Yogan's Journey to Life

 I rather fail doing it my way.  I have hesistance to failing. I want to succeed every time. No failures. No loses. Getting it right every time.  So I freeze up and I rather not try, then risk failing. So to that I say I rather fail doing it my way. Cause I am constantly like listening and trying to assess what is the safest or best way. But that doesn't mean its what I really want to say, and what I really think would work. It's not my best.  Basically there is a lot going on in my head. The fears, the concerns, the possibilities. That I cut away the parts that are fun, that are interesting, and that I see is best. Cause I don't want to fail at all. And I want to have that certainty. And I don't have it. I don't know what will happen. And I can't handle it.  And then you have others opinions, and beliefs. And it brings doubt, of what is the way, cause frankly I don't know. Yet I have to choose something. But if I can be okay with failing. Then that would be...

When I look into my body, I see tension. Why is there tension? Because of I am thinking of other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be focusing on me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how I am perceived by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how others would respond to me. Is there anything else inside of me? More tension. Why is tension here? I think about failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about my failure in my goals. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure in having an impact. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure to have the impact I set out to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to t...

Shall we proceed to the next door? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling. ...

  I am going to be making some absolute statements here: First, what matters more than anything is this one process I am walking for myself. Meaning that I have these ideas and pressures of needing to give something to the world and to many people, and that I need to have success or leave an impact. So I'm saying absolutely that my individual process is more important and it comes first. So who I am here in the body is what matters. My fears, my emotions matter in that I must direct them, and that any excuse or reason of wanting to leave an impact through career or money or something in the world is unacceptable. So what comes first is this Self process, and so the Truth of me. Who I really am in the moment. What fears I am accepting and allowing? What anger? What emotions are here? If I die and no one knows me or remembers me. If I leave no legacy. If all I do fails. What I am saying is that none of that matters and what matters is this one thing: Self, and my process of s...

So an existential fear activated within me, as part of a larger playout in my day. This fear is about failure. However it is the ultimate failure. So its the fear of me, completely absolutely failing. To what degree? The absolute degree. So meaning, that I have no effect at all on this reality. No success, none. That I die, basically, without accomplishing anything, and making things better as part of what is best for all. So it could involve me imagining that I die, tomorrow, or in a few years, and the decisions I am making now, were the wrong decisions. Do you have a reference for this fear? So in looking at this, one self-honesty point was immediately apparent. And that is I have already have had an effect on this reality and within alignment ot what is best for all. So that was a misconception of the fear, or shall I say a distortion of reality or the truth. Now here comes the other part, which may not seem so pleasant. With the future, and with making decisions, yes it is pos...