Yogan's Journey to Life

I am looking at the word Friend today. And with looking at this word I am reminded of one of my very old friends, the Trees. There have been times in my life where I didn't have any human friends, actually for many long periods of my life. But the trees were a old reliable friend. There is a book called the Giving Tree. It helped me see that Trees are alive and that they give themselves as how they describe in the book. And I remember my mom telling me to stop hitting a tree with a stick, and how it feels pain. Trees do bleed sap. I remember I would draw trees as a kid There were specific trees that I would go visit. Some when I especially was sad and lonely. Resting my head against the one branch of this one tree. I would look at a tree and I could see all its splendor. I could hear in my head the voices the trees and plants would make, or at least I would imagine it. How I would say hello silently within myself to them, and I would hear right away how they say hi back al...

A moment where my attention got zoomed in focus on something/someone. Here the mind is activating. It is clearly the mind. Thoughts started to stream: maybe they are doing some activity, maybe they are secretly angry at me. Maybe they are doing something intentional and its direct at me! I don't want to see this! I also can't help but look! It has caught my attention, i am looking at it. So I had obviously shifted into something. I had a thought/opinion about the situation about what to expect and about the scenarios that could be happening. I was emotional already. It felt real and it caught my attention. I notice this aspect of having my attention caught is a red flag for the mind. My attention was shifted. It became zoomed in and focus on this thing that was happening. I didn't want to look away, I wanted to pursue and look at it more, and at the same time I didn't want to look at it, but I couldn't move on. So all of this is obviously the mind, its cle...

Chloe Leanne Brooks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYChu-UvzL8 There is much we do not know unless we experience the loss of something. Do you appreciate your own food, your body? Do you appreciate the air, the ability to walk up, the ability to dress yourself, take a shower? Do you appreciate the chance at being alive and live, be a part of the world, being able to be, live and interact with people in the world? When you look at silly reasons, excuses, fears, about what if they don't like you, what if things go bad, what if things don't work out, what if your dreams, goals, plans don't pan out. Look at the fact that you are alive and could actually do these things, attempt such things. Because one day you won't have the opportunity anymore, your time will be up. This is true for everyone. No one lives forever. Learn from others and the experiences they are going through, like Chloe Brooks who shares herself in this video. Place yourself in her shoes and see thr...

So like I said in my previous blog, I will only be writing on substantial points. So I see within me the space to integrate myself further into responsibilities, thus things that will create a visible change in reality. I have many creative ideas already, so I am not short of ideas. What is missing is the application. There is some energy of resistance, its not very intense however. What I find though is that things are very silent, and living out these responsibilities, things are silent, and with that silence I feel fear. Strange isn't it? But its here. It feels almost like a subtle wavelength that moves with the silence. Haha, so as if the silence has sound? Haha. This fear hidden in the silence is tied to the fear of living these responsibilities so absolutely that they are a part of me completely. This is what this fear actually is. And the silence is just the future point, what I anticipate/expect the future to be like without fear... strange how the fear is tied to... being...

Reading over my last post I identified a charge. People looking at me. I think they are judging me. I think what they could be thinking of me. I get worried, scared. I think I am dumb. I think I am ugly. I think I am a wierdo. I think I am nothing. I think I cannot do anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am dumb" with nervousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" come up in response to when people are looking at me.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly" with fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly" with nervousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am ugly" come up in response to when people are looking at me.  I forgive myself...