Yogan's Journey to Life

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

Something that I am observing for myself, which aligns with what someone else has told me, is that anger is made in relation to the past ( or memories). So if I feel angry right now its because I am angry at a memory. To me this makes sense.  When I observe myself I see that anger is directed at memories within me. And I suspect that when I get angry at someone while in person with them, that I am also getting angry at a memory. To me this also makes sense. Because memory defines the knowledge and it assigns value to actions. It defines it within the framework of good/bad and thus also what makes me angry. If I let go of the anger at memories, and let go of the memories, then I am just here. And I can create and move here something new. I do recognize that this point of memories can be applied to many things about the mind. But I do think it has something to do in particular with anger. Where memories are the subject of direction for anger. I am angry at the memories. In that case,...

 So there's something that I have realized about when people go through trauma. The common response by people who go through trauma says that it changes them. And what I see is that one of the reasons why it changes them is because they are feeling certain things that they don't know how to stop. And this includes anger and blame. And the mere suggestion that people who go through traumatic events forgive their abuser, is already scoffed at, let alone the suggestion that they forgive themselves for the anger and hate/blame that they feel. I suppose it makes perfect sense in this humanity that we are today that we don't know how to go through an event like trauma, and be able to process it and revert back to how we were. Because if we did so then we would remain like children. We would be naive, we would be pure, and open hearted, and we would still believe crazy things like no one should be harm, and all life is precious, and all people are equal regardless of any differenc...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

In the past I have understood perfectly well that all Fear is unacceptable. I would explain it as a point where People say that you need fear in order to protect yourself from something like burning you hand on the stove. So you fear burning yourself. People would say such things, and call it good. So this is unnecessary because what I would say in response is that we can KNOW that our hand will burn and so we don't need fear. Like we won't be burning our hands on stove because we have no fear within us. So what I say is the truth, and the basic truth is that human beings have mind consciousness systems that are producing thoughts, feelings and emotions- and are completely directing what people should be doing, deciding, thinking and believing. And your experience of yourself is like you are watching a movie and you are following what arises within you like watching a movie. So fear to me is something that is more obvious to me, at least in the past, when I say all fear ...

 People people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed! I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it. I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time... at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess. God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good....

yesterdays blog: https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-685-reacting-in-worthlessness.html Continuing with yesterday's point on Worthlessness in me while looking at how it relates to being Comforted. So as a child growing up in worthlessness, I didn't seek to change the worthlessness directly, because I didn't know how, I didn't have the tools that I have now that I learned from Desteni ( www.desteni.org www.lite.desteniiprocess.com ). So what gave me a momentary pause or distraction from feeling worthless was feeling comforted, and being comforted. Now looking at how this developed over the years its interesting. I remember some of the first crushes I had on women, when I was like 9 years old, that it was with girls in my class who were nice to me, and paid attention to me, who seemed like nice people. So I was being comforted in that moment. And it was very specific, like the smile of the person, making feel that I was being accepted and welcomed. ...

A moment where I had a chat scheduled and it didn't go according to plan and expectations.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Guarantee I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Scheduled I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Planned. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Expectations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Security as a Feeling I get from having things planned and scheduled. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live Security as having this plans and living in a planned life, instead of Security as always being Secure within myself WITHIN this moment, which may be unplanned, unstructured, unsettled, unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living Spontaneity and in the Unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rel...

Something I have lived is 5 compromises of relationship. I compromised myself. There are two definitions of compromise. The one is essentially to reach an agreement by both sides giving into some demands from the other, so that neither side fully got what they originally wanted. 1. an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. The second definition which is the one that is used in this blog is when like when you compromise yourself, which means to give in or give up some very important things about you, something like being corrupted. 2. accept standards that are lower than is desirable. So the five compromises of relationship that I have lived 1. The compromise of Looking to Receive Approval, and Changing yourself in order to Receive Approval     I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change myself when I have received approval in whatever form, including applause, where in that moment of approval I...

Chronic Anger is a problem. It is infectious. You ever notice how anger is one of those things that spreads so easily? If someone in a room speaks in anger, it immediately, readily and easily passes itself along to everyone else? Its so infectious. Other kinds of emotions don't seem to work that way. Happiness? doesn't spread so easily. Sadness? doesn't spread so easily. Fear? I think fear actually spreads pretty easily. These are just my observations. So there is something about Anger and Blame. It jacks up your heart, and hits you where it hurts. It gets you going. You act on it, you feed on it. You retaliate with it So easy to do it. Taking the high road. Being professional. Doing your job right. Requires not acting in anger. Being open, intimate, vulnerable, goes in the opposite direction of anger. Whereas with anger you are throwing stones, being intimate, open and vulnerable, is to be bare naked almost inviting attacks on yourself, because you won't fight ...

This Eqafe interview: https://eqafe.com/p/compassion-gives-you-your-life-back-life-review Helps me to understand this 'Passion', this 'Anger', this 'intensity' that is not a positive experience within me, where I am focusing on Existence, on what is best for all, on the problems in the world and the solutions I see we can do. By focusing on the ALL of Existence, I am not looking for my positive experience, my energy, my mind, my thoughts to participate in them. How I found this interview was by going to the Eqafe search bar and typing in what I was interested in, in what question I had. So I searched for 'Anger' to find perspective on this Anger within me that was not positive and it relates to when looking at the World, the best for all that can be done. The way I would describe it is that I am putting myself into action. I am writing my blogs, I am doing what I can online, I move and act and contribute to bringing forth the world that I want to...

So in the following voice clip I talk about the Positive Energy behind Anger, and its worth listening to, However there is more to the story. Today I learned that when you feel angry and you feel good while angry, which involves you smiling slightly as a tell, or you are blaming someone, its just bullshit. Its unacceptable completely. Now, when you feel angry and you feel bad, its something different. Its a sign that you need to SPEAK UP. Why do I say this? Because I feel a kind of anger that I feel bad within. I feel I must speak about oneness and equality and the injustices in the world. I must speak about how we can all change and how we all have a responsibility. I must speak about and point out our flaws and problems. This is like a shameful anger, an anger about suffering in the world. I feel this same kind of shameful anger when I have been teased and bullied. I didn't speak up then. I should have spoken up and stated my truth. I know who I am, I am THIS WAY. And set t...

So today I what I became aware of as I faced my mind was that there are positive experiences that I have been accepting and allowing. The first one in my day was tiredness. When I woke up I was in tiredness, and it was a positive experience, I liked it. It was floating and relaxed, yet it was tiredness as a feeling, as a positive energy. I had trouble stopping it, even with self-forgiveness and breathing. It was only when I applied the inhalation as a point of checking myself for my experience and for any energy. My inhalation was very specific here, it was SHARP and FULL and I held my breath with my lungs full. Before when I was using breath in the morning it was more RELAXED and it was like HALF-full inhalation. So the breathing I needed to do to support was specific. As I continued my day I noticed the pattern of how I have accepted and allowed positive experiences to take over my life. I observed several things about me. I observed how emotions are there to protect feelings, wh...

I have an audio recording for today! WWW. Desteni.Org

Oneness and Equality means that you are willing to do anything for the whole. You are willing to give up privileges, rights, if these things stand in a way of what is best for all. You are willing to follow rules and laws if these support what is best for all. You are willing to give up guns, drugs, alcohol, sex, freedom if it meant what is best for all. You have to consider the relativity of things. Relative this. Right now the world has seen incredible expansion and growth. If oil/gasoline was never discovered, we wouldn't have all that the richest 50% has access to on planet earth. Do you know what oil and gasoline is? It is the living body, the living tissue of plants and animals that has been stewing for a fucking long time. It is a very Condensed form of energy that humans just found. But it took a fucking long time to create. So you do the math. Things are relative. Freedoms are relative. They are relative to what our economic luxury and our environment has to offer. Hum...

You are in a room, doing something. Someone enters the rooms and yells at you. They are angry. They back you into a corner. You tell them in a calm voice, you are not allowed to talk to me this way, I need you to calm down and breathe. They refuse to listen. You then repeat, I won't allow you to talk to me this way, I choose to leave. The reason I leave is because being angry, talking like you do, is not best for you and it is not best for me. So it is best for all if I leave, because it may support you to change. So its your choice. If they choose to change, you stay. If they choose to stay the same, you leave. You don't want to leave, because you love where you are. Yet it is best for all that you leave. You are willing to let go everything you love, everything you have for what is best for all. You could have also chosen to not say anything. You could have stayed quiet and accept it. If you accept it, then you will guarantee your stay, you will have what you love. I...

So the next step in my blogs is to address the situation when you are faced with people who have used Confidence to manipulate you. Like how I said in previous blogs, people/humans are not aware, they are minds. So your mind systems moves to manipulate others with Confidence as one technique. When I am faced with people who have manipulated me, I feel anger. I feel irritated, annoyed. I feel rage. I feel blame. It is just pure anger. So this blog will be about how to, lets say forgive others for abuse they have done to you. The simple answer is that in order to forgive others, I really just have to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger, irritated, annoyed and to blame them. Because I realize that people are not aware. They are acting out their programming. And yes they did manipulate me, and you could say the following:    if they had known better, if they had been aware, if they hadn't manipulated, then I would have gotten back some years in my l...

Confidence is a word I used in my last blog and I want to expand on it. Here is an example of the context:  When someone you know tells you very confidently that things are really bad and there is no way you can succeed in something. Now, I am saying it like how they say it: "Look there is NO WAY that you can do this, its impossible!!!  This is just how the world works."  What do you feel in such moments in hearing such statements? For me, there is a reaction, I feel something. I feel they are right. I want to give in, and I want them to be right. Here is the context I am referring when we speak in Confidence. Now we say we, but is it us? The mind is primary force in the world. So when people speak in confidence it can be used to manipulate other people. To Fight for your point of view. The same when we speak in anger in order to get someone to agree with us. Anger is a little bit different. For example: "If you don't do this right now, I am never going to be...

This blog post will be about Manipulation and what I have uncovered/discovered through Me. So I found that there are two main types of Manipulation. There might be more, but right now this is what I have found.  I am defining Manipulation here as using an Expression and/or Emotion/Feeling to get someone Else to do something, believe in something, etc... Based on what I observed each person will be familiar in using in one Polarity type of manipulation. This is what I observed of myself, as well as the adults and children I have known. There is the Happiness/Sadness Manipulation, and the Anger/Nice Manipulation. These are the two types. You will most clearly see this form of manipulation in children, because of their lack of experience. Adults start to evolve these Manipulations into these more sophisticated types: Love/Depression Manipulation and the Confident/Gentle Manipulation. So these are evolutions of the Happiness/Sadness Manipulation and the Anger/Nice Manipul...