Yogan's Journey to Life

I was considering titling this Desteni, the most positive message that exists... The thing is that Desteni won't always exist. Desteni is  group of people with a purpose. And the message of Desteni is aligned with the heart/spirit of existence of life itself. This heart of life goes beyond anything you can conceive of or think about. It doesn't belong to anyone alone. It isn't contained within just the Desteni group. Desteni is the vehicle in which this message can come into creation, be aligned with the beings of this physical reality. And this heart of life, the very nature and essence of life, more beautiful and more perfect than anything, yet its found everywhere, embedded everywhere, yet not being lived by the beings. Life is not bound by the polarity of good and evil, right and wrong. It is not positive or negative. One way to put it is that the heart, spirit or essence of life is beyond the definitions of positivity currently lived in this world. Too many...

So what I am about to share may seem like an embarrassing story. So I will start it out just like that. When I entered college I had a belief that there are people that don't need to eat to live, and to become this way is fairly easy, if one is very spiritual. From this belief, I started eating less and less. I would push myself to what they call fast. I would let myself feel the hunger, and not act on it. So over time I forgot about this belief and doing this. Instead I was focused on studying and the stress. And I would skip meals, or wait to eat, because I didn't have enough time. And I found that I stopped feeling hungry, and I had to actually remind myself to eat regularly. So this has still affected me until today, where I have trouble feeling hungry. So based on what I did in college, I believe that I conditioned myself to suppress/ignore feeling hunger. Because I wouldn't respond to it. Similar to an anorexic person. So something I started doing now was eating m...

Beauty! what is it? I mean really, let's question and find this answer. For me, this word has been in so many different ways and contexts that it is so opinionated. Okay when I look at the dictionary I find this 1. The qualities that give pleasure to the senses. This definition explains why I have heard this word refer in various context. Sound/music can be called beautiful. Something visual like a painting can be called beautiful. What is interesting too is that definition number two is this: 2. A very attractive or seductive looking woman. So I am personally confused, haha. I would rather reserve words to give their highest meaning. For me it seems wasted to have a word that supposedly have value to leave it just to pleasing to the senses. Like about the beauty of integrity? Like who a person is! Because consider the extreme, a person of such immense value as Who they are, yet they have the most "ugliest" body or appearance, compared to this: a person with such patheti...

Image: Beauty, women, I had trouble looking at the woman that lived in the apartment. She was young. And I found her attractive, and by that I mean that I reacted to her. I felt nervous, shy, scared but in a desirable way. I wanted to look at her, but I felt these emotions. I don’t even know her. I felt intimidated by her appearance. I felt valued/judged by how she would have responded to me. I feel like she would have placed value in how I valued/judged her appearance. I didn’t speak to her, and I looked away, avoiding eye contact. So what I am seeing is that I am having a large value placed in how she looked, and with that I would place value on myself based on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in how a woman looks, and to place value on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous, shy and scared when there is a woman that I am valuing highly, like with beauty, re...

Reading over my last post I identified a charge. People looking at me. I think they are judging me. I think what they could be thinking of me. I get worried, scared. I think I am dumb. I think I am ugly. I think I am a wierdo. I think I am nothing. I think I cannot do anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am dumb" with nervousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" come up in response to when people are looking at me.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly" with fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly" with nervousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am ugly" come up in response to when people are looking at me.  I forgive myself...