Yogan's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotion and feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others to stay in emotions and feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon others to their illusions, delusions, and emotions/feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not try to help others walk out of their mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on helping others leave their lies, illusions, enslavement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any value above the individual freedom of each person, where I must help them to walk out of my mind, and where I have been valuing different things like my status, my reputation, my perception by others, my wealth, my anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think anything could matter more than helping someone walk out of their mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there co...

Shall we proceed to the next door? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling. ...

Patience Many people would call me a patient guy. Well, I am patient in some ways and in some moments and with some people. But in other moments, with other people, in other ways I am not patient. So this blog I am writing to assist and support me to be more patient with a certain someone, in a certain situation/context, and in a certain way. So for my situation/context I am facing, I see I can be more patient through yes understanding the person's situation they are in. Understanding does help. However its not enough in this case. For me, even with understanding their situation that they are in, I still am impatient. I still want things to be done faster and happen faster. I want things to move faster. In reality, they cannot. I definitely require patience. This is really out of my hands and out of my control. In addition to this, I am in the state/position of the unknown. I don't know what will happen or how things will turn out and I have no way of making it known or h...

Based on my preliminary calculations, the most of the money I spend goes to where I live, the house/apartment, food and then transportation. Where other minor expenses goes to things like cell-phone, parking, gas. Otherwise if I get a higher paying job, like twice the amount I make, and I live with the same expenses, everything else I make will be profit, will be unhindered by my living expenses. I make about 25,000 $ a year before taxes. And each month I have about 500$ That I have after my living expenses. In a year that is $6000. . So If I make 30,000 a year that will be 11,000 $ profit in a year. And if I make 50,000 that is 31,000$ in a year. If I rented my own apartment that live by myself that will cost at least 500 $ more a month. That will make living expenses to 25,000 $. Though if I have roommates and rent rooms that will be back down to what it was before. If I were to crash my car and wreak it that will set me back by 9000$ at least. If I get some sickness/disease that c...

I grew up in an environment where enlightenment was considered real. so I expected that through meditation, which meant like sitting in the room and not thinking, I would get enlightened. Where I would be happy all the time, and have all the right things to say in any moment. And nothing and no one can touch me, make me react in anyway, forever., permanently. Looking back now, I just didn't have the proper understanding of how the mind works. Though I tested the tools I had to the extreme. So I saw directly meditation is not enough. That was when I found the desteni tools. I found that self-forgiveness can stop thoughts, emotions/feelings in the moment, and you can move as your body without thought. So its not that I disowned enlightenment, or think it was stupid. I just found the actually way to get there. This is what changed in my understanding: 1. It will happen in one moment  VS You will physically, practically change yourself point by point 2. You just need to stop y...

What do you think of a life of a person who works to make the most money he can make with his skill and ability, but then lives a very modest and austere lifestyle, and uses the money to support change in the world? I would think such an individual would be a great individual. Because they are committing their time to the fullest, and they are using their dollars to the fullest, because they are careful with money, and they use what money they can to support change in the world so that it will impact everyone. What do you think will happen if everyone does this? Or even a few more people today and each day? What if we all really value our dollars and spend it wisely? One investment is to spend your money to support the needs of a person who is dedicated and committed to daily create content to change people's awareness and support them to change themselves. This is a good investment because it is a investment in the change of people, who in turn can support and contribute to the ...

So I was doing some self-investigation today and I realized something. I was looking at human connections, and how I haven't realized that connections between people is something that is out of my control, or at least not completely in my control. Because what I am seeing when I reflect on my past is that I have a grievance in relation to perhaps 100 people, or many many people that I have met and known, where I wish, want, and blame myself for not keeping the relationship here, for it ending or not going further than it had. Though now with having a more discerning eye and self-honesty, I can see how in fact that for all human relationships that the connection you have is temporary. So for example I can see how 2 people meet and have a connection, and that connection will last any amount of time, it can be a second, a day, a week, a month, a year, or more. That initial connection forming is out of the hands of the people. For example, someone can't decide just to have a con...

So what I am about to share may seem like an embarrassing story. So I will start it out just like that. When I entered college I had a belief that there are people that don't need to eat to live, and to become this way is fairly easy, if one is very spiritual. From this belief, I started eating less and less. I would push myself to what they call fast. I would let myself feel the hunger, and not act on it. So over time I forgot about this belief and doing this. Instead I was focused on studying and the stress. And I would skip meals, or wait to eat, because I didn't have enough time. And I found that I stopped feeling hungry, and I had to actually remind myself to eat regularly. So this has still affected me until today, where I have trouble feeling hungry. So based on what I did in college, I believe that I conditioned myself to suppress/ignore feeling hunger. Because I wouldn't respond to it. Similar to an anorexic person. So something I started doing now was eating m...

So I was presented with constructive criticism, and so I faced an old pattern where when someone provides critical feedback, I resist and react personally. So the correction is to listen to the feedback and try it out. It is a simple point, yet the correction is not often applied by many people. To support others, what I do is to see what I am feeling, to breathe, and firstly agree unconditionally to try out what the person is saying. So within that I am clear and objective and honest. If I feel emotional or resistance, that means my breathing wasn't effective, so also my decision to stop wasn't effective.

To care is scary..... it is scary because you have to give up freedom. To care means to be a servant. Imagine or remember caring for something/someone. You had to support them. That is not freedom, or free to choose or do what you want to do. That is being there for them, to support them, care for them. If you want to be free in every moment, then you can never care for someone, or have them ever trust you. Because to care for someone and to gain someone's trust means that you are committed to them. Being committed to them, means that you are not free to break that commitment. Freedom then is overrated because obviously, breaking commitments/promises, is not something desirable for you or for those around you. You want to be surrounded by people you can trust, that are dependable. You want to be a trustworthy person. For some reason, fear exists when it comes to losing freedom. Even if that is the freedom to abuse and to break promises/commitments. Freedom then is something...

I know! I know. I knowwwww!!!!!! I know, I know, I know. Stop telling me, I know!!!!!!! I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know!   Have you ever felt this way? I have. I felt stressed, annoyed irritated, shameful, confused, lost, worried, afraid and despair. Why does this happen? The best thing to do is to look at a memory to figure out this question. So I remember when I was learning to drive and my father was teaching me. He was telling me something I already knew, so I told him I know, I know! I felt annoyed irritated and angry. I didn't like him telling me something I already knew because I FELT that he thought I didn't know that, and I FELT stupid in his eyes, even though in reality that is not the case. So I let what I felt as a reaction get the better of me in that moment, where I trusted this insecurity and self-judgement that rose within me. I know that this is connected to time in the classroom where I judged ...

The Living Income is term used by the Equal Life Foundation. To give a very simple definition and use for the word, consider this: Living Income is money granted to you for the purpose of fulfilling you requirement of certain things needed to Live. So here, pretend that your basic needs are met. That means that your rent/mortgage is covered. Your bills for food, electricity, water, heating, transportation are covered. That you could basically sit all day at home and do nothing, and you could live given that you don't kill yourself, and remember to feed yourself (mom's with young adult sons can attest to the dangers of forgetting to eat -joke). Now the question here is what would you do? So for me, in short number of words, I would continue with pushing for human rights, dignity, respect and education. I would support other people in living their lives and reaching their utmost potential. That is what I do today. The difference is that I wouldn't have any concern or thou...

So I just listened to Why Your Weakest points are your Greatest Strength life review. I was searching on Eqafe for interviews on Decision. And the title of this interview caught my attention. What I heard shocked me. I am shocked by seeing how the mind has been secretly subverting and compromising me as a being. And all of this without me being directly aware of it. But now, thanks to this being in this interview, I see directly now how the mind has operated, what it did, and what it has kept from me. So now with this understanding there is nothing that can stop me from taking these parts of myself back. I highly recommend everyone to listen to this video because it will help you to become strong again, and improve your overall life. We often wonder why we were more confident, assertive, and sure of ourselves when we were younger. This interview helps you see why that was lost. I was obviously ready to hear this because I was searching for support in making ...

Understanding Attraction The above video is from the Self & Living Store, and happens to be one of their free interviews on youtube. I wanted to share about my application with the suggestion provided. So attraction is no stranger to me, I have had it for many women over the years, even as earlier as the 1st grade in Elementary School. Since then about every year or so there was always someone that I felt an attraction when thinking about her or seeing her. The fact that there were so many is interesting to see.  So when I had a look at the word (meaning the word that is what it is I am actually attracted/desiring), especially seeing how it is a word I am not living that I would like to live, what came up was Expression. There were many different reasons why this was the word. So to give some of those perspectives, that with these persons in my past, I believed I could be myself and express me. I would actually express myself such a completely different way with this per...

So today, I woke up tired. This meant that I continued in bed for a while. I was really looking at this point. I notice that my face was rather pale, meaning that there wasn't a lot of blood  circulation, thus why my face looked more white/pale. And I was just being aware of the whole tired experience. So I know I had things to do, I had to leave the house for some errands. I was going with someone else, and while I was waiting for them to get ready, I had time to reflect and investigate on what this is. So I considered the possibilities, the first is that there is something wrong with my body, that it needs something, or it has some problem that needs fixing, for that I have to see the doctor and measure blood, which is what I plan to do. But in knowing what I know, and seeing what I have seen, it is possible that this can have something to do with my mind and some pattern or system that is activated. So in that I did see something, and as I looked throughout my body, I did fee...

So an existential fear activated within me, as part of a larger playout in my day. This fear is about failure. However it is the ultimate failure. So its the fear of me, completely absolutely failing. To what degree? The absolute degree. So meaning, that I have no effect at all on this reality. No success, none. That I die, basically, without accomplishing anything, and making things better as part of what is best for all. So it could involve me imagining that I die, tomorrow, or in a few years, and the decisions I am making now, were the wrong decisions. Do you have a reference for this fear? So in looking at this, one self-honesty point was immediately apparent. And that is I have already have had an effect on this reality and within alignment ot what is best for all. So that was a misconception of the fear, or shall I say a distortion of reality or the truth. Now here comes the other part, which may not seem so pleasant. With the future, and with making decisions, yes it is pos...

Hi, so I will be, like the title says, reassessing and recreating my starting point for blogging. From now on, I will be blogging on substantial points. So no more surface level, or simply touching the surface of the mind. I will be going deep into points of my mind and the general mind. I will be describing in detail, the energies, my experiences, and thoughts I have. So let's begin! I have potential business client, and with this client, there exist a dimension of hope for the future, specifically that she becomes a long standing and permanent client. If such a future were to occur, this would secure a significant amount of income for me. On a practical level, I have already decided to do whatever physical work necessary, meaning as much physical support possible, within the limits of what I can give without upsetting the balance of time I have, to secure her as a client. Why? I am in the beginning stages of a business, and if I secure a good solid ground of clients, no matt...

Food! So this will be a series of blog on my relationship to food, and eating food. This will be a revision of my past relationship with food, as well as lessons I have learned from mistakes or life experience. It will also be about where I am right now, and where I am going in terms of eating food. So enjoy! So like with any story, we start in the beginning. So in the past, well... I have been alive for around 24 years, and remember only some of that time. One dominant memory I have about eating food is how I would interpret, believe, and think something about food, and by doing so I made it real and really believed it. For example, eating tomatoes were disgusting, I didn't want to eat it. So I had an idea about what it was and didn't allow myself to unconditionally bite, chew, and taste the tomatoe. Only later on when I ate tomatoes on a pizza, (which I had positive beliefs about!), did I enjoy tomatoes. Its funny what happens by simply removing your beliefs, and how...

Asking for help So asking for help is cool, however like with anything, we can take something which can be self-supportive, and actually use it in a way that it is not self-supportive. So for example, when asking for helping as a way to do better in something or expand oneself (so whatever that means in the context), in contrast to when asking for help and one does not actually expand or can be expressed as not doing one's best, but is retracting self and relying on others to do the supposed work that self would have done. So, each one knows already when one does this, so it is our responsibility to act. And if your really not sure whether you do this, then one thing that can be practiced is sitting with self and being honest with self about what happened, and who self was in a moment prior. That's what cool about self-honesty, you always have access to yourself, just be honest. After reading what I wrote, I realized something cool: you decide, to be self-supportive, and thus ...

The practicality of working with what is here, being here, creating while being here. The practicality of here. So one dimension to look at where Here can be utilized is stopping thoughts. Because when your thinking and involved and being one and equal to your thoughts, you are not one and equal to what is here. Now this is troubling because here includes everything, including thoughts. The problem with thinking is we become so involved with and as our thoughts, that that is all that we become, and in fact our thoughts is not all that is. Everything is here. So to get access to everything you must be here, simple, no? So with working with what is here, you are essentially working with the physical. The physical has always been here, but we haven't, so that is why we must stress working with the physical because we don't know how to work with the physical. We mostly learn as we grow up how to deal with humans, at least those of us that become what we dub Successful. Howeve...