Day 910 Destroy I must

Destruction. I judge it. I fear to partake in it. And its the only thing that can set me free.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear destroying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear breaking things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I break things, destroy them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the power of my destruction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, to feel embarrassed, ashamed of breaking things. 

I can destroy, I can break things, by accident or on purpose. Destruction is just another form of Creation. It is the shifting and movement of reality, of parts, of matter, of self, of persons, and relationships. I can break and destroy. 

I am judging my ability to create art, to beautify my life and reality. Because of my judgment of destruction. I need to destroy the old in order to bring the new. I need it for my art, for my ability to express and create in reality. To destroy an old image, to break a persona, a habit, the way things have been or appeared. To smash it into a million pieces. 

I need to break this image of living in a glass house, of having no room for myself where I cannot modify anything, I have no space, and I must do nothing out of respect to the authority of others. FUCK THAT. FUCK THEIR RESISTANCES. THERE ARE WAYS TO CREATE THAT CAN RESPECT OTHERS. Art can be temporary, can take over a space, and also leave it untouched. And I am human and I make mistakes, but FUCK it if I live in fear and never express anything, fuck that guy. THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY. DON"T Give up. 

Always having this positive image up. Always trying to respect others. Always trying to be liked. Always trying to not step on anyone toes. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear of been seen as bad as others, I trust myself to live what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself cower away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let fear win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being without fear of judgment, I trust myself to find solutions that are best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly be thinking of what others could be thinking of me all the time, even right now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live a sad, pathetic life, where I am limp, and spineless. 

I am not meant to live this way. 

Art is me. I can create. I can move. I can have the visions and place it into motion. I can create the space. The space is me. I can destroy this WALL within me. There is no better moment than right now.

I am with me, I can create here with me. I can move here as me. I can do this.

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