Sunday, July 31, 2016

My standards for a partner

So I decided to write out what person I would accept and allow as my partner. I am sharing it here and I will break it down and explain the parts. However, to really understand each part, really and fully, would require you to actually walk it and live it. Knowing something only through knowledge and knowing something through living it are different.

"They would need to be, walking self-forgiveness in writing and speaking. They would need to take self-responsibility. They would need to be self-honest. They would need to be committed."

1. Self-forgiveness
Because that means they can change, through letting go and becoming the solution to the problem that is them, which is all done as a movement of themselves. 
2. Self-Responsibility
Because it means that they accept that they are responsible for everything they do and say, absolutely. 
3. Self-honest
Because it means that they can be honest with themselves about who they are now, what they know, what they have access to, when they are wrong or right, when something of them needs to change. 
4. Committed
Because it means they are committed to everyone, to themselves, to all life, until it is done that all are free, and stand as the point of oneness and equality. 

I am not interested in anything less than this, and there isn't anything more that you can look for in a person than this. 

Friday, July 29, 2016

Voting with Open-source Computer Programs

Every computer program has a source code. The source code is the instructions and building blocks of the computer program. A computer program (including its source code) that is open-source means that anyone can freely use it, so everyone is like the owner of it.

The advantages of open-source include that no one can keep the source code secret, hidden or sell the code. This can be particularly useful to prevent manipulation or lying, since the source code is openly exposed. For example, when people vote using computers, the votes can be manipulated. One way to check for manipulation is to look at the source code. If the source code is private then you can be denied permission to see the source code. However if the source code is open source, then any person at any time anywhere is able to check the source code to look for any manipulation of the votes. Not only that, but people can actually contribute to make the code cleaner, organized, faster and simpler. For example, if you have a messy and disorganized computer code, it is very easy for someone to hide their manipulation of votes. But if it the code is simple, clean, and organized it is easy to detect a manipulation. It is also important that the source code is available all the time, because a person can sneak in a manipulation code when no one is looking. Thus for elections it would be best for people to check the computer source code, before, during, and after the voting process.

Because of the possibility of manipulating votes through private hidden computer programs it is a priority that for voting we use open source computer programs. See the video below:

This video was found online. I uploaded this video to prevent a broken link. I found it by googling: "computer programs that rig elections"

Thursday, July 28, 2016

How Desires *really* work

How Desires really work

Desires are things you want, for example a desire for a romantic relationship with a partner; Link:The Desire for a Life-Long Partner Test. It seems that when you a desire you would surely get what you want, right? Let's self-reflect on this question shall we? Have I fulfilled my desires and how long have I had to do so?

In my life, I have had the desire for having a partner, and I am 26 years old, and so I have had 26 years to fulfill this desire. What I have seen when it came to my mind and my desire, is that who I am and how I am, is not actually built in such a way so that I would attain this desire. For example, being afraid of not having a partner, which itself prevents me from being comfortable and confident which would in theory attract a partner. Yet my fear of not having a partner is a manipulation of myself to push myself to go after a partner. And so what ends up happening is that I end up thinking about a partner, and imagining what it would be like, and desiring what I imagine, yet when it came to actually being what I believe would attract a partner, I would fail. Why is this? I mean this is really interesting how my design of myself around desiring a partner, is not constructive for actually attaining a partner, and furthermore keeping a partner. In fact, it is actually perfect for keeping me from having a partner, yet continuing in the same position of always thinking, imagining and so desiring a partner. I conclude that desire keeps you in the desire, and it does not actually create what you desire, as if that is foreign to its purpose or ability.

The perfect word to describe how desire works is self-sabotage. Desire is a self-sabotage and a self-deception, because you never actually get what you desire. A question is what are you actually getting out of the desire? I would get an experience out of thinking and imagining a partner. It was an entertaining for me, like a movie I was watching, and it made me feel good in those moments. So again, I am 26 years old and I have this desire for 26 years. I have completely given myself to this desire in so many ways. Is anything of this desire real, or of this experience? No. So it seems clear to me that the desire for a partner is a facade or smokescreen the real purpose or activity. Let's put this real purpose and activity into words shall we?

Thinking, Imagining, and feeling good, feeling high, loved, great, fantastic... This is the reality of what we do when we desire. Desire is just about thinking, imagining, and feeling good. Let that sink in.

So, imagine a person that is only interested in living life through thinking and feeling and imagination. So that this person, when he or she gets a partner, that they immediately go into thoughts, imagination and feeling. That when this person looks at their partner they will be thinking and imagining and so feeling. When this person looks at anything, a tree, their food, their own image in the mirror, the first thing they do is to think, imagine and feel. So basically this person's first response to everything is to think something about that, and imagine something and to feel something. So this person is unable to, and has no desire, to simply just look at things, and be here with the things and people that are here, and to not think something. For this person to Live Life to the Fullest means to experience great and wonderful feelings, that the highlight of their entire life will be those moments when they experienced the greatest thoughts and the greatest feelings. That is his or her purpose for living each day. So if given the choice to be able to always experience the most absolute best greatest wonderful thoughts and feelings for every second always into infinity, they would say YES. If all they did were to simply sit in a room and experience these thoughts and feelings forever, they would say YES. So what's the problem living this way?

The problem is that it is completely separate from everyone else and anyone else. There is no concern for others. There is no care for others. That even when it comes to having a partner, you only care about what you feel and think. You don't care about them. So your life is so completely separate from others. You couldn't be any more separate, or have any less concern for others.

The problem with being separate from others, is that the truth is other people exist. You are not alone. You are surrounded by so many people, and not only people but also other things and life forms. You are not alone. That is the truth. So its a problem when you are separate from everyone and everything, because then you won't intervene, you won't support, and you won't take responsibility for yourself, which has impact on everyone and everything else. What you do or don't do has impact, and you are responsible for your impact. Link: What is Responsibility?

So, if you pursue a life of desire, which means thinking, imagining and feeling great while doing so, you are completely responsible for what you did or didn't do, which has a physical impact because you live in a physical body. So by merely being alive you are having an impact and so have a responsibility. Everyday you eat food, drink water, and use a toilet. Each of things has impact on the lives of others. How food is grown has impact on the lives of others. How water is treated and used, has an impact on the lives of others. No one alive can escape responsibility. So are you alive? Are you honest?

We live on a planet where not everyone is able to eat food each day, or drink safe water each day. You will always be responsible for what happens. What you do though is in your power to decide. It is your responsibility whether this world becomes what is best for everyone or it stays exactly how it is, good for a few people. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Will you forgive yourself?

This is a mental to test how far would you actually go when it comes to forgiving yourself.
Think about all of the most horrible things possible for a person to do. These actions would be the most evil possible. Bring all of these evil actions, behaviours, habits to your attention.

Imagine that you are the most evil person, and have done the most evil things. Imagine you have done these things many times over a long period of time. Imagine you are the most evil person that ever existed. Now would you forgive yourself for all the things you have done, and so change who you are, and so what you do so that it is better, and so best for everyone? In short, would you forgive yourself, which implies actually changing?

Your answer to this question says something about your relationship with yourself. If you say yes you would forgive yourself even when you are the most evil person ever, it means that you are willing to forgive yourself and become better, so to change. If you say no that you won't forgive yourself, then that means you won't change and you will keep holding onto who you are.

It is important to be able to forgive yourself, because there will be moments in life where you will be faced with your own evil, and you are at the point of change which is a choice. The question is are you willing to forgive yourself, to let go of your old self, and become better, more - to change. If you are willing to forgive yourself no matter what, then you are on the path of change.If you are not willing to forgive yourself, take a look and see how it is the path of evil. Evil stays the same, and won't become better or more.

Watch out then for any resistance to not look at yourself, to not self-reflect, to not self-investigate, to not check who you are, to not forgive, and to not let go. Bring all of yourself to the light, and face who you are in totality with the tool of self-forgiveness where you embrace who you are now, so that you can better and change who you are.

Sound is Stronger than Thought

Sound is more powerful than thought. Because, when I have a thought like: "I can't do this" and then I speak aloud "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can't do this"; which I say in a certain way, then what I am doing is creating a sound that permeates my body, which I can sense, and because of this I know that I have the upper-hand on the thought. So therefore I say Sound is more powerful than thought.

Here is another point of proof that Sound is more powerful than thought. When you speak your thoughts like "I am stupid" or "I can't do this, this is impossible," then thought has become more powerful now, because you spoke the thought. This I can sense within myself. Once I get to the point that I speak my thoughts, that thought is more powerful than it was before when it was just a thought in my head. This is why I realize that it is important that I speak aloud either Self-forgiveness, or another command/direction such as the word stop. Because I am speaking on the same level that the thought is on, which is at a sound level.

When I am successful in using sound/speaking in the correct way to stop a thought's location within me, I observe that there is an absence of the thought's presence within me. I can sense this absence, as well as sense my own presence as sound, which occupies the location that the thought is absent from. By me occupying this position within myself as sound, I have the advantage or upper-hand over anything that would try to occupy this space.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

You are a Person

When I am working through my thoughts and desires, something that helps me is to remind myself that I am a person. That I am not a thought or a desire, instead I am a person, that I can move or do things, create things. Saying this helps and empowers me.

I am not a thought because I am a person. I am not a desire because I am a person. I can move, do, and create. And so I can decide who I am and be that. I can self-forgive and stop thoughts. I don't have to accept and allow any thought or desire. I can create. I am a person.

A thought can only be a thought. A desire can only be itself. So I know I am not a thought or desire, because I am a person, I Am the one that creates, moves, does and can be many things. While a thought can only be itself, a thought. So I am not a thought, I am a person. To say I am a thought is a lie. A thought is something I have accepted and allowed within me. But I can create, move and do things. This is who I am, I am a person.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Best For Everyone

Politics describes any situation where a group of people come together to make a decision. The group of people can be any size: a household, a neighborhood, a town, a state, a country, a continent, or a planet. It can be any decision.

Politics should be aligned with doing what is best for everyone. This is because doing what is best for everyone is the best way for everyone to live.  This is because if everyone does what is best for everyone, everyone receives the best possible things, actions, gifts, support, and so opportunity to live the best possible life. And if everyone receives what is best for everyone, then that means you also receive what is best as well. 

Through politics we can create jobs that serve what is best for everyone and change existing jobs so that they serve what is best for everyone. For example, where integrity is the highest principle in a job where honesty, respect, regard, honor and consideration come first above all, so that all may receive what is the best outcome possible. Imagine a world where through politics we can make sure that greed, lying, and manipulation are not rewarded, but are considered as a mental problem that needs support to change. Imagine that through politics wars end, and we support people across the world within our capacities. Imagine that through politics that we cooperate and come together to pool our resources, talents, and abilities and share our technology, experience, and knowledge.

Imagine what it would be like if politics creates education that is best for everyone, jobs that are best for everyone, teachers that are best for everyone, an economy that is best for everyone, a mental health system that is best for everyone, doctors that are best for everyone, cities that are best for everyone, houses that are best for everyone, supermarkets that are best for everyone, farms that are best for everyone, parks that are best for everyone etc... This would mean that shortcuts wouldn't be taken, that negative consequences that affect people would be prevented, that inferior results wouldn't be accepted and allowed, that behavior and performance that is less than one's abilities wouldn't accepted and allowed, that stifling and suppression of expression and individual self wouldn't be accepted and allowed, that self-imposed limitations wouldn't be accepted and allowed, that we would push for the absolute best potential results and creation from all of us. 

I decide that the purpose of politics is to make the absolute best life possible for each person, animal, plant, or any other life form, including the earth, environment and the physical world. The truth is that we need each other so that we can coordinate and manage our time and resources to solve our problems, for example: our mental problems, financial problems, health problems, war problems, and food problems. And we need every person who’s goal is to do what is best for everyone, which will require for them to do the work of asking questions, sharing their views, and listening, processing and testing new and old information. The best way to act is to dedicate time in our routine for politics, as well as giving special time for decisions that need to be made immediately. We can engage in politics right now through vlogs, blogging, in-person conversations or online chats, and participating within groups.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

What is Responsibility?

Let's consider the following scenario. A person lies to another person that there is a sale going on in a store. So if the person were to get emotionally angry, physically yell, and think to themselves how this person is an asshole for lying to him, would he not be responsible at all for himself just because his friend lied to him? Who is yelling, thinking and acting? He is. And what is responsibility? It refers to the one that is doing, deciding, moving, and creating.

Is there ever any situation where you are not responsible for what you do, say, or think? Is there any situation where any person is not responsible for what he or she does says or thinks? I claim that every single person is always responsible for what he or she says, does and thinks. For example, when someone lies to you, that person is responsible for what he said, for what he thought and what he did. And you are responsible for what you said, thought, and did with their lie. So in every moment, every person is responsible for his self.

Consider another example where someone takes what you said and makes a bad decision based off of that. You are responsible for what you said and he is responsible for what he did. So both you and him are responsible for your individual selves. The same applies in a group context. For example, in a group of ten people, each one is responsible for what he says, does and thinks, even when one person says something that someone else takes and then speaks the same to another person who also takes it who then makes a bad decision using that information. Each person is always responsible for what he says, does and thinks.

Now let's consider the opposite. Are people responsible for what they don't say, what they don't do, or don't think? If a person sees something but decides to do nothing, they made a decision to either not say anything or not do something. Therefore it is clear to me that responsibility also refers to the one that decides. It is a decision to act, to do, to say, to think, as well it is a decision to not act, to not do, to not say, and not think. So for example, when a person is thinking a thought "I am stupid" whenever they make a mistake, and then they decide to stop thinking that thought, they are the one responsible for making the decision to not think that thought. So here is evidence that one is responsible for what one decides not to do.

 If one is responsible for what one does as well as what one does not do, I claim that one is responsible for everything that exist. The reason why is because one makes the decision to either change things or not to change things. Therefore each person alive right now has made a decision about whether they will take action to change or to not take action to change. You can call "not taking action to change" the same as accepting and allowing.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Todos Somos Dios

Spanish Translation for

Todos nosotros somos Dios. Este dice que hasta el dia cuando cada una persona cuida y apoya a cada una persona, que Dios no existe. Porque como puede ser a otra manera, si cada una es Dios? Tu no puedas excluir la bienestar de una persona. Nadie es mas or menos que ti. Entonces, es mandatario hacer todo posible para que todos estamos bien. Este es obvio. La otra opción es poner tu necesidades y deseos antes que los otros, y poner un selección de personas especiales y sus deseos y necesidades antes que los demás. Entonces no tiempo, esfuerzo, ni dinero es dan para crear un mundo donde todos los necesidades de todos son cumplidos para siempre. Porque la actualidad es que hay personas que están muriendo de hambre aunque hay cantidad de comida suficiente en el mundo. La actualidad es que, si cada una persona quisiera, cada una persona podía tener ropa, comida, una casa y una educación. Imagina ahora, si hay un Dios, que piensas que él Diria a ti si vivía la decisión de no hacer que es el mejor para todos nosotros? Yo predico que él te tirara insultos y estará decepcionado en ti, asumiendo que a el le importa de los demás.

Porque en serio, y este es una pregunta, tu estas encontrando valor en tu vida cada dia, en tu empleo, en tu familia, en tu educación, en tu relaciones? Estos están cumpliendo a ti? Si la repuesta es no, puedo sugerir el siguiente: ves si en tu vida, empleo, familia, educación, donde tu no estas considerando y viviendo que es el mejor para todos. Y ver como puedes hacer, decir, vivir que es el mejor para todos. El siguiente párrafo tal vez te ayuda entender que dice vivir para el mejor de todos.

Yo soy Todos. Esto está hablado como una decisión. Pues, yo decido definir quien yo soy, como una persona que es igual en valor a cada una, incluyendo su bienestar y sustento. Esto también significa que ni una persona (no yo, ni otra individual) es mas que todos. Por ejemplo, si haya una situación donde una persona dice lo que quiere debe tener primero que la bondad de todos, entonces este persona ha pierde temporalmente su estado de ser parte de los demás. Entonces, puedes ver que la palabra todos está usado aquí como una estado mayor que requise de uno su propio identificación y participación en la palabra. No está definido absoluto sin restricciones, porque si no tenemos restricciones, entonces lo que es mal para todos serian aceptado y permitido.

Some Tools for Becoming Better

Self-forgiveness, Self-responsibility and Self-Honesty are tools that provide structure that supports a person to better himself.  For example, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am dumb when I make a mistake. This example uses self-responsibility because the person takes responsibility for thinking the thought by saying that he was the one thinking this thought. It uses self-honesty because he was honest with himself that he was thinking this thought and that stopping this thought betters himself. It uses self-forgiveness because he says that he forgives himself for thinking this thought.

 Why and how do these tools work? The source of the power is self or the person himself. So it works because the person is self-honest when forgiving himself and self-honest when taking responsibility. So the person really is forgiving himself, and taking responsibility, which means that he will make the changes that betters himself.

When can one use these tools? In any moment one can use them, and if one wants to become his best potential self then in every moment one will take self-responsibility, be self-honest and live self-forgiveness. Whenever a moment is presented to better oneself in, self-forgiveness as a statement can help.

How can one use these tools? A person can use their mind to silently do self-forgiveness, or he can write it down, or speak it aloud. Self-responsibility and self-honesty are lived when doing self-forgiveness, as well as all three tools are lived when one lives the change of behavior or living. In any moment one can test oneself by asking whether he is self-honest, self-responsible, and self-forgiving.

Who uses these tools? Whomever decides to use them.  Currently a entire community of people that spans the world uses these tools. They are called Desteni. It started when a few people discovered the tools and tested them out. They shared the tools with others and so Desteni was born. Desteni is dedicated to becoming the best people possible that honor and regard all forms of life.

See some of my Recent Posts:
 Everyone is God
 Todos Somos Dios
The Desire for a Life-Long Partner Test

Friday, July 22, 2016

The Desire for a Life-Long Partner Test

The following is a self-reflective and mental exercise to test yourself with to see whether you have a desire for a life-long partner. Imagine yourself, or place yourself here; all of who you are, bring it here. Now, imagine the world and everyone in it. Now pretend or imagine that the people you desire for relationship: male, female (gay, straight etc…) do not exist. That only the people that you don’t desire for a relationship exist. Reflect on how you feel, how you would act and behave, who you would be, what you would do. See if there are any differences.  Any differences that exist between who you are now and who you would be is evidence or proof that you have changed who you are as a person just so you can have a relationship.
If you have a desire for a life-long partner, then you would have changed everything of yourself so that you can get what you want. So you can look at how you talk, how you walk, how you make your appearance, what you like or dislike, your opinions, what you know, what job or career you have, and how you behave and act. For example, take a person that is passive, gentle, sweet, kind, smart, knowledgeable, sensitive, funny, understanding, sympathetic, hardworking, driven, disciplined, diligent, has a well-paying career, that likes musicals, theater, opera, and cooking. Say that this person is this way so that they can attract a life-long partner, and that this person chose to be, become, or do each of these things because somewhere in their life they picked up on information that said being or doing this thing is the best way to attract a partner. Let’s say this person is an adult of 18 years of age. So they would have had 18 years of time to develop and become who they are now so that they can attract this partner.
If you reflect on your life, in every way and aspect of how you live and exist as, then you can see whether you have this desire for a life-long partner, and how much time, energy, and effort you have spent to change even the little things of who you are, just so you can get this thing you want.
Let’s bring this back to reality. So let’s assume again the above situation where a person changes all of themselves so that the can get a relationship. Is it really worth giving up your choice to express yourself and decide who you are with your hairstyle, with your appearance? Or how you talk, how you walk? Is it really worth giving up your choice or expression in what you like, dislike, enjoy? Is it really worth giving up your choice or expression in movies or TV shows you watch, in your hobbies? Who you are? This is like a complete giving up of your time and so your life in a way. It is requiring a complete dedication to be a certain person just so you can get a relationship. Is it really worth it? It can’t be worth it because nothing of you is real because the reason why you are like that is just to get a relationship. And on top of that, your desire for relationship isn’t fulfilled, even when you have it. Why? Because what you are lacking or needing is really your relationship with yourself = in a sense, to be a full person that is living their self for their self. In other words, You are You for You.

It is very interesting to note that the archaic definition for the word want is lack. So when you want something, it meant that you lacked something. To be wanting is to be lacking. So to live within desire is to live within a lack or deficiency.

Everyone is God

Link to Spanish Translation: Todos Somos Dios

Everyone is God. This means that until the day each and every single one of us takes care of and supports each and every single one of us, that God doesn’t exist. Because how can it be any other way, if everyone is God. You can’t exclude anyone’s well-being. No one is more than you or less than you. So therefore to do your utmost to make sure that everyone is well is mandatory. This is just commonsense. The other option or alternate route is to place your needs and wants before everyone else, or to place just a few special people in your life and their wants and needs first before everyone else. And so then no time or effort or money is spent to create a world where everyone’s needs are met. Because the reality of this world is that there are people dying because they do not have enough food to eat, even though there is enough food in the world. The reality is that if each person really wanted to, then each person could be clothed, fed, given a home, and given an education. Imagine now, if there was a God, what do you think he would say to you after you have lived your life where you made the decision to not do what is best for everyone? I would expect him to curse you out and be extremely disappointed in you, assuming he is a person that actually cares about everyone.

Because really, and this is a question, are you finding value in your everyday life, in your job, in your family, in your education, in your relationships? Do these fulfill you? If your answer is no, may I suggest the following: to consider whether within your life, job, family, education and relationships, to see how and where you are not considering and living what is best for everyone. And to see how you can do, speak or live what is best for everyone. The following paragraph may assist in understanding what it means to live for what is best for everyone:

I am Everyone. This is spoken as a decision. So, I decide to define who I am, or self, as being equal to everyone, which includes their well-being and livelihood. This also means that no one person (not me or any other individual) is more than everyone. So for example, if there was a situation where an individual claims that something that they want should come first before what is good for everyone, than that person has, in a way, temporarily invalidated their status of being part of everyone. So you see that the word everyone that is used here is of a higher status that requires one’s own self-identification as well as participation within the word. It is not defined absolutely without restrictions; were it not for these restrictions, then what is bad for everyone would be accepted and allowed.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Respecting Time

Respecting Time

I am resolving my relationship with time. I as my body and this physical reality exist within time. They are subject to the limits of time. I have not been respecting time.

Respecting Time
Everything done happens with time. My relationship with time determines what I do and how I do it. My pattern of having short time is to move quickly to produce a result. My pattern of having a long time is to take my time to produce a result. What is best for me to change into?

To use my time as best as possible. To use my time well. To produce the best result possible. To ask for more time when I need more time. To not use more time if I don't need more time. To respect time. To not use more or less than what time is needed. 

The What if Question

What if...

I have been using the what if question to gain greater insight into my mind. The other day someone pointed out to me that I have a problem with desiring relationship. I had a hard time seeing what they were saying as it felt like I was done with wanting to go after relationship. But I decided to make sure and really check within myself thoroughly and completely. That is how I came to use the What if question.

So first off, I wanted to test myself for any positivity within me. So I asked myself the question, what if there was no positivity at all. So asked this and I began to see that I have my sight or my vision. I have the sense of the blood flowing in my hands. I have hearing sound. And so on and so forth. There was plenty here for me to sense. Now for some, some may be asking why would you ask this question? Are you saying there is something wrong with positivity? Are you not suppressing what you are feeling?  So in response, I would ask the person to consider how I was not aware before of my body when I asked this question. So there is a question now, if I wasn't aware of my body, what was I aware of? Well this can include the positivity. And the reason why I asked myself the what if positivity didn't exist, is because I wanted to show myself the positivity that I was indeed experiencing if it was here, because I was even having trouble being aware of that.

So from asking the above question, I did begin to see that yes I was thinking about relationships, and desiring them, but more specifically, I was desiring to feel certain feelings and gaining access to certain experiences. The relationship was not the end goal, but the means of which I gain my end goal, which were these positive experiences. So from here I decided to take things a step further. Because what I felt was still vague, not well defined, and out of reach. So I decided to ask myself another hypothetical question.

 I at this point could see that I wasn't so crazy about getting a relationship actually, because I saw the time and work needed and  so obstacles that would need to be overcome, and that for me detracted from having to actually create a relationship. So with commonsense, I asked myself well what if I removed all those obstacles, that I wasn't limited at all by space or time, what would I like to create or experience in a relationship. Thus I gained access to the exact fantasies and the exact positive feelings that were clear as day, because I could create them and simulate them in my mind in absolute detail. It was at this point was I really certain and sold that yes I indeed desire to have a relationship because here it is right in front of me, I am showing it to me using my own mind as the tool to do so.

So what is great is now I can understand in detail my desire. Because was is interesting is that when I change the fantasy in my mind, that my feelings respond accordingly. So if my feelings become more intense when I change something or add something to my fantasy, it indicates a desire for that. So it is direct and immediate feedback. And the truth is that I can readily and easily simulate my most desired fantasy because it is already a part of me, and so all I have to do is to will it and decide to see it and experience the feelings associated to it. Then it is here.

I was also successful in using What If to investigate a fear I had. In this case I had felt a fear within me in relation to performing a certain job. So it was also unclear, and not well defined for me, about what I exactly was afraid of. So in order to make it clear it seemed commonsense to just make the fear more. So in my mind I simulated the worst scenario that I fear happening at this job, and I mean absolute worse that it wouldn't be any worse than that. So after making this happen in my mind, I did a self-forgiveness on the fear and I found that I no longer felt this fear for the job. But I did find I felt another emotion, which was nervousness. So because the technique has worked so far I decided to keep using it. So I made the nervousness worse and my worst case scenario was to hear all of these insults and judgments aimed me about how I spoke. So again, with my mind I simulated what they were as if they were actually happening and being spoken to me. After I did self-forgiveness to release the nervousness about hearing such statements, I became clear again. All in all, this technique worked really well for me.

I hope you all enjoy learning about this new technique for self-investigation. Leave comments or questions below! Thanks!

Saturday, July 9, 2016

No More

I am a feminine man. I like to sit in the garden and just be there and watch. I like to dance while walking. I like moving in slow motion, gracefully. I like being happy while doing things. I like wearing clothes I like, that are soft for my skin. I like playing with my long hair. I wish it was sociably acceptable to wear skirts because I like the breeze between the legs. I like being gentle. I like being playful and soft. I like being attentive and careful. I like watching out for and watching over something or someone, caring for them particularly children, animals or plants. I like making the environment for them where they can expand and grow best. I like placing myself in their shoes to see what they would like, or pretending to be like them. I am very much like a woman in many ways of how I am. I notice my dad is similar too. As well as my brother and my cousin. That there is a gentleness in all of us males in our family. I can't speak for them of course, but in comparison to others this is what I see. I have been asked if I was gay by different people. I know for sure I am not attracted to males, and I am attracted to females. Though I am like a woman. I like my male body, I feel comfortable with it. I wouldn't mind being a female, at least I think so. More so because I like the ability to accessorize with the hair, the clothes, makeup which is much more colorful and varied than what men have. I can't say I know what having boobs or vagina would feel like.

If my responsibility was to only watch over animals, pets everyday for the rest of my life I would be happy. The same with kids and plants. If I had to be graceful, smooth, gentle everyday to everyone, it would difficult to the ones that I don't like: which are the ones that are harsh, mean, judgmental, attackative, aggressive. Though never yelling, getting angry or becoming aggressive: I can do that for sure. It's being kind to someone unkind that is difficult. Though with the people I like and enjoy I would gladly be soft, gentle, caring towards them.

I don't see any problem myself to be a man and speak softly gently. To say hi in a soft sweet kind way. To be gentle, to be caring, to be soft, to be friendly.

I know that there are words or rhetoric that would call a man that is feminine as weak, as having no backbone. Yet if this is true then it is calling all women weak for being feminine, which is idiotic to say the least. There is a power in the feminine, just as their is power in the masculine.

Personally, the masculine way is too harsh for me. This may be a judgment. My first instinctual view of masculine is that it is rough, tough, harsh, mean, aggressive, violent. I would instinctively stay away from that. I wouldn't associate myself with boy groups. The male friends I did have were gentle and kind. Any male that acted aggressively I would immediately not like. I would always hangout with female groups if possible. I wouldn't talk much, and being in their presence was nicer as they were accepting and kind.

I have trouble standing up for myself especially towards aggressive people. I usually don't say anything and just stay away if I can.

I have believed that I needed to become more male and more aggressive within my approach to life because I saw who I was as a problem, because I am not able to associate well with people for being too feminine. I found that being aggressive is just being aggressive and just sucks both for other people and myself. And I am finding that the best thing is to just be myself, which is feminine, and to more or less wait for the right people to hangout with, because I accept myself and other people need to too. Otherwise people will only be faced with a self that isn't me. If they end up accepting that, it's still not accepting me, so it doesn't matter.

I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone that knows me intimately, that knows my life, my history, my experiences. The only person I have like that is me. The closest people I have besides me would be my mother and father. Most people that I have associated with or talked too, the point of sharing deeply never happened. Even though I wanted to. I didn't accept who I am. I couldn't share or open myself up fully because I didn't accept myself. I was ashamed of being feminine, kind, caring, gentle. To be a male and to have feminine qualities. So I was quiet, reserved, "shy."  Yet I would try and I did try showing who I am, being myself which couldn't help but come through. Though to talk about it was a taboo for me. In my head, I didn't accept who I am. And this partly because I felt or believed others wouldn't accept me. So that's why I embarked on a great crusade to fix me and change me---- to change from being feminine, kind, soft, quiet, reserved. I didn't see until now, that this wasn't the change I needed to make. I needed to accept me, to stop the self-attack rhetoric, the self fighting, self judgment.

So no more harshness. No more self-fighting. No more fighting.

I wish...

I wish a teacher had never yelled at me for something I didn't do. I wish I didn't find it okay to yell at someone even if they did something.

I wish it wasn't several teachers that had yelled and outbursted at a whole group of us students. I wish yelling didn't exist in this world.

I wish I hadn't yelled at my family.

I wish my family didn't fight and yell.

I wish my grandmother didn't use pins to prick my father's lips so that he would never lie to her. I wish she hadn't forced him to lie to other people protect her interests.

I wish my father wasn't torn inside himself about using hitting to discipline us kids, where he didn't think he was a bad father for not having hit us.

I wish my parents hadn't yelled at each other and fought.

I wish there was more than enough money, so we wouldn't fight about money.

I wish I wasn't afraid of having to make the choice of accepting pain, abuse and yelling so that I can make money to  eat.

 I wish no one would have to make this choice of accepting abuse, yelling, shouting, being attacked, because they need to take care of their basic needs.

I wish no one would be afraid of being themselves for fear of being yelled at or screamed at.

I wish no one was ridiculed or ostracized for being who they are.

I wished no one would stop being who they are out of fear of what will happen, of being hurt, yelled at.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

What does it mean to be a child or an adult?

So I was watching WallE on the tube and someone made the comment that I like to watch kid's movies. So I questioned the person what their definition of kids movie is. Because why is certain movies just for kids?

So the person shared that they saw kids movies as lacking violence and sexual content. So when I reflect on this seemingly small point, I actually see a greater pattern in society. Whether this is the case or not it is for you to decide. The pattern is that we define childhood and adulthood as being different, where you are an adult once you have sex or once you have committed some acts of violence. Meaning if you see a person who has never had sex and is not aggressive, then you perceive them as being child-like. And if you see someone who has had sex for the first time, you perceive them as an adult. Alternatively if you see someone who looks attractive or dressing sexually or provocatively, then they are no longer a child. Another example is if a child commits acts of violence like bullying, or fighting, then you don't perceive them as a child.

When I look at myself, I see that subconsciously this is true, that this is the perception I have as an automatic shift inside myself, that is like a subtle influence or change. I see this in how we treat and see people who are virgins, or who had sex at an earlier age. I see this in how we treat young bullies, or people who are not aggressive or don't defend themselves with violence.

So if this is true, that this is a definition of being an adult that an adult is someone who is violent and/or sexual then that is a sad definition, a sad way of living. Now, this pattern is not something we would be consciously aware of. But I can see it in how people are attractive to violent movies or sexual movies. I can see it in how we talk about children, and treat content that is suitable for kids. And sometimes we actually praise and glorify something violent or sexual. The question here is why is this the case?

What I am seeing is that being an adult has a positive connotation, and that being an adult means sex and violence, which also have a positive connotation. We give a positive meaning to this. So if we see a guy for example that is buff, strong, physically built that subconsciously we are attracted to their potential level of violence or strength. The same with a woman, but for her sexuality. I have seen many times where people define someone they know as being like an adult when they see them wear makeup for the first time or having developed their breasts, or for a guy for being muscular or having a beard. These definitions of adulthood are shallow, very surface level, and not at all do with the actual person.

The question here should be, who is this person? How are they are a person? How do they act? What decisions do they make and what reasons do they give? Because all of these things are the actual person. How they look or the impression you have is not real. And asking the question, do they stand for what is best for all is the best indicator for being an adult. Because it means you are at the highest potential for maturity, responsibility, respect, understanding in life possible. So no matter your age, that point is what defines a real adult.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

3 Lessons

Fear or Paranoia of Strangers:
this may be the cause/reason for the existence of introverts = fear of stranger. It started for me when adults tell me to fear strangers. I associated stranger =someone I don't know as someone to fear. So every time I would meet someone new, I WAS A STRANGER!!! So I feared them fearing me. So already I approached every new person in my life within an in-feariority, with needing to PROVE myself as someone who is not to be feared, who was a good person, who would not steal from them, harm them, kidnap them, which is what I was taught to FEAR that Strangers would Do to Me! This fear is the reason for my introversion. I am already in fear whenever I meet someone new, a stranger. And here is a fact: EVERY single FRIEND was ONCE a STRANGER!!!! So why are we teaching our children to fear people they don't know! STRANGER DANGER!!!! ANGER!!!! Why are the words so similar? Is this a coincidence or a purposeful design?

Fear's purpose is to cause separation and division. End fear. We don't need fear. We have commonsense.

Disappointment in Myself:
This happens when I am not who I want to be. Why? Because its a control mechanism of separation. It prevents me from actually becoming who I want to be! Disappointment is useless. Disappointment in others is attempting to control them! Its attempting to instill disappointment in them! It's attempting to sabotage them from becoming who they want to be, by installing who YOU want THEM to be. Are you really watching out for their best interest? Or are you just validating your own ego, what you want, your own self-definition through trying to control them? What's best for them would NEVER USE DISAPPOINTMENT. Disappointment is useless. Use commonsense. Don't sabotage life potential. Teaching someone to live in disappointment is taking away their life potential for them. Don't do that.

why does this exist? Self-judgement is negative emotional statements. All self-judgments are lies. Therefore all negative emotional statements are lies. Self-judgement stifles growth, stifles expression, stifles one's life potential. It suppresses and squashes a person. It dominates, it controls, it manipulates, it deceives, it lies. The biggest ego's in the world are the one's that completely accepted their self-judgments and the only way they can avoid their own judgments is by controlling others, through domination, lies, deception, manipulations, and judgment. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Don't listen to any judgment! What is here is real and is not emotional and is not negative. What is here is simply what is here. Judgments don't tell you who you are, they lie to you. They are the lie that you believe you must change IN ORDER TO stop the judgment. You don't need to change yourself! Instead just STOP the God Forsaken judgment!!!!!!!!!! Get real, get to who you REALLY are. Get back your life and stop living for pleasing the self-judgmental thoughts in your head!

Monday, July 4, 2016

What does it mean to have fun?

So recently someone pointed out how I don't have fun in my daily life. So for the past three weeks I have been testing out what is fun for me. Today, though, I have reflected on the point of when did I have the most amount of fun? When was I mostly happy? The answer is when I was a child, before I was like 6 years old. So why is this? What is the difference between then and now when it comes to fun and enjoying myself?

At that age I didn't have the self-judgments I have now. I can see right now how I can potentially act and speak, where I would be oozing fun within me and completely enjoying this moment. But I know that if I do that, people make comments and say things about me. At least that is what happened, and why I stopped.

For example, I could go running in a zigzag snake movement in the part, throwing my hands in the air, jumping, frolicking, skipping, swinging on trees, laughing, rolling on the grass, tumbling, looking at the sky and clouds being completely still, climbing over a fence, standing on the swing seat, making a sand structure, making a house out of sticks and leaves like a wood cabin.

I could do that, I have done that. Though to be an adult male who does that in a public park. That draws eyes and attention. People may think you are crazy, they may fear for their children's safety. They may call the cops.

That is what I face here, now, within me, within this world.

I don't see anyone else doing what I would be doing, adult or child. That is what I see immediately here at the park by my house. It's like we have become organized in our fun, structured in our fun. Where we have fun only if we play baseball. Or only basketball, or you can only use the swing in one way, you can only play in the playground, you can only play tennis in the tennis court. It's like everything has become structured and placed in its perfect picture frame like we are acting out a movie script on how a park is supposed to look. The parents all sit in benches exhausted, and tirelessly watching for danger.

So if I do what I want to do, I would be the only one or the first one.

"Why can't you be normal?"
"Why can't you be relaxed and calm?"
"Why can't you be like the other kids?"

These words are within me.

I don't know where to go from here. I can secretly have my fun, hidden away from the eyes of people. That would be for me, and I could easily do that behind closed doors. At the very least I have to do this, for me, for my sake, for my sanity. I don't know about the world out there. I know what I have experienced. I know there are people pushing for the same thing. But its not normal, or the norm. I don't know. But for now, with me, this is what I will do by myself.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Speaking me

I am seeing a problem that I have created for myself many times when I speak or write. This problem arises after I take actions to manipulate and change what I say so it doesn't fully match what I really say within myself. What is going on here? Why is this happening?

I have been through many moments throughout my life where people did not understand what I mean to say. Though a question to ask myself is whether I actually said what I mean to say? I have struggled with communication for a long time. Why am I having difficulty saying what I mean?

Within me there is like this wall of fear. Where it is as if my words start out genuine from within me, but it passes through this wall and it changes like a filter. The result is what I speak. It is like have some complex set of rules and conditions that I must follow when speaking or writing, and I can't break those rules. Why? What are these rules?

One rule is that when writing I must avoid repeating words, because it is annoying to the reader to keep reading repeated words.

Another rule is that you need to ease things for the reader, and introduce it for them to understand it.

Another rule is to always consider your audience when speaking or writing.

Another rule is to always be specific and mean what you say. It must be precise, mathematical, flawless, perfect.

Another rule is that you must entertain your reader and you must teach them something.

Another rule is to use a diverse set of vocabulary by using as many different words as possible.

Most of these rules I learned from my teachers who told us how to write a good essay. So this is how I wrote my essays, which I received the highest marks or grades for them. Though what I am seeing is that I had integrated these rules on a deep level of myself where I wasn't specific or fully aware of the extent that I was in fact living these rules universally throughout my daily life. Where it has become a pattern of speaking and writing in so many contexts, outside of the essay or assignment context.

It feels like I have lost touch with what it really means to speak myself, partially because I am always worried how another person is going to take it or understand it. Because I have defined who I am when I speak or write dependent on the evaluation or what results from me speaking or writing. And that result or evaluation I take on as my self-definition and as feedback to change myself accordingly. It feels natural to just listen to feedback from other people and change according to what they say, and it feels unnatural to decide who I am and then be and become that, where it is unimportant when there is feedback from others that say no. It feels unnatural to do certain things, which I don't do or haven't done.

But I see directly in my life how when I have spoken and it doesn't make sense, how that relates to how I changed what I said. And I have in those rare moments received feedback from others that I was very clear and understood in moments where I had in fact shared myself without restrictions.

Because if I am honest with me, when I change what I say, I am not so focused on whether it actually make sense, but rather whether it follows the rules that I believe are for good communication. And in moments where I actually revise what I say, I end up changing it many times over, because I know it doesn't make sense, or that something is off with it. Yet I have accepted and allowed this as this is what I have done and this is done for my "best communication possible."

So now I am challenging myself to be different and open the doors to a different way or speaking and communicating. One that reflects me exactly. A communication that is me. This feels unnatural. This is an effort. This is new.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Why Am I?

So in a few posts ago, I wrote about this vision that I have for a potential future. So why am I like this? Why do I have this vision?

When I look at everyone, and look at myself, I see that some people did have a similar vision, but they gave up on it. So in essence, I see that it is a choice I make. Because I am making the choice to want to have this future manifested where we are  responsible, understanding, supportive, and aware of everything here. I know this is a choice because I know what it looks like for someone to walk away from that choice. I am grateful that I make this choice to actually create this future, and I am grateful for each person that makes this choice with me.

I don't have to make this choice. No one is forcing me. I want to create this. I don't see this as a given, or as something everyone has to do or will do. I do see this as the best choice for each person to make. Because if you look at the vision I wrote, it really benefits each person.

So I am choosing to be who I am, this is why I am like this. Who I am right now is walking a process to create such a future by creating myself to be this person that I see is possible.

And I had this vision because I chose to see the absolute best life possible for me and everyone. 

Friday, July 1, 2016

Speaking Understanding, Compassion, Sympathy

There has been some interesting things I have been discovering the past 2 weeks. And I am ready to share it. So the words understanding, compassion and sympathy. There have been two notable people who I knew in my life who lived these words within their voice. Where when they spoke to me, its as if all my barriers came down. Because I felt and believed that they saw me, that they were willing to understand, to not judge, to hear me, that they saw me. You could also say they lived kindness and consideration in those moments of speaking.
Like when they asked “how are you?” Those simple words that we hear all the time, but when they said it, MAN, that was real, or I felt it like a punch in the gut. It oozed from their voice, their sound.
So recently too, I uncovered the same point for me. For me to live kindness, sympathy, compassion towards myself. Where I can speak to myself and say how are you? With the same tonality or sound. I repeat, with the certain sound or tonality of compassion, sympathy, caring and understanding. You can also call it being genuine when asking the question: how are you.
 I believe that I accessed this sound of these words, by simply being REAL in having sympathy for myself in understanding how tough things are for me in a certain area of my life. With that understanding and showing sympathy to myself the sound came out naturally. And I can feel something within me which shows me the point of sympathy.
When speaking this sound, it feels like all my barriers drop. All my struggle drops. I become limp. All my holding onto and sustaining drops. I understand that it’s just for this moment. It’s not like a permanent state or anything like that. The need to be someone or do something drops.   I feel like I am melting. I melt at my sound.
This is what I have discovered so far. We’ll see how it goes, and how this opens up.