Day 925 The four letter word Part 1

 Love. 

I know there is a place that I just wont go. And when I try to go, I shutdown. All the motivation and hoopla that I muster in order to get me there, just fades away. Just drops, I drop. And then I can't move an inch anymore, and I drag myself back to the things to pass the time, until I try again. 

There's a really cool series of videos did, where essentially bernard was explaining the basic resonance pattern that every human is living, which is love. And he shows how every single person will inevitable choose love over everything else. Unless of course that resonance, that impulse is changed in ourselves, so we no longer feed, or go after that love. Love is the reason the hippies failed. That revolutions today fail because love has been stuffed in our faces in every way. link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQKiYTroY0

So looking at me, I can see how thats the case. How in being this revolutionary radical this past decade, has been put to a fizzle due to love. The love that I unwittingly kept returning to these years. In my music, and movies, in my tv shows, and in my relationships with people. I didn't think Love was that big of a deal, and was just another word to redefine and live differently. I was wrong. Its the ultimate move the mind made. 

I chased for love and lost it. Moreover a coordinate effort to place myself in a position to be attacked from all fronts. Really the main gate keeper from me returning there is Me, and the love I still have. I am holding onto love within me. Cause like Bernard said its the one point we would choose over everything else, even my well being, even everyone here. Love says no to anger, no to conflict, no to outbursts, no to disrupting things. Its a pacifier.  

Any therapist would have said love is cool. Woulda pushed for love. Any person would do the same. And they would attack anyone saying love is the problem, how loving of them. The extent of the problem is scary. 

Love is the antithesis to Life. An experience no different than a drug, that is selfish. 

The other day I allowed myself to call the person who broke my heart a liar. Something I know to be true, yet I dared not approach before. And I felt it, what I would have called anger. Yet it was the passion, the passion for truth, the passion for correcting another's self-deception. The passion for Life, the life in us all. The willingness to give up everything for whats right, whats best, whats needed. 

I can hear the responses of those who gave themselves up to civility, to love, to giving up on themselves. And the only reasons why I fear to face them is just one: love. The hope/wish for civility, for friendship, for understanding one another. Yet when the monster comes out, to defend love, there is nothing that remotely resembles love. No one can truly be a friend, or dependable, or responsible completely, as long as they have this love holding their balls. How fitting.

So if I let go of any desire for love. Or rather the search for love. Hoping for love. That experience in your chest. That feeling good. Tha'ts where i can be real with people, help people, help myself. Really give my all. Cause all of the hesitation. All of the holding back is because of the desire for love still. I remember I would say that any person who had love as a child would not be a bad person. How wrong I was. Its in reverse. 

How I went from fearless, to fearful of doing anything to jeopardize love. How I underestimated the mind's power over me through love. Yet here I am crawling out this hole. 

The sad fact is that the group has the same issue. Love is everyone's last hurdle. The final exam. And I find myself questioning, what is the approach then with 7 billion humans, it would be impossible for the masses to change on this point of love. Surely we would have a handful of leaders who can do so. But then what. Shall we be teachers showing others the way. Is there a way to support others on this point of love. Is there a way to accelerate this. Its gonna take a lot of people, a lot of hands, as much help as possible in every which way. 

Maybe its not a sad fact, just the reality we all face equally as humans. Resonantly Bernard said, love was being impulsed from everywhere. Yet we can impulse ourselves and this reality. Through breath. So perhaps thats the acceleration, that is what can shift things from it being so impossible to easy as pie. Its true I have been impulsing love, still living by it and repeating it. So being able to impulse whats best for all, over love. That point where we choose life over love. We choose the physical over love. It would surely help. I have no doubt it will remain a test/challenge. But maybe those younger could ace it, especially since I know I was being impulsed by love throughout my childhood. I obsessed over it more than others. So maybe, hopefully, it can be made easy for children. 

One of the reasons why I would have kids is for them to have this advantage where I removing this point within me would mean my child would not have to face it. Cause I remember the instinct to want to love and be loved as a child. 

Its ridiculous how every single point around us is impulsing this point. Tv shows, movies, stories. Instead of for example, solving problems systemically affecting everyone: Hunger, Abuse, Deception, Enslavement, Cheating. A movie about how such big problems were solves is not appealing, only because we are addicts to love. But commonsense, love is nothing. Real practical life in the physical is where problems and solutions to them exist. Its ridiculous. 

And Bernard said in these videos, how we are so blind to it. The way I see it, there is no way we can truly change ourselves without resolving this point. We will always go back to love. So any change we made can be reverse by this point that holds our balls literally.