Yogan's Journey to Life

 Love.  I know there is a place that I just wont go. And when I try to go, I shutdown. All the motivation and hoopla that I muster in order to get me there, just fades away. Just drops, I drop. And then I can't move an inch anymore, and I drag myself back to the things to pass the time, until I try again.  There's a really cool series of videos did, where essentially bernard was explaining the basic resonance pattern that every human is living, which is love. And he shows how every single person will inevitable choose love over everything else. Unless of course that resonance, that impulse is changed in ourselves, so we no longer feed, or go after that love. Love is the reason the hippies failed. That revolutions today fail because love has been stuffed in our faces in every way. link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQKiYTroY0 So looking at me, I can see how thats the case. How in being this revolutionary radical this past decade, has been put to a fizzle due to love. Th...

My day was really fucking good. I did some exercise walking around and strengthening my back. I read outside in the sun. I am understanding the material I an learning. I read some more. I participated in chats. I watched a movie. I worked on myself in going to heart of what I need to learn in order to improve myself and me in my relationships to people. So I am advancing and going deeper. I am learning and realizing. I feel quite strong, and connected to my body. I want to strengthen that connection to my body even deeper. I want my voice to embody the sound of my body, to be more visceral. I want the presence of the body to come through the sound of my voice. I want to change more and do more. I want to go deeper than I have gone before. I want to see the heart of what this is. I want to see what expression will emerge and radicalize my life, and dramatically change it. I know what the area I want to improve. I am right at the precipice  of changing it. I am walk...

So I took a neutral photo to see where I am at. Now, a neutral photo could be like an amazing face, a really nice smile, but this is not, because I am going through points. So lets look at the points. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future, to fear what's coming next I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  fear something bad is going to happen, to be on edge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the next corner, the next chapter, the next turn on the river I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  worry what's going to happen in my relationships with people I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing some people go and leave I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  fear losing people I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conflict, and fighting, yelling and screaming I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  be ...

Adrenaline as excitement Adrenaline as fear Adrenaline My heart beating, my heart pressure is high. I can't relax/stop it. It just goes. I am addicted to Adrenaline. My body is conditioned to exist in adrenaline. I am seeking for more adrenaline. Adrenaline as Fear is my everyday life. Adrenaline as Excitement is my Entertainment everyday. I choose to redefine and stop. No more adrenaline as fear or as excitement. No more heart pressure. Instead I choose when I do it. I choose when I adrenaline. Otherwise I am relax, stable, slow. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as adrenaline when I wake up and for my day. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move quick and fast as what's normal. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as caffeine. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for adrenaline as excitement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for adrenaline. ...

This Eqafe interview: https://eqafe.com/p/compassion-gives-you-your-life-back-life-review Helps me to understand this 'Passion', this 'Anger', this 'intensity' that is not a positive experience within me, where I am focusing on Existence, on what is best for all, on the problems in the world and the solutions I see we can do. By focusing on the ALL of Existence, I am not looking for my positive experience, my energy, my mind, my thoughts to participate in them. How I found this interview was by going to the Eqafe search bar and typing in what I was interested in, in what question I had. So I searched for 'Anger' to find perspective on this Anger within me that was not positive and it relates to when looking at the World, the best for all that can be done. The way I would describe it is that I am putting myself into action. I am writing my blogs, I am doing what I can online, I move and act and contribute to bringing forth the world that I want to...

So in the following voice clip I talk about the Positive Energy behind Anger, and its worth listening to, However there is more to the story. Today I learned that when you feel angry and you feel good while angry, which involves you smiling slightly as a tell, or you are blaming someone, its just bullshit. Its unacceptable completely. Now, when you feel angry and you feel bad, its something different. Its a sign that you need to SPEAK UP. Why do I say this? Because I feel a kind of anger that I feel bad within. I feel I must speak about oneness and equality and the injustices in the world. I must speak about how we can all change and how we all have a responsibility. I must speak about and point out our flaws and problems. This is like a shameful anger, an anger about suffering in the world. I feel this same kind of shameful anger when I have been teased and bullied. I didn't speak up then. I should have spoken up and stated my truth. I know who I am, I am THIS WAY. And set t...

Anger as Justice is tricky because... when you are in traffic and a car cuts you off you think to yourself what an asshole, or that they shouldn't be doing that! I can list many more examples here... someone throws their trash on the ground. someone didn't clean their dishes. someone left a mess. someone talked about you behind your back. someone took something from you without asking permission. So pretty much in all above examples it is sociably ACCEPTABLE to become angry. According to society and invisible rules you are right to get angry. At desteni though we push further, we ask the question deeper, we don't just accept things just because. We want the answer that is best for all in all ways. What does anger do here? And perhaps more importantly what does anger feel like? Have you considered that you feel good when you feel angry? Don't you? You feel empowered, strong, ready to go. The opposite of feeling weak. So anger isn't a negat...

New Audio Recording describing an Experience I had today, and why I stop emotions Divided into two parts.  Part 1 Part 2

I have an audio recording for today! WWW. Desteni.Org

This phrase makes you seem crazy, no mind, no emotion, no feeling. When you say it seriously and someone hears you, they want to say how you need feelings, that you need Love. What about Love? Before going there, first of all is it even possible to not have your mind? to not think? to not feel any emotion or feeling? Is it possible. Well, you may need to clarify what each thing means, but in a certain sense and definition, yes definitely. So perhaps an example will best illustrate the usefullness of stopping the mind, thought, emotion and feeling. Note that Feeling refers to positive like happy, and emotions refer to negative like sad, anger fear. So the example is this. You read an article. During the article you feel various feelings and emotions. Now you need to form an opinion about what you think the article says. Now what normally happens is that a person forms their opinion informed by their emotions and feelings. So both the good and bad. What is interesting is that WORDING...

The human Mind Conscious System works in polarities of good and bad. You have good feelings and bad ones. No matter what you feel, it charges your thoughts: You feel angry so you think about how an idiot someone is, and you think about them in anger. Or someone makes you feel happy, and you think about how good they are to you. This is how thinking works, it responds to how you feel. Its possible to stop the mind, and so stop the thinking and the feeling. Why do this? Because how much do you control your thoughts? Observe and see for yourself that they just move on their own. This is because your Mind manages your thoughts automatically, it creates them for you to hear and see. You don't directly create your thoughts, like on purpose. So your choice is either to participate or not to participate. Either let things happen or stop giving it attention. It is through your awareness and attention that you empower your thoughts and emotions. What is interesting about your mind is t...

Happiness. There is something programmed into us that when we become parents or caretakers of children or animals/pets, we start to feel a kind of joy, happiness or love that consumes us. Where we feel this way that feels so good. Buts it is not a happiness that you live or direct. It is a happiness that is a reaction, something you just feel with your kids you care for or the animals/pets you care for. So that the day they may die or be taken from you, you are filled with an inexplicably powerful sadness/depression that you cannot stop. What is interesting is that what is BEST for your kids and pets is that you don't feel this way. Instead, what is best is that you LIVE happiness as yourself, where you JOIN them in LIVING. Be an equal with them. Doing this will teach them as well to do the same and become the same as you. Because Living Happiness is not something that can be taken away. You are not riding the waves of energy when you Live Happiness as yourself. It won't end...

Chapter 1 Introduction So the point of this blog post is to describe what oneness and equality is, and what is best for all is, by looking at how it is not lived in this reality, specifically by people. Here I will go one by one looking at every kind and type of group and subgroup of people. From nations, countries, to cultures, from religions, to movements, I haven't seen oneness and equality lived in word/speech or deed/action. So I will be looking at groups that are considered good and groups that are considered bad, and the common theme here is how it doesn't matter whether you are considered good or bad in this reality, you are still not living oneness and equality, because oneness and equality is not even factored or valued at all within Being Good. The hard truth is that if oneness and equality were to be considered a requisite to being good, then 99.99% of all groups of people around the world would be Bad, and such a reality, such a way of perceiving reality and livi...

Remove the emotions from words. The mind is shit and emotions are shit. Though how to change yourself? Start with words. For every single word, remove the emotional meaning. Make it so that no words have any emotional meaning within you. Words like War, Business, Rivals probably have emotional meaning for you. I say probably because its possible you never encountered these words before. Its possible you are still just a kid that never used these words and so never placed any emotions in them. So the same can be true for you. The goal is to remove all the emotions from all the words that you have placed emotions within. Then you will place a physical definition in the word. This you do by seeing what the word actually means physically, and that you make that what the word means. For example, with War, you may see that war is something bad and that people die and it doesn't need to exist. You feel resistance, emotion, anger, uncomfortable, irritation, annoyance. Remember this is an...

The most important Thing is everyThing. The air that you breathe, do you know that you are one with it. Do you know that you are equal to a breath. Do you know that you are connected to everyone and everything? That you can communicate with everyone/everything? The separation that we perceive is not real. You are capable of so much, and together we can change everything. We can make this world into one where we work together in every way to meet our needs and enjoy this life. Things do not have to be so difficult, we are making it difficult. If we just let go, and remember the truth then life becomes easy. The very grass you walk upon, are you aware of it? Are you aware of the very ground beneath you? Do you walk with the ground in equality, neither above it nor below it? The meat of the flesh, the water, the flesh of the plants, are you aware that you are eating yourself and so that it is okay? Because everything transforms. The body of the plants, the meat, the water becomes you ...

I grew up in an environment where enlightenment was considered real. so I expected that through meditation, which meant like sitting in the room and not thinking, I would get enlightened. Where I would be happy all the time, and have all the right things to say in any moment. And nothing and no one can touch me, make me react in anyway, forever., permanently. Looking back now, I just didn't have the proper understanding of how the mind works. Though I tested the tools I had to the extreme. So I saw directly meditation is not enough. That was when I found the desteni tools. I found that self-forgiveness can stop thoughts, emotions/feelings in the moment, and you can move as your body without thought. So its not that I disowned enlightenment, or think it was stupid. I just found the actually way to get there. This is what changed in my understanding: 1. It will happen in one moment  VS You will physically, practically change yourself point by point 2. You just need to stop y...

I am fairly good at cooking. I am extremely good at following recipes. I can make just about anything with the right equipment, ingredients and a recipe. I know for others, following a recipe is difficult. For me, I stay focused, and I plan a head, what the best thing to do first, and what are the absolute most critical points in the cooking process, and I DON"T TAKE shortcuts. I do it exactly what it needs to be. And I make it good, yummy! In that sense I am patient/diligent/focused. I rather spend the extra time making something really good. I don't have any doubt or fear that I can't bake or cook something with the right recipe and ingredients. Though I notice how others judge me as a good cook, because they can't do what I do, which is to be diligent, focused and committed. That is all I do, nothing more. I'm thinking that they just want to compliment me to get food from me. Because that is what I see them do to my grandmother. I think that is distasteful th...

So you have heard that the decisions you make have lasting impact on your future. You may have even made certain decisions that changed your life drastically, and that you may regret deeply. So I recently am recognizing and seeing a particular decision I made, which I hadn't fully taken responsibility for and turned out to be a really bad decision, and within/from the consequence of the bad decision, it not only was a bad decision, it also affected who I am, my confidence and my ability to make good decisions. So I realize that this may sound confusing, so let's start with the situation. So when I was 18 years old I entered into my first relationship. This point of a relationship forming was the results of years upon years of thinking, imagination, hoping, desiring, emotions and feelings. So in that sense I created it and the consequence was inevitable. So I was ready and willing to enter into a relationship with ANYONE. So I essentially had no standards, really. So within...

I am a Thief! I stole something today. There was a part of me that was within a Word, within my mind, and I stole it from my mind today. I suppose though that since it is a part of me, that I already owned it. Yet I didn't own it. So YES I STOLE IT. And I would do it again too.  Lol. So this part of me, was within the word God, and it permeated into my responsibilities. And this part of me is me taking care of my responsibility in a disciplined, direct, shall I say cut-throat? Manner. So I recognize that this is a part that I lived in my life and I lived it in relation to something/someone outside of me, God for example. I did a write up, and I wrote down the facts, and what I understood, and as I went along describing how it works within me, and the context/situation, and how I change, I ended up with a really nice picture and understanding. I won't go into the detail unless I see a good reason to. So the focus right here is on that I took this expression, you could s...

Manipulation What everyone does, but no one wants to admit to, and feels insulted if someone did it them.  So I'm going to use my family as an example. I can't speak for the world, and the 7 billions humans on this planet, and whether they have manipulated or not, but I can certainly speak for myself. So I certainly, definitely, absolutely, positively have manipulated people and situations a many a time. I have manipulated others views/perspective/opinion/belief about other people, involving lying to do so. I have spoken to someone in a conversation in an attempt to change their view of themselves, into one that is harmful, destructive and inferior. I have in a way destroyed lives, to get what I wanted, which is to be the one on top, the last one standing. And I know we all do it. How? Well, let's keep that a secret between you and me.  So why am I talking about this topic? Well, let's just say its quite pertinent right now. And its also not something I ever ...