Monday, September 30, 2019

Day 756 Life

So, I'm standing again in clearly seeing the Life that is here as me. What this means is that how I see myself is a being, a something that is life- if I create an imagination about it in order to describe it- it could be seeing myself/my body that is right here in his moment as I sit in this chair and type, and seeing that inner body as like a blue light that is my body. Its not about an image, but if I were to use an image it would be that. How I see myself is about seeing myself as life- meaning that I have no beginning and no end, that I am standing with and by every single part, particle, and speck in this existence, from the great to the small. So I committed to support every single part/person/thing in this existence- no matter who it is or what they have done. Because there are no enemies in reality/existence- there is just people/life that may be exercising power in accordance with their programming and in ways that is not what is best. But there is no enemy, there is no need for anger, hate, revenge, or punishment as emotional vengeance. Everyone is here to learn, including me. And everyone can be a teacher/teach once they learned something, including me.

 For me, what has blocked me and prevented me from living in alignment was one fear- an old fear, that is very ancient/primordial, and so probably genetic. Its a fear that I had in relation to ghosts/spirits- which I had at least an experience as a kid, that caused great fear. But I understand that fear now, I see it clearly. And I'm not letting it stop me from being me. If what I am saying doesn't make sense in the context of who I am, know that it doesn't need to make sense to you. The most important thing to take away is that One Fear, one Emotion can throw you out of whack- and if you do realize that and change/learn, then you can change your self-experience, and see more deeply into the reality/truth of who you are and what the nature/truth of reality is.

When working with the mind, you will see things that may seem petty, small, or bizarre, weird--- the most important thing to know is that the mind works/based on energy: which is emotions/feelings- and the content of it, or the context or the image of it, is not more than what it is. It still simply a feeling/emotion, just like saying its simply an image.

 What helps me get to the point of like the life-connection point within me- where its like I am empowered and see the point of Life- is this: making the statement that I stand by All Life, all of the existence, and stand to do what is best for all- making this commitment/statement and MEANING it, is part of the point- meaning that no matter what I may be feeling or reacting or thinking---- I am not going to let it or anything prevent me or stop me from doing what is best for all, and committing to do what is best for all.

The result of this realignment is seeing all that exists is me- seeing us as a family- seeing us as a One- seeing that image of things or the age of things or the ideas about things don't matter when it comes to this fact- we are one and equal as life. Things that are old are equal to what is young. Things that are opposites or polarity are one and equal. The truth of this is seen when you look at reality through the eyes of the physical- without ideas and definitions of the mind.

So that above is an important piece of knowing me and trusting me and in knowing where I am at. Like if I am unable to make that statement then I know I am off in someway- if I can't stand empowered as my responsibility as life, as a part of existence- then I know something is off.

I know that the natural reality for us is meant to be that: where in any moment we see the life in everything, everywhere- we see who we are- we see our responsibility- we see what we have to do- we see and know ourselves and we live that and we make our choices and decisions based on that- Where it becomes merely assessing and realigning the points to that point of Life within us. There is no more urgent or important matter to attend to in our daily life and living than this- attending to who we are is the most important thing to do and be committed to and to be aware of as to its importance.

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Day 755 Being Vulnerable

So I'm going to be describing something that may be very hard to understand. Even with the right words, if you read it too quickly, then you are already accessing the idea of it.

Being vulnerable in asking someone something:

Can I go with you?
Will you help me?
Can I have your number?
Can we hangout?
Do you want to go to...?
And here, imagine that you are truly saying these words as truly asking the person. Not putting up a facade, not trying to be cool, not trying to already shield/guard yourself and act like you don't care. Truly being vulnerable in truly asking for what you want and so you are declaring to the person what you want and you are in the same moment ready to hear them say Yes or No.

That moment is the one I fear. I fear vulnerability. And when I look at people in general, everyone does as well. And the common advice that I hear and have been told is to be STRONG and CONFIDENT and basically FUCK THEM if they say no. And this is what I see everyone giving as advice- to just move on.

What is interesting to see is how all males are expected to be unemotional. And females are also criticized for being over emotional. So has anyone ever considered that both males and females are encouraged to be unemotional and simply not care- simply blow things off, and be cool and stable all the time? males and females are both pressured to be the same way. I don't think I have ever heard anyone really point this out, in such this way, have you?

What I notice is that for some people they react to seeing someone being truly vulnerable- when they see someone being vulnerable in asking/saying what they want, it draws a negative reaction as a kind of aggression and desire to suppress that person. The reason why I think is because that person's fear of that very point of them actually being vulnerable and facing their own rejection is scary. So it reminds them of the point.

We are programmed, both males and females, to fear being vulnerable and real. And here vulnerable is truly saying and asking for what you want truly. So what I see as what's all too common is that everyone is just playing it cool, acting like they don't care- and trying to be Strong and Confident.

What's interesting though is the moment when someone says Yes, and really they respond to your vulnerability. Like we all can tell when someone is being vulnerable and real with us- we know it- we hear it in the voice. And we can all tell when we are being strong/confident as simply a reaction to feeling afraid of rejection. So having that real moment and having someone recognize it, and saying yes, that's like something real.

The practice then is being vulnerable and asking those vulnerable questions. Asking these questions already places you in a vulnerable position- you are saying what you want, and the other person is deciding- you are literally vulnerable here, you are powerless in that sense- you may face rejection- and trying to cover it up and react by pretending to be strong/confident is a lie to yourself. You are asking something vulnerable, you are being vulnerable, that is the truth of the moment.

And what I have noticed/learned about me is that I have spent a good deal of time trying to be confident and strong, and by doing so as following the advice of people and so following our collective programming- I haven't pursued or done vulnerable things or asked vulnerable questions. The only way to do such things is to be vulnerable- not being trying to react and be like strong/confident.

The programming I see is that we try to become confident/strong which is a reaction to feeling fear to moment of being vulnerable and open and so you can be told no. So you can look at how real strength is not in avoiding the fear/vulnerability- but true strength is actually being vulnerable, facing the fear by facing/doing the actual moment of asking the questions and so stating/asking for what you want- which by its nature/design is very vulnerable. This fact and this part of human life, and simply living is quite interesting- being vulnerable is being real.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be strong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be confident

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not feel scared

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to feeling fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be unfeeling and just be tough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be aggressive and judgmental

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be powerful in saying it is their loss

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter into the idea from society
about what confidence is, about what security is, about what being stable is- as not feeling scared, and appearing unmoved.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how being vulnerable and real in asking something is what vulnerability is, is what is being real, really saying and asking permission and really being told yes or no. That is real strength.

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Day 754 I am not a Follower

So what I was walking with my mind in today/yesterday was this point of Standing where I was standing to NOT be a Follower of My mind, or within my preprogrammed life.

So in my preprogrammed life/mind I am meant to be someone who is not standing out, who doesn't go against the grain, who is invisible, who blends into society, blends into his career/work, who is quiet within that life, who doesn't rock the boat, who doesn't share his opinions, keeps to himself.

This is my preprogramming, and this is who i am within my mind, and within my life, and within myself. Within that programming it feels natural, it feels comfortable, it feels familiar, it feels right.

So I am standing up and putting a stop to the programming. This involves some physical actions and physical stance, and insisting in certain actions which are my own, which are going against the grain, which is radical, which is going against the tradition, going against what is accepted as normal in society, it goes against the Nature of Life as defined by the system. So I am taking the actions and standing and saying NO, to the thoughts I have, I am literally ignoring/not listening to the thoughts going on in my head, I am insisting and standing. I am not a follower, I am an EQUAL.

And this application I will apply to my entire life. No matter where I go, or what moment, I am not a follower. If I do anything its because I CHOOSE to do it, as my own action, no matter what situation I am. Even if someone is commanding me to do something or die, I will CHOOSE to do whatever it is that I will do. So you see, no one can command me. I am not a follower, I make my choices within this limited reality, and I take responsibility for every choice I make. This includes survival and threat of death.

Obviously though my daily life is not so extreme as having to do horrible things. But I make sure that who I am is HERE, and I am CLEAR in making all my choices/directions. I stand in myself to make sure that I am living a life that is NOT quiet/hidden, just because that's what my programming is telling me to do.

I am not living a life that is Fated or Destined for me. If people talk about Destiny or fate, then they are simply saying in other words that your life is preprogrammed. So I say fuck that, and I will take ownership of me, and remove all points of influence within me as my mind that will try to steer me onto a certain life path based within emotions/feelings. I create my life, and I create that WITHIN what is best for all. That is who I am, and my commitment, decision and direction, and action.

I am not a follower, I am not a leader either, I am an Equal.


Monday, September 16, 2019

Day 753 Preprogramming and Working for Money

Preprogrammed to NOT work for money.

The statement: Do what you Love to do, find a Career that you Love to do.

What this statement is saying is to follow your Preprogramming- Do what you were preprogrammed to do. The one missing piece of information that general people lack is that every person was preprogrammed through their mind consciousness system to have a preprogrammed life path- which meant that SOME people were preprogrammed to work for Money for example, or to be a doctor or lawyer, or to be a scientist or teacher etc... or to even be poor, to be an alcoholic, to be failure and live a painful life. Everyone is preprogrammed. So the statement of doing what you love to do, is basically telling you to trust your feelings and emotions, and so to simply do whatever it was you were preprogrammed to do.

Some people are more lucky than others. For me, I was preprogrammed to be something like a Guru, and at the very least I was preprogrammed to NOT be working for money. I can at least see this point here- I feel a demotivation, an emotion of feeling displeased with working for money. And I can see other people and I can see how its easier for them. I know that all emotions are mind systems, and so for me to be triggered by the thought/idea that I work a career in data science for the purpose of making money, even though my plan is to use that money to do good and support life, this is proof that I was not preprogrammd to make money as my purpose. So what I have to do is to remove the systems within me, remove the emotional systems and align myself in the physical with the physical actions/movements without energy.

For the common man/person changing their preprogrammed path when it comes to career can be very difficult. For me its almost necessary, and I am highly motivated to do so. But for many people its going to be quite difficult- unless you are walking the process of emotions/feelings and changing self based on the support of the desteni knowledge/coursework/support. Because the common man does not have the facts on how their mind works or their emotions/feelings work. If they did though, and if they really did apply it and get good at it, then yes it will be much more common for any person to be able to live their fullest expression and become something of Life, of expressions that realize their potential as life, to be or do anything within what is best for all.

Removing/stopping emotions/energies/system is a specific skill. Its not something done through knowledge alone. Simply reading this blog is not enough unless you already have the practice with the tools and applying knowledge/understanding within yourself to change in your physical body/self/life immediately.

Human beings were preprogrammed entirely- completely. The idea of free choice is an illusion. Understanding and how and where your choices is based within your mind system as following energies/emotions/feelings/thoughts is how you start to see the truth and start to understand what choice is and its responsibility is within the context of the reality of Life on the planet- including the level and extent that every single human being is programmed by their mind without even being aware of it. Imagine you have an entire planet of people who are completely brainwashed and controlled and aren't even aware of it, or the complete extent of it. That even the people who are supposedly working with themselves are in another layer of trap/enslavement, here I am referring to Gurus, New Age, Positivity, even Religions, Philosophy/Intellectual people. Where these specific things were placed as another layer of control to mislead people. Cause the one point that no one challenges or points out is Energy in all its form BOTH positive and negative. No one questions the positive polarity.

In my case, I am quite intelligent and able to do some mentally demanding work/career, like data science. So in terms of the physical level, I can do it, I am prepared in my mind/schooling. But where my preprogramming kicks in is when I look at working for money- I start to get emotion reactions that do take me over. And only by seeing now and understanding the preprogramming that says I shouldn't work for Money, that can I see it and can I stop it. As the absolute truth, I am life, I have a birthright to create myself as how I wish, within what is best for all. So to be limited by emotional preprogramming that dictates who I am and my motivation is unnacceptable. Life is fascinating, all subjects and all careers are fascinating. I am aligning with one that I have the physical capabilities to do and that pays very well. I can do, I will do it, and I am removing the programming within me that says I shouldn't do it.

Preprogramming is the same as how astrology was created for people and things like fate/destiny was created in the how specific people were meant to have certain experiences and live certain lives in order to reinforce Faith or Belief systems from other people. Its simply a very elaborate hoax/prank done at such a sophisticated and deep level that it can never be exposed/questioned by the ordinary person with limited information/perspective. But within the greater picture it makes sense how and why it exists. The basic answer is enslavement.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Day 752 - My Tether to this World

I have found an interesting thing. My tether to this world. It is something defined within the mind, but I can see I can redefine it and live it as words.

My tether is what gives me the sense of living, of hope, and potential and there being a future for me in this world. I find that when I look into myself as my life timeline that my tether to this world relates to Being Understood by someone and finding that one someone who does See me, Gets me, understands me. So its an imagination. I imagine finding such a person and see the potential of the human people that I would find such a person somewhere.

I have had this throughout my life since childhood. I can see the negative polarity of seeing myself as not understood by others, or heard by others. That I am alone in this world, and so feeling frustrated, tired, alone, meaningless within that. And so having this idea of finding someone someday who does understand and get me is what motivated me through so many times in my life. I had a  real hope, and excitement in seeing the potential of meeting someone.

Without this tether to this idea/imagination, I see that I am disconnected from this world, disconnected from all people, all life everywhere. It gives that emotion of feeling frustrated.

Frustrated is specific and I see it relates to when I was a child before I could talk so well, and how adults and people wouldn't understand what I was saying. So feeling frustrated to that level.

So when I do look at or consider the possibility of the future of meeting such people who understand me, it does get me excited, full of hope and full of the potential of things.

So the point of separation is not seeing how there can't be someone who understands me in such a way. I'm sorry to say its not possible. Who I am and how I am is specific. There's no way someone can really get me in all dimensions. At best I connect with people in specific dimensions which does happen often and with most people. So that's clear.

So that's my self-honesty and so to realign and connect the point, I am tying the tether to me. And this means that I will live the words Hope, Excitement and Potential, in the exact way and nature of it that I would get/become through the idea and imagination of meeting people.

The idea of meeting people and friends, family, and loved ones, that is a biggie point for me. For as as long as I remember Friendships and Relationships formed a huge part of my emotions and self-definition and preoccupation in my mind. So actually redefining this one aspect which relates to the Hope, Potential and Excitement that I normally would feel when looking forwarding to meeting or seeing people, and instead LIVE IT as a self-expression at any time or all the time, or everyday, is quite radical.

But this radicalness, is exactly the point, I am becoming something odd/strange in humanity. I am becoming truly something different than how people function/operate. I becoming a point of self-fulfillment, through stopping this seemingly core point in who I am as mind and self-definition, which is something humanity lives as mind.

I am walking this point in the midst of what seems utter chaos in my inner reality and my outer reality. Yet at the same time, walking this process, and getting to the mind points and simply understanding it and changing it through the tools, this is staple. This is what is normal. We were all children at one point. We all become who we were through time. Spending the time to change is how we create our change in ourlives and direct ourselves.

So I see the excitement as ME, I see the excitement as my future and potential. There is always a future involving me in it. I see me being able to do things, I have the potential to do things that I can't predict/know and that excites me. I can come up with all sorts of expressions and live all sorts of things. I see the potential of joy, fun and expression with me, even if its alone or with others. The point is that I AM THERE. I will always be THERE in the future and so always Here, right now. And that is something to be excited about and look forward to :)


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel displeasure and dislike for not being understood/heard in a moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say/desire that I want to find that one person that understands me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Imagine then the person as really existing, as a person who truly understands me and gets what I am saying, and who I am, and my intentions. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excitement within imagining this person who understands me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hope within imagining this person to be real, the one who understands me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in conflict with reality, and all people, and so continuing to live, because I saw everyone and this reality as not understanding me when I speak or say something. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing as a living word and independent to and different from other humans/people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone as the first one in doing/becoming a living word in relation to a mind point that everyone seems to have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Miss Myself, as in missing the sight of myself, missing the view of myself when I live myself, as in not seeing me.


I commit myself to live hope, potential and excitement as me throughout my day as an living of the previous reaction/movement of when I want to be understood and believe I am being understood by someone or some people.


Day 751 RESTARTING MY PROCESS

If you ever notice my blog count starting from one again, that was sometimes because I was like restarting my process. Rewalking it again. Realigning to the starting points of process.

So I am doing the same thing today except I just won't be changing the number of my blog, but it is at 751! So it is a one there.

Where I am starting is with the Words and the Definitions of Process. So the word LIFE.

So to redefine and define the word Life.

Life is everywhere and everything without any energy, without bias, without judgment or separation. True and complete equality between every single part and subpart as all of it together forms this existence equally. All is life.

Choice- there is no choice, I give up my choice. I give up believing I can choose to what to say. I give up trying to say things in a different way or say a different message. There is only one message, one principle, one thing to say/speak in any moment, and that is what is best for all, that is oneness and equality, and that is Life. I don't have to think about it, I don't choose. I simply speak. It easy.

Process- refers to the active process through desteni tools and courses- it also refers to the fact that everyone is walking their own process but without the tools. There will be those who will be able to drastically/radically and tremendously change in their lifetime and be examples for others and pave way for others in their lifetimes. There will be those who aren't going to be able to actively walk process. We are all equal as life, and equal in process. We all have to face ourselves and take self-responsibility. No one will escape/avoid responsibility.

Consequence- We all will face consequences. There is collective consequence through our accepted and allowed state of the world, humanity, existence and Life. Like how it is said, there is no free choice, there is only consequence.

Clone- I am going to be like a clone. I am going to speak the desteni message, I am going to speak the message of Life. I will be repeating myself. I am not original. I am not looking to gain favors, or to gain something from someone else. I am simply speaking the Truth of Life, of Existence, of ourselves, of humanity, of Reality. I am speaking as Life, as all of us, and I am becoming something that is real, and I am NOT being Yogan as the Identity or ego or individual as Emotions, Fears, Insecurity, and Energy or Mind.

Physical- The physical is what is real, the mind completely depends on it. The physical is the true source of power. Both for the Mind, but also for the physical resources, and physical prosperity, and physical needs, and physical happiness. All depends on the physical reality and structure. If we trust and utilize the physical in process we will surely succeed. Without using the physical, it will be extremely difficult and practically impossible to make significant headway in walking out of the mind. Indeed, we are walking out of the mind and into the physical body and reality. We are returning to the physical. This is the process we are walking and doing. And also why real physical change in the structure of society is needed to make sure all physical needs are met and we build a society that truly represents the interests of Life and Everyone, so that it reflects what is best for all and living as one and equal as Life and with Life. with and as All.

Mind- The mind was created as the ultimate enslavement tool. It completely relies on energy. At the same time it is the ultimate teacher and challenge as it does require you to stand and take responsibility for yourself, for this existence, for your power, for your responsibility, for who you are and your affect on reality. The mind is neither good or bad. Nothing is in fact good or bad, good and bad is simply and idea and definition created to reflect separation and deepen the separation between all things. The mind is a reflection of that polarity and you can see it in how it defines energy as good/bad, as emotions and feelings. All energy of the mind needs to stop, and can be stopped through breath and self-forgiveness. We can step out of it in any moment and be physical hear. To really remove a programming it requires something deeper like understanding the pattern and understanding the reasons why it exists and creating a plan/script where we walk in real time and we apply the change/correction to reflect the actions that are truly best for all- this is done through writing since we are not able to process all the information in our heads. Writing allows us to actually work with large amounts of information. The mind has all the information it has ever perceived stored in there. It is vast. But it requires energy. The mind cannot exist within Breath, so when you breathe it cannot exist there in that moment. Remember the mind can NEVER force you to do anything, it is all through your acceptance and allowance. It presents you with the options and you are the one that acts on them. You are the one that FEELS the energy and Indulges in the energy. You are the one that can stop the energy. That is why we say I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to... You have all the power. The mind depends on you.

At the same time the mind vastly superior to you in the sense it has all the info about you. It knows you better than you know yourself. It knows your weaknesses, it knows what to do and what to bring up. And it will do everything it can to continue existing. It is not malicious but it is very effective. So be prepared to bring your A game, and commit yourself to not give up and to keep getting back up no matter how many times you fall. That is your power: perseverance. And its all you. No one else can every determine REALLY what goes on inside of you and your space. There is a beauty in that isn't there? We are all self-responsible for ourselves, whether we like it or not, whether we deny it, whether we embrace it, it will always be true.

Monday, September 9, 2019

Day 750 When I feel Sad/Happy regarding others Decisions to learn


The story of seeing a girl at an age 10 and seeing all of her potential and then seeing her 3 years later and seeing all of that potential Squashed.

This is one out of many stories of humanity. The basic truth of all people, is that we’re all quite troubled, and that we at an early age in childhood had that potential and beauty. If you see all of the adults who are supposedly wretched, see how they used to be before, before they were like that, and even before then. Keep going back and you will see we all had that potential on our faces. That potential is there still, even though its deep down.

It breaks my heart when I see that potential squashed. I haven’t learned how to deal with that. But that potential in humanity is the most beautiful thing there is. This is what I live for. I live for the potential of humanity and for myself. I don’t live for what is only here as in the status quo. I don’t live for continuing just the same thing everyday. I live for the potential of the development and growth of us, of our expression, where we can be more expressive, more creative, more crazy or more relaxed. To be able to have fun in unusual ways. Or to be able to support others in surprising ways.

If a person dies, its one thing. They die, its not so bad for me.

If a person moves away or leaves, its not so bad either.

But if a person squashes potential, they destroy it, they really remove potential for growth, understanding, development--- that is what gets me deep in my core.

When someone says no to an open door- when someone says no to seeing what’s more, when someone closing off from the rest of the world, there is nothing more sadder than that.

I am trying to understand that, or recover from hearing such news. I myself feel like giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone closing the door to learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone closes the door to potential of learning more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone squashes their potential to hear more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone shows a lot of potential but then squashes it and ends it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel deeply hurt when someone closes themselves off from listening or hearing more

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I can’t live without people open to their potential
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for people who are open to learning, and instead of living for Life itself in all people, including those who have closed themselves off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am alone when someone closes themselves off from me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel crazy when someone showed a lot of potential and just suddenly closed off all potential at once

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose faith in myself and my process because another closed themselves off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to understand their reason to close themselves off, because there is no good reason, just an excuse and just their process they are creating for themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that no matter what we are all in this together, including those who have closed themselves off, and that in the end we will all be at the same place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy with seeing people who live their potential and are open to learning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel rewarded with seeing people applying themselves and learning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like it’s a gift to witness someone challenge themselves and be victorious

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to see people succeed, and learn something new

When and as I see myself feeling sad in seeing someone close off to their potential to learn/grow- I stop and I breathe- I realize that we are all walking process, and that its up to each one to define, decide and determine their own process – I realize that what others do or what happens or how things happen won’t matter, because one way or another what is best for all and oneness and equality will happen, that this is the destiny of Life/existence- I realize that one’s personal experience will be affected by our decisions in process- I realize that celebrating someone else’s victory as if its my own is not needed and is my own creation, and that I can instead express as a self-expression instead of a conditional reaction as feelings- I realize that each one’s achievements is their own and it is for them to celebrate and enjoy- I realize its not my victory or defeat regarding what others do with their process and time on earth.

I commit myself to live my stability in not being reactive or emotionally involved in others processes, and their movements and decisions, and to not judge or react regarding any decision they make.

I commit myself to respect everyone’s process.

I commit myself to be just an equal to everyone, instead of something like a cheerleader or a teacher which would react to how others are doing.

When and as I see myself feeling happy in seeing someone learn something new and embody some of their potential- I stop and I breathe- I realize that how I feel about it has no bearing on their process- I realize that my own positive reaction is connected to the negative of feeling sad when someone closes themselves off- I realize that their own victories and achievements is all on their own even if I was involved in helping, it was still up to them- I realize that what matters is that they walk their process and that is entirely up to them, I have no say in that or influence in that- I realize that we are all the same in regards to we all are walking in process in one way or another, and we all determine our own process.

I commit myself to be supportive in how I can to everyone whether they are open to it or they are closed to it, I will support/act accordingly

I commit myself to recognize that each one walks their process and creates their own path and that I respect that and know that in the end we will all meet.

I commit myself to express myself unconditionally and that if I do celebrate with someone that it is my self expression and not as a reaction of feeling good.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Day 749 Stepping out of Hell


I am standing up to my mind, and I am standing up to myself. I suppose it is something like Gandi because he advocated non-violence. So I am standing up to my mind in a non-violent way, and so also a non-aggressive way. I am not angry at my mind, I am not resisting it. I actually let it play out a little bit in my head, but within doing so I am clear in who I am, and what I am doing in the moment, and what I am directing. I am clear that the goal is to stop the energies and stop the thoughts/mind through Understanding and Self-forgiveness within Understanding my responsibility of how I created any specific mind system I am being faced with.

So I am committed to stop the feeling/emotions. I am committed to stopping the positive reactions and the negative reactions. I am committed to really release the mind systems and to do so within Understanding the How that I created the particular mind system I am faced with. Through understanding me, through understanding my mind and the story of it, through understanding the specific nature of how and why a particular stream of thoughts exists and particular personality system exists or specific reaction == I will change through and with that understanding. To this I am committed. No matter what may come up in my mind, no matter the content of it, no matter how dark it is, or what it is saying= it is not real. The mind isn't real. What is real is the physical. Physical touch is real. Physical pain is real. Physical reality in all its senses is real. But the mind and the thoughts are unreal, are not to be taken seriously.

There is no point to giving the mind any sense of realness or any sense of interaction that validates it. This includes reacting to the mind itself, this includes feeling worried about it or resisting it, fighting it. The mind isn't real, it isn't me. It is a reflection of me and its a system within me, but it isn't Me. I can change it through understanding Me, and my history and who I am. But the ultimate point isn't about changing the mind, its about changing ME.

In this way, the mind is like a teacher. One that challenges me to the nth degree! But yes, through overcoming the challenge, I learn my lesson. I become stronger and I take a step in the right direction- through aligning myself in each to oneness and equality and what is best for all in fact.

The mind has taken me to the brink of myself, to lose faith in myself, and give the mind ultimate authority. And so standing up from here, I'll be hella stronger. There may be even more challenges in store for me in the future- I won't pretend to know everything- but I can say at least that I stood up and I am standing up from within this point of myself, and in relation to this part of me. That is all any of us can ever do: TAKE responsibility for yourself and your mind and who you are. Do that and the world changes. But do that anyway, cause its your responsibility and your place of power in this world.