Day 921 The people I really hate

 The people I really hate are those that try to hurt others either physically, mentally or emotionally, and especially those who target me. I can see the faces of them making jokes about the deficiencies of someone (me) and hollering. Like the only real enjoyment is how mad I get. Bullies. 

The enjoyment of torturing another *me. The picking on. The taking advantage of my kindness and silence. Piling on and never stopping even when I tell them to. Literally their enjoyment is seeing suffering. Saying the words of derision. Making fun of me being me. Making fun of me living and expressing as me. 

And especially someone who is a bully who says/pretends they are walking process. It makes me want to give up. To lack that basic component of caring for others. 

I let bullies win, and they know it and sense it. 

The people I look up to, I know they wouldn't stay silent. They would say exactly what was needed. I just hate them so much. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let bullies win, win by me keeping silent about what they said, which is what they picked up on about me in the first place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of bullies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear hurting the bullies feelings or antagonizing them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that bullying is an act, as an extension of a specific personality/behavioral program, which is one of many programs of an individual. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on the role of a victim through remaining in silence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live silence as a program, instead of as an expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter into silence not through my choice as a living expression, but as a reaction to a situation, which specifically in this case is some bullying or insult or antagonizing approach to me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I have to behave as the bullying is done, or with insults, or anger, or shouting, instead I can express in many ways, including being witty, smart about it, to the point with support, direct, playful, or other interesting ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in silent torture, not wanting to fight, and also not wanting to forgive. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to move on. 

I forgive bullying.