Day 912 Failing

 I rather fail doing it my way. 

I have hesistance to failing. I want to succeed every time. No failures. No loses. Getting it right every time. 

So I freeze up and I rather not try, then risk failing. So to that I say I rather fail doing it my way. Cause I am constantly like listening and trying to assess what is the safest or best way. But that doesn't mean its what I really want to say, and what I really think would work. It's not my best. 

Basically there is a lot going on in my head. The fears, the concerns, the possibilities. That I cut away the parts that are fun, that are interesting, and that I see is best. Cause I don't want to fail at all. And I want to have that certainty. And I don't have it. I don't know what will happen. And I can't handle it. 

And then you have others opinions, and beliefs. And it brings doubt, of what is the way, cause frankly I don't know. Yet I have to choose something. But if I can be okay with failing. Then that would be amazing for me. The permission to fail. The permission to be wrong. 

The permission to mess up, to be fucked up. To do it  my way. I wouldn't have regrets in how I did it. Fuck yeah.

Fail Fail Fail, oh yeah! 

And I will have a heart at peace. 

Sinatra's My Wayyyyyy