Yogan's Journey to Life

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

 I had the expectation from Life, from just existence itself, that I would get in the future, my partner. And I expected this because I desired love. And like a child throwing a tantrum, I withdrew from life when I didn't get the love I desired. Where my motivation for a career as a statistician was the money that I believed I needed to attain love. Because I saw myself having my career and money, and thus being able to attract someone cause of it. I have no doubt that its possible because of the nature of man, everyone wants love, and money is a good bonus.  Within withdrawing from life, from trying, I have found myself without motivation. Within believing no way can I get love from another. For this outcome I am grateful. For it would have been far worse if I had gotten the love I desired.  Its amazing how much love rules us all. The desirability of love. And how we choose love over life any day of the week.  I know real integrity would choose life over love. I kno...

 Love.  I know there is a place that I just wont go. And when I try to go, I shutdown. All the motivation and hoopla that I muster in order to get me there, just fades away. Just drops, I drop. And then I can't move an inch anymore, and I drag myself back to the things to pass the time, until I try again.  There's a really cool series of videos did, where essentially bernard was explaining the basic resonance pattern that every human is living, which is love. And he shows how every single person will inevitable choose love over everything else. Unless of course that resonance, that impulse is changed in ourselves, so we no longer feed, or go after that love. Love is the reason the hippies failed. That revolutions today fail because love has been stuffed in our faces in every way. link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQKiYTroY0 So looking at me, I can see how thats the case. How in being this revolutionary radical this past decade, has been put to a fizzle due to love. Th...

 So in a way continuing from my last blog, except looking at it from a view of placing expectations on myself. So my parents places expectations on me as becoming a great spiritual teacher. The way they would treat me and talk with me, telling me directly about my great insights, and how in my astrology chart I was meant to uplift people spiritual and be a great teacher for humanity. My name Yogan was from a story book that was new agey about a guy sent to earth to do just that. So I accepted this narrative. Just like how we all accept and allow all that the mind has told us and said what we are, and also similarly what others tell us too, which the mind just repeats to us doesn't it.  Acceptance and allowance is what we all do aint it the truth? So preprogramming or not, as a child with the platform to speak and to observe, its very obvious the things people are going through. And since I was encourage to find the truth and to help others, that is what I did. Anyway could do ...

 Strength.  All life is one and equal. All thoughts are lies. Every thought the mind presents to you to follow, is a trap wrapped in cheerful wrapping paper.  Here in this space I have absolute control over every word. Meaning others, you, people can't stop me. This is the power of writing. It is freedom. And morever through words, I can rewrite myself. I can live words into reality. Through firstly breaking through the plane of potential, the words structure gives me structure. That is why words are so powerful. It is the building block, like the dna of self. Through pictures and images, it can't describe self so well. And in fact, image is the mind's playground as well, so caution is advised. The desire to be what is best for all. The desire to move as a group. The desire to have friends. The desire to be recognized, to be seen. The desire to be liked. All desires are bullshit. Creation, pure creation of self, means one becomes something. Like matter, like an object. Th...

 My self-forgiveness and self-honesty are no longer effective, not for a while. And I aim to fix that. One of the things that is constantly in my mind while writing a blog and self-forgiveness online is others who are reading it. I am thinking about how it will affect others, and how they will react to it. I am worried about how it can inadvertently affect others, in ways that don't seem obvious. And I have this painful intuition on my body that responds when I do things. I am really in a fucked up situation. Its like I am scared to live. Cause I had my heart broken. Which is what has happened before several times in my life. Except this time it was my deepest wishes and desires, of friendship, camaraderie, sharing, openness, community. It was my faith in humanity, the goodness of others. That being said, its not your fault or their fault. That is who we are now, we are quite messed up, evil mother fuckers, quite demented, quite broken, quite sadistic, ruthless etc...  I remem...

 So there's something that I have realized about when people go through trauma. The common response by people who go through trauma says that it changes them. And what I see is that one of the reasons why it changes them is because they are feeling certain things that they don't know how to stop. And this includes anger and blame. And the mere suggestion that people who go through traumatic events forgive their abuser, is already scoffed at, let alone the suggestion that they forgive themselves for the anger and hate/blame that they feel. I suppose it makes perfect sense in this humanity that we are today that we don't know how to go through an event like trauma, and be able to process it and revert back to how we were. Because if we did so then we would remain like children. We would be naive, we would be pure, and open hearted, and we would still believe crazy things like no one should be harm, and all life is precious, and all people are equal regardless of any differenc...

 So another blog on the human mind/programming details using myself as the example.  One of the reasons why blogging is supportive is by having your programming out there in the world, it frees you. Because part of it is keeping it a secret. By saying that you have this issue, then people can't use it against you.  Fear can only work in the moment/here. Fear doesn't exist in the past or the future. You can only ever feel afraid now. The same with everything else really. The only thing that exists is what is here/now. So if you find yourself thinking about some future moment and feeling fear, then realize you are only feeling fear right now, and so all you have to do is to move yourself in this moment. Step out of the fear in this moment. And so don't think or believe that a future fearful moment will happen. I notice this type of thinking of feeling afraid of being afraid of like a future moment. So your in your mind thinking about how something will happen and how you wo...

 What Motivates me to Do what I do is the Truth. What am I? Who am I? What is reality? What is really going on? So take a look for yourself right now. Look at yourself. What are you? Check out your hand, your body. Check out your senses and your experiences. What are you? The answer is the same for all of Humans. What are humans? What are we? We were born in slavery. We were born with the Mind. The Mind and Body. What are you capable of? You can be aware of what you are experiencing. You can feel what is going on in this moment through your body.  What you are feeling and thinking doesn't have to at all determine who you are and what you decide to do. You are what you accept and allow. The Mind moves automatically as it does. Your emotions and thoughts move automatically as they do. Yet you don't have to identify as them. You don't have to listen to them and follow what it says. You can decide who you are and what you do. So the Mind isn't you. What I am is this combina...

Doubt regarding whether we know what we are doing or if we really know who we are. Who we are is everyone/all. We are each other. We are each other in another life. We are all one and equal. Doubt is just another hurdle to overcome. When you are aligned within yourself with everyone, with all, it does feel without doubt. You know it. And you live it with your body and you can transform your life quickly. Know that doubt feels crappy and that standing as the message that we are all each other and that we are one and equal, feels pretty good in your body. I suppose we empower doubt through the possibility that doubt is right from a point of truth and knowledge. Let's say doubt is right. But even then doubt is crappy. Believing and living a life where we are all separate, and unequal, and lost and disempowered is crappy. I would rather believe and live then the lie that we are all one and equal, and I will live it until it becomes are reality. And that feels pretty good in the bod...

Here is my plan to Create Bravery within what is best for all 1. Write out and speak out the words in writing and in real time moments and conversations online and offline that reflect our collective and individual responsibility for this world, for our own individual actions. 2. Be direct with individuals when what they say and do is direct abuse, by telling them what they are doing, and how it is unacceptable and what I will do in response, which will be for the purpose of assisting them to face their responsibility We all have collectively created this world as it is, and we are all responsible. Even children are self-responsible. There is no one immune or innocent when it comes to this responsibility of existence or all that exists everywhere. Imagine if you were a stranger who walked upon something happening that is abusive. The fact that you walked upon it, and saw it, already means you can do something. Even if it already has transpired, you can still do something to prevent...

Aloneness is highly valuable. I realize that the space of aloneness that I had as a kid where its like I could be alone with me and my body even though I was in a entire classroom of people. And with that aloneness I was untouchable, I was safe and free, and more so I had Me. I could Imagine scenery and things happening. I was secure and safe. And no one was pestering me, stalking me, bothering me. No one was after me. I was left alone,  I was respected. But having someone stalk me, go after me, pester me constantly, and me accepting and allowing that is not okay. I have to fight and defend my right to be left alone and at peace. Fuck off! Leave me be. I want to be alone. I don't want to talk with you. I don't want a relationship with you. That Aloneness is sacred. And that aloneness does depend on money. Owning your own space on this earth. Unfortunately that is how it exists, but we have to fight for equal money so all may be free to be alone and create. Being respect...

So yesterdays blog was the intro for these series of blog covering this mind personality. https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2020/03/day-813-dastardly-secret.html Today I'm going to start with the walking through the detail of the programming. So less fun description and more breaking down the exact programming. The overarching theme here is enjoyment that is bad. Like laughing at someone else's pain. Bullying others. Being happy when others lose. So the following memories are such moments: Stealing a bottle of bubbles from a fellow student in the 1st grade who won it for some achievement. I saw he was quite happy receiving it. I grabbed it and placed it in my bag. I could see he was sad/upset about it missing. The teacher tasked some students to search the desks/room for it. When they approached my desk, I said go ahead and search everything I have nothing to hide, and kind of did this motion of raising my arms and then crossing it over my chest. I felt a sense of ...

The greatest purpose that you can live for is life. And the greatest kind of person you will ever meet is someone who lives for Life, and understands that intrinsic value/nature of all Life. Too often has humanity fallen. Individual people and groups fall. Societies fall, nations fall. Ways of living fall. There is always consequence for that. There is always a price to pay for everything you do and choose, no matter how small or how big you may name it. The greatest value and worth that you can own in this life is who you are, and it is the only thing that exists after death. All your memories, all your money, all of your good times, bad times, all of the suffering/pain/abuse, al of that will end at death. You don't take any of that with you. What you do take, the only thing is Who you Are. And nothing and no one can affect that, determine that or decide that but you. And you will live for eternity with that point of who you are. Everything you do, everything you say, ev...

So here's a bit of a to do list. These are major projects. I will outline what they are, what they would do, their intended effects, and obviously its all tied here to Desteni, What is best for all, oneness and equality in some way. If anyone wants to steal these ideas, go for it. Make it happen A fictional Book Series Its a series where it describes that utopia where there is some other kind of system, could be basic income, living income, or Equal money system (maybe a different book for each one?) Basically its a novel, and so you are following a character, I imagined her as female and fairly young. Maybe 13. That age is always such an interesting time period of life. Anyway, the structure I have is that there is a point where the utopia world she lives in is described by her living her ordinary life, and so the details are there, they are hinted at and alluded to so that you can get a sense of how the world/country/place works. It may not necessarily be the whole world, at...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotion and feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others to stay in emotions and feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon others to their illusions, delusions, and emotions/feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not try to help others walk out of their mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on helping others leave their lies, illusions, enslavement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any value above the individual freedom of each person, where I must help them to walk out of my mind, and where I have been valuing different things like my status, my reputation, my perception by others, my wealth, my anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think anything could matter more than helping someone walk out of their mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there co...

I have been applying a practice of being Silent with points that I am working with, when I know that speaking about it would compromise me in some way. Its like I know or can tell that if I were to share this thing I am working on with someone or certain people, that it would disrupt me in some way. How I know? I suppose its the deep intuitive knowing. You just know. So the difference is that now I am doing that on purpose, I am listening to that knowing. And so I am being quiet about certain things, certain projects, with certain people. We could analyze here the practical reasons and the playouts of why and what happens sometimes. But I think I will leave that to you the reader to figure out and see for yourself. So how I see what i am doing is that its a technique, and its a way of living/doing things. And that it makes me strong/stronger. Because its about me implementing and creating points for me. And that very success matters. And taking responsibility for my word, my word...

I grew up in a household where God is Love. I do believe that for every single person, we have that point that is our absolute potential of who we can be and thus what we would do (because doing flows from who you are). And that potential is god-like, divine, because you are an amazing fucking person. Strong, Courageous, fearless, Expressive, Fun, Creative, Giving, Committed, Impassioned, you Know who you are, Disciplined, Understanding others and your Role, Owning up to your Responsibility, Deep, Flexible, Saying/Doing exactly what is needed, Owning up to your issues, weaknesses, Patience with yourself and others, Diligent, Consistent, Forgiving of yourself and others, honoring your relationships, honoring yourself,  taking the initiative, taking the first step, trying and failing, trying and succeeding, Living. And more. That is all of our potential: every single one of us. How we may live these words may be unique, and has its own flavors: yet here the words are and they are a...

You have the responsibility to do whatever it takes to make sure that Real Life comes through. No matter what it is you have to sacrifice, no matter what it is you have to give up, no matter what the dream is, or what the happiness is, no matter who you have to give up, the people, the family, the boyfriends, girlfriends, marriages, friendships, careers or money. You know when your compromising yourself and holding back your potential, no one needs to tell you this. Do you want a fucking real relationship and a real world where you can truly say anything, be forgiven, and forgive? I mean that's real fucking freedom. How the hell did we compromise ourselves so that we go for the second best, the having the compromised relationship, the compromised communication, hiding parts of ourselves and never being completely open and honest. Are you not good enough for that? Are you not good enough to give yourself freedom, 100% open communication, 100% expression? Place yourself fucking f...

Humanity has been on a course that it itself has set. We have done it. We have created this life through acceptance and allowance. The ones who are most disenfranchised, the ones who suffer in poverty and under the heel of the system: when they do rise out somehow from that torture, are they dedicated to changing the system? What is the Character of Humanity? Yes we have created and abusive system, but how many of you enjoy being apart of it? How many of you enjoy the possibility that you too could win the lottery (both literally and figuratively), how many of you enjoy the fact that you could open up a business, expand like crazy and become a millionaire? How many of you revel in the possibility that you could live with so much money that no one could tell you what to do, that you have that absolute freedom, where you could even hide your money offshore, and manipulate politics and steer the course of humanity? How many of you want that power, and so how many of you thus are complic...