Yogan's Journey to Life

Shall we proceed to the next door? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling. ...

She said: step in the circle if you are nervous that you’re in a new place. I hesitated to step in. I knew it was not true, but I was also afraid of standing out and not being part of the group. But I decided to stand back, and smiled. I felt nervous in standing out of the circle. The camp leader said ok. I noticed some eyes did look at me, but I focused looking straight ahead. The upperclassman next to me whispered in my ear that “you’re an asshole” I felt shocked, it struck a cord with me. I felt afraid. I suppressed that response and carried on my day with excitement. I believe I need fear in order to fit in. I believe I need to respond to fear, in order to be accepted and be like everyone else. I fear standing without fear, and so standing separately and differently from the group of people. I am afraid of not being accepted because I don’t have fear. I am afraid of sticking out and standing out from the crowd. I am afraid of not being liked. I forgive myself for acce...

When someone you Love is Angry at you. I think this may be actually my greatest weakness. I see it being a point of great weakness because there are two parts. The first part is the fact is that it is someone who I love, or in other words have a connection with. And the 2nd part is them being angry at me. Either part alone is a point of challenge/force. So together they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Because the point becomes: I am causing them to be angry, and I am responsible for their anger. And I feel blame/responsibility and I am afraid of losing them. The truth, the truth of desteni, the truth of Life is that no one is responsible for how anyone else feels. No one. And not with anyone. You are not responsible for how other people feel. This includes anger. And this includes people you have a connection to. You are responsible for how you Feel. So on a physical level I am afraid, I am swallowing in my throat that I am so afraid. I am physically possessed in fear...

There is a struggle within oneself. The struggle is for power. But we incorrectly place  power over others as more important then power over ourselves. What is power over self? Power ove Self is being able to stop what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and reacting within yourself. It is the domain of your body. That is what you have power over. How we are currently existing as Humanity, as all people is that we don't have power over ourselves and so we seek power over others. Why? We are seeking power over others because we are not giving ourselves the power over ourselves, which is our birthright. To exist, you have the right to have power over your self, your thoughts, what you feel, your backchat, your reactions. And if we don't stand within our birthright, we are standing outside of what is right for ourselves, so we feel wrong and inadequate and weak and we are seeking for someone else that we may either control with power or that can control us with power. ...

I have this fear within me of being alone within who I am, without. So I am afraid of being who I am, and being the only one like that in my environment, my without. Because I am reacting with fear, I want to react by changing to be like my environment. I want to fit in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being alone within being the only one like me in my environment, my without. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change who I am to be like my environment, because I am afraid of being alone, as the only one like me in my without, my surroundings. When and as I see myself wanting to change who I am to be like my environment because I am afraid of being the only one like me - I stop and I breathe - I realize it is dishonest to change because I am afraid - I realize it is dishonest to be someone because I want to fit in - I realize I would still be afraid of not fitting in, even when I fit in - I realize that fitting in does not re...

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being attacked and hurt by someone's words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of arguementative, attackative, aggressive, angry people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of someone becoming arguementative and attackative in response to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of sharing, speaking, and writing, because I am afraid of someone being arguementative, attackative, aggressive in response, and I fear that those responses will hurt me emotionally, where I react with feeling inferior, hurt, belittled, feel less than, pushed away, isolated, alone, dumb, useless, worthless. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone else for how I feel. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the words that someone else spoke or wrote for making me feel a certain way. The Frogivenes...

So today I looked the Anxiety Energy, and I found the design to composed of Aggression as a response to the Anxiety Energy, and to be directed towards the trigger for the Anxiety Energy. The Anxiety Energy is distinct from the Nervous Energy, which I wrote about yesterday http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/i-have-been-living-to-meet-others.html What triggers my Anxiety Energy is something I fear, like something that could happen or might happen. If I am not allowed to enter into Aggression, my other response is Depression. Aggression is like a rising up of the Anxiety Energy, focusing primarily on my arms, chest and head region. Depression is a movement of the Anxiety Energy, down. This is my self-forgiveness and what I realized, and so my commitment: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight physically and with aggression towards people who had spoke or shared something with me that frightened me. When and as I see myself feeli...

Who I am I lived a very specific life, like I am sure everyone has lived a very specific life. When I look at my life, my mind automatically compares my life experience to those of others. When I self-honestly check this however, I know, always that everyone is the same, and our life experience is in essence the same. Now, I cannot really know the life another has lived, that is for him/her to know. To share my life experience is a step I must take. I am an innocent being. I have wholeheartedly accepted all of the advice and knowledge that my primary caregiver has given me. She has always been there for me, both my word and action. I naturally trusted her and that trust was rewarded in certain specific ways. So as that trust was rewarded I trusted her more. So that with each new knowledge point I always was more willing to accept it. I did have fears, very specific fears. I did face them directly as a manifestation of myself. I always wanted to find people like me. I wanted to cre...

There comes a point where you just have to believe in yourself. I face this point now. It opened up in a moment where I was being aware of my body while pointing out what was the mind and what was me. The question came up how I knew what was the mind and what was me. I considered whether it was self-honesty, and I said no. That it was more of a point that I just know it. Sort of like faith. And this scares me a bit from the perspective that abuse is so easy. That I can say or another can say that they are stopping the mind or whatever and it isn’t true. But at the same time, you already know what is truth of what is going on in the moment. So I just have to believe in me that I am capable of knowing and just do it, with no hesitations or regrets.               For a long time faith has been used to abuse, which occurs through its starting point of separation. At least that is what I have understood. Where faith has i...

So inside me there is this struggle. But the answer is clear, oneness and equality. And then I know… how simple it is, to live. The inevitable world war three.    So the reason why the war is inevitable is because we say it is inevitable. We choose to sit down and shut up. Have some more Justin Beber or One Direction. We give up before we really try. Worse yet we are completely responsible, for we are the only ones that can stop the wars both within us and without us. So good job so far. I mean this planet is really nice, with all the war, rape, massacres, genocide, poverty, imbalance of wealth, and greedy self-centered bastardness. Yeah it’s a really nice home you have here. reeeaaalll nice. If you were given the choice to stop it, would you? Here’s the choice, take it; all it requires is for you to take responsibility and do what it takes to make the difference. Influence those around you, stand up and state who you are. Write it e...