Yogan's Journey to Life

Recently the word expectations has come to my attention, where in different moments, I was reacting towards expectations that I had towards what others expected of me. So these expectations were/are defining my living, within reactions. I don't recall ever working with the words expectations, specifically, so that is something I would like to do here. Expectations as a word is interesting. It refers to that which you perceive another has as a desire, and in this case, a desire for me to act, behave, or do. And what is interesting here in this case is that I am have expectations or beliefs about what another has as an expectation for me. So in my perception as a belief in my mind, they expect me to act or be a certain way. Within that I react when I do or don't follow the expectation. Now here is something interesting where within doing what I expect them to expect of me, I feel something positive. This is a reaction, even though it is positive. This is a cool point to look ...

I am absolutely exhausted, but I have to write this blog right now. So today, I went to the Sunset Sudbury School in Fortlauderdale. When I arrived I had an experience of excitement about facing something new. However, after I left 3 hours later, I realized that this wasn't new, but something old. So my expectations were false. To be in this school and work at this school requires that I access my real self, my old self, who I naturally am completely. Its refreshing and familiar experiencing, I know myself all to well. It's just that I rarely am myself, this old self of mine. In this environment, being my old self is not just a luxurary but a necessity to be at this school and get hired. You see, every person in the school will vote whether I work there. And this includes the children. And I know for a fact children see straight through you. This means that I get to talk about video games and play videos games with them. That is like a necessary point, that I be myself. Serio...

https://eqafe.com/p/pocketful-of-energy-reptilians-part-420 Pocket full of energy. So I had a listen to this interview the other day. And the other day, I believe I faced a pocket of energy. So I was within looking at something, a particular topic. It was actually while writing a recent blog. And from this perception, I had like this thought or belief, which I took as true. But now that I slowed it down, it was a pocket of energy or emotion, depression. So it's like, while going through the topics, I happened upon a bump in the road. So it was there, and it was like a pocket in the sense that it is contained, and placed on this topic. It already existed, probably fed and built in the past, and it was simply there is storage, waiting to be faced, or bumped into. So I bumped into. I felt the emotion, and it felt familiar as well, especially when it came to this topic that it connected to. So like how the interview described, it was hanging there, which for me its like a sack...

Today I was working with the Nervous Energy. The design of Nervous Energy I found to include the Inferiority experience. I saw that Nervous Energy would shift into Inferiority when I would receive a question that I didn't know how to answer. The overall design of the trigger I found to be reacting to what I perceived to be other people's expectations of me. This would trigger feeling Inferiority when I saw myself as not meeting other people's expectations of me, and I would shift into the Nervous energy, when I was trying to meet the perceived expectations. So in real time it would occur something like this:  -Trigger: Someone in my environment (or in my thinking) I perceive that they hold an expectation of me -Reaction: I would feel Inferiority, because I am not meeting the expectation, and I would shift into Nervous Energy as I try to live into the expectation I believe they are having of me. In my memories, I do have instances where some people delib...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotions and feelings that are generated within hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this body through participating within and as energy while I am within and as hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as hate. When and as I see myself participating within and as hate, I stop and I breathe- I realize hate does not help us build anything- I realize hate is simply an outburst of ego trying to get on top of the pile of shit - I realize nothing worthwhile is created from hate - I commit myself to stop hate within and without. I am perceiving some people as hating, and I judge that they should not be hating. I felt conflict. I don't know what to think. They should not be hating. How can I help them see that. Within that I feel stressed. Within helping them I generate energy as positivity, but I ...