Saturday, March 21, 2015

Gaming: Conflicting forces of personal shame and judgement within Myself 257

Losing your Purpose in Gaming

So in about 1-2 days, I will be on a hangout on gaming possession. While during this hangout I will be discussing possession of gaming, and the negative side effects of this addiction. I would like to focus on this blog particularly on a completely different point on my gaming experience. While there are lots of positive and negations attitudes I have towards gaming, there are some practical points that I did learn and found useful in gaming. In general my attitude towards gaming is a mix of shame, embarrassment, guilt, on one end, and on the other end excitement, thrill, enjoyment, and fun. For the negative spectrum, I have this voice within me that says gaming is childish, and shouldn't be done by adults, and makes people stupid, and is something that is a waste of time. Particularly because of this side, I would like to point out, what lessons I have learned and applied from the games I have played.

One theme I have faced in many video games is overcoming difficulty, and preserving in especially overwhelming odds. I remember one game in particular, where both me and my brother were trying to beat this level on a game, and MAN, we couldn't do it. We tried, tried, and tried, over and over again. We really kept at it, and we did get closer, but not enough. Some time past, before we tried again, and when we did, we succeeded. That is how I learned that, not only the value of trying, but the value of learning, wherein through taking a break, and spending time away, there was some learning process occurring within our bodies, that assimilated past experiences, and so preparing us fresh for the next encounter. This I see as something I applied throughout my life, enabling success in several different areas of my life, especially when it came to learning some skill or field of knowledge, either a physical one or mental one.

Something significant for me, was playing these open world games where you have choices on what to do, and how to treat people. I found that even though no one else was watching but me, that the value of sticking to personal principles of who I want to be,  which boils down to the decisions I make. I am just personally satisfied with being me, and so sticking to me.

So things aren't always what we judge them to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge gaming as childish, as stupid, as a waste of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I should feel shameful, and embarrassed if I play games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not play without self-judgement, but instead play with self-acceptance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that by judging myself for playing games, I am creating a video game addiction, where I do have a genuine points of me expressing myself within games that would like be real, here, and recognize, but are suppressed by me when I judge myself for playing games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize the truth of what is here, and to only stay within judgement and self-righteousness, which makes only some right, instead of what is actually best through including all/everyone/thing.

When and as I see myself judging something like video games, or people that play them, and so separating myself from that point, I stop and I breathe- I realize that by separating me that people, place, thing, I am not seeing the full picture, but just a limited perspective, so I must stop my judgment and so separation IMMEDIATELY. If I wait too long I will forget, and not remember and so stay within the judgment as if it is real, and if that does happen to me, I will be at the mercy of chance/fate waiting for something or someone else to provide me to opportunity to just see what I have done, which is to judge and so separate myself. I don't want that to happen to me.

I commit myself to breathe, stop my judgment to video gaming specifically, and open to that other gaming, other recreational activities, and other methods of enjoyment, so as to encompass more and more, until eventually all judgment STOPS.

Friday, March 13, 2015

We are all Drug Addicts... we are addicted to our Minds, Energy, Thoughts. 256

"We are all drug addicts. We are addicted to our minds, energy, thoughts."

Drugs. Stimulation. Highs, lows. Delusions. Hallucinations. Addictions. Money.

Imagine a man coming up behind you. Inserting a needle in your neck, injecting a drug. You feel high, good. Your high man! You feel happy for no particular reason! You don't know why or how!

It's a drug man! You were drugged. It just happened. This happiness isn't real man! It's a drug.

We have all randomly feel happy or sad. Imagine swallowing a depressant. You're depressed man! Why? I don't know! I just feel sad man. Why do I feel happy or sad? I didn't choose this!

Who says I am to be happy or sad? Who decides? Not me man! So can this be real?! No man! It's not me man.

I am an addict man! I want to feel happy or sad, man. I don't know how or why, but I want it man! Just make me feel sad or happy man! Do it to me, give it to me! I will do whatever man! Cars, sex, money, dirty... whatever man. Give me the drugs man.

Th drugs are my thoughts. My thoughts make me feel happy or sad man. Why man? Why do I feel happy or sad man? Am I choosing to think these thoughts? No man.

Man! What the hell am I doing?! Why don't I have any control man? What is going on in me! I don't understand man. 

Man, I am tired man, this is getting too much. I can't take it anymore more. Somethings got to give! This has to stop.

I am an addict man. I am addicted to my thoughts man, to my feelings and emotions man. I don't know why man. Why man? Why? I don't know. But I am. And this isn't me man. This isn't real happiness or sadness man. It's just a drug man. It's just a drug. Drugs aren't me man. They are drugs. These drugs aren't me.

Where do my thoughts come from? Where do my feelings or emotions come from man? How is this happening? This can't be real! This can't be me! This isn't me! Something is controlling me. I am not in control. How do I get control?  I need control of myself.

I am stopping man, I need to stop for good. No more man. No more thinking man. I won't listen to my thoughts man. I won't feel anymore man, sadness or happiness. No more, it's not real. This can't be real, because I didn't choose this man. I didn't choose happiness or sadness. I didn't choose this. This can't be me then. This is something else. This isn't me man. It's not me.

I am going to live normally man, no more of this weird shit. Just normal living man. Without this wierd ass thoughts, and random happiness or sadness. No more of this crazy shit man. No more. I am going to live my life man. Take care of my life, give attention to me again. Do things, do great things! I'm going to live again man. I am going to live.

We are all drug addicts man. We are addicted to an invisible silent drugs, that only you can hear and feel man. It's secretive, sly, and hidden, and deceptive. It's not good for you man. You got no control! No control man. No control. You're an addict man. An addict. You gotta stop the drugs man, you gotta stop that shit.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Connecting with my dogs 255

Connecting with my dogs.
I accessed my memories of who I was when I was very young. By accessing these memories I am accessing both who I was and who I could be. I have always had the potential to connect with people, animals, and plants. And I have done so in the past, during the years as a child. By accessing my memories of who I was when I was young, I can again do the same, and perhaps more. Because I was always limited in how much I connected with people, animals and plants, in my past. And now looking back I see that. So what I am seeing is the potential to connect even more.
When I connect with plants or my dogs, I become silent, and I focus on myself, what is here. My emotions are not activated, and my experience of myself isn’t fluctuation, but instead it’s continuous and steady. There is a connection formed, one that is firm, and clear. I may enter the mind, which involves thinking, but I can bring myself back here. Entering the mind becomes obvious because your connection disappears for that moment.
Also connecting with people, plants, or animals, is more satisfying and enjoyable than certain activities that I normally would do. It has a high value and level of enjoyment and satisfaction within it. And feels like you are feeling yourself here, and that you have a presence, that you yourself feel. And I have also found that I can just connect with myself, my presence, being, which is also equally enjoyable, as if I am connecting with someone, which is just me.
One moment where this connection became noticed by me, during this past weeks, was when I was in pain from a sickness, and when I compared how I felt and how I was in doing my usual activities to this connection, I definitely wanted the connection. I suspect that the sickness made it more apparent, perhaps through me being in such an uncomfortable state of my body, thus highlighting the differences in the experience of myself in making connections to my usual activities. Another dimension that may have existed was the prospect of death, and having lived a life where I never went after what was truly enjoyable or satisfying for me, or you could say what I truly wanted.
I have some clear memories of times where I was over-joyed and completely happy when I spent time with certain people. But I never really put in the effort to make such moments happened. I would more or less, wait for such moments and connections. I didn’t actively seek these connections, and when I did, it was always fixated on one person. One thing that I am applying now that is different is to open my possibilities to include as many people/beings as possible. And I found that by taking care of my part in opening myself up and inviting people in me, that that takes care of what I can do. The rest then is left for the other person to decide, which can only be a surprise for me.

#Puppies or #Babies? Vote!!!!!!!!!

Which is better puppies or babies?
Pick one. Which do you like more?

Which do you love more puppies or babies?
Which are cuter?

Which one would you support to receive food, housing, and healthcare?
Pick one?

The most important question is: why not pick both?
Can you really say that you don't want to give food, housing and healthcare to puppies and babies?

 Vote for these initiatives in your local area. Support your local government to ensure that all children and all pets receive food, housing and healthcare 4 life! #life4pets #life4children

Friday, March 6, 2015


Would you vote for all babies receiving food, housing, and healthcare backed by your country? All babies and children would receive food, housing, and healthcare.

How much do the mothers and fathers love babies and children?

Do you think the parents of your country would vote that every baby and child to receive food, housing and healthcare?

When would you say that you became an adult?  At what age do children grow up?

Would you vote for all children receive food, housing, and healthcare, until they grow up into an adult?

I support that my government provides food, housing, healthcare of the highest quality for all babies and children.

Vote for the Life4Children today!

Thursday, March 5, 2015


How much do you love cute puppies and kittens? 
Well, how much?
Because how would you like that all pets everywhere have their foods, housing, healthcare paid for?
Would you vote for that?

Imagine, every single puppy and kitten, being guaranteed food to eat, a place to live, and paid for medicine and surgical care.

How many people do you know that love their pets? How many people do you think would vote for that?

If there were a petition for guaranteeing pets' life happiness, would you vote today? How quickly do you think it will pass?  

I support my government to ensure the life happiness of pets by guaranteeing paid food, housing, and healthcare.

Vote for the Life4Pets today!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

The stupidity of Partying on the Weekend 254

So why is it stupid to party on the weekend? Well, drugs and alcohol are already stupid in themselves, and if you do something stupid every 7 days (a week), that's just routinely stupid. Drugs and alcohol have an accumulated negative effect on you, if you aren't aware of that, I suggest doing some research, including speaking to people who have directly faced these consequences: Alcoholics and drug addicts. I don't do drugs and alcohol for that reason, because I know they will harm me. Its sad that partying has been defined to mean drugs and alcohol. Because can you imagine a party without drugs or alcohol? Would you want to be there? Honestly? That would be a boring party... or so we think.

Can partying without alcohol and drugs, exist? Yes, but instead of enjoyment and fun being derived from alcohol and drugs, you need to find another source. You would need to have fun with yourself, with other people. Haha, does that bore you? Does that prospect of having fun with yourself and with others? Or maybe there are fears, the awkward social situations, Hmmm? Maybe that's why we use drugs and alcohol, hey!

Ok, do you really want to live your entire life, sedated, dead, high, stoned, and then one day dying, without really ever being really and truly comfortable with yourself alone, and with others? Because the only reason why we use drugs and alcohol, is because we aren't comfortable with what is here.

Do you want to be able to be comfortable with yourself in whatever moment or situation you are in? For as long as you live?
Wouldn't that be nice?
 I suggest finding out how...

This post was inspired by Eqafe interview
The Consciousness of the Peacock - Part 4
Why were animals designed to deliberately not be able to communicate with people?
Why have animals always been on the outside of humanity?
Why do you use the weekend to try and escape from what happened during the week?
Why does it seem like all the experiences you had during the week disappear while you are immersed in the positive experience of the weekend?

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

What is Desteni?

So naturally, following my previous post where I revealed who I am. Desteni is the most natural topic to bring up. Because it is who I am, that I investigate all possibilities, and so I didn't have resistances towards Desteni, at least not any more than for other things. It doesn't seem like a complicated subject. Desteni is just what happens when you have people with the same goal. If you think of all the groups that exist, even class projects, they exist for a purpose. So the same with Desteni. I don't feel a need to defend Desteni, or even explain what Desteni does. Only because its so obvious what they do and the groups purpose. I mean, they place it clearly on the website:

"At Desteni we thoroughly research and investigate the essence of what it means to be a responsible human being. This research is done through the participation of everyone that is interested and dares to take on the journey of self-discovery. We share our findings through video, audio and text through various internet media. This website gathers all the relevant information and links you'll want to explore if you're interested in learning about Desteni. Enjoy!" -

So yeah, its not rocket science, haha.

Who am I? What is my story? -Yogan 253

Who am I? What is my story?

So I am trying to define myself, and place myself into words, categories, and descriptions, such that it encompasses my whole life, and all of my life experiences. I have experiences that cover spirituality, new age, gurus, christianity, philosophy, psychology, academics, living in the United States, specifically Miami, Florida, Hispanic culture, the Spanish language, going to public and private schools, being a guy, being an introvert, having dogs and cats, having divorced parents that get along, having a brother and a sister, being 24 years old, having a bachelors degree in psychology, having lived in Portland for 4 years, while studying at Reed College, being a straight A high school student, feeling lonely/alone, having crushes, being in relationships, having had sex, wanting to be married with someone forever, not knowing what to do with my life, not knowing or being sure there is a God, also not even caring because I hold myself to my own standards, holding everyone responsible for everything they do, feeling emotional, conflicted, frustrated at inadequacy, feeling inferior for not being the ideal student, wanting others to listen to me, wanting to be a better person, not for me but for others, so that they can have a better life, being completely self-less, feeling completely disoriented, lost and confused, not really doing anything or having any goals, and having purpose and goals, being driven, achieving excellence, and reaching the highest standards, being one of the best, having a dream, a moment of genuine care, that motivated me to live, that is to simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up. Out of all of my stories and life experiences, this one point is all that seems to matter to me. I don't really care if anything of my story were different, except for this one point. This is what I treasure most, and I have always kept it here within me, reminding myself of that. There is something seriously wrong with all of us, and we need to fix it. That is my only goal, my only purpose. And it is the same one that I have had since I was little, that motivated me to study, and do the work that was asked of me. I was compliant, obedient, I did what I had to do.

So that's my story thus far. Anyone reading this now would have a really deep understanding of who I am and what I am all about. And as far as I am concerned, they know the most important thing about me. The question is whether I will succeed. Or I should really say: whether WE will succeed, because only everyone can fix everyone.

So this is WHO I really am. And this is something I have protected and kept alive within me. Every other experience, title, or name doesn't define me. Only this defines me. That is why I will rename my blog title to A child's Journey to Life, because we are all children, there are no adults, and this part of me, is what has existed since childhood, so as both a reminder of who I am, and who we really are, I title my blog as that. I will make a public visible note of this, who I am, so that in every moment, I am fulfilling me. Because I can forget. So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations.

Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose. Now I need to fully embrace and live it more fully, completely and absolutely.