Yogan's Journey to Life

So yesterdays blog was the intro for these series of blog covering this mind personality. https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2020/03/day-813-dastardly-secret.html Today I'm going to start with the walking through the detail of the programming. So less fun description and more breaking down the exact programming. The overarching theme here is enjoyment that is bad. Like laughing at someone else's pain. Bullying others. Being happy when others lose. So the following memories are such moments: Stealing a bottle of bubbles from a fellow student in the 1st grade who won it for some achievement. I saw he was quite happy receiving it. I grabbed it and placed it in my bag. I could see he was sad/upset about it missing. The teacher tasked some students to search the desks/room for it. When they approached my desk, I said go ahead and search everything I have nothing to hide, and kind of did this motion of raising my arms and then crossing it over my chest. I felt a sense of ...

She said: step in the circle if you are nervous that you’re in a new place. I hesitated to step in. I knew it was not true, but I was also afraid of standing out and not being part of the group. But I decided to stand back, and smiled. I felt nervous in standing out of the circle. The camp leader said ok. I noticed some eyes did look at me, but I focused looking straight ahead. The upperclassman next to me whispered in my ear that “you’re an asshole” I felt shocked, it struck a cord with me. I felt afraid. I suppressed that response and carried on my day with excitement. I believe I need fear in order to fit in. I believe I need to respond to fear, in order to be accepted and be like everyone else. I fear standing without fear, and so standing separately and differently from the group of people. I am afraid of not being accepted because I don’t have fear. I am afraid of sticking out and standing out from the crowd. I am afraid of not being liked. I forgive myself for acce...

So, there was this moment where things were so good, and so great, and what I noticed was that I was avoiding it, like physically avoiding it. And I was like, wait a minute, I am avoiding this... and its something good, so why not just let myself live it, jump into it physically, you know? So I did that, but then something happened where I immediately shifted away from the good thing. I went into my head, and that's where I kind of stayed. And now I'm writing this blog. So, So I got some work to do to understand this and what's going on. I kind of messed up this one opportunity, but its expected since apparantly I really suck and really shy away when it comes to joining in something physically that is quite good with another person. Like everything is okay and safe. The context is okay and safe. The moment/environment is safe is good, is here for me if I just, you know, own it, own the moment and just live it. Agh, its hard. hahaha anyway this why im writing here to o...

Note: I don't have children or a wife/girlfriend, but these words as symbols exist within the mind consciousness system, and so I can do self-forgiveness now on them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for the happiness of my family, wife and children. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for the feeling energy of my family, wife and children. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that real self-expression of happiness and feeling energy of happiness, are completely different. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I cannot live the purpose of making others happy as feeling energy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, sad, purposeless, meaningless in my family, wife, children not liking me or not wanting me around. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, alone, isolated, sad, depressed, purposeless, meaningless, whe...

So I have been watching the videos from DODO that share videos on facebook, that I see while scrolling through facebook. Its all about animals. Its hard to put in words . There are people that care about animals, that GIVE UP their lives and self-definition and money to take on a NEW self-definition and Life that is about raising, caring for the animals, to the utmost degree. You can call this real Love. real Care. This is something I would do. And this is the BEST of Humanity, and the human spirit. https://www.facebook.com/yogan.barrientos/posts/10217804753097519?__xts__[0]=68.ARDxH-SH1CSRhDgwSC_7AU3P6b5Vr42GnyvReMxOLUmFPJdcK7AAvifRiTgJw_XEbqfXcIeKyADbKKC7oO7vvYa4tbaDPh8UTKzn2xtEjIEjIeqAyx8s6TvlWbvUafJeT0L_XUJmAWu6cN00eeiovQC0wgGhtWrZ90GytVyQLN9w-dGunPL48abcFqxnsBY7aTaXfFkuGM5HQyMvJUoStFYZdaVWHyMHIOdCnw8&__tn__=-R https://www.facebook.com/yogan.barrientos/posts/10217804171682984?__xts__[0]=68.ARCEY943k6BB42k5tK1X_y8ucFiis9sCOiuUfiC1k-9i67Px1wX9dhn7816DeRKp_xMUe-kQVOpc7rQrddG_...

My happiness... Most people will say when you ask them that what they want out of Life is to be Happy. That is their goal. That is their dreams and aspiration. To be happy, find happiness. In practical context this may mean something like finding a job they like to do, or having a family, finding the one love, making plenty of money. To this I say that the happiness that you seek where you are the center of attention, is not a happiness you will feel happy with for very long, it will be fleeting. It will slip through your fingers and you will have no control over it. It will leave you. Because you are not the center of attention of Life. All of existence is equally the center of attention, as a fundamental truth of existence. This is a law that can never be changed because the very existence of Life itself demands it. So to break this law means consequence and requires an illusion, the illusion being that you can place yourself in your mind as being the center of attention of Life...

I remember the Joy I felt in my first relationship. It was pure happiness. I was purely innocent. Naively happy. Believing they are the one, and I will marry  them and we will live happily ever after. The expression of being innocent and joy, these are hidden here in plain sight. This kind of joy there is something real to it. The separation is the fact that I only tied it to this one person and to this relationship. So that when they fall away and pursued other people, that my joy and innocence went with them, or so it seems. Really it is right here in me. Living this kind of joy and innocence with everyone is a real thing. It can become a living word that I choose to live on command. Except now I learned about what it would take to set up a relationship with someone for real now. Because initially I wanted to be with anyone I could. I just wanted to be in a relationship with SOMEONE. This is not right, and this is not real. It is a recipe for disaster. The kind of sadness...

This blog post will be about Manipulation and what I have uncovered/discovered through Me. So I found that there are two main types of Manipulation. There might be more, but right now this is what I have found.  I am defining Manipulation here as using an Expression and/or Emotion/Feeling to get someone Else to do something, believe in something, etc... Based on what I observed each person will be familiar in using in one Polarity type of manipulation. This is what I observed of myself, as well as the adults and children I have known. There is the Happiness/Sadness Manipulation, and the Anger/Nice Manipulation. These are the two types. You will most clearly see this form of manipulation in children, because of their lack of experience. Adults start to evolve these Manipulations into these more sophisticated types: Love/Depression Manipulation and the Confident/Gentle Manipulation. So these are evolutions of the Happiness/Sadness Manipulation and the Anger/Nice Manipul...

https://www.facebook.com/Destonians/photos/a.156500847756254.40073.108425792563760/1700888423317481/?type=3&theater When we embark on a new journey, we don't always know what is ahead of us. While our decision was crystal clear, our motivation strong - we can get distracted by the sceneries we pass, the seasons that change, the travelers we meet, the many cross roads we face. Voices from the past, telling us we are making a mistake, that we should give up and go back to what we've always known. We get caught up in the tests, trials, temptations and even good times along the path we walk. We may want to get off the road as soon as possible, or perhaps set up a tent and decide that where we've gotten is far enough. We may forget about our initial decision, as if it was in a past life, perhaps even a dream. In a way, we're all in our own Odyssey journey back home, to Life.   What moved you to start your process to birth yourself as Life from...

The very basic tenets from Desteni is that Emotions, feelings and thoughts? Problems. And its not because Desteni says so. I never listened to anybody just because they say so. Cause that's stupid. But when I heard the first time from Desteni how they describe how Energy works, and how emotions, feelings and thoughts work. Immediately knew it was true because I could see right away across my entire life how this has occurred. Every time I get excited about something or someone I get stupid, where I miss some things or ignore some things and I inevitably create my own downfall and create misery and suffering for myself. I mean, I could tell already in that moment that normal people wouldn't want to believe this to be true, or shall I say deny looking at how it is true and has happened across their entire lives. But its true. And most people will deny it. People will argue that love and light is good. People will defend the right to feel happy and pursue happiness, because it s...

Imagine, hearing the sound of people that you loved and cared about and were completely committed to, making sounds of wanting you out, cheering for you to be gone, being completely against you and knowing that the reason is because someone is manipulating them and telling them lies. Imagine, the first person you ever kissed, who you were completely committed to, and wanted to be with and spend time with, telling you that they don't want to spend time with you anymore and that you are a burden to them. Imagine that you blamed yourself. There is absolute suffering, hell, devastation within you. You heart is shattered. Your in constant suffering within yourself. You feel remorse and grief. You feel pain and anguish. You want to cry from the pain you feel.   You are traumatized. You are stuck and frozen in time. Do you have any preparation for this? Is there anyone that can actually assist you properly? Because getting angry, wanting revenge and blaming.... are not an...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight for what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use what is best for all as an excuse to generate emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings are always unacceptable. If a person is screaming at you or yelling at you, and you react, it is still your responsibility. If you use screaming and yelling to get someone to stop, that is unacceptable. You can't use emotions and feelings for what is best for all. It's not possible. You don't have to worry about whether what you are doing or saying is leading to emotions and feelings in others. All you have to focus on is whether you are having any emotions or feelings. If are you able to create the most beautiful and perfect relationship using feelings, it is still meaningless. If you are able to make this world a utopia and bring order by using using your emotions, it is worthless. Anything and Everything "created" thro...

So I have been reviewing my life and what I am realizing now, within my recent years the point of how I placed my desire of wanting to connect with people, to have social skills, first before what is best for all. So I did just that during the last 3 years after graduating college. I went after what I wanted. So this influenced my decisions where I tried to work within a sales position, to develop social skills. Then I worked at a school, also as part of my desire to connect with people. The result of placing my desire first before what is best for all meant that I choose things based on what I wanted, not what is best for all. I could have instead first placed what is best for all first, and then within that life path I could along the way get what I want. But then when I want would not come first or before what is best for all. So this is my lesson. Also really, in sales, I wasn't getting what I wanted, which was to really connect with people, intimacy, on a equal and one level...

https://eqafe.com/p/the-consciousness-of-the-turtle-part-1 So I had mentioned in the last blog I wrote, how I was applying a lesson that the above shown interview had. Now, this is within the meditation type realm. For those who meditate, this interview helps clarify something significant. So for me, I had still believed and  at some times thought that to be unaware or to be oblivious to the body was a good sign, meaning that you are so still and silent that the body feels like a blank slate with nothing moving. However, this couldn't be farther from the truth. As the interview points out, that this is actually you entering into a specific place in your mind, where you become unaware of your body, through a suppression of those experiences. The experience of being in the body, as I have been showing myself is a constant movement, where it feels like the legs are resonating, and moving, and circulating. And that is constant. And yes it does change, so even how it is resonating, ...

  Where we idealize happiness to be: at the end of a rainbow. And where can happiness only be found? Well in this moment, duh. So I was what you called, an introvert. And for most of my life, I am currently 24, I dreamed and imagined having many awesome friends, and have a great woman by my side. I would literally imagine being old, inviting all the friends in my life and there would be hundreds, and they would all come to see me, and I would host this great big party. Everyone would get along, and we would have a great time. Within that I felt, what I called feeling truly happy. This is what I wanted, to have many relationships with many people, and being loved and cared for, almost honored, perhaps revered. This has defined me in many ways, including what I thought/believed would make me really/truly happy. There had been moments in my life where I would be in situations where I made new friends, and we went out together and did things. Perhaps we ...

So I will be continuing with the Moral Philosophy theme that I started yesterday with a post on Kant's Categorical Imperative .  I mentioned Mill's Utilitarianism, which was another topic covered in my introduction to Ethics course in Reed College. Let me say that Mill's writing is much more clearer or easier to read than Kant's writings. I copied and pasted this from wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utilitarianism_%28book%29  ~~~~~ The essay is divided into five chapters, namely General Remarks; What Utilitarianism Is; Of the Ultimate Sanction of the Principle of Utility; Of What Sort of Proof the Principle of Utility is Susceptible; and On the Connection Between Justice and Utility. In the first two chapters, Mill aims to define precisely what utilitarianism claims in terms of the general moral principles that it uses to judge concrete actions, as well as in terms of the sort of evidence that is supposed to be given for such principles....