Yogan's Journey to Life

Image: Beauty, women, I had trouble looking at the woman that lived in the apartment. She was young. And I found her attractive, and by that I mean that I reacted to her. I felt nervous, shy, scared but in a desirable way. I wanted to look at her, but I felt these emotions. I don’t even know her. I felt intimidated by her appearance. I felt valued/judged by how she would have responded to me. I feel like she would have placed value in how I valued/judged her appearance. I didn’t speak to her, and I looked away, avoiding eye contact. So what I am seeing is that I am having a large value placed in how she looked, and with that I would place value on myself based on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in how a woman looks, and to place value on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous, shy and scared when there is a woman that I am valuing highly, like with beauty, re...

In a previous blog post I said that I watched a documentary recently about women's current inequality. Since watching that documentary I saw a movie. I looked for the things mentioned in the documentary, like how all the women are in a very limited number of roles. Mainly women are there just to be a love interest for the man. Who she is is not someone independent of the man. Her definition is depended on being in love with the main character. Also the main character is a man. The man's role is also to be a provider. The man feels pressure to make money and provide. That is the man's role. So I notice this in the movie I watched. The women are also sex objects. The way they dress, how much they weigh, their makeup, how they talk, what they do, all relates to appear sexually, and desirable for the man. I'm not a woman, and I never really bought into the movies being real or representing what it means to live. I have seen movies, for the most part being dumb, and reveal...

I was helping out a friend with math, and I was using a scientific calculator. When I was making certain quick movements with my fingers I saw a picture of my math classroom where I had I used a scientific calculator before. I felt energetic: nervous and excited. I didn't question the energy. For me it was something normal, something I had felt many times over again within my math classes and various other classes. Now that I can look back on the point I see how the energy is overwhelming for me, and is very heavy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy within me of exctiement and nervousness while using the graphing calculator, with specific movements of my fingers. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing melf to access the image of my statistics classroom where I used the graphing calculator when I had used the graphing calculator this night. And so I forgive myself for accepting and allownig myself to charge this image within me of the stat...