Yogan's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotion and feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others to stay in emotions and feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon others to their illusions, delusions, and emotions/feelings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not try to help others walk out of their mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on helping others leave their lies, illusions, enslavement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any value above the individual freedom of each person, where I must help them to walk out of my mind, and where I have been valuing different things like my status, my reputation, my perception by others, my wealth, my anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think anything could matter more than helping someone walk out of their mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there co...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

 Clenching my Jaw Putting my teeth together, my lower and upper jaw together and pulling it in tightly. I feel Anxious about the exam. I think I am going to do poorly. I feel like I don't want to take the exam and I want to avoid the exam. I feel stressed. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subsconsciously put my teeth together and close my jaw tightly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxious about the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am going to do poorly I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like physically avoiding the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsed by the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not want to take the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am going to do poorly on the exam when and as I see myself putting my teeth together and pressing them...

Being/Feeling Worthless I felt and believed I was worthless because as a kid I was quiet, shy, I didn't know what to say or what to do. I didn't know how to have conversations or speak. When it came to the girls I had crushes on, that I liked, I didn't know how to speak to them. And to one particular girl who made me her friend, who was super friendly to me, and spent time with me, and invited me to things, I felt/believed I was still worthless, I was too worthless to be with her. I was too worthless for her. I am quiet. I am shy. I don't know how to speak. This self-perception carried on within me. As I grew older and met other girls/women that I had crushes on, that I eventually dated, I still saw myself as too worthless to be with them. As I was with them, held hands with them as we walked, I still saw myself as worthless. I was afraid to say something stupid or I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say. I was afraid I was still too quiet, too shy, too inexper...

actions, and gifts, or opportunities i gift myself with or take. Or moments that I gift myself with. It can be a moment of sitting down in front of a natural view of nature, rows of trees, while people nearby talk/play. It can be a moment of going out to dance the night away, no matter what others think or may being, just dancing by myself alone, not needing permission or approval, just doing it for me. It can be a moment of laying down, and breathing, being quiet. It can be just giving me something, like cooking a well made meal or dessert. It can be giving myself something I need like water or sleep. It can be giving myself the time to do something, all the time that I may need, plenty of time to work through something. Loving myself is a verb, is an action, is a gift I GIVE to me. That is when its real.  You don't think it. You do it. You live it.

This Eqafe interview: https://eqafe.com/p/compassion-gives-you-your-life-back-life-review Helps me to understand this 'Passion', this 'Anger', this 'intensity' that is not a positive experience within me, where I am focusing on Existence, on what is best for all, on the problems in the world and the solutions I see we can do. By focusing on the ALL of Existence, I am not looking for my positive experience, my energy, my mind, my thoughts to participate in them. How I found this interview was by going to the Eqafe search bar and typing in what I was interested in, in what question I had. So I searched for 'Anger' to find perspective on this Anger within me that was not positive and it relates to when looking at the World, the best for all that can be done. The way I would describe it is that I am putting myself into action. I am writing my blogs, I am doing what I can online, I move and act and contribute to bringing forth the world that I want to...

Oneness and Equality means that you are willing to do anything for the whole. You are willing to give up privileges, rights, if these things stand in a way of what is best for all. You are willing to follow rules and laws if these support what is best for all. You are willing to give up guns, drugs, alcohol, sex, freedom if it meant what is best for all. You have to consider the relativity of things. Relative this. Right now the world has seen incredible expansion and growth. If oil/gasoline was never discovered, we wouldn't have all that the richest 50% has access to on planet earth. Do you know what oil and gasoline is? It is the living body, the living tissue of plants and animals that has been stewing for a fucking long time. It is a very Condensed form of energy that humans just found. But it took a fucking long time to create. So you do the math. Things are relative. Freedoms are relative. They are relative to what our economic luxury and our environment has to offer. Hum...

I have this fear within me of being alone within who I am, without. So I am afraid of being who I am, and being the only one like that in my environment, my without. Because I am reacting with fear, I want to react by changing to be like my environment. I want to fit in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being alone within being the only one like me in my environment, my without. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change who I am to be like my environment, because I am afraid of being alone, as the only one like me in my without, my surroundings. When and as I see myself wanting to change who I am to be like my environment because I am afraid of being the only one like me - I stop and I breathe - I realize it is dishonest to change because I am afraid - I realize it is dishonest to be someone because I want to fit in - I realize I would still be afraid of not fitting in, even when I fit in - I realize that fitting in does not re...

What only matters is what you are thinking about yourself. If you are having thoughts about yourself, that is affecting you directly. Your thoughts is what you think when you think about what other people think of you. desteniiprocess.com

Silence I can become very quiet. I can sit and listen to someone talking to me, as long as they are talking. And I can sit with them in silence. I have never done this before, but I would find it quite enjoyable. That I would live/be with someone, and we would never speak, yet we would communicate without words. Now that I went through a personal journey where I spoke and expressed me, I am looking what is required of me. Meaning that what the moment requires of me, whether it is to speak or not to speak. So to again be silent. And its simply based on what the moment requires. Its funny that I have a slight to resistance to not speaking. It's only slight. I find that I can drown my thoughts in silence. That the silence is all pervading, all consuming, a never ending dark pool of liquid. I have heard some people in my life say that to be silent, to not speak would be a torture, something that they can't do, and would lead to great stress and anxiety. I have s...

Throughout the day I am riddle with thoughts about what other people think: about me, about this, that, whether they feel happy, sad, angry. As a result I feel so overwhelm with guilt and self-consciousness, and blah, that I start thinking stuff on the line of I have to kill myself. It gets  filled up like a steam cannon and I just feel like I have no way out, and so I implode in a sense. But when I stop thinking about what other people think I already feel a bit relieved and the backchat loses its power, and I can take an assuring breath. By stop I mean I literally just stop within myself. I just do it. I stop. And it works as long as I stop in each moment. And now I can see that all thoughts are me, are my thoughts. Before I couldn't. So I guess the lesson is when you think about what other people think you start believing that your thoughts are not your own responsibility, they are in a sense not yours, which is not true. So stop thinking about what other people think, if...