Monday, September 30, 2013

My writing for today D102

When I am aware of the email the professor from the university might have sent me, I feel nervous. When I look inside I see that I am really afraid of not completing my life goal of making a difference with my life in how the human is. Right now that is through becoming a researcher and I am afraid I may have compromised my relationship with this one particular professor. I realize that being a researcher is just one way I can make an effect on the human. And I am willing to accept that perhaps no one will use my research or that despite anything I do, I might not make an effect in the human. Ultimately the only person I can make an effect on with 100% certainty is with my self. And I realize now too how children are the only other ones that may change, as they are still developing at an early age. So the solution that I see for me is to stop seeking recognition or a point of satisfaction from having changed or influenced others, children or adult humans,  because I am not in control of my point of satisfaction or recognition, because it’s the humans choice whether they listen. I just have to be satisfied with my choice to listen and my choice to change, and one of those choices is to be satisfied with just me, self-satisfaction. That I am enough for me, in this life, that I don’t need a human sexual relationship, that I don’t need to go out and change the world, that I don’t have to be friends with everyone or have friends, but instead I can learn to interact with all humans as I would interact with myself as another as an equal. And because my starting point is me, and how I am living the point of being satisfied with just me, there will be no pressure to be anything other than myself. And if I see a point that I would like to adopt as myself, I do so. Just like how I am adopting this point of self-satisfaction, which is similar to self-acceptance. And within that I am living the real solution for humans which is self, or yourself. And for me it doesn’t matter if anyone lives this point too, meaning, I won’t find satisfaction if others live this point nor despair if others do not realize themselves. Im fine if im the only one who ends up living this point. I would like it if others live this point. The phrase that would fit here is the more the merrier, but I won’t miss that point, because ultimately its for yourself that you change. So if I help others it will be completely selfless, meaning there won’t be any change for me, in who I am. The change would only be in others.

I am really wondering why the hell do we go for relationships? Its like why the hell do we even want a relationship? Why? Its so pointless. I mean it can be cool, but everyone I see is not ready, or actually cares or wants to really communicate themselves or relate to each other honestly. People are really fucked up right now. So whatever the reason I have and the majority of humans have for wanting a relationship is in separation of themselves. Because whatever answer people may give, chances are it is not self. Who seeks a relationship because its for themselves? I mean really, who actually does this? Who is actually intimate with themselves to actually take self into consideration. Who? Its like everyone is seeking themselves in something separate, that they have created a separated definition like love, hope, satisfaction, fulfillment etc… As for me, there was a moment a while ago where someone asked me what I desired and I said to be loved and accepted. When I said this I was thinking about people like a group of people like friends. The person I was talking to said that it sounded like I wanted a relationship. I never clarified this to this person, but I sort of went along with what they said. So in mind or viewpoint, my desires for relationship was a problem, and the solution was to find an awesome group of people that also saw the same problems I did and saw that not one person, i.e. the relationship, was what mattered, or even a small group of people, i.e. family, mattered, but that everyone mattered. So within that feeling love and satisfaction and acceptance within one’s stance that one takes of standing by with for everyone and recognizing that value equally in everyone and in yourself. I think that at the time I had trouble communicating myself to another, and I still may do, probably actually, and I had like the self-doubt or questioning of myself like in the back of my mind that maybe I am full of shit, maybe Im all talk, maybe Im lying, maybe Im a trickster, maybe this is just this high almighty Christ like savior talking, and its not me at all, and maybe this is true because I feel something when I am saying that I am taking the stance of caring for everyone equally as myself, to not exclude anyone, but include everyone in every moment of my life. That I accept myself as this and willing to walk like this into eternity even it somehow leads to my destruction or lead me into horrors that I must face in order to keep standing. So its sort of like a this can’t be real backchat, that someone like this cannot exist, that someone cannot say this and actually mean it, especially me, because of my background in meditation, and having a spiritual family, and how I saw that spiritual people are the most deceptive because of what things that they repeat over and over to others like sayings or mantras of things which are motivating to people, like an energetic fix or addiction. And I am wondering if I am doing the same thing with the desteni message. And so I stopped applying the Desteni message, I created space from that. I stopped repeating to myself some of the reminders I had regarding self-forgiveness, or self-honesty or breathing. I stopped writing and doing vlogs saying things I thought would support life if anyone were to live by them. And its like by doing this, because of following this maybe in the back of my head, I stopped directing, saying something like, what could I know, I am not in the position to know. Yet I know I know, which makes it all the more cruel. So something that is hard for me is to share what is going on within myself, because it might not be accepted b others as the truth. That they make think I am lying.  Do I do this with others? I don’t think so. Im looking to how I respond to what people in my life say, and whether I think they are lying to me. But I do think that most people in my life don’t speak the truth, like a withholding of the truth. It could be that they don’t know the truth, and I have been assuming that they know the truth that is going on within themselves and around them. I didn’t fully understand the truth until I heard the Desteni interviews. So it may be the same with others. And I am still uncovering things about myself to this day. Its maybe then it works like this, how through thinking or believing that everyone already knows the truth of themselves, which is not true because Im still uncovering things about myself to this day, how through that I assume or believe that others also see the truth of what I am saying or actually the truth of me, even if I don’t share it. So within that I compromise what I say to be less than what I can speak in specificity because I am believing that others can see some things about me or some content that I am not sharing through my words. When the truth is people can only see or read or hear what you say. And with that people have to assume that what you say is true if they will assign that to you to really mean what you say. We can’t see beyond that words that we speak, into some magical words that are not spoken. If we believe we do that then its an assumption or a belief, meaning we could be totally wrong. I mean a person could be speaking to you, like me and be totally lying. But only that person will know the truth that whether they are speaking the truth. So for me it is important for me to know whether I am speaking the truth. I can’t live in a situation where I don’t know whether what I am saying is really me speaking it and sharing it. but it seems even more important that I am living in the situation where everything I speak and share and even do is really me sharing, speaking and doing, but also knowing it. because that seems to be the troubling thing for me, how do I know whether I am being real in what I am doing, how do I know that I am really living and not just the result of some program. And this scares me more because if I am just the result of some program then that leaves the door open or some possibility that I will not stand as this way. Because I am statisfied with what I am standing or commiting myself as. The worry I guess is whether I will stand. Which is a future thing. Which is of course not real, because the future is never here, you just have this moment. So in this moment am I just a program, will I continue to be here and stand as this thing which I, you could say trust, and am willing to live as? I’d say yes that I am willing to continue to stand here as this. But am I a program? Well what is a program? I would say that a program is when you are not here, yet doing and participating in things and the program is what is doing and participating in things while you are not here. And when you are not here you are usually focusing on a thought, which is the distracting part of the program, while the physical part of the program, moves you, or maybe gets you to move. In any case, for me, when I notice I am participating in a program, I am not here with the muscles of my body, I am not here with the moment to moment movement of my body, such as the movement of hands, or the breathing that I constantly do, or the various sensations of heat or pressure, and sometimes intensity when I am doing physical labor. So when I am for example not experiencing my body, this is already a sign to me that I am not here, and I could be thinking or focusing in some program, maybe a high feeling or maybe a depression feeling or scared feeling, or adrenaline feeling etc… So the question is what I said before, is it really me saying it and I am here while saying it, or am I not here and thus am I participating as a program? So what I see right now is a fear of not being accepted by others so I feel like I have to speak and share who I am in order to prove who I am to others, and show that I am worthy of acceptance. Part of this is because I see what happens to some people that are not accepted by others. And I don’t want to end up like that. I don’t want people to mistake me as an abuser or accepting and allowing abuse. One problem with that is that I am be accepting and allowing abuse, and I may be an abuser, and if I don’t want people to see me as an abuser or that I am accepting and allowing abuse then I may try and hide that from others, and also from myself then too. I see now how the starting point of wanting to not be seen as an abuser by others, is in separation of myself. I am not considering myself in this, and thus I am also not considering everyone and thus my starting point is in separation from everyone. I would be much more glad to share myself freely without fear of being seen or called an abuser. That does not mean I will share everything because our society is very reactive to certain things and this may or may not lead to possible repercussions in the future. Part of this fear is how Destonians may react to me, and the fear of the possible consequence of being banned, which I know that if they really are standing as commonsense and best for all, and I really am standing for the same which is self-supportive living that supports all as well, then there will be no banning. If there is, I am self-honest with my self then I will see what’s going on, which can be anything, literally. So its never good to assume but to always investigate everything. Having said that there is lots that I wanted to share but never did. And I know its ok to share what I have looked and to continue to probe and poke the point to see what it really consists of. But I also realize It will be a gradual process, which is strange because when I am sharing it all seems ok, no resistance. But other times its like I can’t share one word that I really wanted to say. So because of that, in the past it has been a huge battle. But now I see, thanks to the DIP course, how I need to look for what moments I freeze and what about the moment I am reacting to. In other words to look for the triggers. Which there might be many of them, and I need to be thorough with each one, meaning I can only work with one of them at a time, so as to not overwhelm myself. So I notice right now when I am talking about what I will do, according what I learned from DIP, I am having backchat like a person is speaking to me, maybe a faceless destonian, how that is not what you are suppose to do, as if speaking from a point of knowing what it is that DIP is about. Within that I see past conversations about my DIP courses with my buddy where I saw something that I thought was cool for me, and I maybe half-shared it or not fully expressed the point, and that maybe because of that she dismissed the point or I was not able to fully express the point. And then I get confused or worried that maybe I am an ego or evil because I believe in living certain points that are not accepted by my buddy. I feel conflicted or worried, because what if all if this is all a misunderstanding or miscommunication which for me is definitely common. Its like I am sooo worried about what words I use. I have no idea that when I speak people understand me, unless they actually comment about it or talk about it in great length. So I also do the same, which I think is cool because that is what I would want to be done when someone talks with me. And now its like I have become the exact opposite in my daily life that I talk very short and abrupt now on purpose. Its like I have become the exact opposite of who I was  a year ago, which is not what I wanted. I feel like I can’t see ten feet in front of me, where before I would see everything, every detail inside and out. And its like I am waiting for something or I am very afraid to make a move, because if someone were to tell me this, I would say hell yeah, change back, you made a mistake. But there is like this other side, that maybe your totally wrong maybe your totally lying to yourself. And so I feel powerless, maybe because I really haven’t made a choice. I sort of hate talking like this because I wish I could just share myself with others openly and they could just see what is going on. But everytime I write its like there is this voice that is saying your fake or your lying. Then it becomes hard for me to tell. So part of the problem is the part of feelings or emotions. Because I feel things when I am standing or forgiving myself or even in other moments, like just being self-honest about something or realizing something. And I get confused because no one at Desteni really talks about what they feel sometimes only rarely, and I wished they did that more. In the end, as an ultimatum, I don’t care if I am full of feelings, all I care about is my ability to direct myself absolutely, ever muscle, every breath, every moment, every thinking thing, use the mind absolutely as a tool, etc… Be a fully self-directing human, that is honest with himself absolutely, that I keep no secrets from myself, that I can question the mind absolutely, which for me is essentially the past, which is memories, which is associations (i.e. they are all the same) and so it is also just something we learned. And I realize that we all have our perspectives and we have each our own definition of words that we learned growing up, and that miscommunication happens very often so we all need a lot of patience and spend a lot of time when listening to any humans to really understand what he or she is saying and where he or she is coming from, which requires dedication and effort and time. Which is exactly what I did in the very beginning when I was listen to Bernard and the portal interviews. To me it seems the problem with emotions and feelings come when we place greater value on emotions and feelings than on more important things like people, or living things, or ourselves, because we are the only value of life right? The existence and everything and everyone in it, right? So when I speak this I know this is true, which is for some reason difficult for me. So I already know something is wrong here, because it should be easy for me to speak the truth. I think that it may be because of this world of opinions, where you are not allowed to infringe on other people’s opinions, that you are not allowed to speak an absolute truth. Well I think that’s fucked up, no? I see like this image of this evangelical preacher or religious person popping up, and I am comparing myself to this image saying I am this image, when I know that I am not really this image. And I am just judging myself and assuming that I am just this image and nothing more if I speak absolute truths. That I know is not right for me or anyone  else to do. So I see now that I fear being a power hungry person that dictates everything and think he knows the truth about everything. But this is just an image in my mind, and a complete judgment. No one is like this, no one. We each have many layers, and to ssay this is all a person is is a lie. Furthermore sometimes someone may have the truth and may be right a lot. In any case listen to everyone and figure out the truth. No matter how often they are wrong or right. Listen. So within that I can trust myself, because I trust the words I am speaking, meaning I want to live these words because they are words that I will be satisfied living as. So I give permission to myself to live these words. And to also disregard words which are not supportive or caring for all life. 
I give myself permission to live, to create myself in way that supports me and everyone.
I forgive myself for judging myself as insincere
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the Destonians as insincere
I commit myself to stop judging others and myself.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Get the F&*% out! D101

So a lot has been happening the last few days in terms of myself and my process. I would like to talk about each point, which will serve as a recap for me. So I wanted to write about conditioning, because for me its about that raw point of how we associate our emotions basically to things that are of course not emotional in nature. And so after looking at this, I also was pushing within myself to stop participating in any punishment and reward inside myself, which would mean that I would be sort of rewarding myself or punishing myself with a thought followed with an experience. That became all of my focus, but for some reason that was not working very well. Eventually I came to the point where I just dropped that and I went to the basics of self-forgiveness, self-trust, self-honesty, and self-responsibility. With that I could properly navigate what was going on within me. Something interesting happened today, where I was helping my aunt and grandma by painting one of their rooms, and I saw this more as a point of volunteer service, in the sense I am not doing this for the money, but just to help them. While I was painting, I was looking at this point of how when I did something for money how i felt this sort of resistance come up within me, and how when I did something like a volunteer to help others, I felt fine and there was no resistance. I also notice I was more productive, I had better ideas, and I was more relaxed when I was this way, both in my past memories and in that moment. I also saw that I could work quickly but that I would have a higher chance of making a mistake, but also that if I take things slow and then speed up as I felt more comfortable I was sort of learning how I can have the same good results but work faster, which I verified with many memories that were like that. I also saw how this way of being was similar to some memories I have in school where I would say I like to learn, and how I was enjoying myself in class and in learning thing. Within my memories, I had made I statement that I will enjoy learning, and so I did. I notice that I was much more calmer in those memories and I would sometimes sit in silence to see what my next move is. So I would want to be this way always in whatever I do, and I just have to make the decision to be this way in all that I do. I realize its not that simple because there are some areas in my life, you could say, that I have made forbidden, or in other words, really hard to overcome and to stand as who I say I am or who I commit myself to be, or who I choose to be. One such area is the social area or in communication with other people. I have been pushing myself to not let the resistance determine what I say, recently. And it requires a definite pushing. One cool thing that I would like to share from tonight was how I have been saying in a very adament voice, (warning this may be funny) that Get the F&*% out, to some particular thoughts in my mind that are just so blanantly unacceptable. To translate what I am saying, I am saying that I really won't accept and allow this thought anymore, and Im just stating that but just really strong. I also when saying this looked at the door, so I had the image of actually leaving as in "get out".  So yeah, hope that makes sense, if not message me and I can explain that differently.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the mind to interefere in my speech and communication with other beings and with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow distracting and inconsequential thoughts about meaning, when especially I am simply talking to myself, and I know what I mean, because I am the one speaking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allow self-sabotage thoughts that simply distract and interrupt my presence here, standing by what i have said.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Is there anything else to life than just feeling positive and negative? D100

A while ago, I posted a blog about Reward and Punishment. Just like how the Desteni message explained about the positive and negative within the mind, the same thing works within reward and punishment. So Im going to talk then about this point that the positive and negative are used as a way to draw attention from what is really here or what is going on, the same way that reward and punishment is also used to remove self-responsibility, by drawing attention away from an individual's ability to direct and figure out what to do in a situation. So I will be comparing these two points and be providing examples for them.
            So within the Desteni message and the principle it stands as as oneness and equality, the polarity of positive and negative is explained thusly. From my understanding from watching the interviews and reading the articles found from the Desteni website and the blogs and youtube accounts of the Destonians, the positive is a response that people have when faced with the negative. So for example if someone feels sad, they may respond with doing something that they think will make them happy. So in this way, the positive needs the negative. However, the negative also needs the positive, because without the positive you cannot define what is negative. For example, if you like feeling a particular way, like free, then you automatically dislike feeling, the opposite, feeling trapped. If you do not really care for feeling free, then guess what, you probably don't mind feeling trapped. Makes sense? Test it out for yourself, by removing one positive association within you, like with the feeling free example, and see how you respond with the opposite or negative feeling. Within me, I notice that removing one side, also in a way, weakens or lessens the opposite feeling. Now if you remove both sides, then there is nothing. All that is left is this physical reality. So that is why the negative and positive are removing attention away from what is here. To keep the positive and negative alive, because it is something that seems to live and move on its own, requires our absolute attention and focus. What does this imply about what the positive and negative is, if it requires our attention to such a degree? And what does it imply that we can remove the positive and negative and yet still remain here? Also, another important question is, what are the consequences for not being here? Im not going give my absolute detailed perspective on these questions, but I do want to share one point, how through not being here in one moment, I inadvertently allowed a dog to die. And I felt so much regret that my absence in that one moment has lead to a complete destruction of my life. And if I were to also just be here, after the event, I could have made the commitment to continue to be here no matter what, and I could have forgiven myself for not being here. Everything would have been alright, but I didn't do that. I didn't want to take responsibility, and I felt scared and confused. Instead of forgiving myself, I judged myself harshly, and I became engulfed in negativity. So this story brings us to our next point.
           So punishment and reward act similarly to how the positive and negative work. In fact, I would say that the punishment and reward actions, require the use of the positive and negative within a being for it to even work. Using my last story as an example, through judging myself harshly, I was really punishing myself through the negative. Now what is interesting too, is how the positive is used as a reward. Looking at our earlier examples (someone likes feeling free, but dislikes feeling trapped) someone may seek freedom as a reward. But what is also interesting is how a person will continuously search for their rewards, even to the point of their destruction, and how according to our discussion about the relationship between the positive and negative, we would expect that people will continuously create the negative in their lives in order to keep the positive alive. As a note, a person may or may not show their negative points, and only show their positive points towards others, because of how this has been considered the norm in our society. Understanding how the positive and negative work together, will help us understand the true nature of supposedly positive or negative people. They are in fact one and the same, they are simply suppressing some points within them and expressing only some other points. That being said the positive or negative is not good or bad, because they both lead to the same consequences which result from not being here as we discussed before. So continuing where we left off, the reward and punishment actually has become a normally practiced structure across society with the purpose of promoting certain behaviors in citizens. One possible result for this has been that the negative and positive have been targeted more explicitly. So if someone is not participating within a particular positive and (you need both) negative association to some reward that you are enticing him/her with or a punishment that you are threatening him/her with, then the person will not respond to that particular punishment or reward. So this is interesting because the use of positive and negative has become so obvious now. So let's say someone, like me, had internalized judgement as a way to punish others or myself, by saying you are bad or I am bad, and that being bad is something that I have associated negative to, and I have also associated a positive response to the opposite of bad, which in this case is good, then I will feel bad, if I start to judge myself as a way to punish myself in an attempt to control my behavior. So now we are entering into another layer here, where there is this interesting phenomena within me, which I am pretty sure others could have too, where I attempt to control my behavior through use of punishment and reward, or the negative and positive, so its like I am treating myself like another person, which I can't control, and I am attempting to control through the use of some feeling within me. So its like here's Me, then here's this feeling inside me, and here's Me again, but I am trying to control Me through using this feeling inside me. So there is like these three layers here. And we have already learned, Im sure, through direct experience, how the result of participating in the negative or positive feelings, will lead to an absence of what is going on here, and so whenever someone does in fact follow along with the reward and punishment by participating within their positive and negative feelings, as rewards and punishers, then they are in fact not here too. So when participating in reward and punishment, its kind of like we are downloading a routine or programming from others on how to act, and we do so, and its because all of our attention is in the positive and negative we feel within us. We then never learn to direct ourselves if this is all that we have been doing. And we may even define this as parenting and teaching or learning. Now one final note before I close this, I would like to share how certain people can become successful or smart even when following this structure of positive and negative that we have been discussing. In my experience, I was considered smart in school, though one thing that I and everyone in my classes thought, was how all of the work was easy, since it involved only memorization. So you can imagine, how easy it is to simply download the information, or programming, and simply repeat the information over and over, before you write out the same information on a test. The people in my classes, knew that getting good grades was helpful, and their minds, or perhaps how their reward and punishment structures within them, allowed them to do it with ease. I can imagine too how the reward and punishment structures with the people who are considered dumb, may actually make it tougher or not possible to do the same work. So I would like to say how our system, our society is currently built in the same structure that we have been discussing here, the same structure that leads to consequences due to not being here. So because of this, it is important to not reinforce the reward and punishment structure by participating in the positive and negative within yourself, because simply put, its less effective than when you are here. When you are here you can do more of everything and do it better. The real limits become the physical limits. So don't think that because our society is built around reward and punishment, that you have to participate within negative and positive feelings within yourself. In fact, I notice that it may be possible to structure the reward and punishment structure to a more physical level, that involves instructions, and teaching as a way to explain the physical relationships, and thus consequences in reality. I know that this is tangential, so please stop reading any time. So, for example, when someone makes a mistake like you leave the kitchen sink dirty, you can explain to them the physical consequences of leaving the kitchen sink dirty, like how bacteria may grow, and how if we wash our dishes in a dirty sink, the bacteria may move onto the dishes, and then you can explain how having too much bacteria in our bodies can be harmful. Something that people tend to do is to explain the consequences that people find emotional, like how someone may find the kitchen sink dirty and then they may feel upset and become angry with you, and now no one likes you. So this social point of seeking positive responses from people is a very common punishment and reward structure. So this is actually an unhelpful point to use as a reason to wash the dishes because, its like you are literally responding emotionally to someone else's emotional state. But interestingly enough, we have to actually be wary to an extent of people's emotional states because as we discussed this is what is found throughout our society. But like something I heard in a movie, sometimes we have to just take a stand. So be aware when there is a moment you can take a stand, because in that you are for one, standing within yourself saying that I am taking responsibility now and I am not following the emotional, positive and negative conditioning, but I am directing my own life, and I chose to live the way that is practical for me as a human being, and that is the way that everyone should live, so I know I am living the best life possible etc... So you take a stand and this may involve actions on your part that you may not have considered before or normally do, but you see is necessary. And so of course, this stand can be taken in a moment that would normally involve a positive or negative feeling. It could even be in a moment where someone is trying to teach you through punishment and reward. Again, this is considered normal, so I would always place things in perspective of oneself, and what one sees. So look at what you see, and perhaps consider what physical consequences that a person that is trying to teach you is not mentioning, and notice what positive or negative feelings you have with what words the person is saying. Like for me the previous example of washing the sink to avoid upsetting someone else because they won't like you, I had an emotional reaction, and this is why I wrote what I did. It was already within me this point of doing things to avoid upsetting other people. And I can see how this can effect my entire life, how I could at an extreme, never do anything that could ever maybe upset anyone. This is of course an unacceptable way to live. I could go on on this point, but the point here to get is how one point, one pattern or structure of punishment and reward, even though it may have been created for one point or reason to wash the sink, could grow and extend to all parts of our lives, completely taking over who we are, and defining us absolutely, which of course may not have been our intent at all. I mean all we were busy doing and have been doing is feeling good and bad, the positive and negative. Have we ever made any other intention? So that's something to investigate for myself and everyone. And I suggest just trying it out, stopping the negative and positive. See what you see. And see what's beyond simply feeling positive and negative. Is there anything else to life than just feeling positive and negative?

-An additional note, its interesting how intellectuals or people that need to be responsible for a lot of things- may develop tactics to deal with their minds, like going to nature to get their mind off of things, or do jogging to get that moment of silence. So even these people need to manage their minds. Now imagine, if everyone simply dropped this mind structure and so never have to manage their minds. We would become extremely productive. So just to also emphasize how this work with our minds will have many benefits, so don't wait. Try to make it a regular routine, and make it a practice to sort out all of the positive and negative within you.
Helpful links

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

To Love -D99

During the last 2 days I have been exploring some points within myself. I decided to start over and give myself a do over with myself. To start from scratch. So Im no longer accepting any thought as valid. So I bring this up because I am looking now at the point of morality and how this has served me, and how it is proving very useful to me. Now, in my mind, and perhaps in the mind of all men, there are certain things, which we may judge as Ok, or acceptable. Porn could be one of those points. For me, I can't explain it in any other way, but porn is unacceptable because of the message you are giving for seeing women and men as inferior, and as less than who they really are. We are not images, we are more than just that. So there is something wrong within reacting to the image of the women and seeing just the image and nothing else. The same goes for men. So, from the point of view of the mind, there is nothing wrong, because no one is getting physically hurt. But I know something harmful is happening more in the person themselves, where there is a limitation that is being accepted and allowed. So I can't explain this as so much rationality but in morality. But these are just labels, and anyone who is reading this is able to understand what I mean. I can explain it in so many ways. Like how the morality we have that we speak about, is not a problem, but the fact that we are not owning up to our words. That we know what is good and bad, and what we should do and shouldn't do. That we know what is righteous, and we know what is humble. We just have to live up to the ideals we know that we want ourselves to live. I think we all know this already, but there are some things that we have accepted and allowed, like excuses. Because we know we are capable of everything, and that we can find a way to do anything. And if we can't then we can't. But at least we went through that process of investigation. So I have to place trust back in myself, in what I am capable of. I sometimes feel like a mad man, because I am making these claims and I am not really placing an arguement for them, Im just saying them, and I feel good within saying them, but feel a great turmoil in saying them, but more from how I feel good, and powerful. If that makes sense. I don't care about being good and powerful, but I am feeling good and powerful within what I am saying. I do want to be good and powerful but for my own sake, not for what others will think of me. And I am not sure whether to trust whether I am telling the truth, but I realize it may be just as simple as accepting this and just living it. That this is who I am, this is who I want to be, and this is how I will attempt to live, and if I fail it will be due to my effort, nothing less. Within that I find peace, even though I still feel a resisting energy within me, I am no longer worried or lost or confused about who I am. I can just stop and start anew. I can ignore any thought and not follow it. I can look inside myself and see what reactions I have within me. And I can feel good about that, and live like that. That is why, all answers man have ever asked about why we are here, what are we doing, has already been answered, and we know all the answers already. We just have to live the answers now. Messages like love or good, have to be taken to reality, to the practical physical level. Then we would be living the answer. Take any system of righteousness or goodness, and extend them to the real deal, you end up with the same message. One message. Its the perfect message, because it includes everyone. No one is left out. And all is considered with the highest regard, and all is no less or better than each other. The only thing left is to live in physical reality. For me it is a battle to speak these words. Because I know what speaking these words might lead to. That is also why I speak these words. It was never about feeling good, but doing what I know is right. And with that I find peace with myself. And I am willing to do anything. I know I cannot trust the mind because the mind isn't me. It doesn't care about the same things I care about. The mind is my mistake, my creation, and I need to correct that. The mind has to become me, what I am standing as right now. And to do that I need to be steadfast and unshakable. To never quit, to always insist in doing what is right as what is best for all. That's what I have to do, otherwise I couldn't live with myself. And I haven't been able to live with myself this past year, when I knew this very exact thing I am telling you, yet I was not living it or even trying to live it. I was stupid. I was in the moment of absolute pressure from the mind, and I fold. I was here writing blogs like this one and I was sharing my point of view, and it was very tough within me to do so. I kept thinking to myself, what if I am wrong, what if I am missing something. And then I took the wrong turn. I thought that maybe what I was feeling was telling me something about what I am saying, that what I am saying is wrong, that what I am living is wrong. But that's how the mind work. I mean that's how the mind always has worked. Through tricks and deception. Through hopelessness and hope. Through reward and punishment. Through doubt and faith. That point of maybe, just maybe, I might be wrong about everything, and I in fact know nothing at all. Yeah, so the mind could be right, but until I hear otherwise, or see something RELIABLE I continue to trust what I know is reliable, which is me, what I am standing as, and what I am trying to live as myself, as the best message possible that humanity has. So this may seem redundant, but trust what is trustworthy, DO NOT misplace your trust. And you know what is trustworthy already. Just look and see. Relax, breathe, be here and see for yourself.

I forgive myself for quiting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throw away everything that I ever cared about because I might have been mistaken to trust in it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt and faith.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anything other than what is physically here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let go of the potential of all humans to love in the physical sense, to provide all with the support that we all need.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

One of my goals D98

So one of my goals for me is to see things as they are. That I do not assume anything extra. That I would just see what is here. I just look at the facts. And so I place things into perspective. And so from that point i can learn about the actual real relationships between things in this world. I can see how things function in reality. I can find that objective truth. And so I would know that if someone tells me something and he/she says that it is true. I can can for myself what is actually being presented, and what are the state of affairs for this truth. Is it knowable? Can I test it? Also, is it even relevant. There are so many quesitons and so many persepectives on any one point that I can investigate any point many times over, and if the point is an absolute truth it should stand from all valid perspectives. Within that I can find trust. And I know that all it takes to break te trust is for a point to be unreliable, which it simply becomes reliably unrealible, if that makes sense. Until it changes to be reliably reliable again. So that's what a human is, reliably unreliable. Haha. But a human can be reliably reliable. Get it? The power is here already to do this. It tkaes the same energy, the same movement to be reliable as it takes to be unreliable. Just do it. You'll see. And so, we each make our own hells in the head, and guess what, it takes the same effort too. I mean, effort is a subjective realative thing. But one thing that is always consistent in that is you. So, in every case, its the same. Because its you. Whether your lazy or evil, or energetic, or maniacal, it all takes the same effort from you. SO exercise your will. Investigate why your really here, what you really doing with your life, and what you are. You can do it. Just see the truth, its right in front of you.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the cold fact that a thought is just words spoken in my head, nothing more, and within that I realize I can stop reacting to my thoughts, and that this reaction is my doing, that it is extra to the thought, and that it is unnecessary, and that it is in a way saying that my thought is real, and has more power over, me and that my thoughts direct me, when thats not the case. The truth is that I accept and allow my thoughts to direct me. I am the one that can stop, and I am the only one that can stop my reactions and stop listening and following and allowing my thought to direct me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how emotions are their own separate entity, where they exist separate from reality, and within me. That emotions cannot be found in reality, only within me. And I can only ever feel my own emotions. I can never feel the emotions of another. And so, I realize too how emotions are not necessary to survive. That I can look at things without emotions, and so in a sense see things for how they are. But at the same time I realize that if I am feeling something and I ignore it, that I am not seeing something that is in fact here within me in the moment. So emotions do exist, but they exist within me and I realize that they are separate from the outside reality. I realize also how emotions are my creation, that I create an emotion for a particular setting, and I sort of play with it within me.
I forgive myself for accepting adn allowing myself to not realize how thought moves separate from reality, and is not a real thing in reality. That whatever power it has, would be actions that I would accept and allow be done. That it is ultimately, actions or movements that are real, because they interact physical with the real things in reality. I realize how thoughts are within me, as how emotions are within me, and that thoughts too are my creation. I realize how I have been accepting and allowing thoughts and emotions to move me, and to move as if they had a life of their own, when they are completely dependent on this physical body to exist at all. And so, in this way the thoughts and emotions are dysfunctional because they have ignore the starting point of the physical, and realness of reality, you could say. I see that in how I have been treating my body, in terms of giving my body not the best meals that I have available to me. But choosing more enjoyable meals. I see this in terms of how I treat my muscles, and bones, where I do not give them the best positions and postures, nor do I use them the best way that I know how. I see this in terms of how much time I waste, in doing things ineffectively and in doing nothing.
i commit myself to stop thoughts.
I commit myself to stop emotions and feelings.
i commit myself to stop imagination

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Fitting in D97

So within myself, I always desired to fit in, however I was not willing to compromise myself. I wanted others to be more like me, OR that they accept me. Investigating this point of acceptance further, I saw that I wanted unconditional acceptance because I thought I was already good and in some sense perfect. However unconditionally accepting anything, could mean accepting bullshit. SO that's where I am grateful for self-honesty, which is like the ability to see bullshit. Anyway, so wanting people to accept me, WITHOUT me knowing who I am, allows for the possibility for accepting abuse, which is unacceptable. So the responsible thing would be to investigate who I am. So rereading what I wrote, I would say that by compromise I mean not having to change myself. And also I see that this whole point is ego, because there is not a single description of something of value, because its all about others accepting me, for what?????? Exactly, so looking inside there is only Energy as a reason or explanation of why I was seeking acceptance. In contrast, something substantial would be accepting that we need to correct our wrongdoings to ourselves and others, through preventing our wrongdoings by understanding how we came about doing them in the first place, so that when we are faced with a similar moment we can stop and pick the better/best choice available, which would be the one that considers all participants here. So it has nothing to do with ME, but something substantial, practical, supportive, and in a sense universal because everyone could live this. Its just words here, and anyone can apply the message.

So fitting in is all bullshit, and will always BE Bullshit. Its Ego, its for Energy. I would say any and every Desire is Bullshit. Because you always create fear of loss with your Desires (uh-Hum... Bullshit). So stop wanting shit and start living, ok?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to fit in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear giving myself up.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself completely by not allowing the possibility/opportunity to change myself, which through denying change I deny what I am capable and what you could say I really desire that is to consider everyone equal to myself, since there is where this whole charade ends, and we can really start living together and getting to know each other for the first time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase after superficial desires that only add to the definition of myself as mind, as ego, as energy that presents a picture of a life story that can be replayed over and over in my head, and where I sell this story in hopes of snagging a pretty girl who can praise my story and we can enjoy my story forever (until I die, since there is no forever).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore what I self-honestly want, which is a better life for myself and everyone, that we are free to interact with each other directly, not living in delusions of fear and desire, hopes or dreams, but live directly, and be ourselves, through understanding who we are through each other and this world as a reflection of ourselves, and so within that be the best/most that we can be, relative to ourselves and this world, recognizing the sanctity of life, which life is just this existence, so we recognize this existence as ourselves, one and equal, thus recognizing the sanctity of ourself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear another letting me down, deceiving, or abusing, and depending on the situation I will act accordingly to support the person to realize to stop their self-deception. I commit myself to do this. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Exploring Oneness and Equality Part1 D96

SO one of the hardest points for me to get over is trying to convince people of things which I know is true. Like the point of oneness and equality. The strange thing is, when I heard the point the first time, I knew it was a true description of how things worked. It explained so much to me, even in a way how everything works. I also remember how by the fact people become nasty when hearing this message, it already invalidated them, and at the same time demonstrated how the message is true. Because the truth that you are one and equal to what you accept and allow, is for some strange reason judged as bad by the mind. I don’t get it, and I can’t explain why the mind would do that. The mind perhaps perceives it may die, by why ignore the truth that this is how you really live.  The mind itself seems completely invalid and unnecessary. Its like an extra layer of bureaucracy, just a waste of time and money. You never accomplish what you REALLY wanted to accomplish with the mind. Its always second best. So for me, the practical point I need to implement is to speak about oneness and equality, how I am now, from my own experiences with this point and how I came to understand it, in various ways and situations. I need to do this because of the point of oneness and equality that I am trying to live as myself. If I can’t speak this point then I have completely invalidated all that I have walked, especially since it has been about everyone and everything, and if I can’t speak/share this with everyone and everything in my blog, then what was the point of all that I did and went through?  Im not walking this just for myself, but also for everyone, because that is the point. Its really simple, so I realize some people may not get it at first. So this has been my introduction, now I will start with providing examples/situations of oneness and equality.
You know how people try and be the best or be better than others. Within that is the point of inferiority-superiority, where a person will view others as superior or inferior, and consequently view themselves as inferior or superior. So whenever you judge someone as inferior to you, you are automatically creating the point within yourself that you are superior. Consequently, you also create the possibility that I too can become inferior and another the superior, through judging another as inferior and yourself as superior. The same goes for the opposite case, where you initially judge yourself as inferior and the other superior, and also create the point that you can become superior and the other can become inferior. So it does not matter where you start, messing with superiority or inferiority will automatically create the opposite. So what happens? You will develop the fear of becoming inferior, even though you may judge yourself as superior. Because you understand that it is possible for you to become inferior, through having defined the word inferior in polarity . Now what some people tend to do is to always stay in the superior judgment of themselves. This is how you get Gurus, or Pilgrims, or Billionaires, whatever. The point is that you try and hold onto your definition, and what does that create? Friction. So, strangely enough, the person’s feelings of goodness and lightness and superiority is actually derived from negative emotions and especially fear. If you were to let go of both poles, the negative and positive, you will end up with what was here all along, the physical. Then you can start seeing clearly what is here, and what you must do. So the superior or positive is one and equal to the negative. The same with the negative, it is one and equal to the positive. If you accept one within yourself, you accept the other. So that’s a basic Desteni point that I had learned from an interview I had watched. I will write more tomorrow, I think this is good for now.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as Superiority as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as Inferiority as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in superiority as myself that I am actually participating as inferiority as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in inferiority as myself that I am actually participating as superiority as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand how there is no solution in the love and light messages that is given within Religions, the new age movement, and the hippie movement, since participating in a superior state within and as myself, one is actually blind to what is here, essentially embodying the phrase of having one’s head in the clouds unable to see what is in fact here, which allows the negative to run rampant within ourselves unchecked and free in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand how there is great consequence for accepting and allowing the positive states within and as ourselves, since we accept and allow a great fear that grows the more positive we become, and so when real crisis comes, when we are faced with the reality of this planet earth, we become weak, afraid and inept, which is who we accepted and allowed ourselves to be the whole time, since we have defined ourselves as only positive and nothing negative, when the truth is the exact opposite.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up and stop this atrocity that I am accepting and allowing within myself of allowing positivity and superiority as well as the negative and inferiority, and not answer my own prayers for help to end this vicious cycle of positive to negative, constant pushing and pulling, tearing and turmoil, within myself, that I never have a grip in reality, since I am outside of it, and therefore powerless to have any say in what I do.
Therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow negativity and positivity in my world, within and as me, outside me, and in my immediate environment, in my judgment, thought, word or deed, in how I see others and myself, in my intentions, and beliefs, in my movement, expression and speech, in the children of the world, and the parents that raise them, in the educators, teachers, politicians, garbage men/women, in me, throughout me, in nature, in music, and friends, and family, in death, in animals, in my mind, in all the humans, and all the bugs, in technology, and art, in my parents, and in flowers, in sex, and hope, in dirt, and air, in water, and fire, in gifts, and money, in every cell in every body, in knowledge and food, in everything. I will not rest until all definitions of positive-negative are removed within, as and throughout myself. I care for the things themselves.  
When and as I see any negativity, any positivity- I stop- I take a breath- I bring myself here- I stop participating in this negative and positive state- I continue directing myself as I was. 
I commit myself to stop each and every single point of positive and negative within me. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Enthusiasm and Energy is a Limitation Day95

So enthusiasm is a limitation because its starting point is separation, that a person must first become enthused on order to do something, and if they are not enthused than they will not do such thing correctly or precisely. Enthusiasm is thus a limitation, because a person an instead directly do/act/say the thing without needing to be enthused. The same can be said with motivation. So anything that becomes a layer or conditioned that must be satisfied for you to move/act becomes a limitation, because its not necessary. If it is necessary like checking with yourself before acting, or assessing the situation first, realize that this is also an act/doing, so its equal and one to you moving you. Its not an energy layer. If its an energy layer you will notice it is not practical, and draws/sucks your resources or attention. It can be like a blindfold or veil covering what is here directly in front of you. Sometimes you can check with yourself and ask Am I here? Then you check (test yourself) whether you may be missing or not noticing something. Remember that the mind will be most likely be bored with what is here. But realize what is here is real, and that boring is also a layer of energy.  So the goal is to be here fully in every moment and seeing all that is here without judgment but with the willingness to understand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge something/someone before understanding how/who something/someone is/has become him/herself.
When and as I see myself judging someone/something – I stop and breathe- I realize that I must bring myself and breathe so I can stop the participation in the energy- I realize that once I stopped I can Now look and see more clearly what/who this something/someone is.
I commit myself to stop judgment through breathing and being here and looking, since prevention is the best solution.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept everything around me as real/truth without looking deeper on how things work under the surface.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live by the principle of investigating all things and learn about everything in detail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can’t learn and not question every single thought I have in order to discover the truth of all things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow abuse through not taking my place of living knowledge equal and one to me, and so prevent abuse of all kinds through dedication and action.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a mistake because I wasn’t prepared enough or learned everything I could about something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by what I knew/know.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forgive within separation of myself what I am forgiving as myself.
When and as I see myself forgiving something in separation of myself- I stop and breathe- I realize I must understand that everything is me and I am through self-forgiveness, equalizing my relationship to this thing, that there can be no separation within myself with this thing, that by the end of the self-forgiveness I stand with and as thing as myself, as one and as equal.
I commit myself to forgive things as myself, here, according to the principle of oneness and equality, applied absolutely. 

Monday, September 9, 2013

Reviewing Over My History with My Mom- "Learn for yourself" Day94

One of the hard things for me to admit is that I am a product of my parents, both environmental factors and biological factors such as genetics. My mom told me a story that I was an old soul, so I would like to believe I am who I am because of being an old soul. But I know that's not the case because everything that I learned or accepted who I am to be was based on the choices that my parents or teachers gave me. For example, my mom never paid me money to get straight A's. She instead told me to learn for myself, or get good grades for myself. So I followed this program, I listened to my mother. I never considered learning as a way to support myself practically in this world or learning as a way to support others practically in this world. It was something I did for me, to define me, that I am someone who learns in the classroom and in the tests. I just did it, lol, strange, huh? If I didn't do it, then I wouldn't have been me, which would have lead to a depression. I also forgot to mention that I felt happy being me, which is a separate program that interacted with the one we are talking about. So when I was doing the learning program, I was also fulfilling the being me program. My mom once told me to just be myself, be natural. I also observed my mom and she appeared being happy, based on her facial expressions, and the sound of her voice. So being yourself is supposed to be something happy, and it is natural and if your not happy then you are not yourself and you are not natural, and you start to feel depressed. I remember feeling sad for most of my life. And I can see that it was because I was not fulfilling certain programs. So there is something about not fulfilling a program that the mind says hey!!! Feel SAD. I wish it were that simple. It may be. I would notice how the energy would shift from feeling sad and go into happy. So some of the happiest people can become very sad, it only takes a change in the situation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am a product of my parents, in terms of the environment and biology. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beLIEve that I am who I am because I am an old soul, and so believe that I am an old soul. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that everything that I am is influenced and determined by what my parents and teachers told me, and showed me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the words that my mother spoke as myself "that it is better to learn for yourself than for money or rewards", thinking and believing that these two were the only choices that humans had, to learn for money or rewards, or to learn for yourself, where one became the positive and the other the negative, so in my mind there was only one right choice, which was the good choice to "learn for yourself/myself."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately judge others as bad for picking the worse choice, when I learned that they did not learn for themselves, but for money and rewards. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, how by following this program of learning for myself, I was limiting me to not consider the possibility that there was a different choice that would have a more effective outcome for living practically in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become distracted by the energy within me to not see, realize and understand that by following the program of learning for myself, I limited myself to the extent that energy existed within me, such that if I did not receive the positive energy for learning or if I did not received the negative energy for avoiding learning, I would completely change. 
When and as I see myself experiencing a happiness for learning for myself- I stop and breathe- I realize that is it better to assist and support me to live practically and effectively in this existence through learning, than to support feeling good from having been successful at learning based on the standards that society has set forth. 
I commit myself to learn as a tool that assist me to exist here effectively, and so support others as well. 
When and as I see myself feeling sad for not having learned for myself - I stop and I breathe- I realize that learning is a tool I must apply to assist and support me to exist here effectively in this existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave who I am, my expression and ability, and movement to the presence or absence of energy that is generated when I learn or avoid learning. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to accept "learning for myself" as myself and so become a slave to always learning for myself, also a slave to energy for needing to learn for myself otherwise I would not receive a great big prize as positive energy for having fulfilled the being myself program. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others by accepting and allowing the "learning for myself" program as myself, because I alienate me from being able to understand and accept other reasons for learning as equally valid, and simply judge any other reason for learning as less than mine. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to alienate myself from the possibility of learning to practically assist and support myself in this world, and so by assisting me, I am better prepared to assist and support others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to define me according to whether I was "being me" and so I would feel happy if I was fulfilling programs that defined who I was, and I would feel sad if I was not fulfilling these programs of who I am. 

I am not happiness, and I am not sadness. These are parts of me, but the parts do not define the whole. This is the lie I have been living that the parts define the whole, when really they are only parts, the parts are not the whole. The Parts altogether, as Equals and as One, make up the Whole and so define the whole.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the words my mother spoke: "just be yourself, be natural." and to observe my mother's behavior and judge/associate being yourself and being natural as meaning to be happy and loud, and speaking in a high voice, and smiling or whooping. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define happiness as being loud, speaking in a high voice, smiling and making whooping sounds. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that being happy is natural and that you are supposed to be happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that naturally people are happy, and being unhappy is unnatural

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that there is something wrong with me if I do not feel happy. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I must feel happy. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my mother had all the truth, that everything she said is right, that I need to listen to my mother, that my mother was the ideal person and that I should aspire to be like my mother,  or find a partner or friends like my mother, and that I was lucky or blessed to have her as a mother, so that I would more easily accept what I was doing that is constantly generating energy. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed when I was quiet, shy, reserved around people that I could talk to. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I have to talk to people, as a way to try and brainwash me to go after the positive energy that would be made from being happy like my mother. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I have to be happy like my mother that it is my purpose, to feel happy, be happy, because who I really am is happy, but I am not happy so I am not myself and so I need to fix me by meditating and becoming fearless or by finding people with whom I can be happy with.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in sadness whenever I saw I am not fulfilling a certain mind program's desire for something to exist here. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire absolute control of everything here, and that if I could not get this desire fulfilled I would be willing to destroy all life, out of spitefulness. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the mind as myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility of the mind as myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to anything separate from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire happiness above what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand that if I keep participating in the mind that I will cause my own death, and become nothing but a shadow. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the words of others define me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to what I believe others must be thinking. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take the perspective of others freely, as it supports me in whatever endeavor. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself, who I am, and what I am capable of, because I assumed that certain abilities that I had were wrong, when really the point of process is who you are not what you do, and that what you do will change according to who you are.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge guilt with positive energy. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing imagination to move automatically, where all my attention goes into the imagination, and I forget what I was doing.