Yogan's Journey to Life

My Dream: I had a dream where there I was and I was dancing Cha-Cha with a guy because he's super into Cha-Cha, and then it turned into all of us guys like jumping around dancing and laughing. So here I was connecting with that expression of dancing with Friends that had been suppressed this last year. This was something I had expressed the year before that. And I know its a part of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my dance expression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own expression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing a friend through me being myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing a friend through me dancing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people by their age. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see all people as equal regardless of age. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysel...

I am looking at the word Friend today. And with looking at this word I am reminded of one of my very old friends, the Trees. There have been times in my life where I didn't have any human friends, actually for many long periods of my life. But the trees were a old reliable friend. There is a book called the Giving Tree. It helped me see that Trees are alive and that they give themselves as how they describe in the book. And I remember my mom telling me to stop hitting a tree with a stick, and how it feels pain. Trees do bleed sap. I remember I would draw trees as a kid There were specific trees that I would go visit. Some when I especially was sad and lonely. Resting my head against the one branch of this one tree. I would look at a tree and I could see all its splendor. I could hear in my head the voices the trees and plants would make, or at least I would imagine it. How I would say hello silently within myself to them, and I would hear right away how they say hi back al...

A moment where I had a chat scheduled and it didn't go according to plan and expectations.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Guarantee I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Scheduled I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Planned. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Expectations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Security as a Feeling I get from having things planned and scheduled. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live Security as having this plans and living in a planned life, instead of Security as always being Secure within myself WITHIN this moment, which may be unplanned, unstructured, unsettled, unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living Spontaneity and in the Unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rel...

So how to be a real friend? So a real friend is someone who will stick by you no matter what. So the question is, how should these two people, these two friends interact. And I mean this is an important question because normally, with normal people, so with most people, you are not and they are not real friends. They won't stick by you no matter what. No that is simply not the case. And so, yes, you have to manipulate, you have to be careful and sly with your words. And too, with a real friend you have to be careful with your words, but in a different way. With a real friend, your words need to be real. With someone who is not a real friends, your words must also be real, but perhaps diluted, as sometimes the realness is too much for them. Let's then ask the question how shall I talk to my friend? Soooooo.... understand the context, this is a true compradre, a true brothers in arms. ok? They will stick by you. So really, how you should talk is practicality. No bullshit, no ...

--> Oct 1 2012 I saw X, I slowed down to say hi. ( I saw she was looking away and I thought she might be embarrassed) I was watching her eyes as I was telling her: How are you? She responded, good you? (I did not consider she was simply expressing herself) I kept walking, I thought then, imagined, I had told her: I was sitting outside if you wanted to join me. (I had imagined she would like to sit with me) I then reacted in fear, and told myself no, im going to go sit outside like I planned. I went to the spot I had told myself I was going to sit. I thought there would be too many people walking by that it would be awkward. (I thought she would see me sitting close by yet I separated myself fro everyone else) I also thought it would be not sunny, so not cool. I started then heading somewhere there was sun, outside. I had then imagined if I had asked X out, to which I reacted positively (I imagined she would have said yes to me). But I see this point is just in my mind...