Yogan's Journey to Life

I saw this vision/metaphor of an escalator at a local mall, where it represents a polarity of being stuck on this point of going up and then going down continuously forever. Where what it represents for me is people Joining me and me feeling good about that, and then people being against me, and me feeling fearful of that. And its very much related to being agreed with, and then being disagreed with. So to explain it better, its like in life when you are looking for that point that someone else agrees with you, or with what you are doing, and it gives you that good feeling or sense of someone has joined you and is on your side. Because of that nature of the mind, it works in polarity. So if you accept that above point within you of feeling good in such moments, then you automatically create the opposite, that you feel bad, fearful in this case. So its like then the moments through life where when people disagree with you, and are against what you are doing, your decisions, your...

Shall we proceed to the next door? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling. ...

When I had my First Friend, I was around 7 years old. I remember that being the first time that its like I decided, or knew that this person here is my Friend. This was the first time, and it was very clear and strong that I felt this way and became this way. So this programming was here and established. And it was very specific, because I went over his house for one day and that is where I decided that point. And so after that day I never saw him again. Because my mom told me that he had moved away to the UK. It was sudden. The news was sudden. And I never said goodbye or saw him again. I was shocked and surprised. Devastated really. And it became a point of where I was right at the point of where I could express myself with a Friend, and have all of those expressions and points come through and it was all just immediately shut down and taken away from me. It was like losing my Friend and being powerless about it. I didn't have any say about it. I couldn't stop it. It...

Separation Anxiety There is someone I am separate from right now and its causing this separation anxiety. A commonly used word to describe this thing. Now, I immediately see it relates to me being a child, getting lost, separate from my mom in particular, and that fear of never seeing my mom again, and somehow being lost forever, whether that's due to being kidnapped, murdered, or dying accidentally while I am lost. I have had that moment as a kid where I am wandering in the supermarket and I try to find my mom, and have that thought and anxiety of never seeing her again, and then my heart starts racing, I start believing it, and I get scared and I start to frantically check all the aisles. Another was a memory at a carnival amusement park. Same thing. So this is something physical. Its in my body. I can feel it sitting here in my body as me as my body. These memories and these reactions are here in my body as me. The emotions, the energies, the experiences are sitting here as m...

Patience Many people would call me a patient guy. Well, I am patient in some ways and in some moments and with some people. But in other moments, with other people, in other ways I am not patient. So this blog I am writing to assist and support me to be more patient with a certain someone, in a certain situation/context, and in a certain way. So for my situation/context I am facing, I see I can be more patient through yes understanding the person's situation they are in. Understanding does help. However its not enough in this case. For me, even with understanding their situation that they are in, I still am impatient. I still want things to be done faster and happen faster. I want things to move faster. In reality, they cannot. I definitely require patience. This is really out of my hands and out of my control. In addition to this, I am in the state/position of the unknown. I don't know what will happen or how things will turn out and I have no way of making it known or h...

The past year in the half I have been reeling in suffering. I have been giving up too easily. I get cranky. I don't clean up my messes and haven't been doing all my responsibilities. I have been doing less. And what I have been trying to do is to figure out why. I don't know. I have pushed myself to do more/better but it hasn't worked. I went through an experienced about a year and a half ago. I also went through experiences the last 3 years. I have met certain people, spent time with them. In short I faced evil. I faced moments with people where they were truly evil. They deceived me, lied to me. They did it with a smile. They took and still continue to take advantage of people everyday, even right now as I write this. And there is nothing I can do to make them stop. I am powerless. Bernard once said sometimes you have risk getting screwed over. And I believe that, and I still believe it. Because this life is too short, and valuable to waste not trying new things. ...

Imagine, hearing the sound of people that you loved and cared about and were completely committed to, making sounds of wanting you out, cheering for you to be gone, being completely against you and knowing that the reason is because someone is manipulating them and telling them lies. Imagine, the first person you ever kissed, who you were completely committed to, and wanted to be with and spend time with, telling you that they don't want to spend time with you anymore and that you are a burden to them. Imagine that you blamed yourself. There is absolute suffering, hell, devastation within you. You heart is shattered. Your in constant suffering within yourself. You feel remorse and grief. You feel pain and anguish. You want to cry from the pain you feel.   You are traumatized. You are stuck and frozen in time. Do you have any preparation for this? Is there anyone that can actually assist you properly? Because getting angry, wanting revenge and blaming.... are not an...

Hey everyone, so I have been opening up some really interesting points in the last 24 hours. There is much to share, but lets takes things one by one. So we'll see if we will get to everything today, and if not then tomorrow. So the topics we will be covering is fear and anger. In my recent blogs I have been covering points where I have been feeling activated, perhaps I should say react-ivated, where I realized I have been in the past years on certain levels of myself in a constant reaction to most and much of my daily life. I can see fear is a subtle and potent point, where once you start out in it, it is hard to stop it. So my investigations in the past 24 hours have covered these points, and now I am ready to share some of what I have found. I figure that we could start with something small, yet an important realization/observation about daily life. So we'll be looking at anger, and being right. Now, what is interesting that I am observing is this particular percepti...