Yogan's Journey to Life

 My self-forgiveness and self-honesty are no longer effective, not for a while. And I aim to fix that. One of the things that is constantly in my mind while writing a blog and self-forgiveness online is others who are reading it. I am thinking about how it will affect others, and how they will react to it. I am worried about how it can inadvertently affect others, in ways that don't seem obvious. And I have this painful intuition on my body that responds when I do things. I am really in a fucked up situation. Its like I am scared to live. Cause I had my heart broken. Which is what has happened before several times in my life. Except this time it was my deepest wishes and desires, of friendship, camaraderie, sharing, openness, community. It was my faith in humanity, the goodness of others. That being said, its not your fault or their fault. That is who we are now, we are quite messed up, evil mother fuckers, quite demented, quite broken, quite sadistic, ruthless etc...  I remem...

I am standing up to my mind, and I am standing up to myself. I suppose it is something like Gandi because he advocated non-violence. So I am standing up to my mind in a non-violent way, and so also a non-aggressive way. I am not angry at my mind, I am not resisting it. I actually let it play out a little bit in my head, but within doing so I am clear in who I am, and what I am doing in the moment, and what I am directing. I am clear that the goal is to stop the energies and stop the thoughts/mind through Understanding and Self-forgiveness within Understanding my responsibility of how I created any specific mind system I am being faced with. So I am committed to stop the feeling/emotions. I am committed to stopping the positive reactions and the negative reactions. I am committed to really release the mind systems and to do so within Understanding the How that I created the particular mind system I am faced with. Through understanding me, through understanding my mind and the story...