Yogan's Journey to Life

What do I feel? Fear. What do I fear? I fear losing access to people, to being cut off and shut out. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing access to people, to fear being cut off and be shut out. How do I feel now? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing without fear. Nothing. I am remembering my day. There were moments where I was angry, irritated, yet I did self-forgiveness or I pushed for stopping the fears, emotions, anger. I succeeded in feeling nothing again and in acting/doing what is best for all, I went beyond my limitations. I pushed for integrity of my doing and not for money. In the nothingness, I am home. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for other people and this world, through who I am in absolute detail. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into the depth of a person and seeing all of who they are and all that is here within my ...

I saw a pattern within me today about fearing the strong woman. I was assisted by someone who I was reacting to. I was reacting to them in nervousness. They suggested for me to see what words they represent to me, and so not to focus on them as the image. So I took this advice, and I started working on it. I also had a celebrity who I had a similar reaction to in my past who I met. So I tried to see what words they represented. I got a few words that I initially identified but turned out NOT to be the main word, however its related. Initially I saw the words of ease of communication and happy/smiling and friendly. So I took these words with me. And at that point I was looking at the words and trying to stop my reactions. It didn't work and what happened was me kind of controlling myself and restricting myself, becoming a controlled silence. What I did at this point was kind of allow it because I wasn't sure, that maybe this is what my expression is supposed to be. Anywa...

The most sacred emotion of all. The most protected the one type you don't want to get rid of. The feelings. In other words, the positive emotions. In other words the ones that you like, the ones that you say feel good. The ones that you want to keep. I call them emotions because they are really the same as anger or sadness. You don't see that though. You don't. If you did then you wouldn't protect it. The truth is that feelings are not better than emotions. The positive is no better, it is actually EXACTLY the same. Its the same shit. It just takes a second longer, there is a delay. When you feel good there is a delay before you feel bad. It takes some time. And because your memory is so bad, and your awareness is horrible you don't see it. But its there. That is what happens each time. Feeling good is feeling bad. Feeling the physical is neither good or bad. Feeling the physical pain is just pain. Feeling the physical injury is just feeling it. Feeling the phys...

So in the recent Previous Blogs, I covered Manipulation in the context of Confidence and Anger. Now in this blog I will cover Manipulation in the context of Being Nice, Kind and Happy. As well I will be covering this Bias I have, this judgment I have that enables me to be easily manipulated by a certain group of people. This group of people is women. So because of how I was raised I have had certain deeply ingrained beliefs and ideas about women. For as long as I can can remember, I viewed women/girls, including girls my age when I was growing up, to be more matured. I believed it. I believed females were more intelligent. I believed they are more trustworthy, Honest, and Kind. I believed women are Nice, gentle and compassionate. I believed the world would be better if women ran it. I believed that mothers were also nicer, kinder, more gentle, more responsible, stronger than fathers. I believed women were more important than men. I believed that it was better for me to be around gi...

So, I highly advise you read my latest blogs, and all the articles/material from Desteni. Because there it covers all the dimensions that I won't be covering in this blog. There are many problems with love and relationships. In this blog your mind will perceive it as me talking about the positive things of relationship the good. So let's talk about it. Even though this will sound GOOD, it is not good. It just is. It's truth. Only your mind perceives it as good. Okay. So relationships are natural, inevitable. Every relationship you have an opportunity to grow, to learn about yourself through another. You know those great relationships? Great people in your life? The ones you laugh with, smile with and enjoy? So those exist or existed or will exist. Remember that for a moment. One thing that is certain is the relationship will end. Because death is certain. Who are you when you no longer have the relationship. You are mourning, and sad. You are torn. Ever...

I am starting my blog again, from day 1. And I renamed it Yogan's Journey to Life. It was called a child's Journey to life before. I commit myself to do a blog daily. So next year I will be at 365 days of blogs. Each day I will write about about I learned, or something I struggling with. It is about my process of becoming the greatest of humanity. Becoming god-like. Becoming child-like. Becoming humble, real, innocent, responsible, expressive. Becoming like all the great Men and Women who have walked this earth. The greatest man or woman is he or she lives for oneness and equality. Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr did that. Oneness and Equality is the essence and nature of all Life. It is the highest and only truth. It is also the truth that is denied, rejected, and spit upon daily by everyone, including you. Any moment where you have a thought about another person, any moment where you speak to a person in a reaction, any moment where you breath in separation from you body, ...

Fairness, what is it? It is certainly a word. It certainly has a definition. Based on how the word is used, the word fair is often used to express an emotional protest to something, often in the contest of another receiving something more than you. Hence the phrase: "That's not fair!!!" What is interesting is that the word equal can be used, instead of fair, and equal does not have an emotional meaning. What is equal is equal. So you can say that those people and myself are not equally receiving the same thing. Naturally, anyone who is quite stable and seeing things rationally would ask why? Why is this person receiving more than me? The answer will depend on the actual practical physical context. Maybe its a game, where the winner receives a prize. So they receive the prize cause they win. It can be grades (or marks ) where a person receives a higher grade (or mark) if they answered more questions correctly. It can be many answers. What is interesting is that when ...

In my personal writings I identified a tendency still active and existent within me on certain levels of going out into the world and looking for validation, information, reactions, perspectives, beliefs, that define who I am. A practical support that I applied in the last 24 hours is to use my imagination to place a boundary around myself that completely envelops me, and it's not that I placed it, but more recognize that its kind of already there, I just haven't allowed myself to recognize it. So allow me to explain. So everything that happens in my experience, whether it is in my environment, or inside myself, or with people, or with the room, pets, thoughts, etc... it is all within my experience. So there is a containment really that all that I am experiencing in this moment, including physical sensations and even the experience of my body as well, is all contained still to my experience. So how and even why is imagining placing/recognizing this egg like or spherical ...

Beauty! what is it? I mean really, let's question and find this answer. For me, this word has been in so many different ways and contexts that it is so opinionated. Okay when I look at the dictionary I find this 1. The qualities that give pleasure to the senses. This definition explains why I have heard this word refer in various context. Sound/music can be called beautiful. Something visual like a painting can be called beautiful. What is interesting too is that definition number two is this: 2. A very attractive or seductive looking woman. So I am personally confused, haha. I would rather reserve words to give their highest meaning. For me it seems wasted to have a word that supposedly have value to leave it just to pleasing to the senses. Like about the beauty of integrity? Like who a person is! Because consider the extreme, a person of such immense value as Who they are, yet they have the most "ugliest" body or appearance, compared to this: a person with such patheti...

Posting something I shouldn’t have. Writing something I shouldn’t have. Causing harm through writing something self-dishonestly and publishing it. Doing harm. Doing wrong. Wronging myself. Harming myself. Being evil. I am Evil Character/Self-pity Character “I am evil” and I feel self-pity, a “OH NO!” “I can’t be EVIL, I just can’t.” I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I posted something I shouldn’t have. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I wrote something I shouldn’t have. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am causing harm through writing something self-dishonestly, and publishing it. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am doing harm. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am doing wrong I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am wronging mys...

In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the s...

SO one of the hardest points for me to get over is trying to convince people of things which I know is true. Like the point of oneness and equality. The strange thing is, when I heard the point the first time, I knew it was a true description of how things worked. It explained so much to me, even in a way how everything works. I also remember how by the fact people become nasty when hearing this message, it already invalidated them, and at the same time demonstrated how the message is true. Because the truth that you are one and equal to what you accept and allow, is for some strange reason judged as bad by the mind. I don’t get it, and I can’t explain why the mind would do that. The mind perhaps perceives it may die, by why ignore the truth that this is how you really live.   The mind itself seems completely invalid and unnecessary. Its like an extra layer of bureaucracy, just a waste of time and money. You never accomplish what you REALLY wanted to accomplis...

Throughout the day I am riddle with thoughts about what other people think: about me, about this, that, whether they feel happy, sad, angry. As a result I feel so overwhelm with guilt and self-consciousness, and blah, that I start thinking stuff on the line of I have to kill myself. It gets  filled up like a steam cannon and I just feel like I have no way out, and so I implode in a sense. But when I stop thinking about what other people think I already feel a bit relieved and the backchat loses its power, and I can take an assuring breath. By stop I mean I literally just stop within myself. I just do it. I stop. And it works as long as I stop in each moment. And now I can see that all thoughts are me, are my thoughts. Before I couldn't. So I guess the lesson is when you think about what other people think you start believing that your thoughts are not your own responsibility, they are in a sense not yours, which is not true. So stop thinking about what other people think, if...