Yogan's Journey to Life

So in this blog I am going to be speaking about a Signature of an Expression. For most normal people they won't understand what I EXACTLY will be describing here. So it is something that requires a certain kind of experience with self-forgiveness, with expressions, and understanding how your sound, presence, living words and self-expression INTERACT with yourself, your energies, your reactions etc... The Signature of Expression is this: Screaming Bloody Murder. Let me try describing what I am referring to. So, there is this part of my mind/reactions that I haven't been able to resolve for a while. And I had a moment where I was pushing for my stance/stand of what is best for all and in not allowing these reactions within me. And it reached a point where I accessed this signature of what would be Screaming but at the highest level of "Hatred" or just general loudness. I said WOULD be screaming because I didn't actually scream outloud, but I accessed that Sign...

My day was really fucking good. I did some exercise walking around and strengthening my back. I read outside in the sun. I am understanding the material I an learning. I read some more. I participated in chats. I watched a movie. I worked on myself in going to heart of what I need to learn in order to improve myself and me in my relationships to people. So I am advancing and going deeper. I am learning and realizing. I feel quite strong, and connected to my body. I want to strengthen that connection to my body even deeper. I want my voice to embody the sound of my body, to be more visceral. I want the presence of the body to come through the sound of my voice. I want to change more and do more. I want to go deeper than I have gone before. I want to see the heart of what this is. I want to see what expression will emerge and radicalize my life, and dramatically change it. I know what the area I want to improve. I am right at the precipice  of changing it. I am walk...

When I write something, there is a sound to it. I mean this in a really practical sense. Even though I am not using my vocal cords, or "speaking" with my voice, I am speaking, but through written words. So there is a sound to what I am writing, as if I am speaking it. And I can hear this sound. Not with my ears but inside of me as I speak/write the words. Doing this, I can tell things about me. Listening to how I sound when speaking as these written words is just like listening to me when I am speaking with my voice. I can hear the hidden things within me, well they aren't really hidden because I can See it! Listening to my sound when I am communicating I can tell who I am in the real time moment. I basically can tell when I am not clear within me, and saying something tricky, or nasty, or dishonest. And I can hear when I am standing as what is best for all. I can hear when I am standing with clarity, and self-honesty. What I notice is that my body responds or more li...

So in my process I have connected the dimension of sound to the solution of living words, where within living a word, I obviously will be speaking in daily life, and one thing I do to cross-reference my living of the word is the sound I use when speaking. Because obviously, if I were to be attempting to live the sound leader and I end up speaking/sounding angry, scared or nervous, I am not effectively living the word leader. Now, this assessment or judgment or determination that what my sound is like must be from me, because obviously others can say, assess, determine your sound, but they could be wrong, just as you could be wrong. The cross-reference I trust in checking my sound is by looking at my memories and looking where else I have used this sound and what happening in the moment and within me. The sound I use is very specific and has a history. So the very specific sound leader that is accompanying living the word leader, has a history and is specific. This history is very short...

Sound is more powerful than thought. Because, when I have a thought like: "I can't do this" and then I speak aloud "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can't do this" ; which I say in a certain way, then what I am doing is creating a sound that permeates my body, which I can sense, and because of this I know that I have the upper-hand on the thought. So therefore I say Sound is more powerful than thought. Here is another point of proof that Sound is more powerful than thought. When you speak your thoughts like "I am stupid" or "I can't do this, this is impossible," then thought has become more powerful now, because you spoke the thought. This I can sense within myself. Once I get to the point that I speak my thoughts, that thought is more powerful than it was before when it was just a thought in my head. This is why I realize that it is important that I speak aloud either Self-forgiveness, or another co...

So I had a dream last night... a nightmare, which reveals something quite relevant and true which we all as people today may be going through in some way or another throughout our daily lives even if it may not be apparent or obvious at first. So how can a nightmare be something in my daily life? In my nightmare, there was this gigantic robot that's sole purpose and desire was to freeze human beings using his ice cold freeze ray. To essentially kill. Throughout the nightmare I was escaping the robot. This went on for a while. I was hiding in different locations and running into various people. I felt terror. I was running away trying to go to the least likely location that the mad killing robot would find me. At the end of my nightmare, he does find me when I expected to finally be safe. If felt like no matter how hard I tried or what I did, there was nothing I could do to run away, to change my fate, to give myself a different life, a meaningful life. I didn't have control o...

Silence I can become very quiet. I can sit and listen to someone talking to me, as long as they are talking. And I can sit with them in silence. I have never done this before, but I would find it quite enjoyable. That I would live/be with someone, and we would never speak, yet we would communicate without words. Now that I went through a personal journey where I spoke and expressed me, I am looking what is required of me. Meaning that what the moment requires of me, whether it is to speak or not to speak. So to again be silent. And its simply based on what the moment requires. Its funny that I have a slight to resistance to not speaking. It's only slight. I find that I can drown my thoughts in silence. That the silence is all pervading, all consuming, a never ending dark pool of liquid. I have heard some people in my life say that to be silent, to not speak would be a torture, something that they can't do, and would lead to great stress and anxiety. I have s...

I am writing now, even though I feel tired, and I had a long day. I will be waking up early tomorrow, but I wanted to spend at least 15min writing. So if I do some self-introspection. One thing that was interesting for me was how I had reacted with a smile and a sort of warmth in my heart sort of feeling when my aunt was saying how my cousin loved me. For me I notice one prominent thing I reacted to was the sound of my aunt’s voice, which was high pitched. I can imagine if it were low pitched that it would have much less of an effect, at least that it was it would appear to me when I take on this possible moment. I also notice that if I were to imagine it to be a guy, like if my aunt was a guy, that I would react more if she/he would speak in a deeper voice. Like if he.she would be speaking slowly, but confidently or dramatic. So I would to summarize this as reacting to my own learned associations to some sets of voices and sounds, like male and females, and high an...