Yogan's Journey to Life

Its ike I fel guilty to ask for what I want. Traumatized. Scared, Intimidated. I can't ask for . I can't ask for more. Its like I am bad for asking more. Its like I am the devil for asking more. ITs like how dare I ask for more! I feel guilty to ask for more. I am wrong to ask for more. I shouldn't ask for more. I am a bad person for asking for more. I won't ask for more. I was wrong for asking for more. IT's my fault. I feel better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel better to stop asking for more and say its my fault. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty, bad, ashamed and blame myself when/for asking for more. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ask for more, inhibited, unweighted by emotion/energy and thought. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow less, a lesser reality, a lesser humanity, a lesser existence for myself and others. I forgive mysel...

Remove the emotions from words. The mind is shit and emotions are shit. Though how to change yourself? Start with words. For every single word, remove the emotional meaning. Make it so that no words have any emotional meaning within you. Words like War, Business, Rivals probably have emotional meaning for you. I say probably because its possible you never encountered these words before. Its possible you are still just a kid that never used these words and so never placed any emotions in them. So the same can be true for you. The goal is to remove all the emotions from all the words that you have placed emotions within. Then you will place a physical definition in the word. This you do by seeing what the word actually means physically, and that you make that what the word means. For example, with War, you may see that war is something bad and that people die and it doesn't need to exist. You feel resistance, emotion, anger, uncomfortable, irritation, annoyance. Remember this is an...

Why should I walk the Desteni Process? The Desteni process is the process of facing your mind. Your mind is a complex system that generates your very thoughts and very emotions and feelings. The process of facing your mind is simple. So the process is simple, but the mind itself is complex. All you have to do is to stop the mind in this moment. You can stop the mind in this moment through self-forgiveness, as one tool. As long as you stop the mind in this moments and all future moments, then you will progress inside yourself. Your progression is to take back the responsibility and functions that your mind has taken over. Currently your mind takes on very important life functions. Your mind makes your decisions, it leads you down into relationships, it leads you down into addictions, it leads you down any path where it can further itself as a mind. Your mind is essentially living your life. So much of what we have lived as Humanity has been a lie. Yet it is our lie and our responsib...

So I have been enjoying the physical. Enjoying the physical sound of music. Enjoying the feeling of my hand outside my car driving, feeling the wind. Being here in my body and addressing/stopping any physical pains. Enjoying the feeling of water on my body while showering. Enjoying the feeling of the cloth in bed. Enjoying the flavor and taste of pickles, bread, cheese. Enjoying the physical sun. Enjoying breathing heavily while working outside. Enjoying paying attention and focusing on a physical project and making it the best outcome. Enjoying playing a trick/joke on other people. Enjoying myself/alone. Enjoying my presence. Enjoying my gentleness and softness. Enjoying my ability to move and express anything I want to express in the moment. Enjoying my ability to work long hours. Enjoying my complete intimacy and depth with myself. Enjoying my own sound while singing. Enjoying my own dance while dancing. Enjoying the feel of my own clothes. Enjoying all of physical reality, in my ...

This blog post may not be so great. The thing I worked on today involves my relationship with my mom, at an early age. She was my root, my connection to this world. She was my world, my sun, my everything. I felt like I connected to her, I felt understood, I felt I received attention. And when I was not with her I noticed the difference. When I started school, I notice most people, or  really no one gave me that same attention and treated me that way. What I can observe now is that as I met people that actually in some way did give me attention and was nice and kind to me, I started really liking those people, having crushes on them, or just wanted to hug them. You have to understand that I felt so much love for my mom, then I would love to go up to her and hug her. And I related to some of my teachers this way. But why is this? Why feel this way? Because what happens later is the relationship falls apart, where I start talking about things where she doesn't understand. I sta...

Fear of Being Alone. We do a lot in the name of NOT being Alone. I have done a lot. How much? I went into years of depression because I had people in my life. I had the attention, the love, the admiration, the worship, celebration, care. I felt needed and wanted, I felt I belonged. I felt like this is who I am, I found myself, this where I am supposed to be and do. All of this that I felt and thought was a lie. Because these feelings are lies. These thoughts are lies. This positivity, this bliss, this pleasure is a lie. How can feeling good be a lie? I was part of some people's everyday life. I got to know them. They would smile at me, and I would make them happy. When I would make they happy, laugh and have fun, I felt amazing. I felt complete, I felt great, I felt wonderful and bliss. This is all I ever wanted to do forever. Just make them happy. I wanted to keep them in my life, and I wanted them to keep me in their lives. I wanted to own them and be owned. I wanted...