Yogan's Journey to Life

My purpose and Meaning.  My purpose is to work a 40 hr a week job, pay for my needs, give money to support the desteni process, in so doing I support with money the development of awareness in people/humanity. My purpose is to share myself online so that others walking process may be supported. My purpose and meaning is to express myself creatively as dance, music, art, singing, play, writing, joking, etc... I live my meaning and purpose everyday.  Who I am? I am my body, my being, my self-expression. I am the work I do, and the money I give. I am the song I sing, and movement I dance. I am the words I write and speak. I am the work I do, the blogs I write, the people that listen/read my words. I am expression. I am the support I give and receive. I am my job, my work, what I give to others. I am the moment I express in and live in. I am the process I walk to bring awareness within me, and within others. I am the self-forgiveness I speak and commitments I make. I ...

I am seeing a problem that I have created for myself many times when I speak or write. This problem arises after I take actions to manipulate and change what I say so it doesn't fully match what I really say within myself. What is going on here? Why is this happening? I have been through many moments throughout my life where people did not understand what I mean to say. Though a question to ask myself is whether I actually said what I mean to say? I have struggled with communication for a long time. Why am I having difficulty saying what I mean? Within me there is like this wall of fear. Where it is as if my words start out genuine from within me, but it passes through this wall and it changes like a filter. The result is what I speak. It is like have some complex set of rules and conditions that I must follow when speaking or writing, and I can't break those rules. Why? What are these rules? One rule is that when writing I must avoid repeating words, because it is annoyi...

So back then, around when I took this photo, before Desteni, I had trouble expressing myself. I would be known as the quiet and shy one. I wouldn't share what I thought, unless I felt confident that I would look good or positive in the eyes of others. So I felt I always had to say the right thing all the time. That I wasn't allowed to say the wrong thing.... ever. Now, I am much different. I still have things to learn and expand upon, but in this area of myself, I do see obvious differences, as well as my process or history of change where I experimented and tested out my expression. So, for example I would start sharing the blunt honesty of myself and what I saw as what is best for all and oneness and equality. Initially I would feel extremely nervous and panicked, yet I pushed myself to share what I saw. And I noticed that I would speak in quite a panicked, loud, way, because of the fears I had. Yet within it I did speak in stability as what I said, where I knew there w...

I have written about this topic many times. I may even have a blog somewhere that is titled who I am. But this time the question is, Who am I? as if someone else is asking this question. So to answer this question I am going to be answering another question. That is Why do I write this blog? So this blog is part of my commitment to become Life, through writing, sharing, and in the real world, living the words I have written in every day life. So it does take years, yes, 7 years in fact, of writing and application in every day life, to truly change yourself on every level, dimension, nugget, and speck of yourself. So why I write the way I do right now? Well, I have had a journey in itself in writing my blog. You can see over the years how my writings has changed. That is because who I was within it, has changed. Before I was brand new, meaning I was full of fears, self-judgment worry, self-conscious, thinking about what others would think or say, etc... Now, I walk my process in ...

Previous posts My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 So like I have shared in my previous post, I am walking a pretty massive point, and I have decided to take it each individual point that makes up the massive collection point, one by one. So yesterday we looked at something very specific that I saw myself participating within it. I will share today what I have done since then which has been to apply the corrective change. So the main point that I opened up yesterday was that I was brainwashed on how to think, how to act, etc... so the correction is to decide, to direct. So that is what I have applying. Now I know it sounds simply to just say the words, decide or direct. So to describe in a little more detail the challenge th...

These are the four points that my mind tries its best to put pressure on me. 1. Sex 2. Money 3. Friendships 4. Relationships Let's see who comes out on top. For each I have my self stand. The following is where I stand with each: 1. With sex, I don't need it. I wouldn't compromise any other aspect of my life for sex. I would always choose something else over this, if it meant compromising myself. Sex is merely a pleasure point, and is a non-essential point. At the same time, sex is a tool, a way for me to explore my self-expression within a situation, which I have said, is non-essential. Therefore, in a way, it provides a space for seeing who I am, and practice self-movement. I wouldn't compromise myself whatsoever, in terms of getting a sexual partner, for the purpose of sex. I rather stick to masturbation, or sex with myself, because then there is no risk for such consequences as STD, as well as wasting my time with someone that is a waste of my time, and I...

So I have a lot to share in this blog. You see, I will covering what I did tonight, and as well as a draft of a blog I wrote on leadership. So I ask for some patience, because there is a very significant nugget of realization here for me, which is kind of a decision in itself, surprisingly. Paramore. So this is a band, whose music I was exploring and rocking out to for the past year. I remember when I bought their latest album about this time last year 2014. And I went to their concert that July. Sooooo. Tonight, just 1.5 hours ago, as I write this, I finish going to my 2nd concert. The most important thing that the reader, you should know, about this band, is the sincerity and honesty that have developed. Sooooo. This point of them committing to and sticking with themselves is what brought them the greatest success thus far in their music career. So for me, I have been lost, frankly, in what to do, and so really who to be. Who am I? This question clearly indicates I am lost, if y...

This is about you. (no question mark) What is interesting is that everything is always about you. What you think, what you feel, what you see, your reactions, your movements, is you. Its about you. What you see on tv, the wars, the movies, the starvation, death, murders, stories, animal abuse, rapes, poverty, wealth, inequality,  its always about you. What you see is you. And if you close your eyes, the darkness you see is also you. When you run away, its you. When you hide its you. When you cry or complain its you. When you stand up and stop, its you. When you change its you. So no matter what, this existence is you, and every moment you are yourself.

Who I am I lived a very specific life, like I am sure everyone has lived a very specific life. When I look at my life, my mind automatically compares my life experience to those of others. When I self-honestly check this however, I know, always that everyone is the same, and our life experience is in essence the same. Now, I cannot really know the life another has lived, that is for him/her to know. To share my life experience is a step I must take. I am an innocent being. I have wholeheartedly accepted all of the advice and knowledge that my primary caregiver has given me. She has always been there for me, both my word and action. I naturally trusted her and that trust was rewarded in certain specific ways. So as that trust was rewarded I trusted her more. So that with each new knowledge point I always was more willing to accept it. I did have fears, very specific fears. I did face them directly as a manifestation of myself. I always wanted to find people like me. I wanted to cre...

So there comes a moment in your life where your presented with something you could not have even imagined. And with that I found myself wanting to rush, which is like in a way living in the mind. It is not here. There is a way to move where you move fast, however it is done with at the same time being slow, and importantly aware. I suppose words fail to capture what I mean. I could write this a hundred different ways, yet I am still sure that each one can understand or relate to what I am saying despite of all the reasons and justifications that one often has being spoken in the mind. So one thing that we ALL have in common as beings, is this... being a creator. We are all equally hold this description, and strangely enough we are on this one planet, which makes this our own creation, everything. Everything you see, you have created. We create this reality together. At the same time, I have to recognize that some are aware, or maybe I shouldn't say that, because aren't we all...

So, we always know what to do in every moment. We know how we should be. We know who it is that we really want to be. We also know who we are now. We can see the bullshit if we want to see. We can do so much, only if we allow ourselves to do it. it starts with ourselves, and self-honesty. We already know the highest way to live. We may not have a name for it, but you know what it is. Since birth, since childhood. Why do you choose the lesser path? The lesser way to live and be? Because of energy, because you want more? Yourself is enough. Why not give the same to everyone else? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do everything I can so that others can give themselves the gift of themselves. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want more than what another has, what is available to all, instead of sharing all with everyone for the good of all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a process or journey to...