Yogan's Journey to Life

I choose to face my fear of being alone, which means that I must put myself into those situations that I fear. This means having the conversations I fear, saying the things I know is best for all, yet I fear it will lead others to leave me alone. So I choose what is best for all over being alone. I choose what is best for all over company. I choose what is best for all over friendship. I choose what is best for all over family. I choose what is best for all over everything/anything. Because if the people in your life can't stand you with you speak/stand by what is best for all, then they are not best for you/all. So no more waiting, no more hiding, no more fearing. Now its time to stand absolutely. Now its time to recognize the Life within me, and the oneness and equality of the Living word and spoken word. Now is the time to be unoriginal, a clone, predictable, because oneness and equality will have only one outcome. Choice becomes irrelevant. Time for the next p...

Revenge of the Ego is a recording Bernard did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNwExWTsSXM And I see an explanation for something I went through which happened through an unexpected way. Bernard used an example of a relationship and how in the beginning of the relationship it was pure, and real. And how slowly over time the ego inserts thoughts that make you doubt it. Is this the right person? Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this the right place? And how it sabotages the whole point. So what i am seeing is that this happened to me, but with my career choice and goal. Because in the beginning I was happy, and excited, motivated, and willing to walk it and looking forward to it. But then it slowly went into doubt. Is this the right goal? Is there something else I should be doing? Are these the right people? And I can see how it fell apart, and how the ego took me to the point where I would give up. And like Bernard said that its more advanced than me, the mind is more s...

Shall we proceed to the next door? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling. ...

What am I afraid of? I am afraid of all of my close relationships becoming hostile. I am afraid of everyone I know becoming aggressive toward me. I am afraid of an "intervention," where everyone agrees and believes something about me that they have decided I have to change or else. I am afraid of being threatened with banishment, or being kicked out. I am afraid of being forced to change. I am afraid of the threat of being without support in reality. I am afraid of the threat of physical violence. I am afraid of the threat of being killed/murdered. I am afraid of defending myself and fighting violently. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of all of my close relationships become hostile I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of everyone I know becoming aggressive toward me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of an intervention of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to f...

A moment where I had a chat scheduled and it didn't go according to plan and expectations.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Guarantee I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Scheduled I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Planned. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Expectations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Security as a Feeling I get from having things planned and scheduled. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live Security as having this plans and living in a planned life, instead of Security as always being Secure within myself WITHIN this moment, which may be unplanned, unstructured, unsettled, unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living Spontaneity and in the Unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rel...

For the past 2-3 Weeks I have been making vlogs. So check out my Facebook page under my videos or See my Youtube Channel: Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY4LU4QVg06KgqTCMkNUtUQ Facebook Videos https://www.facebook.com/yogan.barrientos/videos_by Today I did a vlog that relates to my early childhood. Children: Afraid to be Myself

Previous Posts: My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 2  So we are continuing with this massive point. You can reach the previous posts to catch up. So what has occurred now recently, is having me look at the fear and anxiety within this point. I notice it on a physical level. Where throughout my body, including my legs, back, and shoulders, I was very tense. I actually had a headache, and I spent a good deal of time figuring out why I had a headache. I finally narrowed it down to the tension in my muscles. This reveals how unaware I am of the tension that my body takes on, specifically with this point. So with this significant person, I am having a reaction to them. Why am I reacting to them? So yes, they are a parent figure, and what I see clearly is an fear and anxiety of making a decision, which I have made, that they would disapprove of. It's a very simply and very common point. Have you ever feared making a deci...

So today I looked the Anxiety Energy, and I found the design to composed of Aggression as a response to the Anxiety Energy, and to be directed towards the trigger for the Anxiety Energy. The Anxiety Energy is distinct from the Nervous Energy, which I wrote about yesterday http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/04/i-have-been-living-to-meet-others.html What triggers my Anxiety Energy is something I fear, like something that could happen or might happen. If I am not allowed to enter into Aggression, my other response is Depression. Aggression is like a rising up of the Anxiety Energy, focusing primarily on my arms, chest and head region. Depression is a movement of the Anxiety Energy, down. This is my self-forgiveness and what I realized, and so my commitment: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight physically and with aggression towards people who had spoke or shared something with me that frightened me. When and as I see myself feeli...

Getting my hair cut. So today I got my hair cut. I have had a pretty strong reaction towards haircuts, entering into a mini possession, of fear and anxiety. So today I faced this reaction and was able to calm myself down, and focus on what I could practically do in the moment. Part of the thoughts behind this anxiety is about getting a bad haircut, and also the point of no return, meaning when my hair is cut then it is cut, its too late. I have a particular childhood memory where I ended up crying after a haircut that I didn't want to have. So, this time, I looked at what I could do. I knew I couldn't really do much. I can only speak to my hair cut person, to let them know what I wanted. I didn't have control over them, and how they were going to act upon my information I am conveying to them. So there was an element of trust, and letting go of control. At the same time of course, I could check and see whether I liked the progress thus far, and of course completely stop ...

Know thyself = Know what you feel.  Do you feel still or do you feel a movement(s) within you? When you experience an emotion, what is it that goes on within you? Emotions are energies in motion.  Psychology. Psych -ology Psyche Psych-E Eeeeee Emotion  Psyche -Mental State How does your mental state change throughout the year: during the holidays, at work, on vacation, with the family, with friends? Emotions = Energy in motion Psyche = Mental State Emotions are energy in motion. Anger, Depression, Anxiety are the emotions. What are the causes for Anger, Depression and Anxiety? What causes the Energy to move? Anger, Depression, and Anxiety are symptoms, not the cause. The energy in motion, is a symptom. What are Anger, Depression and Anxiety indicating?   What is your mental state? Emotions = Mental State

--> So here, I will be taking on a "new" point. The last two blog posts will be continue to be developed as part of a DIP assignment and will eventually be posted again, but with more deeper insight into the situation (me).  Ok- so the suicide character.  I give up, I don't want to live anymore; Life is too hard; why me? God oh why!? Feeling apathetic, emptiness, low energy. A craving for excitement, feelings, something to fill the gap the emptiness that oneself has created through acceptance and allowance of fear.  I made fear into a big deal, a big thing. When its just fear. Its no more than another reaction. The fact that for thousands of years man has been controlled and manipulated by fear is quite startling when considering that it originates within SELF. We are the ones that feel fear. There is no one that is inserting fear within you. It is all in the mind.  I feared changing and becoming responsible for all/this existence. Behav...

--> So one prevalent point I have, especially on the weekends, is sleeping in. I am writing this in response to the forum thread, Only 4 -6 hours of Sleep Required? . So sleep and I have had an interesting history. I remember if there was like an emergency or great need to wake up like to head to the airport, I was able to wake like in a second though in a slight daze. I also used to before going to bed I would say I would sleep until a certain time in the morning and I would wake then. Thought of waking in morning, lol. The Heaven = Hell             So now in my current situation, I am a student studying who needs to be in charge of his study(and so sleep too!). I am writing separately a point on scheduling which will assist me in my setting my sleep pattern. So im going to just as a support see what excuses or reasons I have to go to bed early or to sleep in. Then I will establish a new pattern of sleep. ...

--> cool pic So its cool I have taken more responsibilities. I feel afraid of failing at my new responsibilities and what consequences may rise. For example if I allow myself to not be a proper buddy. I realize I have the proper support to ask questions from several sources and so there is no excuse. I am able to do this, so simply breathe and walk it. Same with school, breathe and walk it. No excuses, I only have one life. I am in a cool position so lets see what we can make of it!! I started this behaviorist journey to life blog, as in naming it, after I realize the magnitude of this message for everyone.             Im walking separately a thesis point where I will get the chance to study what I found with myself and behaviorism in greater detail. This may involve a literature from many different disciplines in psychology. One point is how we have allowed aversive emotions where we think oh no, this is feeling...