Yogan's Journey to Life

 People people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed! I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it. I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time... at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess. God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good....

For quite some time I have reacted to various popular tv shows and movies. These include the simpsons, Family guy, and such movies as Ted, or A Million ways to die in the west. Now, having reflected on what I am reacting to and how I am reacting to, I can see now what is actually happening. We as humanity are laughing at characters that are psychologically deranged, crazy, or have some serious mental illness or faults. These individuals lack commonsense, principles, and are often driven purely by base reaction, and desire for self-pleasure and self-interest. They are narrow-minded, limited, and completely egotistical, and conform to arbitrary rules and authority as if lacking the ability to see and analyze the world around them for what it is. These are characters that are often driven by sex, within self-interest and disregard for the one you are having sex with. They often are self-loathing, self-debilitating, self-destructive, selfish, etc... They lack all care and regard for the ...

Laziness. Where have i accepted and allowed laziness to manifest? its funny, laziness does not have to be inactivity. Being here could be an "inactivity" for a moment and breathing while i sit for example. Though its not inactive. In looking for laziness, its in those moments of walking to the cafeteria to eat where i am lazy in that i do not walk in equality with the physical. Being unaware of yourself is laziness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here and walk with the physical while walking somewhere. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here when sitting while on the computer.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here when using words in speech or in writing. I commit myself to be here with the entire physical body, including the hands, feet, legs, pelvic area, belly, back, shoulder, neck, chest, arm pits, face, top of the head, back of the head, belly button, the inner organs, the b...