Yogan's Journey to Life

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

 My self-forgiveness and self-honesty are no longer effective, not for a while. And I aim to fix that. One of the things that is constantly in my mind while writing a blog and self-forgiveness online is others who are reading it. I am thinking about how it will affect others, and how they will react to it. I am worried about how it can inadvertently affect others, in ways that don't seem obvious. And I have this painful intuition on my body that responds when I do things. I am really in a fucked up situation. Its like I am scared to live. Cause I had my heart broken. Which is what has happened before several times in my life. Except this time it was my deepest wishes and desires, of friendship, camaraderie, sharing, openness, community. It was my faith in humanity, the goodness of others. That being said, its not your fault or their fault. That is who we are now, we are quite messed up, evil mother fuckers, quite demented, quite broken, quite sadistic, ruthless etc...  I remem...

  The day a friend's dog bit me, I didn't know any better. Based on my experience this dog, this dog was calm, was not barking or being aggressive. If anything, it looked shy. And the way my friend told me that careful the dog my bite, it sounded like so chill and not a big deal. And it was in a context of me entering her car and not putting my hand to the back to pet the dog. So far I never experienced or heard of a dog biting in this way with that demeanor. One second so calm, and immediately just biting, without warning. The dogs I have seen would bark heavily, growl, or make some other indication that they will strike. If they weren't like that they would at least be energetic, or happy. Another demeanor is a shy dog that was how one of my dogs( that passed away) would be around strangers.  In a way it was a gap in my knowledge and experience as well as my friend being so chill about the dog potentially biting. The dog and the situation were exceptional. And it all came...

When I look into my body, I see tension. Why is there tension? Because of I am thinking of other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be focusing on me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how I am perceived by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how others would respond to me. Is there anything else inside of me? More tension. Why is tension here? I think about failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about my failure in my goals. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure in having an impact. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure to have the impact I set out to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to t...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

She said: step in the circle if you are nervous that you’re in a new place. I hesitated to step in. I knew it was not true, but I was also afraid of standing out and not being part of the group. But I decided to stand back, and smiled. I felt nervous in standing out of the circle. The camp leader said ok. I noticed some eyes did look at me, but I focused looking straight ahead. The upperclassman next to me whispered in my ear that “you’re an asshole” I felt shocked, it struck a cord with me. I felt afraid. I suppressed that response and carried on my day with excitement. I believe I need fear in order to fit in. I believe I need to respond to fear, in order to be accepted and be like everyone else. I fear standing without fear, and so standing separately and differently from the group of people. I am afraid of not being accepted because I don’t have fear. I am afraid of sticking out and standing out from the crowd. I am afraid of not being liked. I forgive myself for acce...

Standing in everyone's shoes would necessitate that all fear and anger end. Because how can you be angry at yourself? Or how can you possibly fear yourself? Doing so would be absurd. The statement: I stand as all as one and equal, is specific. Imagine a person saying that they stand as everyone: All the people across the world, all the people you know or have heard of or encountered and of all the countries, and places, and parts in the world. To stand absolutely with all that exists: there can only be one meaning or one interpretation. Standing as everyone challenges your own point of separation: it challenges your anger, and your fear and your judgment and blame. Because you will resist standing as someone who you judge, blame, fear, or feel anger which you direct at them. Standing as everyone would support peace, harmony, and simply being supportive, constructive, present, warm, and gracious. I am working with Fear and Anger when it comes to what I see on the News an...

When someone you Love is Angry at you. I think this may be actually my greatest weakness. I see it being a point of great weakness because there are two parts. The first part is the fact is that it is someone who I love, or in other words have a connection with. And the 2nd part is them being angry at me. Either part alone is a point of challenge/force. So together they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Because the point becomes: I am causing them to be angry, and I am responsible for their anger. And I feel blame/responsibility and I am afraid of losing them. The truth, the truth of desteni, the truth of Life is that no one is responsible for how anyone else feels. No one. And not with anyone. You are not responsible for how other people feel. This includes anger. And this includes people you have a connection to. You are responsible for how you Feel. So on a physical level I am afraid, I am swallowing in my throat that I am so afraid. I am physically possessed in fear...

Our choice is a powerful thing. With choice/decision we can do and say some unbelievable things. For example we can say with words our commitment to be and do something that is incompatible with how things exist today. That incompatibility is quite unacceptable with how things are, and so it creates a resistance, naturally. In the world we have today, it is incompatible to say: I am committed to bringing about a world that is best for all. Because in the world we have today, every person is within a specific cell in their own prison, whose walls are their own minds. Your prison is everything that you define yourself to be: you define yourself to be a father/mother/parent. You define yourself as a citizen, as an American, African, Indian, or whatever country you want to name. You define yourself by your own name, by the age of your body. Shall I continue? Or do you get the idea? The reason why its incompatible to say that I am committed to bringing about a world that is best for ...

So I have an interesting point to share. What I am seeing is that in my body there has been stored programming that has been unleashed when I started to change my posture, my voice, my general holding of my body. So I was someone quite hunched over with my eyes being droppy all the time and not speaking clearly and mumbling quite a bit. I focused some time to change these things, and what I am noticing is that all of this programming in my head/mind came out. And that now I am noticing this point and now I am focusing on doing the SF and to change the inner points of the mind/self. So I'm doing SF on thoughts, emotions and feelings I am having. So here is a cross-reference point for others, that its possible that mind points are hidden within such things as posture, and other physical ways of holding yourself or kind of existing/moving as. I would say in my case I needed to change my posture and how I moved myself in all of these ways directly and so then face all of these mind p...

If you ever notice my blog count starting from one again, that was sometimes because I was like restarting my process. Rewalking it again. Realigning to the starting points of process. So I am doing the same thing today except I just won't be changing the number of my blog, but it is at 751! So it is a one there. Where I am starting is with the Words and the Definitions of Process. So the word LIFE. So to redefine and define the word Life. Life is everywhere and everything without any energy, without bias, without judgment or separation. True and complete equality between every single part and subpart as all of it together forms this existence equally. All is life. Choice- there is no choice, I give up my choice. I give up believing I can choose to what to say. I give up trying to say things in a different way or say a different message. There is only one message, one principle, one thing to say/speak in any moment, and that is what is best for all, that is oneness and eq...

The story of seeing a girl at an age 10 and seeing all of her potential and then seeing her 3 years later and seeing all of that potential Squashed. This is one out of many stories of humanity. The basic truth of all people, is that we’re all quite troubled, and that we at an early age in childhood had that potential and beauty. If you see all of the adults who are supposedly wretched, see how they used to be before, before they were like that, and even before then. Keep going back and you will see we all had that potential on our faces. That potential is there still, even though its deep down. It breaks my heart when I see that potential squashed. I haven’t learned how to deal with that. But that potential in humanity is the most beautiful thing there is. This is what I live for. I live for the potential of humanity and for myself. I don’t live for what is only here as in the status quo. I don’t live for continuing just the same thing everyday. I live for t...

 I'm too good for this world. This phrase has many meanings/interpretations, read on. One of the things that perplexes me of human behavior is when two people are kind to each other, are happy with each other, and enjoy each others company and then all of the sudden, BAM, it ends. But its not always the simple, though: it ends? What happened? So who I have always been is someone that never went into pushing people away. I know never is a strong word here. But with every person who did BAM, decided that they weren't my friend anymore, I always accepted/respected their decision, but at the same time just couldn't believe it. Meaning, I would ask myself: then was everything they said and did a lie? Did they not really been happy? Were they not seriously kind? Who were they within all the times we had together? Were they just fake/kidding? I mean that's only natural to wonder that. Especially when I was here not wanting to push them away or end things. Yet here they...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of talking about Desteni with a potential partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of talking about oneness and equality with a female I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being assertive, adamant, confident and sure of myself when speaking about process, the tools, desteni, and oneness and equality I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to suppress and hide Desteni from a potential partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to only present that which is light, fun, and likeable about me to a potential partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to change myself and put on a presentation to a potential partner that isn't me, and is suppressing myself, my words, my stand and my principles that I'm living of oneness and equality I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

Series Explosive Revenge and Worthlessness  I am a Bad person I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person for trying to help my friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am wrong to try to help someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think its wrong to help someone if they get mad at you after I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person if I tried to help my friend and they lashed out at me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person for reacting to my friend lashing out at me, and wanting to no longer be their friend or see them again I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my friend lashing out at me, and wanting to no longer be their friend or see them again. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am bad/wrong for trying to reconcile with my friend with how they lashed out ...