Yogan's Journey to Life

When I had my First Friend, I was around 7 years old. I remember that being the first time that its like I decided, or knew that this person here is my Friend. This was the first time, and it was very clear and strong that I felt this way and became this way. So this programming was here and established. And it was very specific, because I went over his house for one day and that is where I decided that point. And so after that day I never saw him again. Because my mom told me that he had moved away to the UK. It was sudden. The news was sudden. And I never said goodbye or saw him again. I was shocked and surprised. Devastated really. And it became a point of where I was right at the point of where I could express myself with a Friend, and have all of those expressions and points come through and it was all just immediately shut down and taken away from me. It was like losing my Friend and being powerless about it. I didn't have any say about it. I couldn't stop it. It...

The story of seeing a girl at an age 10 and seeing all of her potential and then seeing her 3 years later and seeing all of that potential Squashed. This is one out of many stories of humanity. The basic truth of all people, is that we’re all quite troubled, and that we at an early age in childhood had that potential and beauty. If you see all of the adults who are supposedly wretched, see how they used to be before, before they were like that, and even before then. Keep going back and you will see we all had that potential on our faces. That potential is there still, even though its deep down. It breaks my heart when I see that potential squashed. I haven’t learned how to deal with that. But that potential in humanity is the most beautiful thing there is. This is what I live for. I live for the potential of humanity and for myself. I don’t live for what is only here as in the status quo. I don’t live for continuing just the same thing everyday. I live for t...

Imagine, hearing the sound of people that you loved and cared about and were completely committed to, making sounds of wanting you out, cheering for you to be gone, being completely against you and knowing that the reason is because someone is manipulating them and telling them lies. Imagine, the first person you ever kissed, who you were completely committed to, and wanted to be with and spend time with, telling you that they don't want to spend time with you anymore and that you are a burden to them. Imagine that you blamed yourself. There is absolute suffering, hell, devastation within you. You heart is shattered. Your in constant suffering within yourself. You feel remorse and grief. You feel pain and anguish. You want to cry from the pain you feel.   You are traumatized. You are stuck and frozen in time. Do you have any preparation for this? Is there anyone that can actually assist you properly? Because getting angry, wanting revenge and blaming.... are not an...

Presents, Christmas Eve. I feel sad, depressed, tired. Imagination of people getting angry with me. I feel a pain, emotional pain. And I feel a movement of crying within me. It seems silly to me that we give presents. Because within me, I have felt sad when I don’t receive a present and someone else did. I feel like that said something about my value/worth as a human being or person. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value and worth to myself dependent upon what presents I did receive, or did not receive because others had received a present. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself highly when I receive a present, which I believe/perceive is of high value, that someone else didn’t receive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself lowly when I don’t receive a present, which I believe/perceive to be of high value, because someone else received it. I forgive myself for acc...

Who I am I lived a very specific life, like I am sure everyone has lived a very specific life. When I look at my life, my mind automatically compares my life experience to those of others. When I self-honestly check this however, I know, always that everyone is the same, and our life experience is in essence the same. Now, I cannot really know the life another has lived, that is for him/her to know. To share my life experience is a step I must take. I am an innocent being. I have wholeheartedly accepted all of the advice and knowledge that my primary caregiver has given me. She has always been there for me, both my word and action. I naturally trusted her and that trust was rewarded in certain specific ways. So as that trust was rewarded I trusted her more. So that with each new knowledge point I always was more willing to accept it. I did have fears, very specific fears. I did face them directly as a manifestation of myself. I always wanted to find people like me. I wanted to cre...

This is Self-forgiveness for yesterday's writing. For your convenience, the link is provided for yesterday's writing in case you want to follow the progression of the Self-forgiveness as it goes line by line, in order of the words, http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/12/walking-some-supportive-words-walking.html I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stuck for a long time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be living the principle of what is best for all for a long time. I forgive myself ofr accepting and allowing myself to not simply write and express myself through and as the principle of what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply be direct and plain. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate experiments and resist experiments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate risks and to resist risks. I forgive myself f...

So within myself, I always desired to fit in, however I was not willing to compromise myself. I wanted others to be more like me, OR that they accept me. Investigating this point of acceptance further, I saw that I wanted unconditional acceptance because I thought I was already good and in some sense perfect. However unconditionally accepting anything, could mean accepting bullshit. SO that's where I am grateful for self-honesty, which is like the ability to see bullshit. Anyway, so wanting people to accept me, WITHOUT me knowing who I am, allows for the possibility for accepting abuse, which is unacceptable. So the responsible thing would be to investigate who I am. So rereading what I wrote, I would say that by compromise I mean not having to change myself. And also I see that this whole point is ego, because there is not a single description of something of value, because its all about others accepting me, for what?????? Exactly, so looking inside there is only Energy as a rea...

          One of the hard things for me to admit is that I am a product of my parents, both environmental factors and biological factors such as genetics. My mom told me a story that I was an old soul, so I would like to believe I am who I am because of being an old soul. But I know that's not the case because everything that I learned or accepted who I am to be was based on the choices that my parents or teachers gave me. For example, my mom never paid me money to get straight A's. She instead told me to learn for myself, or get good grades for myself. So I followed this program, I listened to my mother. I never considered learning as a way to support myself practically in this world or learning as a way to support others practically in this world. It was something I did for me, to define me, that I am someone who learns in the classroom and in the tests. I just did it, lol, strange, huh? If I didn't do it, then I wouldn't...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotions and feelings that are generated within hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this body through participating within and as energy while I am within and as hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as hate. When and as I see myself participating within and as hate, I stop and I breathe- I realize hate does not help us build anything- I realize hate is simply an outburst of ego trying to get on top of the pile of shit - I realize nothing worthwhile is created from hate - I commit myself to stop hate within and without. I am perceiving some people as hating, and I judge that they should not be hating. I felt conflict. I don't know what to think. They should not be hating. How can I help them see that. Within that I feel stressed. Within helping them I generate energy as positivity, but I ...

--> So here, I will be taking on a "new" point. The last two blog posts will be continue to be developed as part of a DIP assignment and will eventually be posted again, but with more deeper insight into the situation (me).  Ok- so the suicide character.  I give up, I don't want to live anymore; Life is too hard; why me? God oh why!? Feeling apathetic, emptiness, low energy. A craving for excitement, feelings, something to fill the gap the emptiness that oneself has created through acceptance and allowance of fear.  I made fear into a big deal, a big thing. When its just fear. Its no more than another reaction. The fact that for thousands of years man has been controlled and manipulated by fear is quite startling when considering that it originates within SELF. We are the ones that feel fear. There is no one that is inserting fear within you. It is all in the mind.  I feared changing and becoming responsible for all/this existence. Behav...

So knowledge and information can never be a guiding principle for reality because knowledge and information is not a principle. Knowledge and Information can prove or justify any behavior/action: I hit him because the sky is blue or his skin is yellow or my shoes are untied. This is a logical statement, however anyone with a shred of dignity knows this is wrong on so many levels. Therefore what we should do, what we ought to do, can never be explained by Science or knowledge and information. And that is why what is best for all is always the only option to choose. Because it is itself what is best for all. If this resonates with you, visit the articles at the Desteni website: desteni.org, and read on what is best for all.

When I was in the first year of highschool, towards the end, my mom had visited an astrologer to see about what would be best for me. She went on some day magical, like 5/5/05 which both her and I took as a sign of the value of the following, that I should change schools to a Jesuit College Preparatory school. When I heard the news, I thought it was like divine plan. I felt sad inside because there was this girl I liked and known for a couple years that went to the school I was in. I had however in my desperato fashion, saw leaving as good and necessary and I made a positive or unemotional façade about leaving. Her and I had not been talking in a while, and all of a sudden in our English class she hugged me while we were standing. I did not hugged her back thinking to myself I can’t hug her or I would cry. I very much lived in a life of emotions. I never wanted to appear or look emotional so is my pattern of mind. I wanted to be courageous, not fearful, ever. I ...