Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Believing that I don't deserve the best. -day 141

Believing that I don't deserve the best.
Believing that I don't deserve the best opportunity, the best life, the best qualities, the best way of living, the best living situation, the best circumstances, the best dreams/hopes/plans/desire, the best future, the best people/friends surrounding me, the best chances, the best.

If I give myself the worst, I receive the worst. If I give myself the best, I receive the best. I create myself, my fate, my consequence, my destiny, with what I give myself.

I, Yogan, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve the best. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve the best  opportunity to succeed in everything I do.

I, Yogan, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the best life possible, because I felt guilty that others are not living the best life possible.

What I give myself, I will make sure that others have all the chances and opportunities that I can give them to have the same.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to not be/become the best person possible with the best qualities, and thus live in the best way possible.

I will become what is best for everyone, which is the same as what is best for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself every opportunity and chance to succeed at everything I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be less than my true potential. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the gift of relationship, by relating to everyone the same way that I would want to be related to, by being there for people in my life in a practical manner, to stand in real time as support for others, being there for them, truly, honestly, what is best for them, in a practical manner. I realize I can't be there for 7 billion people, practically. I can be there practically for some individuals that I can reach and be in physical contact and communication with in my daily living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give the gift of SELF to another and myself as the solution, as the starting point that one must take, for one to KNOW WHO YOU ARE, and your purpose for being here, and how to reach one's true potential and one's happiness or satisfaction that doesn't end because its who you are as expression. Through that to realize how everything is yourself and you must find practical ways of assisting and supporting what is here to realize themselves, to know the answer to the question, who are you? No one knows who they are. Yet the answer is simple, SELF. You are yourself. You are the key to every problem. There's nothing you can't do. How many people knows the answer to that question? Well, now you do.

Monday, February 24, 2014

2 Incompatible definitons for love. Which one do you choose? -day 140

2 Incompatible definitions for love. Which one do you choose?

I looked up the definition for love in my dictionary. In the Merriam-webster's Collegiate dictionary, there are several definitions for love. When I look at the definitions for love, I see two definitions that I know of very well. They are 1) Strong affection for another, and 2) unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. Many definitions in the dictionary or in used in daily life by average people reflect some version of these two definitions. However I notice how in the dictionary there are several versions that speak to option 1, and little to nothing for option 2, which is very similar to daily life. How many people use definition 2? Few or many? And how many use definition 1? Few or Many? So you see perhaps why I am writing this. I am writing this because for me, in my experience, these two definitions are incompatible, because the starting points are different, not the same, for the two definitions of love. One starting point is in how a person feels, the affection or affect. The other starting point is with the good or well-being of another or someone, which may not necessarily be feeling. So as you can see, the 1st definition is more limited, while the second definition is more expansive and can include many more points, including how a person feels. So let's say if you were to love yourself, the difference between the two definitions, would be just that, that you care only how you feel, or you care about your entire well-being, not just how you feel, but what it is in the end, what is good for you. Because you may have notice that there are plenty of things within life, that may not feel so great now, but are really in fact good for you, it just takes time. And we may not realize these things because maybe our parents did not serve as the best examples for us. So this is a principle that you would agree with, no? Doing what is good for an individual, for yourself, and for others. Its just good, and to be unselfishly loyal, with the starting point of the actual being/person. Do you agree? Its common sense, no? I mean that's what I would want a parent to do for me, if I were to be a child, to take me as their starting point in seeing what is good for me, and actually providing that, or assisting and supporting me to achieve/attain that point that is good for me. And Im sure every parents wants that for their children, am I right? I think that perhaps the greatest gift a child can give to the parent is to love him/herself because that would mean that the child would be unselfishly loyal to the good of him/her-self. Because when that happens the child takes the position that the parent was providing example for with another being, the child, and now it has been incorporated for real now with the actual being him/her-self in the relationship towards him/her-self. Again, its unfortunate that many a child do not receive such an example from the parent. The reason I say this is because when I look at fear within me as an emotional experience, I do not like it, and it does not serve me within achieving what is good for me. When I feel fear and I perform an activity, I perform this activity worse. When I feel fear and I hear a word that triggers fear, I feel even more fear, and so I also perform even more worse in whatever activity I participate in. So whenever I am in fear, whatever I do, is simply much worse. And its a common practice to use fear when teaching children as parents, because that is what the parents were taught, fear, and because of the parents position, because of their perspective and experience that they were able to get this far, they were able to survive for this long and achieve this much with fear that fear is required to survive in this world. What is missed however, is that when asked whether you would like to survive or thrive? People would rather thrive. And to thrive, one must let go of fear, because fear holds you back, and is like a layer inside yourself which you place a part of your awareness in, so that your full awareness, and thus full participation is not here, and thus your performance will be less than what you are capable of currently, and this in addition will hinder your ability to learn and thus expand on what you are capable of to be even more. And if you are not totally convinced yet that fear hinders one's performance, just look and see how often one has done poorly on a examination where one had in fact studied the material and knew it well, yet you still felt fear. Isn't that strange? That we have a habit that limits our true potential? Is this the purpose of fear, and is this your purpose, to remain limited and never reach your true potential?

Is love fear? Are fear and love compatible, after what you have just learned? If fear hinders your performance, then fear is obviously not part of what is good for you. So to love oneself would be to let go of fear. So fear then is not best for you. What happens if you let go/stop fear in every moment? You do better at everything you do! you will do more, you will do things quicker, and do things of better quality, all at the same time! This is the road to perfection and your true potential. By placing your starting point to you, unselfish loyalty to the good of you, is how you start your process of correction. And removing the fear in each moment would be the walking of the process of correction in real time. You need both because, your starting point is who you are, it is your why. And then what you do in each moment is like the how, which you do because of your why, who you decided to be, which you saw was good for you, because its just that. So you see, there is no choice because it is simply who you are, and Im sure everyone would want what is good for them. Its like a greek tragedy where we are all the actors/characters the guilty, judge, jury and executioner. By our hands we reep our rewards or destory ourselves.

So which do you choose, to reward yourself or destroy yourself? Love yourself or not? Fear or no fear?
I choose Reward, Love, and no fear, because I want what's best for me, and so what's best for everyone, which I start with me first and share what I learned with everyone like I am doing here.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

This is about you? - day 139

This is about you. (no question mark)
What is interesting is that everything is always about you. What you think, what you feel, what you see, your reactions, your movements, is you. Its about you.
What you see on tv, the wars, the movies, the starvation, death, murders, stories, animal abuse, rapes, poverty, wealth, inequality,  its always about you. What you see is you. And if you close your eyes, the darkness you see is also you. When you run away, its you. When you hide its you. When you cry or complain its you. When you stand up and stop, its you. When you change its you. So no matter what, this existence is you, and every moment you are yourself.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Will Life be born? - day 138

Ok so when I was coming here to write this post, I was preparing to say how I fear losing someone because of who I am, what I do/did.
Now, however, I mean I have faced this point before, so this time I am facing it, it is rather a point of excitement, because I get to see who a person is, in response to who I am and what I did. Will they react? Will they stand? What? And I am excited more because there is a chance, a chance beyond all odds, all chances, that this person will stand. And that chance that possibility, that something real could manifest as a person here in the flesh, is exciting. So its not really an excitement, but really an anticipation to what is to come. You could say I am hoping they stand, because I want everyone to stand, and when they stand I feel like celebrating. And its just something amazing to marvel at for a moment. And it then reminds me of who I am, and my stand, and to see the same standing in another making the same stand as me, is just amazing to see. Its so intimate in a way. I always marvel and have that moment of awe when I see such a movement, a standing and stating of who one is as a real being shall we put it. My words only capture so much, and partly its because I am typing rather quickly with the first words that come to mind. Its interesting to see what words I use to describe what it is I am seeing. And the mind moves rather quickly in thinking, perceiving, taking perspective of the words, as I express them. So the mind is kind of like a buddy, or a talking parrot that is on my shoulder, as if another person or being that is sitting on my shoulder, who can't really carry on a conversation, and just simply reacts all the time to everything. If a reaction is not programmed by the mind for a particular situation, it simply can't do anything. It requires its program to move. Which is a limitation, however we are in a world of limitations, and programs are not necessarily bad, they are just one point of expression, of creation. Its perfectly possible to live with programs and do what is best for all. And for me that's my purpose, to create what is best for all, in every way. Programs are like excuses we use to limit ourselves. Its not the programs are limited, its that we are limiting ourselves and using a point of creation the mind, as an excuse to continue with the limitation, instead of finding a way out, you could say, and changing and becoming what we need to be for ourselves, which is kinda of like being/becoming ourselves. Isn't that kinda of strange, that we are not ourselves? I am mean, we are always ourselves, however why aren't we acting like it? Why aren't we acting to our fullest potential? That's why I say we are not ourselves, otherwise we would be acting/doing/being everything we need to be, and thus utilizing our fullest potential.

So Im excited, waiting in anticipation to see, will life move within this individual- which is themselves, life, or not? This is real shit, not some movie where everything is made up, using the very real things of the earth to make the stories, haha.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Who I am - day 137

Who I am
I lived a very specific life, like I am sure everyone has lived a very specific life. When I look at my life, my mind automatically compares my life experience to those of others. When I self-honestly check this however, I know, always that everyone is the same, and our life experience is in essence the same. Now, I cannot really know the life another has lived, that is for him/her to know. To share my life experience is a step I must take.

I am an innocent being. I have wholeheartedly accepted all of the advice and knowledge that my primary caregiver has given me. She has always been there for me, both my word and action. I naturally trusted her and that trust was rewarded in certain specific ways. So as that trust was rewarded I trusted her more. So that with each new knowledge point I always was more willing to accept it. I did have fears, very specific fears. I did face them directly as a manifestation of myself.

I always wanted to find people like me. I wanted to create a world that is like me. And I wanted to be the best person I can be for everyone. I enjoy being with myself and getting to know myself when I am with myself. I truly believe that everyone is after the same thing I am after. And that if they are not, then they are lost, because there can't be anything greater.

I see what we are capable of. I have become it before. And I feel its who we really are. And its worth any amount of time and effort to achieve. For me its the only thing that matters. And I would want the same for anyone.

We are life. Remember that.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My Truth - day 136

My Truth.
About everyone I have seen in my life, has been lacking in some way or another. For example, there is often fear of something, or perhaps love for someone or something exclusive to the rest. And I know already how anyone, if they were to stop those fears, and love inclusively of all, they could die happy in that moment, and of course they would not want to because they want to live, to express and understand themselves and others and provide the support and presence to everyone, as everyone, as I have said, is lacking in some way or another. So life would take on the definition = to everyone. I think there may have been only one person who may have heard the words I spoke. Im not really sure of the rest.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Becoming Financially independent of my Parents Day 135

So Im 23 years old. I did what the average, or maybe not so average, American young person would think to do, go to college. So I did that. I realized its not all that its cracked up to be. Suffice to say, making money with the intent, starting point of making money, which is within my starting point of what is best for all and so best for me, will accumulate money faster than not having this intent/goal/starting point. Money is not just going to fall into my lap. I need to work at generating it. Someone told me that everyone who has money is a salesman. They have to sell themselves or their product. So im going to go at this full out and see what emerges in this coming year 2014.

So some ideas I have about money are floating around inside of me, so im going to take them out in SF here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that making money is hard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that making money won't require a great deal of movement, because it will, however it doesn't require to be full of resistance.

If I make money then I make money, no resistance or hesistation about it. Money is innocent, it is just there for us to use. It is who we are, what we do with money that can be in a sense be called "good" or "bad" in terms that one is having an effect on this reality. Of course there is no good or bad, there is only the movement of things, however there is something that we have all been participating in, or rather not been participating in, that is moving with the direction and starting point of what is best for all, the best principle possible that can be lived by anyone, that everyone should be able to agree to. So money is necessary, because pretty much anything related to human labor/movement is related to money, at least currently. Its possible, though we are VERY far from it, for people as a collective to move themselves not because of money as a possessive object of desire or hatred, but because of who they are as a living statement that they have made of being what is best for themselves, and so best for all. I realize within writing that, well, that this is what I am busy implementing that starting point, that just with money but with everything. So now it will be with money.
So one secret desire or enjoyment I have with money is like I am being this greedy old man, secretly hoarding or making money without anyone else noticing. Within that there is great excitement. As well as fear of getting caught. And I see an image of someone hunched-backed, old, like ebenezer Scrooge from a Christmas Story, looking around, eyeing around to see if anyone sees him, carrying a smirk on his face. Delighted with himself in a disgusting wonderful way that he enjoys it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry this image within me of an old man, hunched back like Ebenezer Scrooge, smirking and smiling to himself at how wonderful it is to be sneaky with money, and made lots of money, without anyone else knowing it, so that he doesn't have to share it with anyone.
Within that I see that I am afraid of other people being sneaky with money and being like this image, hiding money, stealing money from others, and lying about how much money they have. And this is something I have done, to lie ever so slightly about how much money I have in the bank, both in video games and in real life. Within that I see it as unhelpful to effective communication and effective use of the money I have available. Within that too is the fear of spending money, and using it, losing it, and having NOthing. What's interesting is that this leads to a stagnation and unwillingness to risk myself, and so actually prevents making money. Within that fear, I freeze, clog up, and remain frozen- and so this hinders me in my actual physical participation in reality, and so lessens what I am capable of doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to freeze when I feel fear of losing money and having no money, instead of moving myself to make money, and make the money flow to me into my pockets for me to have available for use.

When and as I see myself become stagnated and heavy- I immediately stop and breathe, and pull myself up to move again! If I allow myself to become stagnated and to continue to remain there, I will continue to remain there.

I commit myself to move myself whenever I become stagnated as an emotional experience within me which is not real and not representative of what I am actually physically capable of doing.