Yogan's Journey to Life

  The day a friend's dog bit me, I didn't know any better. Based on my experience this dog, this dog was calm, was not barking or being aggressive. If anything, it looked shy. And the way my friend told me that careful the dog my bite, it sounded like so chill and not a big deal. And it was in a context of me entering her car and not putting my hand to the back to pet the dog. So far I never experienced or heard of a dog biting in this way with that demeanor. One second so calm, and immediately just biting, without warning. The dogs I have seen would bark heavily, growl, or make some other indication that they will strike. If they weren't like that they would at least be energetic, or happy. Another demeanor is a shy dog that was how one of my dogs( that passed away) would be around strangers.  In a way it was a gap in my knowledge and experience as well as my friend being so chill about the dog potentially biting. The dog and the situation were exceptional. And it all came...

 What Life is is everyone/all. And so Life does come first before any individual. At the same time you are equally important as Life. So what it comes first before is typically the Ego. So Life becomes first before you as ego or anyone else as ego. But Life as you equally comes first.  When you say how Life comes first, the egos will react. The egos will fight, they will say they feel insult, and they will attack you verbally. Because the egos places itself first, not Life first.  So having the Bravery and willingness to stand up and say what is needed to be said so that Life may be supported, and do what needs to be done so that Life may be supported, is critical. That is when living is real, when it is taking into action. I can feel the fear of what its like standing up. And as well the fear of facing someone aggressive and borderline violent. Violent with their words, and with their threats. Yet Life must stand unmoved. Life must come first. It may very well be the cas...

I am starting to remember and assert who I am. This Journey is long. One of the things we have to do/face is stopping our emotions, such as fear, anger, hate, and love. What this actually means and entails, requires remembering how you were as a child. As a child, you were capable of expression that wasn't based on feelings/emotions. You were capable of such expression that wasn't based on what you felt, or on other people. You just were. You were the expression, be it a Hug, or a kiss, or a dance, or a song, or a painting, or music, or laughter. That expression was real, and it was you that was real in that moment. That is what it means when I say we have to stop our emotions, because we aren't living our expressions when we are staying within our emotions. Even the positive feelings like love, or joy has become something we feel and we react with about other people. It has become a mask or a picture, like a smile that we present to others. It is NOT REAL EXPRESSION. IT ...

So the Megaman legends game was a great game. I played it as a kid in the 90s on playstation. I revisted it, and reason why it made it an impact was not the appearance of the characters, the visuals: it was FAMILY and the Goodness/Realness of the people, even though real people in real life are far worse, and far more corrupted. There is something it has in common with many animes where it has that sense of FAMILY, and community, where a group of seeming strangers are actually all united and are friendly, kind and supportive. I know putting words to it already can muddle things, but the point here is that what makes a character great, or something great is actually the same across many mediums. What makes one person great is not how they look, or how they talk. Its not their accomplishments, or money. Its not their skills or ability or power. Its who they are, how they see you, how they see others, and who they are in relation to you and everyone. And that how reflecting that equalit...

The other day I was talking with someone about something that I had observed recently. And this is how the reason why the Billionaires and the Elite aren't doing what they can to help people like truly and not fakely, is because they don't see all others as themselves. They don't have that point of course you are me and I am you, that sense of equality and oneness with yourself, with others, with your reality. Because if they did then the action would follow naturally. So the main reason why this is important is the point of how we blame the billionaires for the issue, when the heart of the issue is with their heart, and so with our heart. So in our hearts as humanity, are we standing within oneness and equality with humanity? with reality? with each other? with everyone? The answer is no. Because if the answer were yes, then everytime you would ever engage in a conversation with someone, you would listen to them fully, you would ask questions fully, you would see the w...

Time to Recreate myself again. I see now that I have been developing and participating a desire to have someone else like me around. Someone that I can talk to in depth and detail about the mind, about all the details. all the dimensions, all the aspects and observations as if it was a fascinating scientific pursuit or study. To be able to share and make cross-referencing with that person regarding any and all dimensions of the mind/body and our experience. To discuss the techniques and methods used, as well as describe the mind system, treating them as universal things to study/catalogue and so share and discuss as something mutual and applicable to all of us. SO I was developing that desire. And desire means energy. Desire are system. All desires are system as long as they operate within energy. Its possible to make a decision about what you want or go after it, all without energy within it or behind it. That is not what I was doing in this case. I had a life long desire, that sp...

You have the responsibility to do whatever it takes to make sure that Real Life comes through. No matter what it is you have to sacrifice, no matter what it is you have to give up, no matter what the dream is, or what the happiness is, no matter who you have to give up, the people, the family, the boyfriends, girlfriends, marriages, friendships, careers or money. You know when your compromising yourself and holding back your potential, no one needs to tell you this. Do you want a fucking real relationship and a real world where you can truly say anything, be forgiven, and forgive? I mean that's real fucking freedom. How the hell did we compromise ourselves so that we go for the second best, the having the compromised relationship, the compromised communication, hiding parts of ourselves and never being completely open and honest. Are you not good enough for that? Are you not good enough to give yourself freedom, 100% open communication, 100% expression? Place yourself fucking f...

Something that I can trust is the point that we are all one and equal. No matter who someone is, no matter what they have done, no matter all that have done that is considered bad, or good, or evil or right... they are equal to me and I am equal to them. Our equality point is what is real and what I can trust. Because it is speaking as equals, where its like a giant collective, or caucus, or gathering, where Imagine like a giant meeting hall, or town meeting, and we are all there. Imagine Existence is at the townhall, and so all of us are equal. So what we should do is that which is best for everyone, all of us, cause we are all equal. This point is what I trust, and what I am committed to living, to upholding, to manifesting in this world: which is our equality and oneness. This understanding, this vision, this perspective changes everything. Its like a value, a virtue, or a morality or a religion. It is how you view the world, it is how you view yourself and others. It is a creed, ...

We are all friends. What divides us is our acceptance and allowance of separation. We have separated ourselves from each other, and so thus from joy. We have suppressed the vision/understanding that all are one and equal as me. We have forgotten the point where we all are one and equal and thus this is where true happiness lies, it lies within us being our true selves. True self means we are living the truth. The truth of who we really are. I have lost my way, and I am trying to fight my way back to the truth. Here is one point of truth. To realize who you really are, requires you realizing as well that you cannot leave anyone else behind. You need to dedicate yourself to showing others the way out and to help them. To merely say you have realized yourself and that's it, and you live a happy life for yourself, you know that's a lie. This is incompatible with the truth that all are one and equal, and the very foundation of your expression and all that exists is oneness and e...

So what I was walking with my mind in today/yesterday was this point of Standing where I was standing to NOT be a Follower of My mind, or within my preprogrammed life. So in my preprogrammed life/mind I am meant to be someone who is not standing out, who doesn't go against the grain, who is invisible, who blends into society, blends into his career/work, who is quiet within that life, who doesn't rock the boat, who doesn't share his opinions, keeps to himself. This is my preprogramming, and this is who i am within my mind, and within my life, and within myself. Within that programming it feels natural, it feels comfortable, it feels familiar, it feels right. So I am standing up and putting a stop to the programming. This involves some physical actions and physical stance, and insisting in certain actions which are my own, which are going against the grain, which is radical, which is going against the tradition, going against what is accepted as normal in society, it g...

Love, love love. On NETFLIX I saw this movie when I was 16 or so. It was 2006 or so. I remember sharing it with a good friend. So this more sharing something deep and real. Can we all say that Love is confusing thing? At the same time though, can we all agree that there is a use of the word love, that when we live it with everyone, it becomes something different. To love everyone. I mean there is something there, isn't there? That's like the core of oneness and equality... Seeing everyone else as YOU. And wouldn't that be Loving everyone? True love would be what's best for all wouldn't it? Love, love, love. I mean, its not bad. Its not wrong. I mean someone REALLY committed to Love, would do so without the limitation of energy. In the movie you see some glimpses into the Hippie movement, into that time period. Into history. The Vietnam War. The protest. Death. The Anger, Violence. I mean, what I am doing is Love. To end the abusive patterns, to ...

There is a particular writing voice I want to practice. Its one I have used before. Maybe it will help or maybe its effective. Let's see. Clears my throat. Hi humanity/world, my name is Yogan. I am walking a process with my mind/self. To stop the mind/past, and reconfigure myself into expressions that are best for all, and applied in moments. Right now I'm walking processes that are specific. I'm trying to understand specifically what is going on with certain mind points/personalities. Part of my conclusions as what I need to do is to try to live what is best for all more. To in moments where I am not sure what exactly to do or say, that I try my best anyway. And so I keep on trying. That is what I'm doing now with this blog. I don't know where its going exactly. I don't have some plan or outline. I suppose its like rambling. But I am trying. I am trying to find a way to speak what is best for all and put it out there. I have walked a lot of mind, but ...

Flustered and Clumsy I had an energy experience and it kind of got me stunned/locked in position. So I named the game. The names are Flustered and Clumsy. That is what I am feeling now as I write this. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Clumsy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered being afraid of saying the wrong thing I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered with saying something stupid. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered with coming across poorly I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered with sounding dumb to my new friends I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel flustered while imagining messing things up with what I said and people uninvite me to a hangout, or I get ignored from future invites I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

So, there was this moment where things were so good, and so great, and what I noticed was that I was avoiding it, like physically avoiding it. And I was like, wait a minute, I am avoiding this... and its something good, so why not just let myself live it, jump into it physically, you know? So I did that, but then something happened where I immediately shifted away from the good thing. I went into my head, and that's where I kind of stayed. And now I'm writing this blog. So, So I got some work to do to understand this and what's going on. I kind of messed up this one opportunity, but its expected since apparantly I really suck and really shy away when it comes to joining in something physically that is quite good with another person. Like everything is okay and safe. The context is okay and safe. The moment/environment is safe is good, is here for me if I just, you know, own it, own the moment and just live it. Agh, its hard. hahaha anyway this why im writing here to o...

So I have been looking at this question about why I wake up everyday. I am looking at the dimension of How I have Woke up in the Past, and Why and for what I woke up for in the Past. I am also looking at the dimension of Redefinition and what I would genuinely like to love, would love to live, what would serve me the best!!!!!!! So let's get started!!!!! I listened to this eqafe interview on Mood Swings, and it help focus in on how I can wake up in a MOOD and how that can affect my day. https://eqafe.com/p/moods-moods-and-our-daily-lives-atlanteans-part-505 And helping me remember that it all comes down to a choice. You are faced with a mood, and you don't want to do the dishes, and you decide to do it anyway, as yourself, as your body, with your presence, and you transform the moment of a bad mood to a simply physical doing that is calm, natural, good-feeling like in a very normal way. Like a very natural like doing. At the same time in the beginning you may have to real...

So I'm starting a Journey of letting go of my past. There are several dimensions to this, as it is a broad thing, the Past. One dimension I am tackling now is simply all my relationships to every person, including my mother, brother, essentially every damn person. Because something I have been doing is keeping a history of our relationship in my mind, something VERY SIMILAR to how the game Sims works. In Sims you can form relationships with people and gain points, as well as milestone moments, good and bad. Essentially there is a relationship HISTORY programmed in the game. So as you get your sims to make relationship with people it keeps track of things. See here INHERENTLY is the problem when it comes to real life. At the same time though it is a VERY GOOD simulation of how we are operating in our relationships. So its a good copy cat of how we behave actually, which also means its a bad way to actually live. We are not living in our relationships in a very good way. The prob...

A thirst for expression. To say inappropriate things. To say the things that try to make people react. To dance on roof tops!  To blow bubbles obsessively even though I'm an adult. To bang pots and pans together! To dance incessantly around people! To build something creative, colorful. To engineer something amazing beautiful, a structure like a magical tunnel full of glowing lights! To engineer a full size maze!! To throw fire crackers. To build a giant hamster wheel! To run around a small circle for no apparent reason! To hop everywhere I go, not walk!!! To walk backwards everywhere I go!!! To skip everywhere I go! To walk sideways like a crab everywhere I go. To take tiny footsteps and take forever to go anywhere like a snail. To walk/navigate with my eyes closed!! To scream and run!!! To point at someone and chase them down! To tackle hug a friend!!! To Lift hug a friend!! To Tickle a friend!! To sneak up on and scare a friend!! To ...

I am a Group of People, You can't walk this process alone. This statement goes much deeper than simply advice from a friend, or advice from a teacher. You can't walk this process alone, in the context of the Process to becoming Life as the Physical... is something about either realizing, seeing, or perhaps more specifically BECOMING a group of people as yourself. There are two different immediate ways to interpret this statement. One way is an ego way of making a group of people Like yourself, superimposing yourself like a big ego. The other, more appropriate way is like the opposite, a humility, and 'losing' of yourself, becoming more than just yourself. I received advice/direction from a person within the group, and simply as MYSELF I couldn't fully see/understand. However, by dropping myself and seeing it as the group, becoming a group of people, becoming like the awareness of a GROUP, taking on the sight, vision, perception, focus, and attention that the g...

There's is something that has happened to me... Or rather I should say that I have been walking a long process that started in 2009, and so its been about 9 years of me doing this... And now, its like I don't care what people think of me... I'm not afraid of being alone... I can just say anything... I have my plans/goals for myself which I wrote in my last blogs, and so I have my purpose and meaning. I have my expressions where I have fun through expression. And I went to Jury duty which showed me how much different I am from most people. It's like why bother hiding who I am. I'm so different already anyway. And its also like something inside me snapped, where its like why waste my time not being me, and just living. I am unique and I am different from others. So I live my uniqueness, I share my difference, I live me. Something like that. Because I am so alone already, why wait. Why die without anyone knowing who I am? I share my difference, I share me, before I...

Two blog posts ago, [ this one ] I wrote about my meaning and purpose in a totally NON-philosophical way. I wrote out my exact purpose and meaning for my life, that I chose for me, as of right NOW. I can live this NOW, and I can expand upon it and deepen it. It is something I can stand behind. This is making purpose and meaning practical. It is actually writing it out for what it is, and what I'm living. My written purpose and meaning REFLECTS my daily life and what I can allot time to. Because it is not as simple as ONE thing. It is a few things, a few handful of goals that I accomplish each day. Who I am bleeds into my purpose and meaning. Who I am provides the foundation for purpose and meaning. And practically looking at it, it is a statement to STATE and to then LIVE. My purpose and Meaning.  My purpose is to work a 40 hr a week job, pay for my needs, give money to support the desteni process, in so doing I support with money the development of awareness in peopl...