Yogan's Journey to Life

Something that I am observing for myself, which aligns with what someone else has told me, is that anger is made in relation to the past ( or memories). So if I feel angry right now its because I am angry at a memory. To me this makes sense.  When I observe myself I see that anger is directed at memories within me. And I suspect that when I get angry at someone while in person with them, that I am also getting angry at a memory. To me this also makes sense. Because memory defines the knowledge and it assigns value to actions. It defines it within the framework of good/bad and thus also what makes me angry. If I let go of the anger at memories, and let go of the memories, then I am just here. And I can create and move here something new. I do recognize that this point of memories can be applied to many things about the mind. But I do think it has something to do in particular with anger. Where memories are the subject of direction for anger. I am angry at the memories. In that case,...

 Fear. There is no reason to be afraid of anything. Not of death, disease, harm or violence. Fear itself is irrational. It has no reason. The reason we assign to it is that it protects us. But fear doesn't protect us at all. What does protect us is actions. Physical actions are things we do, which can include protection. Fear itself is a possession, is like an entity. It is not an action. It takes over what your actions are. And those actions are maybe sometimes to your benefit, and other times not. But all together it is not always best for all, and thus it isn't best for all since its something that you either accept and allow or not. Thus if you accept and allow fear you know you are accepting those actions that aren't best for all.  Fear is ancient. Its a foundational point of our minds and ego. And it is how and why we can even act within violence. Look here, would violence exist if fear didn't exist? And here I am talking about violence done not out of necessity, ...

 So there's something that I have realized about when people go through trauma. The common response by people who go through trauma says that it changes them. And what I see is that one of the reasons why it changes them is because they are feeling certain things that they don't know how to stop. And this includes anger and blame. And the mere suggestion that people who go through traumatic events forgive their abuser, is already scoffed at, let alone the suggestion that they forgive themselves for the anger and hate/blame that they feel. I suppose it makes perfect sense in this humanity that we are today that we don't know how to go through an event like trauma, and be able to process it and revert back to how we were. Because if we did so then we would remain like children. We would be naive, we would be pure, and open hearted, and we would still believe crazy things like no one should be harm, and all life is precious, and all people are equal regardless of any differenc...

So I see this point within me of the Secret Bully. Where in specific situations, where my mind sees the opportunity to activate, then it will be here: the Secret Bully. The design works as follows. It finds the perfect situations where basically another person will be confronted with me as the Secret Bully, but because we are alone, and because I don't do this openly with groups of people, and moreover I be Good with groups of people, and present myself as a good guy, that it would be strange odd if they were to tell anyone about it. So its highly specific. Understand this is a design, and given that I am writing it out, it loses its power. Because when you write out the design, the pattern, when you expose all the moments where it occurs, then it becomes powerless, because then you know it. When its kept secret and unspoken its like you don't know it. That is why the Secret Mind exists, to keep you trapped, and keep a level of power over you. Your only choice is to stop...

Self-forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad and depressed over losing a friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hopeful that they will return one day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that they blamed me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for them leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tired I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of my reactions about them no matter the cost I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and expect all relationships with people will end in the same way as them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and depressed that I couldn't do or say anything to keep someone from leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inadequate and blame m...

I want to do daily blogging. The solution I see is just to do 15 minutes blogging. So its short, but consistent. And I just write on what self-forgiveness I already did today. ~~ I had jealousy. I didn't want someone to have close friends. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be Jealous of the close friendship of others. ~~ I heard the dark, raspy voice of a female customer service person. It sounded attractive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find raspy voice attractive. ~~ I placed people here as me, Deep. I looked inside into the deepest depths to see if there exists  ANY reaction to a person. I saw yes. They made fun of how I walk. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them for making fun of me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone for what they do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone for what they say to me I forgive myself for accepti...

Being/Feeling Worthless I felt and believed I was worthless because as a kid I was quiet, shy, I didn't know what to say or what to do. I didn't know how to have conversations or speak. When it came to the girls I had crushes on, that I liked, I didn't know how to speak to them. And to one particular girl who made me her friend, who was super friendly to me, and spent time with me, and invited me to things, I felt/believed I was still worthless, I was too worthless to be with her. I was too worthless for her. I am quiet. I am shy. I don't know how to speak. This self-perception carried on within me. As I grew older and met other girls/women that I had crushes on, that I eventually dated, I still saw myself as too worthless to be with them. As I was with them, held hands with them as we walked, I still saw myself as worthless. I was afraid to say something stupid or I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say. I was afraid I was still too quiet, too shy, too inexper...

So reality brought before me moments with people that are from my past, and so recreating the dynamic of relationships and moments from my past in front of me. So here I am literally facing my past again. Within me and as me I reacted, I reacted in the same way I have reacted before in the past. My reaction so to feel stressed, depressed, misplaced, anxiety, unsettled. Within seeing this, that I what I am facing is literally my past in this moment, then what I have to do is walk this moment HERE, the only moment that is here, as the Me that I am now, that I direct here and now. The past is gone, even though people are here recreating the moments and living it as themselves, they are NOT me and I am not bound by the past, or by past rules, or by how I should be because that is how I used to be in relation to them. I can create here, how I am, who I am, in the moment, without Shame, without Guilt, with Peer pressure. I stand as the new me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

Something I have lived is 5 compromises of relationship. I compromised myself. There are two definitions of compromise. The one is essentially to reach an agreement by both sides giving into some demands from the other, so that neither side fully got what they originally wanted. 1. an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. The second definition which is the one that is used in this blog is when like when you compromise yourself, which means to give in or give up some very important things about you, something like being corrupted. 2. accept standards that are lower than is desirable. So the five compromises of relationship that I have lived 1. The compromise of Looking to Receive Approval, and Changing yourself in order to Receive Approval     I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change myself when I have received approval in whatever form, including applause, where in that moment of approval I...

Anger as Justice is tricky because... when you are in traffic and a car cuts you off you think to yourself what an asshole, or that they shouldn't be doing that! I can list many more examples here... someone throws their trash on the ground. someone didn't clean their dishes. someone left a mess. someone talked about you behind your back. someone took something from you without asking permission. So pretty much in all above examples it is sociably ACCEPTABLE to become angry. According to society and invisible rules you are right to get angry. At desteni though we push further, we ask the question deeper, we don't just accept things just because. We want the answer that is best for all in all ways. What does anger do here? And perhaps more importantly what does anger feel like? Have you considered that you feel good when you feel angry? Don't you? You feel empowered, strong, ready to go. The opposite of feeling weak. So anger isn't a negat...

Reference: Bernard's blog post h ttp://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2017/06/day-573-practical-living-explained.html www.Desteni.org

There are many ideas floating around, many arguments, many beliefs, many opinions, many knowledge that is all useless cause it has nothing to do with Life, what's best for Life, what's best for reality, standing as All as one and equal, standing. Just tear it all down, rip it apart, ignore it, destroy it, forget it, drop it. Anything that prevents you from living as one and equal, living with this reality, living here today on Earth, just flush it away. It doesn't matter if you are old. It doesn't matter if global warming will destroy the planet. It doesn't matter who your president is. It doesn't matter what challenges you face on a daily basis. None of that matters. What matters is YOU and where YOU stand within this location point in this One Existence we all Share and CREATE on a daily basis through YOUrself. There is so much useless shit that goes through our minds, that add nothing of value to this reality, to life. Keep that which serves life and dr...

The Power to Change who you are is an Immense power. It is immense because it is impossible in the eyes of humanity. It is God-like to have such power to change Self. It is super-hero. It is fantasy, a fairy tale. Just unbelievable, that everyone/anyone can have such power, not matter who they were, what they have done, who they had been. Some religions are seen as great in the eyes of men because they offer absolution from all sins, all past transgression, a clean slate that allows you into paradise, where God forgives you. What about just forgiving yourself? No matter what you have done or been. What about, instead of asking for God or someone else to forgive you, you just do it? So simple. Anyone can do it. A rapist could do it. A child-murderer could do it. Abusers, violent people, sinners could do it. Anyone can recognize that they have done something that isn't best for them and others and they can take responsibility and change. Anyone can. Its just a belief that you h...

So, the moment of Feeling Nothing. The point where you get to where you Feel Nothing. The place/space where you feel Nothing. So the point where you feel nothing, is where you can see what you truly want. Why? It is logical why. The logic is that if you feel something, and then you try to see what you want, then what you want will be based on how you feel. Consider. If you feel hungry, thirsty, or tired, you will see what you want is food, water or sleep. But is that what you really want? If you feel lonely, sad, or anger, you will say that you want company, to feel happy, or to get revenge. But is that what you really want? Whatever you FEEL in this moment, will influence your answer of what you want. Can you agree with that? That there is an influence? Im not saying its bad, right or wrong. I am saying it as a FACT. Do you agree that when you ask someone what they want, that how they FEEL will determine to an extent their answer?I understand that some people have greater ...

Strength, Being Strong. Speaking strong. Moving Strong. My Strength I have always been strong enough. I am strong. I have only suppressed it, muffles it, snuffed it out, with fear. I am afraid of being strong and using my strength to change the world. I am afraid of having an affect on people, on having power over people, on having power over the fate of the world, and the lives of individuals. I am afraid of having the ability through speech alone being able to motivate, move people into a direction. I am afraid of the responsibility. I am afraid of failing and being corrupted by power. I fear having power and being powerful.  All these fears are lies. Because being weak, doing nothing, just not participating, not having an affect, not having a say, your just sealing the already existent fate of the world. Right now, it is certain that by doing nothing your damning the world and everyone to hell. That is our current trajectory. So doing something, anything is damn sure better....

I grew up in an environment where enlightenment was considered real. so I expected that through meditation, which meant like sitting in the room and not thinking, I would get enlightened. Where I would be happy all the time, and have all the right things to say in any moment. And nothing and no one can touch me, make me react in anyway, forever., permanently. Looking back now, I just didn't have the proper understanding of how the mind works. Though I tested the tools I had to the extreme. So I saw directly meditation is not enough. That was when I found the desteni tools. I found that self-forgiveness can stop thoughts, emotions/feelings in the moment, and you can move as your body without thought. So its not that I disowned enlightenment, or think it was stupid. I just found the actually way to get there. This is what changed in my understanding: 1. It will happen in one moment  VS You will physically, practically change yourself point by point 2. You just need to stop y...

This is a mental to test how far would you actually go when it comes to forgiving yourself. Think about all of the most horrible things possible for a person to do. These actions would be the most evil possible. Bring all of these evil actions, behaviours, habits to your attention. Imagine that you are the most evil person, and have done the most evil things. Imagine you have done these things many times over a long period of time. Imagine you are the most evil person that ever existed. Now would you forgive yourself for all the things you have done, and so change who you are, and so what you do so that it is better, and so best for everyone? In short, would you forgive yourself, which implies actually changing? Your answer to this question says something about your relationship with yourself. If you say yes you would forgive yourself even when you are the most evil person ever, it means that you are willing to forgive yourself and become better, so to change. If you say no that ...

So im going to make this blog about reviewing over a helpful thing that I do to support me to stand and direct myself to not fall into the mind, in moments such as video game playing and porn viewing in moments where it is not appropriate. So just to say it, I bring myself to the physical. To be frank, I rediscovered this point within masturbation. I say rediscovered because I have applied this point before but I had stopped, mainly out of fear of this point that it may have been fake or untrustworthy. So it was the mind convincing me that something that was supporting me was actually bad or harming me. So just to talk about the point of masturbation a bit, to make it an little of an introduction, I have been practicing masturbation as a point of being here with my body and directing and moving myself without image or thoughts. So when I do this the objective is to not be thinking of any man, women, any sexual, nothing. So totally no thought. So what I would sometim...