Yogan's Journey to Life

So the other day I learned something. This relates to the point of Manipulation that I face and the point of being alone. So basically I change when I am completely alone. When I am completely alone, all the reactions I am having to things in my environment, mainly people drop.  So basic truth is I am not YET fully ME, living me, without reaction, and comfortable enough to express my Real expression, in the face of rejection and resistance of people. Across my life, whenever I express myself FREELY and REAL, people judge me. They make fun of me. They tell me I am WEIRD. This has an effect on me. I react. I want to one day be strong enough where I don't react at all and I continue being me.That day is not here. So basically, here is the lesson, that we each need to spend time alone for part of the day or week or just whenever you need it. Because this alone time you will allow yourself to express your real self, and real expression at least part of the day/time. If you don...

So I saw something really fascinating, and this will make for a really great blog post. So I was playing a game just now, and it was online competitive game, meaning that we had two teams, and I was playing with one team, and in this last game we won. Now when I played I had to be very in the moment, especially due to the structure of the game. A single mistake can be extremely costly. So my play style in this game was a rather unique position, and was one of the major reasons, and perhaps the key point that allowed us to win this particular game. I played very well, and made very few mistakes. Within that game I had to take some major risks, but they were calculated and I minimized the riskiness of the risk, if that makes sense. So I took the best route, and I saw it being the one that the team needed, for us to win. It is interesting because you can say the moment was very intense, and I can remember clearly the moment when I was taking the major risk, and how I was very focused...

So one thing I have been participating in, is energy in my words, and specifically negativity. I play myself out in a negative way. How I feel right now is tons of energy. Now, one reason why I am not stopping is because I seem to be addicted to talking about myself to others. And I perceive writing right now as if I am talking about myself. So this is the primary point, writing and generating energy within writing about myself. And so I am not stopping the energy. SO I remember as a child, I would share myself with my mother. And when I would share a realization to her, I notice I would immediately forget what I had realized and sometimes I would actually do the opposite of what I realized not to do. The nature of the realization was to better myself. To acquire some perspective or knowledge that was making me more aware. Yet within sharing it I became less aware. I notice I would feel great within sharing. I see now a connection with the thought pa...