Yogan's Journey to Life

Separation Anxiety There is someone I am separate from right now and its causing this separation anxiety. A commonly used word to describe this thing. Now, I immediately see it relates to me being a child, getting lost, separate from my mom in particular, and that fear of never seeing my mom again, and somehow being lost forever, whether that's due to being kidnapped, murdered, or dying accidentally while I am lost. I have had that moment as a kid where I am wandering in the supermarket and I try to find my mom, and have that thought and anxiety of never seeing her again, and then my heart starts racing, I start believing it, and I get scared and I start to frantically check all the aisles. Another was a memory at a carnival amusement park. Same thing. So this is something physical. Its in my body. I can feel it sitting here in my body as me as my body. These memories and these reactions are here in my body as me. The emotions, the energies, the experiences are sitting here as m...

Being a Loner, a Lone Wolf, I should be able to be ALONE, not need anyone. I should be able to exist within ANYONE. That is where I should go, develop and be... All of the above is a LIE... Its a lie. The true way of living is the a mix of independence and dependence. Even more so, hold dear and deep to my heart those that bring out the best in me, those who bring me the most joy, the most expression, the most creativity, the most love, the most fun. And hold them to my heart, remember them, call them, talk to them, keep them in my EVERYDAY Life. Even though they are not physically present. I can't hold them or hug them. They are very far away. But they are more real to me, and bring out the best in me. No fact can change that fact. Except me. Just me that can take that away. Just me that won't fight for it. And I have to fight for it. Its not automatic or natural. But if I fight for it, I get it, and it is better than anything. It is real. I have to fight b...

So today I had went through a similar experience as yesterday. Yesterday I posted an audio recording describing how yesterday I had identified depression as an emotion I felt. Today I identified Love as a feeling. I'm going to describe in detail tomorrow what I learned from this feeling. Today I'm going to give a bit of an introduction on why feelings must also be stopped. I understand how feelings, like Love are defended in this reality to the utmost degree. So I understand that it isn't so clear or obvious why I am doing what I am doing with emotions and feelings, equally. The way I like to look at it that makes most sense, is how the most truest form or act of love that could exist would be something like the Equal Money system, or someone who is looking to make sure that everyone is taken care of physically, in all aspects, facets and regard of being alive and having physical needs. True love would be working on ending starvation completely. Love in the form of feelin...

Imagine, hearing the sound of people that you loved and cared about and were completely committed to, making sounds of wanting you out, cheering for you to be gone, being completely against you and knowing that the reason is because someone is manipulating them and telling them lies. Imagine, the first person you ever kissed, who you were completely committed to, and wanted to be with and spend time with, telling you that they don't want to spend time with you anymore and that you are a burden to them. Imagine that you blamed yourself. There is absolute suffering, hell, devastation within you. You heart is shattered. Your in constant suffering within yourself. You feel remorse and grief. You feel pain and anguish. You want to cry from the pain you feel.   You are traumatized. You are stuck and frozen in time. Do you have any preparation for this? Is there anyone that can actually assist you properly? Because getting angry, wanting revenge and blaming.... are not an...

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being attacked and hurt by someone's words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of arguementative, attackative, aggressive, angry people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of someone becoming arguementative and attackative in response to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of sharing, speaking, and writing, because I am afraid of someone being arguementative, attackative, aggressive in response, and I fear that those responses will hurt me emotionally, where I react with feeling inferior, hurt, belittled, feel less than, pushed away, isolated, alone, dumb, useless, worthless. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone else for how I feel. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the words that someone else spoke or wrote for making me feel a certain way. The Frogivenes...