Yogan's Journey to Life

 Clenching my Jaw Putting my teeth together, my lower and upper jaw together and pulling it in tightly. I feel Anxious about the exam. I think I am going to do poorly. I feel like I don't want to take the exam and I want to avoid the exam. I feel stressed. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subsconsciously put my teeth together and close my jaw tightly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxious about the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am going to do poorly I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like physically avoiding the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsed by the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not want to take the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am going to do poorly on the exam when and as I see myself putting my teeth together and pressing them...

A moment where my attention got zoomed in focus on something/someone. Here the mind is activating. It is clearly the mind. Thoughts started to stream: maybe they are doing some activity, maybe they are secretly angry at me. Maybe they are doing something intentional and its direct at me! I don't want to see this! I also can't help but look! It has caught my attention, i am looking at it. So I had obviously shifted into something. I had a thought/opinion about the situation about what to expect and about the scenarios that could be happening. I was emotional already. It felt real and it caught my attention. I notice this aspect of having my attention caught is a red flag for the mind. My attention was shifted. It became zoomed in and focus on this thing that was happening. I didn't want to look away, I wanted to pursue and look at it more, and at the same time I didn't want to look at it, but I couldn't move on. So all of this is obviously the mind, its cle...

From my past relationships with women... I am afraid of saying or doing something in the heat of the moment and regretting it… I am afraid of doing or saying something I can’t take back… ...I accept the worst of me and the worst that I can do. I accept that it can happen. I accept that it can happen that I do say something that makes the relationships irreparable, that ends it, I can that accept that I can be saying right now as I caught myself saying it. I can accept that I just said/done such a thing.I can accept that I just lived the worst of me. I can accept what is happening right now. I can forgive myself for doing that. I can forgive myself even though there is a consequence that no self-forgiveness or self-change can undo. I can forgive myself even though the consequence is permanent. I can forgive myself wholly/fully. I forgive myself not for the purpose of undoing consequence, but because I did that, I created that consequence, and I accept that...

Separation Anxiety There is someone I am separate from right now and its causing this separation anxiety. A commonly used word to describe this thing. Now, I immediately see it relates to me being a child, getting lost, separate from my mom in particular, and that fear of never seeing my mom again, and somehow being lost forever, whether that's due to being kidnapped, murdered, or dying accidentally while I am lost. I have had that moment as a kid where I am wandering in the supermarket and I try to find my mom, and have that thought and anxiety of never seeing her again, and then my heart starts racing, I start believing it, and I get scared and I start to frantically check all the aisles. Another was a memory at a carnival amusement park. Same thing. So this is something physical. Its in my body. I can feel it sitting here in my body as me as my body. These memories and these reactions are here in my body as me. The emotions, the energies, the experiences are sitting here as m...