Yogan's Journey to Life

Aloneness is highly valuable. I realize that the space of aloneness that I had as a kid where its like I could be alone with me and my body even though I was in a entire classroom of people. And with that aloneness I was untouchable, I was safe and free, and more so I had Me. I could Imagine scenery and things happening. I was secure and safe. And no one was pestering me, stalking me, bothering me. No one was after me. I was left alone,  I was respected. But having someone stalk me, go after me, pester me constantly, and me accepting and allowing that is not okay. I have to fight and defend my right to be left alone and at peace. Fuck off! Leave me be. I want to be alone. I don't want to talk with you. I don't want a relationship with you. That Aloneness is sacred. And that aloneness does depend on money. Owning your own space on this earth. Unfortunately that is how it exists, but we have to fight for equal money so all may be free to be alone and create. Being respect...

I choose to face my fear of being alone, which means that I must put myself into those situations that I fear. This means having the conversations I fear, saying the things I know is best for all, yet I fear it will lead others to leave me alone. So I choose what is best for all over being alone. I choose what is best for all over company. I choose what is best for all over friendship. I choose what is best for all over family. I choose what is best for all over everything/anything. Because if the people in your life can't stand you with you speak/stand by what is best for all, then they are not best for you/all. So no more waiting, no more hiding, no more fearing. Now its time to stand absolutely. Now its time to recognize the Life within me, and the oneness and equality of the Living word and spoken word. Now is the time to be unoriginal, a clone, predictable, because oneness and equality will have only one outcome. Choice becomes irrelevant. Time for the next p...

I am Alone In the stillness darkness, and darkest depths, I am alone In my body, in my being, in myself, I am alone No being, no person, nothing in existence can ever really see me as me, as that I am that is here alone It is a barrier, it is the complete me, it is my living reality in every moment I know no matter what happens, I know no matter where I go, I know that when my body dies, that I still have this aloneness, this me that is me, this point that no one can really stand within and see from and as.  It is both a blessing and a curse that I am alone It is a blessing because it is a rugged landscape of darkness, infinite with potential, like the dark remote jungles. It is a curse because I must conquer the fear of being alone otherwise I remain paralyzed with fear. If I conquer this landscape, I will become infinite in my potential and stand. It is a blessing because no one else can access me, no one else can conquer me, no one else can own me. It is a...

Friendship is Absolutely Integral To LIFE What am I saying here exactly? Consider the following: This entire world as a Society as the World system that we exist in Exists within Relationships. All of the Relationships between all of the parts of existence makes up this existence. This is the nature of reality, because no part can or is allowed to exist separate from Reality, at least not really separate. Because no matter how messed up you become, no matter how evil, or dark you get, NO matter what you try and do, like isolating yourself completely from Everything: you are STILL in this reality/existence. You can't REALLY separate yourself from all of reality. The very essence of the point of correction that we ALL need to make is to realizing that we are part of The Entire Reality, we are a creator of this reality, this reality is your responsibility, and it is through our relationships with every part of this existence that this reality is form. This includes your relations...

Being a Loner, a Lone Wolf, I should be able to be ALONE, not need anyone. I should be able to exist within ANYONE. That is where I should go, develop and be... All of the above is a LIE... Its a lie. The true way of living is the a mix of independence and dependence. Even more so, hold dear and deep to my heart those that bring out the best in me, those who bring me the most joy, the most expression, the most creativity, the most love, the most fun. And hold them to my heart, remember them, call them, talk to them, keep them in my EVERYDAY Life. Even though they are not physically present. I can't hold them or hug them. They are very far away. But they are more real to me, and bring out the best in me. No fact can change that fact. Except me. Just me that can take that away. Just me that won't fight for it. And I have to fight for it. Its not automatic or natural. But if I fight for it, I get it, and it is better than anything. It is real. I have to fight b...

Socializing is the weirdest thing. I am just reflecting here. Like today, I get home, I do some things.... I don't FEEL like socializing or reaching out to people. I don't FEEL like it. I am happy and content as is, and if I reach out to someone.... they might not reach out back... maybe they are busy..... maybe they just don't want to right now.... maybe they just don't want to talk to me, OH THE DREADED FEAR OF THAT!!!!! Fear of Rejection!!!! AHH!!!!! OHH!!!!! NO!!!!!! Anyway, So I'm reflecting here, its weird, why would I ever reach out to socialize??? Why bother??? I am happy. I am content..... with just me.... alone.... But, But I know something. But I know there were memories and times before in the past. I know that there are people I have a history with, a past with.But I'm forgetting it.... Its weird, why do I feel like NOT reaching out to people and socializing, when i come home from a day's work???? I can hear my mom complai...

So why do I wake up everyday? What am I living for? So there are many things that I live for, things that I want happen, and things I want to live. There are people that I want to meet, and to meet again. There are people that I want to know. I want to establish ties with people, connect with them. I live for meeting specific people again one day, and I live for developing and Deepening my preexisting relationship however way I can. I live for getting to know the depths of people. So I live for that human connection, that animal connection, that connection with nature. I want to see people succeed and do well. I live for the moments with people where we are all relaxed and open and just being ourselves and having fun. I live for those moments with people. I seek to create those moments where possible, but at the same time I only have so much say. So it very much depends on the people. Practically in my everyday life, I am seeking to earn lots more money so I can be able to brin...

So the other day I learned something. This relates to the point of Manipulation that I face and the point of being alone. So basically I change when I am completely alone. When I am completely alone, all the reactions I am having to things in my environment, mainly people drop.  So basic truth is I am not YET fully ME, living me, without reaction, and comfortable enough to express my Real expression, in the face of rejection and resistance of people. Across my life, whenever I express myself FREELY and REAL, people judge me. They make fun of me. They tell me I am WEIRD. This has an effect on me. I react. I want to one day be strong enough where I don't react at all and I continue being me.That day is not here. So basically, here is the lesson, that we each need to spend time alone for part of the day or week or just whenever you need it. Because this alone time you will allow yourself to express your real self, and real expression at least part of the day/time. If you don...

So I am walking a process now, specifically with loneliness. It will be a process meaning this is something that won't change instantly, and I plan on doing several blogs on this point, at least 3. So right now, today, I am using the support of the Eqafe interviews. Specifically from the Atlantean series: Loneliness: Why does it Exist? - Atlanteans - Part 127   So my plan is to write out my realizations, insights, and self-reflections here that I had today, and to do so for tomorrow or the next day which I will also be listening to the next part in the series. Doing this I will give myself time. So for today, these are my points. I see how indeed loneliness is an emotion that is defined as "it is not okay to be alone." Meaning that I have lived this as it being alone is something negative. This means that I have indeed been feeling negative when I am alone. This also means that when I would interact with people, that I did so within the desire to flip this polarity from...

Im not the only one So these words are specific, "Im not the only one." At first glance, they might not seem much, however I ask you to look at these words with me: "I'm not the only one," and join me in asking ourselves have I really lived these words and the realization/truth that they are? In my life in totality, I haven't because I have for the most part only considered ME, and my life, and what mattered to me. I wasn't considering other people, and their lives. Today there was one such instance that I would like to draw upon within redefining and changing me, and my behavior and how I relate to others, and this world. I won't go into the details, like dates, facts and names, about this event, but the principles and nature of the event is important. I was reacting to a specific person, and it was a rather unusual and peculiar reaction. So I was working at understanding what is going on here, until I came to the point that I am not the only...

In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the s...

So within myself, I always desired to fit in, however I was not willing to compromise myself. I wanted others to be more like me, OR that they accept me. Investigating this point of acceptance further, I saw that I wanted unconditional acceptance because I thought I was already good and in some sense perfect. However unconditionally accepting anything, could mean accepting bullshit. SO that's where I am grateful for self-honesty, which is like the ability to see bullshit. Anyway, so wanting people to accept me, WITHOUT me knowing who I am, allows for the possibility for accepting abuse, which is unacceptable. So the responsible thing would be to investigate who I am. So rereading what I wrote, I would say that by compromise I mean not having to change myself. And also I see that this whole point is ego, because there is not a single description of something of value, because its all about others accepting me, for what?????? Exactly, so looking inside there is only Energy as a rea...

So in general, the sciences always investigates things in separation of themselves. They consider that there is an out there separate from me, that what is out there is in separate from me. This is a mistake on parts of the sciences, because as anyone who has spent time with themselves alone, can see how much of what's inside is in outside in the world, in others too. Also, vic versa, much of what is outside of us is inside of us too. So its a huge error to assume that what is in this world is separate from oneself. Ok, so that was one problem. Within Behaviorism, we can see this manifested specifically through looking at the behaviors of others and assuming that that is all there is. Like there is nothing more than the behavior. That behavior is all we are. Again, anyone who has ever spent time with themselves alone would know that we often hide things in our minds, secret intents, and that we also are sometimes directing ourselves, and that most of the time not so much. So there...