Yogan's Journey to Life

When it came to comparing myself to others in where they are in their process. Meaning how "advanced" or "skilled" someone is... well first off that idea is wrong already. Each person develops their own skill in a particular area of themselves... so there are differences, and different skills. And secondly both time spent in process makes a difference. Obviously though those who have walked longer have more experience, because they spent more time at it. When it came to the point of jealousy of someone who is more skilled than I, this is what I did. I choose to see them as a teacher. I choose to make it a statement of celebration: "wow! that's great they have achieved this!!!! The world is better for it!!! They are better for it!!! And I am better for it!!! So it always a celebration when someone is super strong, super skilled, and advanced!"  So with this perspective its always STUPID to react or think its bad that someone is super advanced ...

So what does this mean? For me it means to see my patterns that I don't see as patterns. Here is an example for demonstrative purposes. One pattern is that I suppress a lot of what I feel. So why is it useful for me to see my pattern? Because, when I see that I just felt something, and then I am immediately feeling something else, then I might be acting within this pattern. And so my question to myself is, what was I feeling just before, and why was I feeling that ? So when I ask that question, I look for the answer, and I learn what I was feeling before, why I felt that, and that I was reacting to what I felt. So I forgive reacting to what I felt, because I don't want to be separate from parts of myself. From doing that, I understand who I am in this moment, and so I can direct myself.

In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the s...