Yogan's Journey to Life

 So in a way continuing from my last blog, except looking at it from a view of placing expectations on myself. So my parents places expectations on me as becoming a great spiritual teacher. The way they would treat me and talk with me, telling me directly about my great insights, and how in my astrology chart I was meant to uplift people spiritual and be a great teacher for humanity. My name Yogan was from a story book that was new agey about a guy sent to earth to do just that. So I accepted this narrative. Just like how we all accept and allow all that the mind has told us and said what we are, and also similarly what others tell us too, which the mind just repeats to us doesn't it.  Acceptance and allowance is what we all do aint it the truth? So preprogramming or not, as a child with the platform to speak and to observe, its very obvious the things people are going through. And since I was encourage to find the truth and to help others, that is what I did. Anyway could do ...

 So there's something that I have realized about when people go through trauma. The common response by people who go through trauma says that it changes them. And what I see is that one of the reasons why it changes them is because they are feeling certain things that they don't know how to stop. And this includes anger and blame. And the mere suggestion that people who go through traumatic events forgive their abuser, is already scoffed at, let alone the suggestion that they forgive themselves for the anger and hate/blame that they feel. I suppose it makes perfect sense in this humanity that we are today that we don't know how to go through an event like trauma, and be able to process it and revert back to how we were. Because if we did so then we would remain like children. We would be naive, we would be pure, and open hearted, and we would still believe crazy things like no one should be harm, and all life is precious, and all people are equal regardless of any differenc...

 So by taking responsibility for this world, for my actions, for other people, for all people actually, for everything... what I am saying is that my actions, and who I am can have an affect on everything, all people, every moment. It's true. I can be the way that would really affect/change any moment. Like speaking in such a way that it wakes people up, it shakes them, it brings attention. This world and how it works, and how we work, how I work= it works perfectly in the sense that we can become exactly what is needed. We have the power of creating.  Being a guardian of the universe means taking responsibility for everybody, all people. It is your job to help every person get closer to their self, and the truth. And that is how we can bring about change. But that means you can't get angry anymore, it means you can't complain, you can't get irritated, you can't lose your patience, and your personality, and your limits are also moot. It really means letting go of yo...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

Self-forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad and depressed over losing a friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hopeful that they will return one day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that they blamed me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for them leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tired I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of my reactions about them no matter the cost I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and expect all relationships with people will end in the same way as them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and depressed that I couldn't do or say anything to keep someone from leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inadequate and blame m...

A moment where my attention got zoomed in focus on something/someone. Here the mind is activating. It is clearly the mind. Thoughts started to stream: maybe they are doing some activity, maybe they are secretly angry at me. Maybe they are doing something intentional and its direct at me! I don't want to see this! I also can't help but look! It has caught my attention, i am looking at it. So I had obviously shifted into something. I had a thought/opinion about the situation about what to expect and about the scenarios that could be happening. I was emotional already. It felt real and it caught my attention. I notice this aspect of having my attention caught is a red flag for the mind. My attention was shifted. It became zoomed in and focus on this thing that was happening. I didn't want to look away, I wanted to pursue and look at it more, and at the same time I didn't want to look at it, but I couldn't move on. So all of this is obviously the mind, its cle...

Series Explosive Revenge and Worthlessness  I am a Bad person I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person for trying to help my friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am wrong to try to help someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think its wrong to help someone if they get mad at you after I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person if I tried to help my friend and they lashed out at me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person for reacting to my friend lashing out at me, and wanting to no longer be their friend or see them again I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my friend lashing out at me, and wanting to no longer be their friend or see them again. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am bad/wrong for trying to reconcile with my friend with how they lashed out ...

There are some people who I interacted with briefly and they went ahead and made some choices where in my mind I am thinking it was because of me, I caused this. I never really let it go. I blamed myself. I know that its not my fault. So its time to do some SF. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for other's selves. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be responsible for who someone is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be responsible for who someone is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be responsible for the self of another person. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself try to take ownership of another person's self, the who they are.... I cannot, its impossible... I can only take responsibility for my self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself blame myself for what another person does or decided to be. I forgive myself fo...

A moment where I had a chat scheduled and it didn't go according to plan and expectations.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Guarantee I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Scheduled I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Planned. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Expectations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Security as a Feeling I get from having things planned and scheduled. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live Security as having this plans and living in a planned life, instead of Security as always being Secure within myself WITHIN this moment, which may be unplanned, unstructured, unsettled, unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living Spontaneity and in the Unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rel...