Hidden resistance, hidden Gift Day 182
I wanted to continue with part 2 of resisting M, however what I experience is not resistance, as how I have defined it. A closer word would be a reaction, and more specifically a kind of sad emotion. This is a bit perplexing, but it is here. I don't see any logical reason, at least with the information I have at present to feel sad when thinking about M. But the mind is layered, and this is the next layer. In my body it does feel deeper. I perceive this as a remorse or regret for the previous layer, all the anger, hatred, desire to win and be on top. So a remorse and regret for who I was, what I did, and how I treated existence. I remind myself that I can't change the past. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a ruthless son of a bitch that only cared about himself and his life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take this existence, my home, in care, respect, and appreciation, by physically and by action taking care of it, show...