point! Everything within you that is holding you back, the anger, the emotions, the thoughts, that all sabotage that beautiful living expression which benefits ALL life, everyone! That is where the real work needs to be done, where your attention be placed!

This Life is just so ready to be Lived. This entire existence is right here. Its in your hands.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Day 21 Proactive Mental Health and Superior Self

Much of the Mental Health system is about the Reactive side of things. So like you won't be going to a mental health counselor to get the pointers to maintaining a good mental health. Some synonyms here in this context for good mental health could be: greater self-understanding, more directive in your life, a more stronger self, more perseverance, more courageous, not letting emotions/feelings take over your life, not falling into addictions, being more physical, enjoying the simple joys of life more, enjoying your body more, being more here and attentive to your life, have a deeper more intimate relationship with yourself.

So in general, how we define mental health counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists is that we go to them when we are really sick or really messed up in the head. We don't go to them for advice for proactive ideas for improving ourselves, but for reactive solutions to problems that took years upon years to create, or problems that arose from a traumatic event.

So this blog is about, you guessed it, the PROACTIVE Mental Health, which is basically what Desteni has all been about, and what I have written on for a long time. But not just writing about it, actually doing it. Actually describing what I have been looking at within myself, what changes I have been making, describing my experience of myself etc... going into the details.

Now, to be fair, their are some general proactive advice that exists in society, like eat well, exercise regularly for example. But that's not enough. Because it just isn't it. It definitely helps though.

Now here the wording is important. I chose to mix around good mental health with things like being self-aware of what is going on within you, being here with your body, because well I don't know. Because they aren't the same. Good mental health would mean that as long as you feel good and nothing is seriously feeling bad or like off or different, you are good. But being here with you body is more than just that. It is like a great deep satisfaction and connection with your body. Its a much deeper and expansive awareness than just being in your mind, where you can have good mental health. So there's a difference, and its difficult to explain that difference and transmit that awareness through words, because you can't! you need to live it and see it for yourself.

I could go on and on, but to cut to the chase here, proactive mental health needs to be continuously growing, meaning not just shooting for good or okay, but continuously getting stronger. Maybe we should just get rid of the word mental health. And like use Self-awareness, because lack of self-awareness does lead to mental dysfunction, but the goal isn't to just avoid mental dysfunctional, the goal is self-awareness, and to take self-responsibility. Something that can be deepened continuously and strengthened.

How about Superior Self! or the best version of self possible! That should be the aim, the goal to shoot for.

So the reason why I'm looking at this, is because research in psychology in science, tends to be limited by what we think is possible or what our goals are. So if the goals is to help really sick people, then we are too much focused on that, and we missed out on questions like how to help myself to become the best version possible. Because such goals actually prevent the major sickness in the first place! no? Because its about the proactive, the positive, the discipline, the constructive, the promotive, the better, the more of life.

This then requires focusing on the smallest of moments and smallest of problems, because to be better means to resolve even the smallest of moments/problems because that makes you better!So instead of focusing on the big problems of others, focus on your/our everyday small ones. How to stop anger in the moment? How to resolve an emotion/feeling? How to really release something within you? How to really change for 'good'?

So focusing on real everyday life moments of people and what goes on within us.

I mean its commonsense that if you focus on what happens in the moments, and making those changes, those betterment in the moment, then over time, eventually, those moments accumulate into some very noticeable and great! Thus preventing problems in mental health! Psychology though hasn't really done that as a discipline as a focus. Though it works! Cause that what I have been doing and Desteni has been doing! And it takes a long time, years to get some pretty amazing results that are noticeable, but it takes time and dedication, consistency. Which works the exact same way for mental health problems, it all occurs through the moment, through a long period of time. So focusing on the moment is the key.

The tool Destonians use is Self-forgiveness in the moment. Self-forgiveness is done with emotions, where it stops it. It is done with feelings which stop it. It is done with thoughts which stops it. It stops it through understanding and through taking self-responsibility. It stops it because self-forgiveness is saying that I am creating this and I am accepting and allowing it.

See for yourself! 

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Day 20 From Self-forgiveness to Living Words

So I have an observation to share today. I did work on an emotional reaction today that came up due to unique, unpredicted moment. I felt panic and it was in relation to scarcity of something I needed. Context is like you need something to do your work but they don't have enough for everybody and by chance you don't get it. And there is nothing you can "do" really to protest it. So you have to make due with the hand you were dealt. Its a really unique emotional signature and I remember it existing way back when I was in another situation that had to do with scarcity of something I needed and them not having enough. Back then it had to do with school lockers and I got stuck with one that was so far away from my classes that I had to run/rush to get to it, and I for a while couldn't find a single locker, and that was the very last one left in the school. This feeling has a very unique signature.

Anyway, so I did self-forgiveness, but it wasn't enough really. I also couldn't really see anything more than just what I wrote here. I started feeling sick from my emotion, and so what I decided to do was just end it completely because it was going to affect my health. So I called upon my strength to just remove it completely. That point of stand, strength, power within me doing what's best for me/all. I notice pretty much immediately how I was free to express myself, because it was gone, out of the equation.

What I see to be the case is that my strength was developed over the many years I applied self-forgiveness in all sorts of circumstances and challenges, as well as breathing. I had a insistence and persistence when it came to what came up in my mind. This translated into my being able to stand in this way, with this power. So you can say that through self-forgiveness I was getting access to living words. Through how I used self-forgiveness and who I was within it. Not only that, its like this strength and power leaves the space for my to play around and explore the garden so to speak. Because I know I have my stability set/secure I can freely play around now knowing I have the security and foundation.

This is why doing self-forgiveness is so important. Because over a long period of time you create something within you that is you, that you can call upon. And that's another thing. I have to call upon it. It is not something magical that possesses me. I need to move still. I will always need to move still. There will never be a time where I won't be moving myself, if I am to live real and here.

Having something possess you is how our relationship to the mind is now. So what we are doing now, as something new, as an evolution is to move ourselves always. And that will always be the case. No more just sitting back in the back seat and doing nothing. Time to Move!