Yogan's Journey to Life

So my relationship with myself is one of the most purest of things that can exist because with myself there is the clarity of knowing exactly what I mean, and so not have miscommunication with me, and complete honesty is possible. No need to worry about bias or the right words, or considering/interpreting another. With me that is the one relationship that I can be really honest, and really get me, and really communicate without all that bias, interpretation, judgment, reaction or distraction. I can have a realationship with myself where simply by saying 'myself', that I have comfort and I see myself here and I hold myself, where I stand with me, I support me until the end of eternity. This is the one relationship in my life that I can depend on that won't have the judgment or misinterpretation, or leave me. Where when I speak with myself or as myself I am not thinking about how other people are going to interpret it, I don't have to wash it out or change what I sa...

There is a particular writing voice I want to practice. Its one I have used before. Maybe it will help or maybe its effective. Let's see. Clears my throat. Hi humanity/world, my name is Yogan. I am walking a process with my mind/self. To stop the mind/past, and reconfigure myself into expressions that are best for all, and applied in moments. Right now I'm walking processes that are specific. I'm trying to understand specifically what is going on with certain mind points/personalities. Part of my conclusions as what I need to do is to try to live what is best for all more. To in moments where I am not sure what exactly to do or say, that I try my best anyway. And so I keep on trying. That is what I'm doing now with this blog. I don't know where its going exactly. I don't have some plan or outline. I suppose its like rambling. But I am trying. I am trying to find a way to speak what is best for all and put it out there. I have walked a lot of mind, but ...

So, there was this moment where things were so good, and so great, and what I noticed was that I was avoiding it, like physically avoiding it. And I was like, wait a minute, I am avoiding this... and its something good, so why not just let myself live it, jump into it physically, you know? So I did that, but then something happened where I immediately shifted away from the good thing. I went into my head, and that's where I kind of stayed. And now I'm writing this blog. So, So I got some work to do to understand this and what's going on. I kind of messed up this one opportunity, but its expected since apparantly I really suck and really shy away when it comes to joining in something physically that is quite good with another person. Like everything is okay and safe. The context is okay and safe. The moment/environment is safe is good, is here for me if I just, you know, own it, own the moment and just live it. Agh, its hard. hahaha anyway this why im writing here to o...

A moment where I had a chat scheduled and it didn't go according to plan and expectations.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Guarantee I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Scheduled I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Planned. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Expectations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Security as a Feeling I get from having things planned and scheduled. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live Security as having this plans and living in a planned life, instead of Security as always being Secure within myself WITHIN this moment, which may be unplanned, unstructured, unsettled, unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living Spontaneity and in the Unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rel...

Getting Haircut, man all those fears and insecurities from the past were still here. Owning my haircut, living Strong Yogan, Strong me, So I got  a haircut, and I did have those fears arise, including like whether other people like it or think its weird. So what I had to do was own it. Because some people did compliment on me on the hair, but still I had fear, so its only when I like own it and as well own my own expression with my words and body and whole self. Because hair is just one part of me. The rest of my expression the rest of me is still here. I am still me. Its just that this me has a new haircut and the haircut is fun, i like it. Its creative, it was done by an artist essentially who loves cutting hair and enjoys it. So I'm glad that she was a part of it, that part of her expression is a part of my hair and so me now. When I saw own it, I mean that in a moment I literally just like took off my hat and be like okay this is me, and then focus on my expression, being...

What to do when you need love? Understand that love is an energy. Because anything you need, is not something that is your expression. Energy is something that fluctuates that rise and falls. Energy is part of the need. This is the nature of energy. This is fact. Its not something you can wish or imagine to be different and it will change reality. You cannot say that energy is something stable, consistent, reliable and causes no need, no lack, no rise and no fall. I mean I can write out the sentence that it is a certain way, but it would be a lie, like an imagination. Here I am a scientist, I am relying on empirical information, I am relying on observations, investigations, and questionings that I have done for a long time now, 8 years, along with a group of people, desteni, who as individuals walk their processes and share online, and thereby providing more points for me to look at and consider. Without a doubt energy is not stable. And without a doubt the physical is stable. If y...

There's is something that has happened to me... Or rather I should say that I have been walking a long process that started in 2009, and so its been about 9 years of me doing this... And now, its like I don't care what people think of me... I'm not afraid of being alone... I can just say anything... I have my plans/goals for myself which I wrote in my last blogs, and so I have my purpose and meaning. I have my expressions where I have fun through expression. And I went to Jury duty which showed me how much different I am from most people. It's like why bother hiding who I am. I'm so different already anyway. And its also like something inside me snapped, where its like why waste my time not being me, and just living. I am unique and I am different from others. So I live my uniqueness, I share my difference, I live me. Something like that. Because I am so alone already, why wait. Why die without anyone knowing who I am? I share my difference, I share me, before I...

The Ideal world. What does it mean to be an idealist in this world? To be an idealist, according to me, is to have the ideal set within you. Where your ideal is your honest ideal. It is not the ideal that conflicts with who you are on a deep level of self, really want. And on that level you want what is best for everyone. This ideal is in fact the same for everyone in principle. There are slight variations in wording and phrasing, but the essence of it is the same message. What is my ideal world/situation. Ideally everyone is taken care of, and everyone has the willingness and the motivation to care for their individual self and that of others. That the product of everyone being cared for is done through everyone caring for their individual self and others. Now, the question is how do we make sure a world possible? You obviously need to start with yourself, and those who are already willing to become such a person. That you assist and support them, and you assist and support yourself...

I figure it would be cool to check out old posts and review/expand them. From April 14 2012, http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/1st-day-april-14th.html "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotions while watching the tv show supernatural. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotions and feelings while watching fringe. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotions while playing the online game dead frontier. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy as emotions and feelings when I compete with other players and use them for my own purposes, involving deception. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, I have just been playing all day, I haven’t done anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from what I am doing on a Saturday. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotion of str...

Connecting with my dogs. I accessed my memories of who I was when I was very young. By accessing these memories I am accessing both who I was and who I could be. I have always had the potential to connect with people, animals, and plants. And I have done so in the past, during the years as a child. By accessing my memories of who I was when I was young, I can again do the same, and perhaps more. Because I was always limited in how much I connected with people, animals and plants, in my past. And now looking back I see that. So what I am seeing is the potential to connect even more. When I connect with plants or my dogs, I become silent, and I focus on myself, what is here. My emotions are not activated, and my experience of myself isn’t fluctuation, but instead it’s continuous and steady. There is a connection formed, one that is firm, and clear. I may enter the mind, which involves thinking, but I can bring myself back here. Entering the mind becomes obvious be...

 So I listened to an interview. I was able to relate to the exact words shared in the interview, and I would like to share my experience https://eqafe.com/p/lost-your-true-self-life-review So because of the interview, I have made the decision to be myself. Be myself meaning that I will contact everyone I have ever met, and anyone else that I can meet, and test out who really sees me, and understands me, as I express me who I really am. With those people I can build a relationship with. I already know that I am a really great person, I enjoy myself immensely, haha. And I learning/doing by being myself, and seeing how people respond. I am learning that what I called friends was something shallow. There are particular people that see me, its not about friendship, its just about how someone sees you. Its strange, but its also clear, and perhaps easy, now that I see it. So I know what I need to do know. Just be myself and meet as many people as I can. Out of that just see how they r...