Yogan's Journey to Life

I want to do daily blogging. The solution I see is just to do 15 minutes blogging. So its short, but consistent. And I just write on what self-forgiveness I already did today. ~~ I had jealousy. I didn't want someone to have close friends. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be Jealous of the close friendship of others. ~~ I heard the dark, raspy voice of a female customer service person. It sounded attractive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find raspy voice attractive. ~~ I placed people here as me, Deep. I looked inside into the deepest depths to see if there exists  ANY reaction to a person. I saw yes. They made fun of how I walk. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them for making fun of me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone for what they do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone for what they say to me I forgive myself for accepti...

Love is now a feeling I can identify clearly within me. I can see it within me as a trigger to this video game. I can see it trigger when watching this or that movie. I can see it trigger in my memories with this person. Love is a feeling, an energy, which doesn't need to exist. Looking at how it works, how it exists within me: it is triggered by various media. And the moments that I felt love as a feeling with another person, was also triggered by the moment, by the situation. One memory where I felt love as an energy was when I was laying down and holding my girlfriend at the time, the bed was comfortable. The image of the place was perfect. And I felt the energy I generated within me attached to this moment. What is interesting about feelings is that they are attached to only particular or specific moments. For example, you won't find this love when the same "loved one" is yelling at you. How useful can the feeling of Love be, when its not there when you need it?...

So im going to be pushing my body this week. I am not weak, I am strong. I can make mistakes- and learn from my mistakes and grow. I do not know if I need fear- to think so would be a presumption- so I will remove fear and find out. I also never need to insult anybody- I can just stick with fact- I do not need to create illusions- the reality here is stable enough and works well. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know what I am doing- by being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the mind, instead of being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present with every breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others and myself for writing self-forgiveness which I have considered a waste of time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself more with appearance than with function and results.