Yogan's Journey to Life

  The day a friend's dog bit me, I didn't know any better. Based on my experience this dog, this dog was calm, was not barking or being aggressive. If anything, it looked shy. And the way my friend told me that careful the dog my bite, it sounded like so chill and not a big deal. And it was in a context of me entering her car and not putting my hand to the back to pet the dog. So far I never experienced or heard of a dog biting in this way with that demeanor. One second so calm, and immediately just biting, without warning. The dogs I have seen would bark heavily, growl, or make some other indication that they will strike. If they weren't like that they would at least be energetic, or happy. Another demeanor is a shy dog that was how one of my dogs( that passed away) would be around strangers.  In a way it was a gap in my knowledge and experience as well as my friend being so chill about the dog potentially biting. The dog and the situation were exceptional. And it all came...

Flustered and Clumsy I had an energy experience and it kind of got me stunned/locked in position. So I named the game. The names are Flustered and Clumsy. That is what I am feeling now as I write this. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Clumsy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered being afraid of saying the wrong thing I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered with saying something stupid. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered with coming across poorly I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Flustered with sounding dumb to my new friends I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel flustered while imagining messing things up with what I said and people uninvite me to a hangout, or I get ignored from future invites I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

So, there was this moment where things were so good, and so great, and what I noticed was that I was avoiding it, like physically avoiding it. And I was like, wait a minute, I am avoiding this... and its something good, so why not just let myself live it, jump into it physically, you know? So I did that, but then something happened where I immediately shifted away from the good thing. I went into my head, and that's where I kind of stayed. And now I'm writing this blog. So, So I got some work to do to understand this and what's going on. I kind of messed up this one opportunity, but its expected since apparantly I really suck and really shy away when it comes to joining in something physically that is quite good with another person. Like everything is okay and safe. The context is okay and safe. The moment/environment is safe is good, is here for me if I just, you know, own it, own the moment and just live it. Agh, its hard. hahaha anyway this why im writing here to o...

There's is something that has happened to me... Or rather I should say that I have been walking a long process that started in 2009, and so its been about 9 years of me doing this... And now, its like I don't care what people think of me... I'm not afraid of being alone... I can just say anything... I have my plans/goals for myself which I wrote in my last blogs, and so I have my purpose and meaning. I have my expressions where I have fun through expression. And I went to Jury duty which showed me how much different I am from most people. It's like why bother hiding who I am. I'm so different already anyway. And its also like something inside me snapped, where its like why waste my time not being me, and just living. I am unique and I am different from others. So I live my uniqueness, I share my difference, I live me. Something like that. Because I am so alone already, why wait. Why die without anyone knowing who I am? I share my difference, I share me, before I...

So there comes a moment in your life where your presented with something you could not have even imagined. And with that I found myself wanting to rush, which is like in a way living in the mind. It is not here. There is a way to move where you move fast, however it is done with at the same time being slow, and importantly aware. I suppose words fail to capture what I mean. I could write this a hundred different ways, yet I am still sure that each one can understand or relate to what I am saying despite of all the reasons and justifications that one often has being spoken in the mind. So one thing that we ALL have in common as beings, is this... being a creator. We are all equally hold this description, and strangely enough we are on this one planet, which makes this our own creation, everything. Everything you see, you have created. We create this reality together. At the same time, I have to recognize that some are aware, or maybe I shouldn't say that, because aren't we all...