Yogan's Journey to Life

Being Alone There is a system within me that 5 parts to it. Each part relates to this Trauma of being Alone growing up, being alone as who I am, being alone as my story, being alone as my past, the physical behaviors and ways I act out due to this Trauma of being alone. The 5 parts of the system are: 1.      Feeling/Thinking my life is meaningless and purposeless. This is very well captured by the end of the Bohemian Rhapsody song “Nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters, nothing really matters to meee…. Any way the wind blows….” These have been constant and consistent backchats in my recent days going back to several years. Where I would try to stop it and stand up from it, though never really ending it or changing it. But I did use this as a starting point to write out my purpose to become a data scientist and use that money to create my life and support the life of others. So I didn’t let it stop me, I worked with it however w...

Throughout our time on Earth, many people, humans feel purposeless and no meaning in their life. Just listless, just around, just existing. This feels both good and bad at the same time. Both enjoyable and dreading. Its a feeling and emotion, a unique combination, yet an energy all the same. What is interesting is that as long as we stay in the mind programs, our fate is certain. We will end up in some crusading force for religion, or an equally religiously held belief or idea about anything, or end up listless, floating, nothing, no meaning and purpose. Both extremes of a polarity, both visually very distinct and polar opposites, yet both equally the same "meaningless," fruitless, running in circles cycling in the same shit fate. You may find yourself at one point being a religious devotee to some belief, some idea, some cause, and the next moment, at the snap of a finger it all ends and you become a hollow shell of a person. Never realizing that its the same program and s...

Fear of Being Alone. We do a lot in the name of NOT being Alone. I have done a lot. How much? I went into years of depression because I had people in my life. I had the attention, the love, the admiration, the worship, celebration, care. I felt needed and wanted, I felt I belonged. I felt like this is who I am, I found myself, this where I am supposed to be and do. All of this that I felt and thought was a lie. Because these feelings are lies. These thoughts are lies. This positivity, this bliss, this pleasure is a lie. How can feeling good be a lie? I was part of some people's everyday life. I got to know them. They would smile at me, and I would make them happy. When I would make they happy, laugh and have fun, I felt amazing. I felt complete, I felt great, I felt wonderful and bliss. This is all I ever wanted to do forever. Just make them happy. I wanted to keep them in my life, and I wanted them to keep me in their lives. I wanted to own them and be owned. I wanted...