Friday, November 17, 2017

Day 56 - Apologize

I made a mistake and it affected someone else. In this real time moment, I can only apologize, but its not enough, so I can do what I can now to make it right. I can pay back what I can, or give what I can to make it right. Apologizing is not something i practiced much of. But its needed. When I wrong someone, I need to make it right. I can keep apologizing to the person, telling them I am sorry, and I promise not to do this again, and that this is what I will do next time. I can give them a gift as gesture, or do them a favor, or pay them for something that they had to do because of my mistake. Its not about the gift, favor or money, but its about the gesture. Its about showing the person your intent in being serious in changing, and to do what you can NOW to make things right and redeem yourself. You cannot change the past, but you can take action NOW. This is important for healthy relationships, real relationships and sincere relationships. This is what I applied and learned this week.

Value, regard those around you. Regard and value each person. Regard and value the relationship, and respect it and preserve it.

Day 55 Pain and Suffering

So when we experience pain in our bodies, for whatever reason, maybe a mysterious reason, I notice that in me that I had let it affect my behavior and actions. And  I realize I cannot let that happen. That I need to be able to move myself and make sure that my behavior and actions are not worsen by what pain or suffering that is going on in my body, which includes how I talk to people and what I say. Pain and suffering is a condition and state of being alive. When you work your muscles you are literally tearing your muscles, that is normal, and how it is suppose to work. What the body does is that it provides a painkiller for you to not feel the pain, Dopamine. That is why when you run you can get what is called a runners high. Sometimes though, you will just feel like shit all over your body, and you don't know why, but you cannot let that affect you. There is something in many cultures about being a Man or becoming an Adult, where you now must be able to withstand Pain. In star wars, one of the trials of becoming a Jedi was the trails of Pain. To be a parent, also means being able to walk through the pain of not sleeping well when taking care of your newborn baby. One cannot let physical pain change who you are, so that you are worse.

What is interesting is that as you move and embrace the decision to not let pain define you, that at some point you either create, or the body creates, or perhaps you both create together a experience, an experience, or maybe just shit load of dopamine, where who you are, your attitude is not of pain, but of movement and creation. Some days you may wake up feeling shitty and you don't know why. Doing this here like I said, can serve you.

There are some people who may experience greater pain, but what I say here still holds true as a principle. You cannot stop living, you shouldn't, just because of pain. You CAN actually stop living, and let pain dictate you, and you give up. You shouldn't, but you could let pain win. What you should do is to Live your life, move, create, be the attitude, be the self, and never let pain ever decide who you are, how you talk to others, and what you say.

This is my lesson from this week. I didn't let pain decide, but I also did let it decide who I am, which is how I learned about this lesson. Life is the most important thing, hold onto it and don't let it go, not even for pain. You will be satisfied in being the creator of your life, and with what you create.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Day 54 The Sound of a Leader

So in my process I have connected the dimension of sound to the solution of living words, where within living a word, I obviously will be speaking in daily life, and one thing I do to cross-reference my living of the word is the sound I use when speaking. Because obviously, if I were to be attempting to live the sound leader and I end up speaking/sounding angry, scared or nervous, I am not effectively living the word leader. Now, this assessment or judgment or determination that what my sound is like must be from me, because obviously others can say, assess, determine your sound, but they could be wrong, just as you could be wrong. The cross-reference I trust in checking my sound is by looking at my memories and looking where else I have used this sound and what happening in the moment and within me. The sound I use is very specific and has a history. So the very specific sound leader that is accompanying living the word leader, has a history and is specific. This history is very short, because I have rarely lived this sound, yet I do have specific memories. It is also a cross-reference for me that this is indeed a new word and new expression, and new sound I am living because I rarely have so little experience with it throughout my life.

So sound is indeed important, and it is an important cross-reference when you are living words. That is what I have found for me. Why am I living the word leader? Because being a leader has these qualities:
1. Being the first to say yes, I will do it -- so showing initiative
2. Being stable, calm, collected
3. Being honest about what I know and don't know, and so be very clear, and decisive, stating the facts, and not being hesistant, ambigious, unclear.
4. Being Committed to myself, not being ashamed of who I am, which includes my likes, dislike, preferences, history, what I have lived, my skills, my interests and all the rest that make up who I am.
5. Being happy/satisfied with myself, my life, with the decisions I have made, and what I have learned, which involves reflection, understanding myself in past moments, and focusing on the present and the future goals.

1.When I am Feeling and Sounding hesitant, ambiguous and unclear I KNOW I am not being a leader, living word, or living the sound. And so I have to realign with the point again, which may take some investigation as there may be something NEW for me to learn.
2. If I am ashamed of sharing something about who I am, like how I like playing videos games, or that I am interested in studying and learning about everything, or about my history, then I know I am not living as a leader, within sound and behavior.

Sound is not my only cross-reference, my physical behaviors and physical body movements are cross-reference as well. If I am nervous I may twitch in my hands. I can also feel nervousness as energy in my chest or stomach. I can feel weakness, distraction, disorientation, confusion, doubtful, worried as physical things I do and become.

When I am in such a reaction, I first attempt at accessing the living word Leader and sound. There is something like a mini-internal struggle or war going on within me where I for a second may doubt me, myself. Then I need to stand up and look at things practically. Because practically, I am not this doubt, insecurity, or shame that came up, and it doesn't serve me or life. So looking at things practically I need to become a leader again, stable again. So sometimes this works, where then I start to live as a leader again which I can hear in my physical voice again, but if itdoesn't then I need to reflect on why, what is going on, and understand deeper, which will end up expanding me in some way.

Day 53- Chloe

Chloe Leanne Brooks

There is much we do not know unless we experience the loss of something. Do you appreciate your own food, your body? Do you appreciate the air, the ability to walk up, the ability to dress yourself, take a shower? Do you appreciate the chance at being alive and live, be a part of the world, being able to be, live and interact with people in the world?

When you look at silly reasons, excuses, fears, about what if they don't like you, what if things go bad, what if things don't work out, what if your dreams, goals, plans don't pan out. Look at the fact that you are alive and could actually do these things, attempt such things. Because one day you won't have the opportunity anymore, your time will be up. This is true for everyone. No one lives forever.

Learn from others and the experiences they are going through, like Chloe Brooks who shares herself in this video. Place yourself in her shoes and see through her eyes. May you gain wisdom, and insight that is beyond what you currently know.